Chapter 21
Paxton
I had been to Jake Bellport's house once before. It was the day I first saw Grizzly, and to say it changed my life would be an understatement. This time I was coming back with my boy as my date and a bag in the back seat with all the goodies he’d need to have a fun time.
When Jake texted to let me know he wanted to throw a party for my signing deal, I told him to keep it close-knit and let the Littles have their space to play. He’d easily agreed since he’d wanted the same.
Since then, I had been looking forward to tonight’s gathering.
Grizzly had eventually said yes when I asked him to be my plus-one, even though I could tell he was nervous.
He'd been quiet about it for two days and then brought it up himself, which I'd taken as a good sign.
He'd said, I think I'd like to go. If you're still offering to take me.
I'd pulled him into a hug before he could even finish.
I pulled up to his building a few minutes early since I figured he was probably already done for the day.
If I left him alone, he’d probably worry himself sick.
Grizzly ran either on time or slightly ahead of whatever he had planned.
I’d learned that arriving exactly when I said I would was something he appreciated.
After a quick text to let him know I’d arrived, I climbed out of the car to wait for him. I’d only been leaning against the side door, arms crossed and body relaxed, for a couple of minutes when he appeared.
He was wearing a soft tee in a blue color somewhere between gray and slate. It contrasted with his skin in a way that made him look like he was glowing. He had on loose, comfortable pants that weren't quite athleisure and weren't quite business casual either.
I looked at him for a moment, fighting back a mix of desire, love, and utter joy at being able to call him mine. Fuck, I was so weak for this man.
"You look really good, baby," I told him once he was right in front of me.
He ducked his chin slightly. "It's just clothes."
"Just clothes or not, I’m fighting a boner and the desire to take you home so I can snuggle you close alone." I opened the passenger door for him, taking his bag off his shoulder when he moved around me.
In the time since we’d started dating, I’d made sure moments like this were the norm for us. He didn’t open his own door or carry anything if I was around. We’d gotten a few looks from people, though no one had said anything to us directly.
When I climbed in after closing his door, I saw his fists clenched on his lap. I reached over slowly, placing my palm on top of the one closest to me.
"Hey," I said gently.
He looked over.
"It's going to be a good night." Smiling, I added, “You’re going to have the best time.”
He held my gaze for a second. "You don't know that, Daddy."
"I know the people who'll be there. I know you. I'm pretty comfortable calling it now." I started the car. "You can be nervous if you want. I'm not going to tell you to stop because that invalidates your feelings. Just know I’m always a few steps or one Daddy away. Plus, I brought a few surprises."
He was quiet for a moment. "Okay."
The subtle trust fortified my goal to give him the best Little time he’d ever had. No more being alone. My boy had friends who wanted nothing more than to spend time with him.
Jake Bellport's house had a warmth to it that I hadn't fully appreciated the first time because I'd been too busy trying to understand the landscape of everyone’s dynamics. Now I knew what I was walking into.
I knew where the Littles would be set up, their toys and snacks in the same space as before to keep things organized.
I knew there would be Daddies in easy chairs and on the couch, with a few scattered around the edges of the space keeping a general watch over everything.
I knew that the noise level would be comfortable and that the lighting would be okay for my boy’s eyes.
Jake happily agreed to change the bulbs in that area after I explained Grizzly needed softer lighting. He didn’t ask me to clarify the reason why. The request was met with excitement and “That’s a great idea because big lights are scary” as a response.
Grizzly's first time back in the space needed to be welcoming. He didn’t need to think about his vision or struggle in any way. I was going to take care of everything. His needs. His wants. Him.
As we approached the front door, my boy’s steps slowed. I adjusted the duffle bag on my shoulder before turning to him.
“What’s going on in that beautiful brain, baby?”
"Big house," he answered.
I smiled at the way his tone started to shift. "Sure is. And you've been here before."
"Diffwent."
He meant things had changed since then. There was an us. I’d accepted him both Big and Little. He didn’t have to do it alone this time.
"You know Monty will be in there.” I ran my knuckles over his cheek. "Probably already got a spot staked out with his game console and an extra blankie for you.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely! Plus, you don't have to do anything in there that you don't want to, baby. We can sit in the back. We can leave early. We can do whatever makes sense for us. I'll follow your lead."
His eyes squinted at me. It was a long moment before he spoke again. “Pwomise, Daddy!”
"Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“Daddy, no! You not die!” My boy’s lower lip started trembling.
I pulled him to my chest. “No, don’t cry. It’s just an old saying. I should have thought of how my Little precious baby would feel hearing that. Daddy is sorry.”
The door opened as I rocked him side to side. I held up my finger to whoever it was since we both needed a minute. We’d go inside soon and play. And I’d make today perfect so my boy could see just how much he meant to me.
After our long hug, my boy seemed better. He still gripped my hand like he was about to face his doom, but the rest of him was mostly relaxed.
Jake bounced over to us the minute we stepped inside. He was in a soft green pullover with a small embroidered patch on the chest that said “Daddy’s Favorite Troublemaker” on it.
"I’m so glad you’re here,” he told us after wrapping his arms around both our shoulders. I had to lean down for him to reach, though he didn’t seem to mind.
Grizzly tucked himself into my side when Jake pulled away. “Thanks for inviting us. We’re happy to have friends we can share these special times with. Right, baby?”
He nodded, his head leaning on my shoulder. Jake took in Grizzly’s reserved nature with an understanding expression.
"My house likes people in it." Jake glanced at me briefly, a check-in that was award winning in its subtlety, and I gave him a small nod.
He looked back at Grizzly. "There's a good spot in the back corner.
Monty's already camped there. Told me to send you when you got here.
We have lots of snacks today. If you need something and you can't find it, grab me or Maddox. No pressure on anything tonight. Have fun being you.”
Jake left as quickly as he came over, skipping back into the throng of Littles playing together.
I steered Grizzly over in the direction where Monty was supposed to be.
He was fairly easy to spot given his Daddy, a man named Skye, had bright red hair and was about as tall as me.
Skye, Monty, and their other partner Danny were close enough to guide our path.
Large floor cushions and a pile of blankets were the first things I noticed about the area. It wasn’t exactly like Grizzly’s playroom, but it was a pretty damn good replica.
Monty was already settled into one of the cushions with a soft gray blanket pulled to his chest, his gaze on a handheld video game system. He looked up when we reached him, and his whole face went warm.
"Hey, Grizzly," Monty greeted.
My boy hummed, watching his friend as he paused his game and reached out a hand.
“I made us a special blankie bed. Figured you’d like to have room to snuggle your Daddy or just relax. I even kept my men away. Saved it just for you.”
Those details gave my boy the final bit of reassurance he needed. Monty wasn’t making fun of him or complaining. He simply knew what would make Grizzly the most comfortable and did it.
I’d have to talk to Skye about how I could help him spoil Monty for the thoughtful gesture. It would be rude to do anything without the other man’s involvement, and I wasn’t about to step on toes.
My heart was with one man only. I didn’t need anyone questioning that.
Grizzly dropped to sit beside Monty, and the two of them started babbling to each other. Monty explained his game as my boy laid on his side, rooting into the covers like he was a cat making his bed.
I gave them a few minutes to settle as I looked around the room at the others. Once I’d taken everything in, I turned back to the pair and set the bag I’d been carrying in the spot on the other side of Grizzly.
Easing down, I unzipped the bag, then shuffled through everything I brought. There was probably too much here, but I didn’t want my boy to go without. Not when I could make him more comfortable.
When a natural opening came, I eased my hole-in-one item out of the bag and pressed it against Grizzly’s shoulder. Changing my voice to be softer, I said, “Gwizzly! Surprise!”
My boy turned onto his back. He took Wells from my hand, closing his eyes and hugging the bear tight. The picture of him that happy would be etched into my brain for all eternity.
I didn’t want to look away from him; however, I could feel Monty staring at me. The look he gave me made me want to preen. It told me I’d done the right thing bringing Wells. It told me he thought I was a good Daddy. It told me I was right where I needed to be.
The other Daddies and boys drifted over at intervals. Maddox for a few minutes, then Leon briefly with a drowsy Jake in arm. Bishop, aka Brutal Bishop of the Bellport Bears hockey team, followed behind his boyfriend Atlas, who introduced his stuffed bear to Wells and Grizzly.
I kept the conversations easy, not wanting to make my boy uncomfortable by sharing too much. We were still new. There were boundaries in place as we figured out our footing.
One of the Daddies had a Little who'd been anxious about gatherings for the first two years they'd been together. He gave me some advice on how to be there for my boy without coming across as pushy. I welcomed it with many thanks.
Bellamy asked me about my predictions for the season, how I was settling, if Royce had been a pain about the contract.
I answered on autopilot with most of my attention on Grizzly.
Splitting focus without letting either side go thin was a new skill I had to master.
If my boy had been upset at any point, I would have been able to step in to soothe him.
Thankfully, he’d relaxed little by little with each person who came to talk. It was like having me and Wells with him didn’t make the whole thing as scary as before.
At one point, I got caught up in a discussion with a Daddy named Andry about college sports. I didn’t feel my boy tense at anything, though he did seem heavier against my side than before. When Andry strode away, I looked over to see if Grizzly might want a bite to eat.
Earlier when I’d mentioned it, he'd said maybe in a little while and then turned back to his conversation with Aries, one of the Daddies who was as energetic as the Littles and fascinated by Grizzly’s regression.
Apparently they’d passed each other professionally, yet neither knew the similarities they had.
Instead of finding my boy talking to someone like he had been, he was knocked out cold, big, warm body pressed to mine as he nibbled on Wells’s ear. Dammit. My heart couldn’t handle the cuteness.
I had spent a long time knowing I was a Daddy before I had anyone to be a Daddy to, and I had thought I understood what it would feel like when it was real. Boy, was I wrong.
You could know the mechanics of a sport before you played it—you had the vocabulary, the framework, the general knowledge of what it required—and then the first time you were actually on the field, the entire experience felt foreign.
Sitting there with Grizzly, surrounded by people who got us and this life, felt a million miles away from what I’d pictured. It was better.
It took everything in me not to cry tears of happiness.
When Grizzly began gnawing on Wells’s ear, I knew I had to step in. Asleep or not, my boy would be devastated if anything happened to his bear.
The oral fixation that I'd catalogued a while back had returned once he felt comfortable enough to be his full Little self. Since I’d suspected it might happen, I’d brought along a solution.
Moving as carefully as I could so as to not disturb him, I reached in the bag and dug around until I felt the familiar oval shape. Paci in hand, I used my free one to gently tug Wells free. Grizzly resisted at first, his brow dipping in frustration at my attempts.
But then I edged the paci forward to graze his lips. His tongue poked out enough to touch it for a second, then he opened wider, as if giving me permission. I did a quick switcharoo between the two items while I had the chance.
That slow sucking motion he’d been making sped up with the right tool. His mouth worked the paci as he continued to sleep a bit longer. I smiled, happy to have successfully saved his bear and to have given him something he so clearly needed.
Across the room, Monty gave me two thumbs up, like he was especially proud of me. I smiled, shaking my head at him.
Others around the room gave me the same sort of look. It felt a bit like I was being initiated even further into their group. As if there were layers to it all, which I didn’t know at first, but had uncovered with each right Daddy move.
I had come to the first gathering a bit lost and sad at not getting to meet Grizzly. Those feelings disappeared the moment I saw him in his own Little world. Despite him running away, I just knew he was worth being patient for.
Turned out I was right. And now I got to call him mine.