Chapter 14 #3
Moseley wasn’t subtle about his delight at having Paxton around the office. He had taken to leaving cold drinks in the small office fridge, a habit Paxton noticed and thanked him for. Apparently they were his favorites. He’d mentioned them in an interview Moseley had watched when doing research.
Cheyenne welcomed him into the fold as well, treating him in a motherly way despite them being only a few years apart in age. She did that for all of us though. The woman was a nurturer at heart.
With the draft only four weeks away, the formal paperwork with the team was moving through its final review and everything was on track to be official before the first round of picks.
I had done this enough times to know the signs of a deal that was going to hold, and this one had that feeling all the way through.
This meant that the professional side of things was, for the moment, more settled than it had been. And that gave me far too much time to worry about the “other stuff” Paxton and I hadn’t discussed yet.
I’d always been thinking about it, if I was being honest. Ever since the party, it’d been a constant loop in the back of my mind. Sometimes I could push it away, though those attempts had been largely unsuccessful.
Wells was a reasonable piece of evidence for how much I thought about Paxton as my Daddy. My bear slept with me every night without fail. He was a comfort, as well as a reminder of what I could have if I just let myself.
The truth of where I stood wasn’t complicated, even if it felt that way.
I wanted Paxton. I wanted the professional relationship we were building, yes, but I also wanted to be his Little.
I’d wanted that since before I’d allowed myself to say so even in the privacy of my own thoughts, and sitting with the wanting had become much harder now that he was here.
The Daddy part of him wasn’t something he hid. He wasn't loud about it either. Still, it was present in everything he did.
The way he handled the contract.
The way he’d read the menu and said nothing about it.
The bear.
The way he let me set the pace of things without making me feel like I was being humored for it.
The way he navigated working in the office with us.
The way he refused to be paid for said help, citing how this was him paying my agency fee until he had the official draft and signing bonus.
Paxton was built for someone like me. I knew that the same way I knew every inch of my playroom. You could blindfold me, and I’d still find my way around.
But wanting him as my Daddy and actually telling him were two very, very different things. Plus, I still hadn’t told him about my eyes. I’d adjusted to the glasses for the most part. It was pretty rare for me to need any help reading over something anymore.
I knew this wasn’t going to be the reality later though.
Late one Friday afternoon, when the office was right on the cusp of shutting down, I was thinking over the future.
I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Whipell scheduled for the following month.
The progression needed to be monitored to see if her timeline was accurate.
If it was, then it would be the best and worst. Best because it meant nothing was accelerating.
Worst because consistent meant this wasn’t a dream.
It sure as hell felt like it thought. My dream Daddy arrived right as I got life-changing news that might make him not want me. Maybe it was a nightmare, now that I thought about it.
He’d accommodated me multiple times now without knowing why.
That time at the diner, and then again when I’d struggled to read something on my phone during a meeting.
He had simply repeated the relevant information out loud as if he was reading along with me.
Both times I had thought about telling him and then found a reason to wait.
The reasons were getting thinner. Eventually he’d figure it out on his own. He was more than smart enough to do so.
The truth was that I didn’t want to tell him at all. I wanted to dive headfirst into a relationship with him and pretend like nothing dark loomed on the horizon.
I wanted to know that what was building between us was built on who I was, not on someone's sense of obligation or pity. And that want was reasonable. I knew it.
But reasonable could become avoidance if you let it go on long enough. Pretty sure I was right on the edge of the latter.
Or maybe I was neck deep in it already.
With that thought in mind, I told myself I was going to tell him. No more hiding the truth. The ‘when’ still felt unresolved, but the decision itself was made.
Knowing myself, I knew I needed to give myself some kind of deadline for this. The longer I waited, the more anxious I would be.
I reached across my desk and picked up my phone to set a calendar alert. It was then I saw I had a text from Paxton sitting unopened from about an hour ago.
Paxton: Good week. I like it here. And Wells is a great name by the way. Kind of honored.
I stared at the text, curious how he knew about my bear’s name. It wasn’t something I’d mentioned. Surely I’d remember it.
Grizzly: How did you know?
Three dots appeared almost immediately.
Paxton: I can’t reveal all of my secrets yet. Where’s the fun in that?
I set the phone down, staring at the screen like it would somehow answer me. It should have been concerning that he knew. I should have felt worried about my privacy.
Instead, I wanted to grab Wells, go to Paxton’s house, and demand he tell me the secret. I wanted to snuggle, just the three of us, and watch the sun go down.
I wanted it so much it scared me.