Chapter 16 - Amber
“I’m telling you,” Dana said. “He was the absolute worst kisser. It was like a slobbery vacuum!”
The girls squealed in disgust, all recoiling and laughing at the same time.
It was loud enough that the table next to them turned toward them, shooting them befuddled looks.
None of them cared. The five of them—Nikki, Izzie, Flora, Dana, Alex, and Amber—were all two drinks in and just the right amount of buzzed.
“All right, you win,” Nikki said, still giggling. “That’s definitely the worst date I’ve heard of.”
“God, you couldn’t pay me enough to start dating again,” said Flora, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
“Well, we can’t all have perfect mates like you,” Dana pouted. “Camden and Jasper are great. Cillian, too. Some of us haven’t found our Mr. Right yet.”
“It’ll happen sometime,” Izzie said, sighing wistfully. “It has to. Otherwise, the universe is totally unfair.”
Amber took a sip of her drink. Her mind drifted toward Cillian, to the way his hands had felt against her the other night. Just remembering that sensation sent new ripples of heat running through her.
They hadn’t spoken about that night. Every time she considered bringing it up, she got embarrassed, and the words would vanish from her throat.
She knew they needed to discuss it eventually.
They couldn’t just go around pretending it hadn’t happened.
She hadn’t missed the looks he had given her when he thought she hadn’t been looking, speculation and want blending on his expression.
What would happen if they broached the subject? More importantly, what did she want to happen? The problem was that whenever she asked herself those questions, she couldn’t come up with any answers.
As if she could read Amber’s mind, Izzie asked, “How are things between you and Cillian?”
Amber came crashing back down to earth. “Oh, um…” Amber trailed off, unsure how to respond to that.
In comical unison, all the other women’s eyes widened.
“Really?” Dana drew out the word, a knowing look spreading across her face. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that means things are going very well.”
“Did something happen?” Alex asked.
When Amber glanced at Nikki, her friend simply raised an amused eyebrow. Amber hadn’t told Nikki a thing about the other night with Cillian, but something about the spark in Nikki’s eyes made Amber suspect she already knew without Amber even saying anything.
She could feel heat spreading across her cheeks and knew they were turning a brilliant pink.
Her mind drifted to the other night when they had been tangled in her bedsheets.
Just the memory sent more heat rushing through her.
She coughed and glanced away, trying to hide it until she could get it under control.
Izzie gasped, her hands flying to her mouth, eyes growing wide. “Something did happen!”
“What? No!” Amber shook her head.
“She’s totally lying,” Nikki said, a smirk spreading across her face. She leaned over and stared pointedly at Amber. “She’s got that look in her eye she always gets when it comes to guys.”
“I do not!” Amber insisted. She could feel the heat scalding her cheeks now. She was normally so good at hiding her emotions. Apparently, though, when it came to Cillian, she turned into an open book.
“You do,” Flora said apologetically, hiding the faintest hint of a smile.
“What happened?” Dana and Alex demanded in unison. They glanced at one another and started laughing.
“Nothing!” Amber insisted.
“Liar!” This time, it was all four of her friends, like a Greek chorus.
Her mind scrambled as she tried to come up with some reasonable response that wouldn’t result in an outburst of questions. All of her friends stared expectantly at her, practically leaning forward to cling to her every word.
“It’s not like there’s anything special behind our marriage,” she finally said. “It’s only because he wanted to make sure that I was okay. With Eric roaming around, he thought it would be safest if we were married. It’s not like there was anything romantic behind it or anything like that.”
As she said it, the words settled in her mind, her stomach, her heart.
She felt almost weighed down, as if she were disappointed.
It surprised her, and she tried to keep it off her face as her friends stared eagerly at her.
Why should she be upset about whether Cillian cared about her?
It wasn’t as though she had any lingering feelings for him.
“Yeah, but what happened?” Dana demanded. “And don’t you try to lie and tell us nothing happened, because it’s written all over your face.”
“That’s private,” Amber retorted.
Dana pouted, then opened her mouth to argue the point.
“Oh, let’s give her a bit of peace,” Nikki said, a smile dancing on her face. “I think we’ve pestered her enough about it.”
“Hmph,” Dana grumbled, sulking and reaching for her wine glass. “That’s no fun. I want to be nosy.” Still, mercifully, she let it drop, taking a sip of wine while Nikki deftly maneuvered the conversation away from choppy waters.
Her friends continued gabbing, laughing delightedly with one another. Amber’s thoughts continued to wander. Her mind drifted back to the night she had tended to his wounds, what he had said.
What if there had been more to it than the drugs?
Her heart pounded, Cillian’s words that night continuing to echo in her head. She thought back to everything he had done for her, how it had felt the night that they had slept together, that warmth and need and feeling of safety for the first time in what felt like forever. T
“You all right?” Nikki asked at one point, pulling her back to the present.
“Yeah,” Amber said. She hesitated. “You and Jasper. Was it easy at first?”
Nikki snorted. “No. Absolutely not. He was a pain, and we butted heads all the time. He always had to be right, and trying to get him to listen to me and what I needed was like pulling teeth.” She smiled and took a sip of her drink, her voice quiet, as if she knew Amber didn’t want the others to overhear.
“But it worked out. I think it’s hard to see that they really care sometimes. ”
“You don’t feel weird for falling for a guy who forced you to marry them? You don’t wonder about their motivations?”
“I did at first,” Nikki said. “But not anymore. He’s a good man, and I love him. In the end, that’s really all that matters.”
Amber nodded, forcing a smile while her mind remained far away, trying to parse out thoughts about a man she had refused to let herself think about for weeks.
Those thoughts continued to follow her the rest of the evening, lingering after she said goodbye to her friends and clambered into the car to drive home.
She tried to stop, to focus on the rough surface of the steering wheel, or the upbeat tempo of the song blasting through the radio.
Except her thoughts kept going back to Cillian.
Sure, things had started out strangely. She was still angry at him for forcing her to marry him. But that frustration felt muted, dimmer, and she realized that her fury had softened the more she got to know him. She even understood the logic.
What would happen if she gave in to those wants?
What would happen if she opened her heart to Cillian and they agreed to give a relationship a shot?
Would it work? Would it make things worse?
Maybe it would be better to talk about it after the Eric situation was over.
But what would happen once they took care of Eric?
They had never discussed it. Amber had avoided it, uncertain she wanted to know the answer.
Now, an overwhelming need to know began to grow inside her.
She bit her lip as she pulled into the garage and sat there for a moment.
She was being silly, a childish schoolgirl.
This wasn’t the time to start entertaining those thoughts, not with Eric still out there.
Once that was over, they could talk about it.
Still, thoughts of the other night loomed large in her head, and she wondered if indulging in that primal need for him would still be all right.
A blush spread across her cheeks, a smile somewhere between a smirk and a grin spreading across her face when she stepped out of the car and walked into the house.
Cillian was sitting on the couch, staring at the coffee table in front of him. She smiled wider.
“Hey,” she said.
But then she saw Cillian’s sober expression, and her smile evaporated.
“What’s going on?” she asked. Her body felt like a tightly coiled spring being put under more and more pressure.
She waited to hear what he would say, her eyes fixed on him. Time seemed to come to a standstill. She knew that he had to be able to hear her pounding heart.
“You should probably sit down,” he said.