20. Elena
ELENA
W hile Adrik was out of town, I stayed at the main house and worked for as long as I possibly could each day. Being productive and keeping my mind committed to a task prevented me from dwelling on how things stood between us.
From his texted request that I investigate how this Gregori individual could be behind a network, he still acted like my boss.
Because, like it or not, that was what he was.
I felt like an idiot to wait for a call or voicemail that might have indicated he wanted to be something other than that. Someone other than the man my father had given me to.
But that’s not going to happen.
The fact that he left town after having sex with me spoke volumes. This time, he wasn’t dismissing me, even though he had told me to leave his office. Instead, he was dismissing himself and putting distance between us.
The morning that I woke up after the attempted break-in, I needed even more things to keep me preoccupied.
I didn’t want to dwell on thoughts of him, I didn’t want to dwell on the thoughts of who could’ve tried to break in, and I didn’t want to dwell on how we hadn’t used protection when we had sex in his office.
How is this my life?
I rubbed my forehead and dreaded the start of a tension headache.
Nikolai had been there first thing this morning. He was at least kind and patient when he explained that an intruder had been stopped from breaking in during the middle of the night. He was clear, calm, and collected when he said that no one had gotten in.
But his easygoing nature didn’t fool me. I saw the splatters of blood on the porch. What he wasn’t telling me was that the Volkov men had killed the intruder.
I had never been this close to violence before. Not like this. I didn’t have a social life when I worked for my father. I never went out, didn’t have any drama from friendships, boyfriends, or exes.
How ironic is that?
I was an accomplice to many crimes by being the qualified accountant for criminal organizations. I didn’t know which ones for so long, yet, I never faced any actual danger from criminals themselves.
Until now.
Worry remained a constant for the entire day.
Questions about what happened. And why.
Thoughts about scary what-ifs.
Even though Nikolai and the other Volkovs were quick to persuade me into thinking that I was safe, that message didn’t get into my brain.
I heard their reassurances. I saw the guards patrolling on the property.
But I was so shaken by the possibility of someone breaking into that house that I couldn’t wrap my head around any actual sense of security.
It was only human nature to want to be comforted once scared. It made sense when security was threatened. And in my mind, that meant that I wanted Adrik.
Safety was a concept I had associated with him. Being near that powerful man made me feel protected. And it only made this distance between us worse. He didn’t want to be by me. He had flown somewhere far away, just to get away from me and the fact that he’d surrendered to his desire for me.
Why does it have to hurt so much?
I rubbed my chest.
It confused me, and wishing he’d be here dragged me down into a pit of despair and worry that only intensified with how someone had tried to break in.
Tonight, I had no desire to stay late and work as much as possible. I had done my best to put in a full day’s worth of work, but when Maksim entered the room several minutes ago to ask me questions about the investigation into this Gregori name, my spirits sank even more.
Maksim was here.
But Adrik was not.
I hadn’t been told where Adrik had gone, just that he was out of the office. But I did know that his brother and cousin had accompanied him. Maksim and Alexei had gone with him.
And if his brother was back home, it likely meant that Adrik was around too. And still , even after the news that somebody had tried to break into the house I was staying at, he didn’t want to see me.
Comforting me wasn’t part of the plan.
Showing up wasn’t something he wanted to make time for.
Because when I spoke with Maksim and Nikolai and they called me out about being upset, all I could do was give them a half-hearted and weak laugh.
“I don’t matter.”
I wasn’t only saying it out loud as a reason for why they shouldn’t invest too much time into this matter. Not on my account, at least.
I wanted to state it as an understanding between me and Adrik.
Because he was here.
Probably lurking in the hallway.
There was no scientific way to explain how I knew he was near.
But I sensed him. More accurately, I smelled his cologne.
It was distinctive, unlike any others. I realized that I just had a connection with him, one that could clue me into where he was because I wanted him near.
Because I wished I could have his approval and his desire.
I wanted him to hear that I understood the mistakes of what we’d done. Acknowledging that should’ve felt like freedom, but it only saddened me more.
I wanted to matter. With him. To him. I wanted to believe so badly that this chemistry that pulled us together, this desire that drew me to him, was not just a bodily reaction. That it wasn’t only physical. I wanted him to make me matter to him.
Nikolai walked me home that night, not even a half hour after I had expressed my insignificance.
Once I was alone in the house, feeling like an unsecured target, my thoughts and doubts became too loud in my mind.
I had no appetite.
I had nothing to preoccupy myself with.
For the lack of anything better to do, I ran a bath and tried to soak in the hot water. To let my negativity seep out of me through osmosis, as if that were possible.
It felt good. But I wasn’t relaxed when I got out. Wondering if I would be able to sleep tonight with so much heaviness in my heart and so many stressors on my mind, I got dressed and headed downstairs for a drink of water before trying to go to bed.
Loud bangs came from the front door as I passed it.
I jumped, startled by the demanding noises.
Someone was banging their fist on the door.
Again and again.
This was no gentle knock like asking permission to come in. This was a stubborn order for me to unlock and open the door.
Yet, I stood there and stared at it like I was in a trance.
This wasn’t someone breaking in. They wouldn’t knock or ask.
Narrowing my eyes, I puzzled over the mystery of why anyone would knock anyway.
I wasn’t a guest. I wasn’t a lover or mistress or friend. I was an employee, but I hadn’t gotten here with room and board by any recruitment or interview process.
They all had keys. The lock on that door was a joke.
Still, I went toward it and opened it. I wasn’t brave enough to ignore this summons so late in the night.
To my surprise, Adrik stood on the other side. Exhaustion shone from his dark gaze. He locked it on me, concern lining his rugged face. Shadows cast him in a more mysterious and foreboding mix of lightness and darkness.
With one hand raised and bracing against the doorframe, he made his arm rigid with all the muscles showing. His jacket was gone, and with his shirt sleeves rolled up and showcasing thick lines of tattoos inked on his skin, he looked like the bad man he was.
For a tense moment, he only stood there, watching me with that smoldering, probing gaze. He sized me up, breathing harshly.
I hadn’t been expecting him to show up. Not now or anytime soon.
I certainly wasn’t expecting to see him like this, barely controlling his impatience. Not like he was here to seek me out with desire burning in his eyes.
He stayed tense, slightly leaning forward as he braced himself against the doorframe. He was stiff, like he was trying to hold himself back from lunging.
I could only begin to guess what prompted him to show up now, so long after he must have returned. Of course, he was a busy man with many things to oversee and do. But it was late.
However, I wasn’t about to trick myself into thinking that he was here to comfort me. He wasn’t here with any motivation to soothe, pacify, or cuddle me.
Like a hungry beast, a predator closing in, he pierced me with that intense stare.
All my confusion grew into a storm within me. One that I didn’t want to try to withstand on my own.
“What?”
My voice was shaky, but after I uttered that one single word, even I recognized the nervousness in it.
I was nervous that he’d walk away from me after this confusing arrival.
I was just as worried that he was here to confirm I was a delusional fool to fantasize about him caring about me.
“What do you want?” I asked, feeling stronger to vocalize the unknowns that I wanted answers to.
I was in his world, sucked in too deep. But what was the purpose?
“What do you want from me, Adrik?”