15. Maya
MAYA
“Okay, okay, okay,” the doctor remarks, as he gestures for me to lie back on the makeshift examination table that’s been put together for the occasion. “Just relax... If you could lift your shirt for me, I can start the examination...”
I glance over to Anton, who is standing, arms crossed, in the doorway. He’s not taken his eyes of me since the doctor arrived, protective to the tenth degree, though he has no reason to be.
The doctor he called out to the apartment is one he has worked with for a while, and, he has assured me, one who will not breathe a word of my presence here.
Judging by the way the man keeps looking at Anton out of the corner of his eye, beads of sweat appearing on his brow, I get the feeling he would never do anything to piss him off.
Either way, I have no choice but to trust him.
It’s not like I can go and pick the doctor of my choice, not with the way that Anton has been going about things.
The way he’s been treating me, you’d like that one wrong move would have me on my ass.
Even if this apartment is a million times nicer than the one I lived in before, it feels like a prison, the airy windows little more than a barred cell for all the freedom that I’ve had to explore.
Obviously, the place did not come equipped with a maternity clinic, which means that the doctor has had to bring most of his own equipment, all of it delivered in sleek black suitcases so that nobody can tell what is inside.
I guess Anton still doesn’t want even his men to find out that I’m with child. It would change the nature of everything, everything that has happened here, and I’m grateful, at least, that we seem to be on the same page with that.
The doctor has run through all my symptoms, run a couple of blood tests, and told me that he will get back to me with any concerns that arise in the next few days.
I can only pray that everything is still in order. I haven’t felt any different since we arrived here last week, but there’s no way to tell for sure that the sheer stress of this hasn’t found a way to work itself down to my child, either.
And now, I’m going to see them for the first time.
A terrifying and thrilling prospect all at the same time.
Because it’s going to make this real, in a way I can’t turn back from.
Up until this moment, they’ve been nothing more than an idea in my head, but now?
Now, all of that is going to change, and I’m going to be able to picture them for the first time.
And so is Anton.
True to his word, he was here for me when the doctor visited, though I’m surprised he can take the time away from all the demands placed on him by his determination to take down Artem.
He has a one-track mind when it comes to his brother, spending hours brooding in his office, in conversation with his guards. I try to pick up on as much of it as I can, determined not to be left out of everything that is going on, but he has protected me from as much as he can.
Protected me, or hidden me away, I’m not sure which one I really buy yet.
Either way, as the doctor puts the jelly on my stomach, he takes a step forward so he can see the makeshift monitor that has been set up just before me.
I don’t even want to know how this doctor got his hands on so much stuff outside of a traditional hospital set-up, but when it comes to how this world works, there are things I’m likely better off not knowing.
“Okay, just keep an eye on the screen there,” he murmurs, as he brings the wand to my belly.
Anton is right beside me now, his hand resting on the bed next to me.
For a moment, as I wait for the image to come up on screen, I think about taking it.
That’s what parents do, right? Before all of this, I had not thought much about having children, but the idle daydreams I’d had about the idea had been me with a loving partner at my side, the two of us sharing those amazed, emotional looks as we looked upon our precious child for the first time.
But, as it stands, I’m here with a man who is basically holding me prisoner.
And I have no idea where it leaves me, what I’m meant to feel, how I’m meant to react to all of this.
I know I should be careful with how I respond to seeing our baby for the first time, but I can’t help but wonder if he is searching my face for a reaction, reading into every little detail with the intent of shaking something loose in me that he does not have the words for yet…
My hand flies to my mouth as I finally lay eyes on the image in front of me. There it is—my baby.
There they are, that’s what I mean.
Because that tiny form before us, no bigger than my fist, seems to be looking out at us, gazing upon us with those tiny, unseeing eyes like they are aware that they are seeing their parents for the first time.
“There’s your baby,” the doctor announces, and I feel a well of emotion rush up inside of me.
Of course, some part of me has known for a long time that I’m with child, that I’m growing a little life down inside myself. But seeing it on the screen there, it feels like something else entirely, like I’m being confronted with the enormity of the responsibility that has been placed upon me.
That little one... Everything they are, everything they will be, everything that have become already, it is all on my shoulders. They are reliant on me to take care of them, and I know, then and there, that I will do anything in my power to make sure I fulfill that duty.
I sneak a look up at Anton, and, for a moment, I can almost slot him into that fantasy I had about the kind of man who I would raise my baby with.
His face is alight with wonder, lips slightly parted as his eyes dart this way and that across the screen, taking in the sight of his firstborn right there in front of him.
His hand shifts to my shoulder, and he gives it a slight squeeze, and I feel a small smile pass across my lips, almost unbidden.
Maybe, just maybe, he’s starting to understand why it’s so important for me to have my freedom.
To see why I need a life outside of this place, because my child deserves to see the world...
“I’ll give you a moment,” the doctor tells us, as he rises to his feet, wiping down my belly and tucking the wand back into its case. He steps out of the room, and I turn to look up at Anton, my heart so full it feels like it might burst.
He’s still staring at the screen, which continues to show the image of the baby even though the wand has been removed. I reach up to touch his hand, trying to bring him back to the moment.
“Anton?”
He blinks, and looks down at me again, his face hardening just as quickly as it softened. “Good to know you’re in good shape,” he tells me quickly, straightening up and moving to the side of the screen. “And the baby, too.”
“Yeah, they’re perfect, aren’t they?” I sigh. “Do you think we should find out the gender before they’re born, or—”
“You can decide.”
I frown. I can feel him slipping through my fingers, the part of him, at least, that I thought would stick around a while longer. “You really don’t care?”
“It doesn’t matter to me if they’re a boy or a girl,” he replies bluntly. “As long as they’re safe. That’s the only thing I give a damn about.”
My heart sinks. Even in a moment like this, a moment that’s meant to be sweet and pure, he can’t stop thinking about his brother. It feels like Artem has wormed his way into everything, no inch of my life safe from his influence, the very thing I wanted to avoid when I first left him.
“Anton, please,” I murmur. “Can’t this just be about us? About our baby?” I nod to the screen again, but when he looks at it, I can see something has snapped shut inside of him, whatever I might have done once to keep his attention vanishing just like that.
“I need to take my brother down first,” he mutters, his gaze growing distant. “If he finds out about the baby-”
“He won’t,” I implore him. “You’ve been dedicating all your time to this, I just...I just want you here with me right now, Anton. Please.”
My voice cracks before I can stop it, and, for a second, he just looks down at me. And I think I might have gotten through to him, because he is as much this child’s father as I’m their mother, and I know he must feel at least some part of the swell of emotion that is rushing through me right now.
But the look on his face tells me otherwise. Fuck, he’s stuck on what will happen if this goes wrong, seemingly unable to consider how it might go if it turns out right.
I wrap my arms around myself as he heads for the door, no doubt already stringing together the plans for what he is going to do next.
I’ve heard talk of an informant, though I doubt that he is exactly willingly offering up information. I wonder just how far Anton will go to shake loose the truth, if he is capable of the same brutality as his brother committed that day at the house.
The very thought of it sends a shiver down my spine, and I push it aside.
I promise I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe, little one, I swear to the image of the baby I just saw before me. Even if it means from your own father...