Chapter 4
Grizzly
The morning after my late-night working with Moseley had me in a better mood.
My eyes weren't straining as much, and I felt a renewed sense of excitement with work.
It had been nonstop for the last several months with all the changes happening in Bellport and the queer athletic community coming together to show support.
My email was flooded with offers from people wanting to help out, to companies wanting to donate, sponsor, and invest.
While I was happy to have all the attention, it also felt rather daunting. How could I make all these decisions by myself?
At night I would go home and lay in my playroom for as long as I could before the need to get up and go to bed would hit.
On the occasional night when things were really rough, I would shower, put on my pajamas, and sleep in the playroom.
It was hell on my back, but it was what it was.
When you had a place of comfort, you used it when needed. That’s how it was by design.
Cheyenne greeted me with a smile and pointed to the small bottle of orange juice on the corner of her desk.
"Grabbed that for you this morning. I know how much you like it."
I smiled, taking it and cracking it open. I took a sip before I even thanked her, because orange juice first thing—when it was cold and crisp—was hands down the best feeling. I made a sound of approval and smiled.
"Thanks so much. I needed this after yesterday."
She nodded. "Yeah, Moseley was telling me all about your late night. Kid was ecstatic."
I looked around the space, wondering where the young man was if he'd already been telling her. She pointed over her shoulder.
"He's back there making copies. Apparently, all the people that he emailed to set up times with you also sent over information. They were just as excited." She paused. "But don't tell him I told you that. I think he would want to say it himself."
I bit back a grin. "You're right. I'm sure he would."
Just then Moseley came around the corner, hands filled with a stack of papers. "Grizzly!" he greeted excitedly.
"Hey, Moseley. What you got there?"
He waved them around, then tipped his head towards my office. "We should probably go in there. That way you can put your stuff down. I want to show you what came in."
I appreciated him for noticing. My bag wasn’t too heavy or anything like that. It’s more about how I always thought better when I could sit and relax. Also, I still felt like things were off-balance, even though my vision and mood had improved.
Once we sat, me behind the desk and him in the chair across from me, he slid the papers over. I glanced through them quickly, happy to see that the potential partners I'd been considering bringing on were forthcoming.
"They sent this all to you without a fight?" I asked when he didn't say anything else.
Moseley leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he steepled his fingers under his chin. "They did, and from the conversations I had with them, it looks as if all four would be willing to jump at the chance to work with you."
"Really," I said. "That seems strange."
"Why? Because people like you?" he questioned.
“Well, no, not that.”
That was a lie. I'd spent so much of my life with my family not liking me and putting me down that it still surprised me when people found me interesting or wanted to spend time with me.
It was part of the reason I kept the Little side of my life so hidden.
There was also the fact that my size often had people thinking I would be the Daddy when I showed up in kink spaces.
The only decision-making I liked doing was when it came down to what to add to my playroom.
Even decisions in the office were me playing dress-up.
I would put on my pretend Big Boy hat for the day and get all of my work done.
The minute I got home in the evening, I was back to being me. Little Grizzly.
I listened to Moseley explain how the different exchanges and emails went.
He seemed happy with all of them, not just Auden, the one he had been infatuated with.
That gave me hope. I didn't want to hire based on his preference alone.
I absolutely would if Auden was the best fit, but they would have to prove it.
I glanced at my watch, noting the time. I had about three hours until my meeting with Paxton. As if he could tell what I was thinking, Moseley leaned forward even more, putting his chin on the edge of the desk.
If I were a braver person, I would ask him if he was a Little too. Sometimes he just got so darn excited that I had to believe there was more going on. Or maybe it was hopeful wishing. Me seeing things that weren't there.
"You have your meeting with Paxton soon, right?"
"I do," I replied.
I didn't know what else to say besides confirming what he asked. The meeting would either go well or it wouldn't. Same with the potential agent I'd bring on to help me with my workload. Thinking about it too much ahead of time would only cause me to have anxiety.
And I worked really hard, while in my Big Boy mode, to not get anxious.
Even giving it my best shot, it didn’t always work.
For instance, when my friend Lansing Tollide was hurt, I kept to my big mind when I went to speak with him. Meanwhile, my Little heart was aching. He’d gotten better since then, thankfully. But it was a scary time.
Sometimes my two worlds meshed like that, and it was hard.
"Are you nervous about it?" Moseley asked. "Because there's no reason to be. Since he reached out first, you're going in with the upper hand."
I shook my head as I smiled. "I don't want the upper hand, Moseley. I would much rather be on even ground. Honestly, I feel like I'm stepping into something that I'm completely unprepared for."
He made a tutting noise, clicking his tongue as he sat up straight.
"You are not going to be overwhelmed, and there's nothing you could have planned for.
All you have to do is be yourself. That charming sports agent everyone loves.
The minute he meets you, he's probably going to plead his case for you to work with him.
It's not like you're trying to convince him. That's what I meant by upper hand."
"Well, either way, it's going to be what it's going to be. I have other stuff I need to get done before then." I dropped the hint, hoping he would understand that I needed time alone.
"And how are your eyes holding up?" he asked as he slowly stood.
I let my gaze travel upward, keeping our eyes locked. "They're better today."
"Were you able to—"
Cutting him off, I added, "I saw you were able to make that appointment for me. Thank you."
"It's no trouble at all, boss. Sorry they didn't have anything this week, but I did try. I can call them today if you want instead of using the app. I know sometimes there's a cancellation."
I held up my hand to stop him, knowing he would go on forever if I let him. "There's no reason to do all that. I'm sure I'll be fine until then. If I need your help, I’ll call you in here once you're done with everything else."
His smile grew, and he put his hands on his hips as if ready to take on an opponent. "I'm your man, boss. I’ll get everything done as soon as possible so I can be at your disposal."
I opened my mouth to say that wasn't necessary, but he spun on his heels and rushed out of the room like his feet were on fire. I just knew he was going to speed past Cheyenne and start doing things a mile a minute.
Sure enough, she appeared in my doorway a moment later, eyes wide, thumb pointed over her shoulder. "What was that all about? He's out there bouncing around like a bunny rabbit."
The visual was amusing, so I laughed. "It's complicated. Mostly I told him that if I needed some help again today, I would call for him as long as he was done with his work."
She leaned against the wall, arms folded as she smiled. "The kid is persistent. I'll give him that. Are you worried about your eyesight?"
I tilted my hand back and forth in the gesture to say I wasn't sure.
"The issue has been happening more and more.
I really want to be safe over sorry. Maybe it's just that I finally need glasses.
You know I've been putting it off. They'll probably give me bifocals or something. " I wrinkled my brow at the thought.
Sure, I might be quickly approaching forty, but that didn't mean I wanted to walk around having to tilt my glasses up and down every time I needed to read something. I didn't want glasses anyway, and I sure wouldn't be able to do contacts. The thought of touching my eye was scary.
Cheyenne stood back up and gave me a brief nod. "Well, I'm here to help too if you need it, though I imagine Moseley would pull me out of the way forcefully if I offered my assistance. The kid wants to be in your good graces."
"He already is. He does a great job. I have plans to invite him on full-time as soon as his internship is done."
"That's pretty smart. I have no doubt he’ll be in your corner every step of the way."
With a quick rap against the door frame, she left. I sat there pondering over how the future was ever-changing. The life that I thought I was going to have was nothing like what I was living, and it appeared there were more changes in store.
Pushing the worry from my mind, I focused on getting what I needed to do before meeting with Paxton.
If things went well, there would be paperwork and contracts to sign.
I would also need to go talk with Royce about the possibility of bringing a player on.
I knew they wouldn't dismiss me, but it was also a gamble to use our connection that way.
Paxton was good enough for me to take the risk. I'd do anything for the people I believed in.
I couldn't have explained it if I tried, but the minute I pressed the button to accept the video call from Paxton, it was as if the world shifted beneath my feet. I couldn't even see his face yet, since only his husky voice came through.
"Hello? Are you there?" he said.