Chapter 12 - Amber #2
She didn’t answer right away. Her hands slid up and down, tracing the bandages, checking to see if they needed any more cleaning.
She glanced up at his face, and her heart thundered in her chest at the intense way he stared at her, as if she was the only thing he cared about, that being clawed to ribbons was a small price to pay for her.
She glanced away, turning to study the white gauze wrapped around his arm.
Eventually, once she was certain that he was all right, that he wasn’t going to fall over dead at any minute and that his bandages didn’t need changing, she came to stand in front of him.
She looked up at him and realized he had been watching her the entire time.
Their eyes met. Time seemed to stand still.
Her lips pursed, and she glared at him. A moment later, she swatted him lightly, still glowering up at him.
“Ow!” He rubbed his arm, blinking down at her in bemusement. “What did I do?”
“Do you really have to ask?”
He rubbed his arm where she had made contact and raised an eyebrow.
“Does it have to do with the fact that I ran off to go after a dangerous criminal on my own with absolutely no backup? And then, when it went horribly wrong, I came limping to you, asking you to stitch me up instead of going to a hospital?”
Her lip twitched upward even as she tried to maintain a stern expression. “That definitely has something to do with it.”
His smirk subsided. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you last night.”
“You should be,” she said, more anger in her words than she had expected. “You gave me a heart attack. Do you realize how terrified I was?”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated.
Her heart had started pounding again, and she twisted around so he couldn’t see her expression, the conflict roaring through her.
She shouldn’t be feeling this strong a reaction to him.
After a moment of composing herself, feeling Cillian’s eyes on her as she willed the heat to leave her cheeks, she turned back.
She studied him, tilting her head and searching for a sign that he might remember what he had said the night before.
“Everything all right?” he asked. “You’re staring at me like I’ve grown an extra head or something.”
“Do you remember much about our conversation last night?”
His brow furrowed, and she knew the answer before he opened his mouth. “No. I’m sorry. Once the drugs kicked in, it’s all fuzzy.” He raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t make an idiot of myself, did I?”
“No,” she said quickly, telling herself that the sinking sensation in her stomach wasn’t disappointment but exhaustion. She turned and walked over to the coffee machine. “No, nothing like that.”
It shouldn’t bother her, she told herself. He’d been delirious. She couldn’t take any of what he’d said at face value. But she still felt the sting.
“Anyway. I’ve got to go to the nursery.” She hesitated. “Unless you want me to stick around?”
The offer slipped out of her mouth before she realized it. She blinked, surprised, and heat spread across her face. She blinked and looked down at her shoes, suddenly unable to glance back up at him. Heat spread across her cheeks, and she tried not to wonder why.
“Nah,” Cillian said, and she glanced back up. He rolled his shoulder and grimaced. “Hurts like hell, but shifters heal fast. I just need to take it easy this morning, and then I’ll go talk to Camden and the others.”
Amber nodded absently, still regarding him suspiciously. “Please tell me that you’re going to tell the others what happened and that you’re not going to pretend it was nothing or something stupid like that.”
He laughed. “I promise my stupidity has reached its limits for at least a week,” he said, then the smirk faded and he let out a deep breath. “Besides, this is something they need to know about. It… could end badly.”
“How so?”
“The guy got away,” he said. “Whenever that happens, it always causes problems.”
At first, she just nodded. Then she frowned. “What were you going to do with him, then? After you got your answers.”
He didn’t answer at first, considering her. She wondered if he was debating lying. Then she wondered if she might have preferred that.
“What I had to do,” he finally said. “Sometimes I have to do unpleasant things to keep the people I care about safe.”
Her mouth opened, then closed. She glanced away again, unsure if she wanted to see whatever expression was spreading across his face.
“That sounds dark,” she muttered.
She heard Cillian chuckle. “Yeah, well, I have a bit of a dark side. It isn’t always pleasant, but it’s sometimes necessary.”
Tilting her head, her eyes flicked up and down, unsure what to make of him or his declaration. It should have alarmed her, but he had nearly torn himself to ribbons for her, just to keep her safe. A mix of emotions swam through her that she couldn’t begin to parse.
“I see,” she said. A pause. “I’ve got to run. Are you going to be all right?”
He nodded. She was about to brush past him to head to the door when he stopped her, his hand gently laying on her shoulder. She halted, his touch seeming to freeze her. Or maybe it was his intent stare, the way it seemed to pierce her.
“Thank you,” he said. “For helping me.”
A lump swelled in her throat. She felt suddenly small.
He was so close that she could count his individual eyelashes.
His eyes were a pretty pale green, and she wondered how she hadn’t noticed that earlier.
The only other time she had been this close to him had been late at night, when he’d woken her up from her nightmare.
The remaining space between them seemed to constrict, his face coming into starker view. She knew he must be able to hear her heart pounding. It would take almost no effort on either of their parts to close that gap between them.
“Of course,” she managed to say. “I was happy to help.”
Cillian hesitated, glancing around. He opened his mouth as if he might say something else. Before he could, she ducked around him and hurried away, unsure if she wanted to hear whatever it was.