Chapter 14
Grizzly
I was at my kitchen table trying to convince myself I was going to eat my lunch before it got cold. Cheyenne had suggested I head home to rest since I was cranky. My mood was especially dark given the day’s importance.
Paxton Wells, whom I hadn’t managed to see since our lunch date earlier in the week, was getting on a plane to go back to NRU. While I knew he’d be coming back, it didn’t ease the frustration of not getting more time with him.
If I hadn’t had a player try to set his career ablaze, then it would have been fine. But when someone purposefully poured gasoline on their life and lit the match, I’ve got to be the first responder to make sure they can still be successful afterward.
My phone pinged with a text. Looking down, I gave the device a questioning look since Paxton’s name was on the screen.
Paxton: Weird question. Can I drop something by your place before we leave today? I won't stay long.
Paxton had my address because I had sent it to him after the paperwork for his house went through, in case anything needed to be delivered while he finished the semester. That was me being supportive of his move.
We’ll ignore the part where I had typed the address and then sat with my thumb over the send button for a full minute before actually sending it. It was no big deal.
Nope.
Not a big deal AT ALL.
Grizzly: Of course. I'll be here. Cheyenne sent me home.
Paxton: I know. Went there first. See you soon.
He arrived about forty minutes later. Enough time for me to be finished with lunch, to have washed the dishes, and to be standing in my living room trying to decide whether to sit or remain standing.
The knock at the door nearly had me shouting. I opened it and there he was, in the same cap he’d worn before, and comfy traveling clothes, one hand braced on the door frame and the other holding a large bear.
"Hey," he said.
I stepped back to let him in without replying. There was no way I could form a sentence right then. Not when my mind was spinning with questions about the stuffed animal and his request to see me.
He came through and looked around the space with interest. I watched him take it in—the bookshelves, the reading lamp, the general minimalist state of things—and all of it seemed to confirm his inner thoughts, because he nodded once to himself before looking back at me.
"Nice place," he said. "Though I’m not sure it suits you completely."
"Thank you?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I swear I meant it as a compliment. There’s just not enough color and comfort in here. I expected a bit more of your Little side is all.”
Oh.
His words set off the butterflies in my tummy again. I could feel Little me rising to the surface as I took in his praise.
“Anyway, I came here before leaving to give you this.” He held the bear out. “I saw it while we were driving around earlier this week. Pops was able to pull over so I could grab it for you.”
“You stopped to get this for me?”
I took it from him, already aware from the weight and the give of it that this would be the perfect snuggling partner. It was large enough that I needed both arms for it. Brown, densely soft, with a round, adorable face.
He was the cutest bear in all the land. And this man, this man who wanted to be my Daddy, had given it to me.
I stood there holding this bear, feeling as if everything in my life had led me to this moment. It was a silly thought. One that didn’t really make sense.
Yet I couldn’t shake the rightness of it.
"Paxton," I said. I wasn’t entirely sure what I meant to follow that with. Only that I needed to ground myself and his name would do so.
"I bought it before I could overthink it too much.
" He put his hands into his back pockets.
"I meant to drop it off sooner, but things kind of took off after we bought the house.
I've been thinking about what it would look like, you getting home after a long day and having something good waiting for you. Something that reminded you of me."
I looked at the bear and then back at him.
"You also—" He stopped, rethought whatever he had been about to say, and started again.
"You're going to think this is strange, but I want to remember you happy.
The image I have of you from right now is the one I want to take on the flight.
And I figured this bear was a reasonable way to make that happen. "
The way he said it so simply made it all the more special. I thought about all the years I’d believed people would assume I wouldn’t enjoy things like this. They’d only see my size, not the Little I truly was.
"It’s not strange," I told him.
He smiled wide at my words. I had to look at the bear because it was easier than looking at him. He made me feel way too much.
"I'll go," he said when I didn’t add on to my statement. "I didn't want to intrude on your day. I just needed to get this to you."
"I'm glad you did. Thank you."
He moved back toward the door. I followed, and at the threshold, he turned and looked at me one more time with the bear still in my arms. The expression on his face was warm. I couldn't look away from him.
"I'll see you in a few weeks?" The question shouldn’t have been a question at all. Of course we’d be seeing each other. I was his agent now.
The thought sent a bit of unease through me. I squeezed the new bear tighter to my chest, pushing away the bad feelings.
"I'll be here," I told him. “Goodbye, Paxi.”
His eyes widened slightly at the nickname. Then his face transformed before my very eyes. The nervous, unsure version of him was gone. In his place was a giddy man who looked as if he’d just won the lottery.
“Goodbye for now, Grizzly.” He nodded once after that, and then he slipped out the door.
I closed it behind him, then stood in the silence of my house with both arms full of my new friend. It was like a part of him was still here with me. And when I leaned down to bury my face in the bear’s fur, I caught the distinct scent I’d come to catalog as Paxton’s.
No, not Paxton. Paxi.
My Paxi.
My… Daddy. If I let him be, of course. If I told him it was what I wanted.
Later that night, when it came time for bed, I took my new bear with me. Normally all my stuffies went into the playroom. But I couldn’t bring myself to let this one go.
I needed him with me. Needed to keep him close so I wouldn’t think about the handsome young man with the gentle soul who’d given him to me.
The name for him came easily. It was as if it were meant to be.
“Night, night, Wells. Wuv you.”
Three weeks passed in a blur of work. I buried myself in anything I could, desperate to not think about the man I missed. Even with the ability to text or call, I felt like Paxton was too far away. I wanted him here in Bellport.
As part of my plan to distract myself, I dove headfirst into the interviews with agents I could possibly bring on. Due to a number of scheduling conflicts, it took a bit to get to the point where I could line them all up on the same day for virtual interviews.
Even then, Auden wound up unable to stop by due to an emergency situation. I was fine with the shift; however, I knew Moseley was devastated about the delay.
I distracted him with a request to sit in on the day of the meetings. He was eager to see if the women he suggested would be good fits. Admitting I wondered the same would have only made him more nervous, so I kept the thought to myself.
The Friday I’d carved out for interviews was rather boring as far as days went. Nothing stood out as different, nor did I feel any type of way about the pending conversations. It would either be a good fit or it wouldn’t. There was no in between.
Sarah Telks wound up being the first call of the day. She dialed in at exactly seven a.m. my time, though it was two hours earlier her way, with a smile and a giant mug of coffee in hand.
“I appreciate you taking the time out for me at this hour. Things around here have been a madhouse, and I didn’t want to risk needing to cancel on you.” She took a large sip of coffee, then added, “Oh, and good morning. My name is Sarah. Nice to meet you. I should have done that part first.”
Chuckling at her brand of humor came naturally. She’d fit in well enough in that aspect alone. It was the rest I had to assess.
“It’s no worries. Tell me a bit more about yourself and where you see your future going,” I encouraged.
Sarah had no qualms about expressing her views on the sports industry. She brought up everything from bias in race, discrimination towards women athletes, and even her goals to help the next generation of players find their place.
Everything she said was great to hear. It felt perfectly aligned to my values, as well as showed how dedicated she could be to a cause she supported. There was no denying her advocacy for the queer community during the call.
But there was no spark.
No umph to make me think she’s the one.
I told her as much near the end of the call, to which she dramatically wiped her forehead. “Ok, good. Glad it wasn’t just me. You are amazing on paper and seem like a nice human, but I just don’t feel it.”
Nodding, I sat up a bit straighter. “Yes! Exactly that. So glad this didn’t get awkward.”
Moseley covered his mouth from his perched spot at the edge of my desk. He’d been keeping himself together throughout the call. I’d managed to not look his way, yet I knew if I stayed on any longer, I’d give away his involvement.
After a quick promise to keep in touch should we ever want to collaborate, I signed off the call. Whipping my head over to my now fully giggling intern, I grumbled at him to keep it together.
“I swear I’m trying! It was just so strange to see you both fighting to be polite when it was obvious you didn’t mesh. I promise to do better next time.” He held up three fingers like he was a boy scout or something. I didn’t have the heart to tell him to leave.