Chapter 5
five
. . .
Cassidy
I couldn’t believe I was boarding a flight back home hours in advance of Christmas.
I was surprised that the universe had obliged my wish and granted me the last seat on an outbound flight on Christmas Eve.
I so desperately wanted to be sandwiched underneath the solace of my own sheets and completely close out the world, Hendrix included.
After hanging up on him, I put my phone on airplane mode ahead of boarding so I wouldn’t have to be bothered with the million messages flooding my group chat with my girls.
Each of them had sent me the screenshots of the photos separately and then all together in the chat.
They each took turns analyzing every detail of every picture and questioning where I was, what was I going to do, and if I was okay. They all got ignored.
Truth be told, I didn’t know what I was going to do or if I was okay about it.
I couldn’t believe I’d gotten hung up on every word that fell off his silver tongue.
I’d been blinded by the dick and in my eyes, he could do no wrong, but the pictures were there in my face.
One was of him walking out of his hotel with some mocha-colored, skinny bitch with long, dark hair.
Another was of the two of them standing beside each other and talking, and the last was of her leaning up to kiss him.
If it weren’t for the last one, I probably would’ve excused the first two, but seeing another woman’s lips on his—at what was reported to be booty-call hours—set a fire inside me that couldn’t be extinguished.
You’re smarter than all this shit, Cass.
What the fuck were you thinking dating a fuckin’ ball player?
I asked myself before resting my head in between my palms.
The moment my legs propelled me through my front door; the waterworks started to pour.
I’d barely kept it together in the backseat of my Uber on the ride home.
All I wanted to do was shut out the world for as long as I could.
Glancing down at my phone, I noticed the clock had passed midnight and it was officially Christmas morning.
For months, I’d fantasized about waking up on Christmas morning with Hendrix by my side.
I’d look over at him sleeping peacefully, and I’d cherish the moment of our first Christmas together.
I would’ve done anything to feel his arm slip around my waist and spend the day in isolation, opening gifts and watching holiday movie marathons.
Yet, I was home alone with a suitcase full of tears, humiliation, and regret.
Although it was Christmas, juicy gossip didn’t sleep.
I’d gone from a fly on the wall to having my name in everyone’s mouths.
I had to face the fact that Hendrix and I weren’t on the island in our secluded villa.
We were back to real life, and with real life came bullshit.
After I got out of the shower and washed the airport stench off me, I took my phone off airplane mode and prepared myself to face the music. I hadn’t had my phone in hand for more than five minutes before it started vibrating.
“Lauryn, what are you doing up so late? Is everything okay with the baby?” I answered.
“Waiting for Santa. Bitch, what do you think? I needed to hear your voice to make sure you were okay! And yes, the baby is fine.”
“Good, and I’m fine.”
She smacked her lips. “Lie again.”
“I mean, I think the three of you established that out of all the pictures posted, the one where it looks like he was kissin’ that bitch was the icing on the cake, right? So, how do you think I feel?” I retorted.
“Have you spoken to him?” she asked, bypassing my defensive attitude.
“Barely. I’m not really in the mood to speak to anyone right now,” I confirmed, hoping she’d show me some mercy and get off the phone without a fuss.
“I just needed to hear your voice. I know you’re not okay, and that’s okay. This love shit is hard. You know I’m always on your side, but I do think you should hear him out whenever you do feel like talking.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But it’s late, and I just got in from a flight. I’m going to get some sleep,” I said. My second attempt at trying to end our conversation before it headed in a direction I didn’t have the energy for it to go.
“Hold up. Flight? You left him in Vegas? Is that why you haven’t been answering any of our calls?”
An exasperated huff flew past my twisted lips before I responded, “You damn right I left his ass! You think I was gon’ sit around in his hotel room and let him lie to my face?” I snapped.
“True. So that’s it, though? You’re done?”
My nose wrinkled at her question. “What do you mean? Yes, I’m—I.”
“You don’t have to know right now, Cass.”
“I just…ugh! Seeing those photos triggered the fuck out of me. Especially after that shit with Omar, you know? I can’t believe I got played again!”
“No, you’re completely right. Getting played by a nigga is fuckin’ traumatic. Trust, we’ve all been there and still got the PTSD to prove it. So, your feelings are valid.”
“Things went from being so perfect hours ago and now, boom! I’m hit with this shit.
There’s a part of me that wants to hear him out, but there’s a bigger part of me that saw the photos with my own two eyes.
What more do I need him to explain to me?
Obviously, he’s been out here fucking other bitches, so there’s nothing more to be said.
I think I just need to put what’s left of this relationship in my rearview and count my blessings it didn’t get worse. ”
“If that’s what you feel like you wanna do, then I support you. I just—never mind.”
“What? Say it.”
“I’m just sayin’ that you don’t have to be the superhero all the time, Cass. I don’t want you to throw everything away so quickly. You said it yourself, he was making you happy, right?”
I rubbed the back of my neck as my phone dinged.
There had been pictures of Hendrix and I linked to the pictures of him and that bitch with the headline Who Really Has Hendrix’s Heart?
I threw the phone down and buried my head in my pillow to let out a muffled scream.
My life had turned into an episode of The Bachelor and dealing with the unwanted court of public opinion while trying to figure out my own shit, had me stressed to the brink.
“Cass? Cass! Are you okay? Answer me!” Lauryn yelled through the speaker.
I slowly picked up the phone. “I know what I said, but as you can imagine, my feelings have changed since then! I’m a fucking story all over again!
These bloggers don’t give a fuck about my real life, only what makes their click rates and impressions shoot through the roof.
My love life, my mental health, and everything else are expendable to them! ”
“Girl, fuck these bottom of the barrel-ass, scrounging through people’s dirty laundry for some clout ass bloggers! As long as you two know what it is, then that’s all that matters.”
I exhaled. “Look, I know you’re being my girl and checking in on me, but I seriously can’t talk about this shit anymore. I—just need to shut out the fuckin’ world and get some sleep, okay?”
Air left her nostrils in a huff. “Okay, goodnight, girl. Call me when you wake up, okay?”
“I told you, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Enjoy your Christmas.”
A sigh escaped her lips before she replied, “You too, Cass.”
I quickly deaded the call before setting the security alarm and putting my phone on Do Not Disturb mode. My arms encircled my pillow as I pulled it tight to my chest. Falling all over myself in love had gotten me nowhere, once again.
After tossing and turning for much of the night, unable to save my thoughts from skydiving to conclusions, I finally drifted off to sleep.
I shot up in the middle of my bed to the whirring of my alarm.
Before I could even gather my thoughts, I heard a familiar voice yelling my name from the hallway.
“Yo, Cass—"
“Hendrix?” I asked, staring at him standing in the middle of my hallway, red-eyed and tired. Bypassing him, I quickly darted over to disarm the alarm. “It’s like seven o’clock in the morning. W—what are you doing here?” I asked as soon as the alarm stopped.
“You tell me. You’re the one who left me.”
“So, you come here and break into my apartment in the middle of the night? You scared the shit out of me!”
“Breaking in? I have a key. A key that you gave me, remember? Besides, I tried knocking and you didn’t answer.”
“That’s because I was asleep, and even if I was wide awake, I don’t want to talk to you, let alone see you!”
“Please, Cass. I need you to hear me out. If you want me to leave after that, I’ll do whatever you want. I just need you to listen.”
As reluctant as I was to let him stay, let alone hear him out, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself knowing he was tired, and I’d turned him away. “Fine. Say what you came to say,” I declared, bunching my arms against my chest to cover my hardening nipples.
The scent of his Dior cologne enveloped me in a mix of warm fields of amber and sun-drenched blue skies.
Even though he was the last person I wanted to see, I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he slowly sauntered into the living room.
His usual military posture was hunched over, and his body was tucked in the left corner of the couch to ensure he kept his distance from where I stood.
“Well?” I inquired.