51. Durvla
Durvla
As we ride across the contours of the land, my arms wrapped around Kilkenny’s waist, I desperately want to stop to admire the stars above.
There is a vibrant blend of colors that I’ve never seen in the night sky before.
I want so much to dismount Ghendor and lay in the grass.
To just take some time to breathe, admire the constellations, connect the dots, sleep …
I’m exhausted; long gone is the satisfied fullness and joviality of the Festival of Damarlach. My heart contracts at the memory of Dubh Carrig up in flames. I can’t get the image out of my head.
Durvla needs to be trained. Her powers would be a great asset to the rebellion.
Haruka’s words echo in my mind. Me, a great asset to the rebellion?
It’s laughable. On a daily basis, I trip over my own two feet, I’m susceptible to dizziness and headaches …
Until two weeks ago, I had no idea that magic even still existed, let alone that I had magic.
I highly doubt that I can hone my powers to be any use to the rebellion, anyway.
Unwittingly, my arms tighten around Kilkenny’s middle, and he tenses in response.
I immediately loosen my grip and prepare to apologize, but he just keeps riding.
He never looks back, nor reacts further.
He’s been generally speechless since the scene back at our riverside stop hours ago.
I can’t blame him after the chewing out his sister gave him.
Why didn’t he write to his family all those years?
Especially with knightly privilege, he should’ve been free to write to them and even to visit them.
Yet he didn’t. There is so often a faraway look on his face, as though he’s living in some distant past or an even more distant future.
He seldom smiles, seldom jokes, seldom reveals much of anything.
He perplexes me.
The dagger he made for me is suddenly heavy against my thigh. I don’t know how to use it, and I can’t fathom taking a life, anyway. Hopefully, there will never come a time when I’ll have to.
In the dark, it’s hard to make out the changes in the landscape, but we’ve not seen a house for some time, and there are no trees or dense shrubbery for refuge.
The air grows cooler and my eyelids heavier.
But at last, we make it to a town with scattered houses, and Chiyoko suggests that we stop at a stable.
Kilkenny dismounts and enters the stable, returning a moment later. “There’s water and hay and a couple of goats, so we’ll need to leave before the farmhands or owners arrive in the morning.”
That’s good enough for all of us. We’re worn out.
I would sleep on a rock formation at this point.
As I dismount, my knees nearly give out and I can’t walk straight for a while.
Alys sets a glowing ball of light from her hands in a glass lantern hanging against a wall, illuminating the stable where two brown goats gawk at us uneasily from the corner.
At least they aren’t aggressive, because none of us have the energy for that.
We spread out our bedrolls over the hay, and Kilkenny approaches his sister.
I hold my breath, certain he is going to instigate another argument, but he speaks to her in a calm manner.
Chiyoko nods, a hint of a smile flickering across her stubborn face.
I squint at Kilkenny’s hands in the darkness as he waves me over.
We step closer to the magically lit lantern to better see each other.
Nervous energy surrounds him, his leather vest rippling across his chest as he pulls in a deep breath.
“I shouldn’t have approached you the way I did earlier. My apologies,” he signs silently.
His apology is so unusual for the Kilkenny that I’ve come to know over the past few weeks, I can only stare at him.
“I did, however, mean what I said about you needing to train.”
Typical.
“I know it’s scary, but we need to know.
You need to know the extent of your dreamwalking.
It’s a very rare power that a lot of people don’t fully understand.
So, there will be a lot of figuring it out.
Once we get to the Verge, there will be people with more experience that might be able to help.
But for now, it will only do you a disservice to leave you with no idea at all of how to control your gift. ”
My chest tightens and I force myself to take a steadying breath. “Alright. So, you want me to remove the bracelet now?”
“Yes. If we don’t find any answers tonight, we’ll take a different approach tomorrow. One step at a time.”
It certainly can’t be that simple, but I nod. “Thank you, by the way. For admitting that you were in the wrong.”
His lips curl up into a semblance of a smile. “Don’t get used to it, Garrick.”
A little band of anxiety wraps around my heart again as I lift my wrist and stare at the bracelet.
It’s incredible that this little, seemingly valueless trinket holds so much strength.
I flip my hand over and untie the bracelet from my inner wrist. As soon as it’s off, my knees buckle as an overwhelming force surges through my body, pulsing through my veins, buzzing beneath my skin.
My vision blurs, and Kilkenny grasps my upper arms.
“Breathe.” He inhales exaggeratedly, demonstrating.
I inhale and exhale deeply until my head clears and the unease slowly melts away. When that soldier had ordered the removal of my bracelet back in Paramount, the sensations had been overwhelming, but at the time I’d blamed it only on my emotions.
Kilkenny’s expression is assessing. “How do you feel?”
I roll my shoulders, trying to shake the unease from my body. “Strange.”
“Put the dampener in your pack so it’s away from you completely for the night. I don’t want it to interfere.”
“Alright.” I stifle a yawn behind my hand.
“Sleep.” It’s not a question, but he doesn’t have to tell me twice.
I slip my bracelet into my bag before heading over to my bedroll between Osheen and Alys, with Chiyoko across from me. “I’m going to talk to Tiernan,” Chiyoko signs. “We have some catching up to do.”
The sentiment warms my heart. “Good luck.”
Alys and Osheen still regard me. “All good?” Alys asks, her focus moving to my bare wrist.
“I’m anxious.” Admitting it aloud makes me even more worried. Especially with Osheen looking at me as though I’ll erupt at any moment.
Carys stands on the deck of a ship, her hand lightly grasping the railing while a gentle ocean breeze blows through her curtain of raven hair.
Her face is lifted to the blue sky, the rays of the sun bringing out the golden streaks in her hair.
The scattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks extends across her sun-kissed skin.
There’s a swell of happiness in her chest, a sense of freedom and hope.
Holding on to the mast, I watch from a distance, and it’s all so eerily …
real. I glance around. There are only wide-open waters, no land on the horizon.
But Carys doesn’t care. She turns and I hold my breath, but her gaze slides right past me.
Her back is to the railing when a monstrous wave rises up, up, up.
Horror drains Carys’s already pale complexion as she turns, the same cold terror invading my own body.
I grasp the mast, but it isn’t enough to keep me safe when the wave comes crashing down—
I awake with a gasp, coughing and sputtering, my lungs reluctant to expand.
Firm hands grasp my shoulders, yanking me back into the present.
I frantically gauge my surroundings, squinting in the bit of sunshine that fills the stable.
There’s no ocean. No boat. No Carys. But it’s a while before I stop coughing and find my breath again.
“I dreamt something,” I choke out.
Kilkenny’s eyes widen. “Tell me,” he signs.
I continue speaking, the words rushing out of me. “Carys. She was on a boat of some sort. She just stood there. But she looked … happy. Until a wave sunk the ship.”
He sits back on his heels and stares at me as though I’m a puzzle to be solved. “She’s always dreamt of sailing far away from Erleya,” he motions as he speaks. “Sounds like a good dream turned into a nightmare.”
I’m not sure what to make of that. It’s nothing like the dream I had of the queen.
It’s more like … that other dream, but with an added nightmare element.
My cheeks redden and I glance around, but everyone’s busy getting ready to set off again.
I return to signing silently. “I had another dream of Carys before. Back in Paramount.”
He waits and my cheeks heat. It must be evident, because his brows rise.
“Gods … I can’t believe I’m going to admit this …” Maybe it’s not even important, and then I’ll have made a fool of myself.
“Now you have to tell me.”
I sigh. “It was the night when you caught me going for a late walk in the castle. I had a not-so-innocent dream of Carys and Callum … you know.” I wince. “I’m certain it was her dream about Callum because there is no way I could’ve … heard … gods, don’t make me spell this out.”
His puzzled expression lingers, then his brows dart up again and he straightens. “Oh. Are you saying that you dreamt of—”
I can only nod, the flush crawling up my neck. I try to read his face. His jaw is set but his eyes twinkle.
“How much did you—”
“It was rather vivid.”
Slowly, Kilkenny’s mask starts to fracture, his lips working to remain tightly shut. He suddenly turns his face away from me, but the moment the laughter breaks free, his shoulders shake, and he holds a fist against his mouth.
“Oy!” I exclaim. I shove my hand against his shoulder, and he faces me again, but that amusement is far from gone. “It’s not funny!”
We draw the attention of the others, particularly Chiyoko who intentionally steps closer to listen in.
I stare at Kilkenny’s lips as he says, “You’re …
you’re absolutely right.” But he can’t rein in his amusement and the wide smile remains.
He scrubs his hand over his face and his chest expands with a deep inhalation.
When he exhales again, he tries to school his features, but it only leads to more laughter.
“Stop!” I tell him, but for some reason, I can’t help but join in.
His genuine laughter is refreshing. His whole face lights up endearingly, his disposition relaxes.
The man before me is not Sir Tiernan, not Major Kilkenny.
Just … Tiernan Kilkenny. His laughter simmers down to an occasional chuckle.
There is no pretense, no angst, no sadness.
I wish I could do something to keep that smile there forever.
“Apologies,” he says, sobering, and I want so much to tell him not to stop smiling. “We’d better get going. Don’t want you to have more lewd dreams.”
My jaw drops. Is he teasing me?
“Durvla’s having lewd dreams?” Chiyoko asks. “Oh-ho-ho do tell! Who was it with? Don’t tell me it was with this sorry bastard.” She jabs her thumb toward Kilkenny.
Still crouched in front of me and not even flinching from Chiyoko’s insult, Kilkenny winks at me, and I’m sure my entire body flushes. He stands and walks away, leaving me to deal with Chiyoko. I get to my feet and wait for my head to clear. Chiyoko remains, grinning at me. “So …”
“I didn’t have a lewd dream … this time.”
Chiyoko dissolves into laughter. “You’ve dreamwalked into people’s sex dreams?”
Now Osheen is blushing, and I want the earth to swallow me whole. Alys comes to my rescue, playfully nudging Chiyoko’s arm. “Chiyo, she can’t help which dreams she walks into yet. Don’t tease.” Alys gives my shoulder a little squeeze before heading off to her horse.
Chiyoko walks backward, still grinning at me. Then she signs, “I still want details.”
I hold back a chuckle.
Of course, I’m the last to get ready. I rinse my face and mouth with a bit of water from my waterskin. Osheen joins me, gently bumping his shoulder against mine. “What was that about?” he asks.
“Nothing.” I don’t know why I lie to him, but there was something about that dream. It was more than just the context that bothered me—it was the intrusion. So wrong in so many ways.
I don’t want this power. To be privy to people’s innermost desires.
My laughter from moments ago completely dies now. Though as I glance over at Kilkenny, sheathing his swords again, I’m reminded of his laughter, and a small smile returns to my face.