Chapter 17
Andreas
The days drag on, my heart has been ripped out of my chest, and I feel terrible, but I know I made the right choice for Nora.
I couldn’t risk causing her any more pain.
Life itself has blackmailed me. My days now consist of work, work, and more work.
Not that everything is going smoothly, because Donna and everyone around me at the office are bearing the brunt of it and are trying to avoid me as much as possible.
If they’re not angry with me, they look at me with misplaced pity.
I hate it. I forget things and make mistakes that I wouldn’t ever have made before, but work is my anchor.
It’s the safest way to cope with the pain.
B-Tech and the search for evidence against Isabella are the only reasons I still get out of bed in the morning.
I know Eric is fully focused on that, but I hardly see him in person because I’ve been deliberately avoiding him after everything that happened.
Maybe he’s avoiding me too. I know none of this is his fault, but I’m still angry—mainly at myself.
I decide to leave work for today. There are no more meetings scheduled, and in my current state, I’m better off removing myself from the equation for now.
A quarter of an hour later, I’m punishing myself in my home gym.
I’m lifting more than I can handle and hitting harder than my hands and wrists appreciate, but like the past few days, this is the best way to blow off steam. The anger needs to find a way out.
“Andreas!” Eric shouts over the music.
I drop the weights and turn off the music. I know Eric has the key and can come in here, but he’s never used it before, until now. This must be important.
“Eric, what’s going on?” I see a smug look on his face, so it’s not bad news—thankfully. I wrap a towel around my neck and look at him questioningly.
“We’ve got them, Andreas. Isabella is going behind bars.” His mouth curls into a devilish grin. I grin back, but I don’t quite understand how this all happened so quickly.
“Tell me, how did that happen? The last time I heard from you, she was free and we only had the witness testimonies.”
I take a big gulp of water and gesture toward the couch. We plop down, and Eric starts talking.
“Yesterday, Nora called and…” The mention of Nora’s name catches me off guard, causing me to choke as if her name itself tears open old wounds.
Just hearing her name and knowing Eric had been in contact with her sends fresh waves of pain through me.
I force myself to steady, hoping Eric didn’t notice how much her name threw me off.
“She had a camera in her office. Nathan managed to get all the footage, and we went to the police station together to hand over the evidence. After that, I’ve been out all night and today with the team searching for Isabella.
We finally found her this afternoon. We tipped off the police and followed her until they actually arrested her.
It’s over, Andreas. Noah and Isabella are definitely going to jail for a few years. ”
I let out a whistle and pat Eric on the back. I can’t believe this is finally over. I can’t believe what Nora has done. For me.
“Eric, I can’t thank you enough. You know how much this means to me.”
I thought I’d be jumping for joy, but instead, I almost feel numb.
“I know. I’m happy for you. I hope this will help you move forward, but honestly, Andreas, revenge isn’t everything. I hope you know that too.”
Revenge isn’t everything. Eric’s words echo in my head. I get the feeling he’s about to lecture me, but I wouldn’t know what I did wrong here. It’s only logical that Isabella should pay for what she did to everyone.
“I don’t know if revenge, or justice, was my biggest motivation here, but Isabella belongs in jail, and you know that too, Eric.” I hope he doesn’t question that.
“You’re one hundred percent right about that, but whether it’s revenge or justice you’re pursuing, it doesn’t really matter. I just want you to be happy. Despite everything that’s happened and regardless of whether Isabella is in jail or not,” Eric says bluntly.
“How can I be happy regardless of everything that’s happened? My brother is dead, Eric. He’s not coming back. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a bit of a damper on my happiness,” I snap at him. I fidget agitatedly and feel like punching him.
“And yet I had the impression you’d found a way to be happy despite of everything.” Instead of responding to my anger, his tone is calm and collected. He found a way to bring Nora into the conversation. He knows I can’t deny what he just said. Checkmate, deliberate and calculated. Asshole.
“Since when are you my therapist?” I snap at him.
I think of Nora and our brief moments of happiness. Could it really be possible to find happiness again in this life? To be together? I’ve lost so much, shattered so much. I remind myself that I’ve gone through hell to protect her, and breaking up with Nora was the right thing to do.
“Andreas, I’ve known you for so long. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you, but you have to allow it. What you’re doing now is foolish. Nora is miserable, and you’re unbearable without her. I don’t know how you’re convincing yourself this is better when it’s clearly helping no one.”
Is Nora miserable?
“Isn’t she relieved to finally be free of all the misery I bring with me?” I snarl.
“Is that really what you wanted to do? Free her from your misery? You’ve hurt her terribly and made her miserable. Believe it or not, Andreas, that girl is crazy about you, and you clearly are crazy about her too. Sometimes life isn’t that complicated.”
Life has never been so simple and complicated at the same time.
I ache for her. I want to smell her, taste her, hear her, and feel her.
I want her to be mine and mine alone. I want to be above, below, and inside her.
But the pain—whether I caused it knowingly or unknowingly—makes me shiver.
I ponder Eric’s words. They seem heartfelt, almost personal.
“Do you really believe that, Eric? That it can be that easy?” I ask.
Meanwhile, I realize I haven’t offered him anything to drink. I grab a beer for him from the fridge. Eric takes it, stares at it, and takes a good swig.
“I was once as stupid as you are now, Andreas. I’ve never told you this, but before I joined the army, I was in a relationship.
We were so young, but what we had was incredible.
Maybe your first love is always exceptional, but I knew it was much more than that.
I broke her heart by choosing my career and wanting to protect her.
I was going to take on a dangerous job and didn’t want her to become a widow or have to live her life around my career. ”
I see Eric’s eyes narrow. He’s never told me this before. I thought we had no secrets between us.
“I had no idea, Eric. I thought you didn’t do serious relationships because of everything you’ve been through, and I thought you were at peace with that. You’ve never spoken about a woman before.”
“I’m definitely not looking for a relationship, but back then, she…
that was different. You never knew, and I never told you.
It didn’t last long, and it’s not a happy story, so no one knows.
By the time it could have become something real, I’d already ruined it, and there was no point in talking about it anymore.
She ended up marrying someone else, and I have to live with that every day.
Can you do that, Andreas? Watch Nora marry someone else? ” His icy tone carries a clear warning.
I know he’s right. I could never stand to see Nora marry someone else. The thought of Nora in bed with someone else drives me insane, even though I’m practically pushing her toward it. It’s absurd.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Eric. I wish it had ended differently for you.”
It pains me to know my best friend has suffered so much without me being there for him.
“For you, it’s still possible, Andreas.” He downs the rest of his beer in one gulp. “By the way, Nora sends her regards.”
Eric starts to leave. I take his bottle and place it on the counter. I walk with him toward the elevator.
“I wanted to apologize for what I said to you at the beach, Eric. You didn’t deserve that. I owe everything to you. I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for Nora and for me.”
“Don’t get sentimental, okay? I can’t handle that.”
He laughs, but I see relief and gratitude in his eyes. It needed to be said and not left hanging between us.
“Do you really think I still have a chance with Nora?” I look at him hopefully.
“She’s pretty angry and hurt, I don’t think she’s going to make it easy for you, but I think you’re underestimating her love for you.”
Eric steps into the elevator. Three seconds later, the doors close, and he’s out of sight.
I’m completely thrown by his last words.
The word love keeps echoing in my mind. Have I underestimated her love?
I love Nora. I didn’t dare admit it until now, but I love her.
More than anyone else. Nora means everything to me.
How could I have been such an idiot? How could I try to stop this?
Does she think she’s overestimated my love?
That would be wrong, but also understandable.
She doesn’t even know how I feel about her.
I’ve given her nothing. I realize I’ve had a strange way of showing my love.
I thought choosing Nora would cause her so much pain and lead to her downfall.
And while it’s still difficult not to see things that way, I now understand that perhaps I’ve caused her more pain by denying us the chance to be together.
I still have a long way to go if I want to be the man she deserves, but I’m willing to try.
If she’s willing to give me another chance, that is.
I’ve turned her life upside down, played with her emotions, strung her along, and then shattered her heart.
Does she really have enough love in her to forgive me for all of that?
I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. It’s hard to believe in myself enough right now, to believe that she’d still want me, but for her and her alone, I need to stop writing myself off in advance.
She truly brings out the best in me.
The thought of Nora lying naked in my bed again makes every part of me ignite.
The physical urge to claim her once more is perhaps a driving force behind my actions.
I know there’s more to it than that, but God, I do also want that.
I want Nora back, in every way, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes right now.