27. Maya
MAYA
When I wake the next day, I snap bolt-upright from a horrible nightmare. One where Artem still had me in his clutches and had me standing at the back of the stage, ready to go out and face what lay ahead. Go on, he had told me in the dream.
A whore like you will fetch a good price...
But, as I look around and remember where exactly I am, I flop back on to the bed, pressing a hand to my chest. It’s okay.
I’m safe now. As hard as it might be to believe, I’m really, truly, safe, and I know I should be grateful for that.
Anton saved me, saved all of the women who were being held there, and for the time being, at least, I don’t have anything to worry about.
He slept next to me last night, after he carried me out of the bath, holding me close until I dozed off in his grasp.
What we had shared, it had been... intense.
In a good way. It felt like every time I submitted myself to him again, every time I let him take control of me and claim me, I found myself reaching new heights of pleasure.
Though I’m not entirely sure what that says about me. Or him, for that matter.
He told me last night that I belonged to him, and, in the moment, it had been the hottest thing I had ever heard in my goddamn life. Because, when we are fucking, that’s all I want. For him to show me how much he wants me, and how far he is willing to go to have me.
But now, in the cold light of day, I can’t help but wonder just what it means to be possessed by him like that.
I mean, there was a reason I was sneaking out of the apartment in the first place when all of this went down, because I had felt so trapped and helpless in this apartment that I had snuck out when he wasn’t around.
Because he was so intent on keeping me out of everything that I didn’t see any other way to ensure I wasn’t as much a prisoner here as I might have been with Artem.
No, it’s not nearly as bad as that. Anton clearly cares for me, and the connection we share isn’t something I’d ever had with anyone.
But I hate the feeling of being caged in, trapped somewhere I cannot break out of, and I have a bad feeling that’s what it means to give myself over to him like that.
I glance over to the other side of the bed, where he had been sleeping when I had woken up once in the middle of the night. But now, the space is empty, nothing there but slightly mussed covers to indicate that there had ever been anyone sharing this space at all.
I guess that there is still a lot to take care of, especially now that his brother is...
well, dead. I wince as that word crosses my mind.
As foul and cruel as he was, Artem was still a person, and it still hurts to know that he is dead because of me.
Because of his own actions, of course, I’m not ignorant to that part, but it doesn’t exactly make it sit any more comfortably with me.
I run a hand through my hair and swing my legs out of bed, figuring that I should go about my day. I want to get a check-up soon.
I step into the shower and wash up quickly, changing into some fresh clothes, and catching sight of myself in the mirror as I go about my usual preparations for the day. I can’t help but notice that I… Well, I don’t really look much like myself, if I’m being honest.
I look like a version of me who has been wrung out, strung out, exhausted these last few months. And I just have to pray that I can find a way to keep it from taking me down entirely.
I head to the door and push it open—and nearly jump out of my skin when I see two guards standing on either side of it. The place was quiet when we came back last night, and I guess I had been foolish enough to think that it might stay that way for at least a little while longer.
“What are you…”
I blunder over my words, trying to pull myself together. I know that these men work for Anton, that they are no threat to me, but I still don’t like the idea of strange men lurking outside my bedroom door without me knowing about it.
I cross my arms over my chest. I need to speak to Anton about this. He is the one calling the shots around here, after all, and there’s no point in pretending otherwise.
“Where’s Anton?” I ask, and then I remember the term they use for him. “Where’s the Pakhan?”
One of the men looks at me, a furrow tugging together his brows. “Why?”
“Why do you need to know?”
I’m being needlessly difficult, I know, but I can’t help it. I’ve had enough people trying to control me these last few days, and I don’t want to come up against any of it from some man I don’t even know.
“The Pakhan is busy,” the other guard interjects. “So if you want to see him, then you’ll need to have a good reason to.”
“I’m the mother of his child, isn’t that reason enough?” I retort. I guess that everyone must know about it now, given how loose-lipped Artem had been about spilling the news. I might as well use it to my advantage as best I can, even if I don’t know where it will lead me.
The man stares down at me, clearly not keen to interrupt his boss right now.
I shift my weight from foot to foot as I wait for him to respond, but nothing seems forthcoming.
I don’t know what to expect here, but I know I have to keep my cool, hold myself together, if I’m going to convince these men that I need to speak with him.
“I’ll tell him,” he replies finally, and he turns on his heel and heads off down the corridor, leaving me alone with the other guard, who I sneak a nervous look up at.
I don’t know if I should follow him, go after him to make sure that he does not try to frame this in some way that doesn’t make sense, but I feel like I have already pushed my luck as far as I can.
Better to wait it out, hold out on his return, than try to figure out a way that I can hurry this along...
It doesn’t take long for the first guard to return, and with him is Anton – Anton furrows his brow when he sees me, and gestures for me to head inside the room, perhaps not wanting this to be overheard by the other men.
“Come,” he orders me, pushing open the door and nodding for me to step inside. I just cross my arms over my chest.
“I’ve spent enough time in that room as it is. I want out.”
He sighs, pushes a hand through his hair. “My office, then. This way...”
I follow him, closing the distance between us, my heartbeat picking up slightly in my chest as I go after him. It’s not that I’m nervous, not exactly, but I’m all too aware of everything he is capable of, both the good and the bad.
I can still remember the cold, callous way he took the shot on his own brother, putting him down like it was nothing.
I need to remember who I’m dealing with here.
As much as he has protected me, I know that he is brutal when it comes to doing what needs to be done, and I don’t want to find out what might lay on the other side of that.
He closes the office door behind me and pulls out a seat for me, an arm around my shoulders as he guides me to sit down.
I swallow hard, trying to steady my nerves. It’s the strangest thing, how a man like this could have given me pleasure beyond anything I had ever imagined, and at the same time be capable of violence beyond anything I have been exposed to before.
Hard to trust that it is so easy for him to switch the latter off, and I need to keep my wits about me if I’m going to make it through this.
“What is it, Maya?”
“I want to go back to my apartment, collect some things.”
“You have everything you need here.”
I sigh.”I know,” I confess. “But it’s not my stuff. I know that I don’t need anything here, but it’s all – it’s all come from you. The clothes, the books, the apartment. I just want to add something to it that makes me feel like I’m the one who lives here, you know?”
Silence. He leans back in his seat, a loud creak cutting the quiet.
“Why?”
I frown at him for a moment. Is it really so much of a mystery as to why I would want my own damn stuff here? He is acting like I have laid out some outrageous demand, but this is the bare minimum I could expect, just to make this place feel a little less foreign to me.
“Uh, because I have a life I don’t want to forget about?” I reply, digging my brows together. “I get that you want to—”
“Keep you safe?”
He fills it in pointedly for me, and I shift in my seat. Yeah, that’s part of it, but there’s more than just that, too...
“You were attacked at that apartment,” he reminds me. “Going back there would be a mistake.”
“Yeah, and the man who sent someone after me is dead, in case you forgot,” I shoot back. “You’re the one who killed him, remember?”
“That doesn’t mean the threat just goes away. It takes time.”
“How much time?” I demand, my voice taking on an exasperated edge. “How long is this going to go on for, Anton? Because I just got away from someone who was trying to keep me under lock and key, and I’m not about to walk into the same thing again because…”
“Because what?” he shoots back, his voice low, almost warning. I meet his gaze as steadily as I can, given the circumstances, but it takes everything I have not to waver as he looks back at me with those sharp eyes.
“Because... because it’s over now, isn’t it?
” I ask him softly. “When you killed Anton, you ended it. God, I know that there are probably still so many women out there who need help, but I’m not in danger anymore.
He’s not coming after me, not like he did before, and I’m not going to spend the rest of my life pretending that he is just round the corner when I know he isn’t. ”
He doesn’t move for a moment. His jaw is tense.
“You’re going to stay here, with me, where I can keep an eye on you,” he tells me, almost calmly, as if the conversation is already finished. A flare of anger courses up the back of my spine, and before I can stop myself, I retort with something I know isn’t entirely fair.
“So you and your brother both like keeping women under lock and key, is that it?” I ask him. He jerks back slightly, as though I have reached across the table to strike him.
“I’m nothing like him,” he growls, the anger overcoming whatever hurt he might feel.
“But you’re not letting me out when I ask for it,” I point out. “How is that any different to what he did to me?”
“Because I’m not selling you to the fucking highest bidder—”
“No, you are the highest bidder,” I remind him, and I rise to my feet. “And right now, you’re acting like it.”
His eyes flash with something I can’t quite find the words for, and my heartbeat flutters in my chest. Fuck, did I go too far, say too much?
Even in my heart of hearts, I don’t believe that he is the same as his brother, but I need my freedom, crave it like the most natural thing in the world. I can’t be held here.
“Maya—”
“I just want to go to my apartment,” I tell him, voice cracking slightly as I stand there in the doorway.
His eyes are dark and unreadable, and I can tell that what I have said to him sits heavy on his chest. I don’t know if I’m being unfair, but I sure as hell am not just going to roll over and let this man decide how the rest of my life is going to go.
My father, Artem, the men who bid on me—I have let that happen for too long, and if I allow it to go unchecked now, I will be bringing my child into that same situation.
Showing them that this isn’t normal, that this isn’t the kind of thing they should just bend to, it’s the most important thing in the world to me right now, and I’d do anything to make sure it happens.
And, with that, I turn to leave, heading back down to my room, brushing past the guards who stand on the door, hoping that the lump in my throat will begin to ease when I’m alone.
Because I hate the thought of hurting Anton, but I hate the thought of coming to resent him because I’m so trapped under his thumb even more.
And I have to pray that, one way or another, he comes to see things from my perspective. Because the other option...
It’s more than I could live with.