RIVAN thoughts
The cold London breeze danced through the balcony, carrying the scent of fresh rain and blooming flowers.
Devyani sat curled up on a swing chair, a thick book resting in her lap.
A pencil was tucked behind her ear.
Several notebooks lay scattered around her.
Pages filled with notes.
Questions.
Meanings.
Calculations.
New words.
New ideas.
Six months.
Just six months.
And her life had changed more than she ever thought possible.
The girl who knew nothing beyond the haveli now spent hours reading about world.
She was learning.
Fast.
Very fast.
Almost obsessively fast.
Every teacher praised her.
Every mentor admired her determination.
Because once Devyani decided to do something
she did it with her entire heart.
And right now
her entire heart had only one goal.
Every morning she woke up with the same thought.
Learn faster.
Become stronger.
Become better.
Then go back to him.
The thought had become her fuel.
Her motivation.
Her reason.
She turned another page.
Her eyes carefully reading every line.
Highlighting important points.
Making notes in the margins.
Months ago she would've fallen asleep after two pages.
Now she could spend hours reading.
A small smile appeared on her lips.
Because she knew.
She knew he had been right.
The world was much bigger than she had imagined.
Six months.
Half a year.
One hundred and eighty days.
And somehow...
she wasn't the same person anymore.
Sometimes when she looked back, she couldn't believe how much had changed.
The first week in London she couldn't even understand half the conversations around her.
Foreign accents confused her.
Street signs confused her.
Even ordering coffee confused her.
The memory still made her want to hide under a blanket.
She had started from the absolute beginning.
Literally.
At nineteen years old.
She sat with children's books.
Learning pronunciation.
Learning spellings.
Learning sentence formation.
Learning grammar.
The first time she introduced herself in English, she became so nervous she forgot her own age.
The first time she tried using public transport alone, she ended up in the wrong part of London.
The first time she visited a supermarket alone, she spent twenty minutes searching for curd only to discover it was called yogurt there.
She had cried.
A lot.
Not because learning was difficult.
But because everything reminded her how little she knew.
There were nights she sat in her room staring at books.
Wondering if RIVAN had been wrong.
Wondering if she would ever catch up.
Wondering if she was too late.
But every morning she woke up and tried again.
One word became ten.
Ten became a hundred.
A hundred became thousands.
The girl who once struggled to read simple English paragraphs now read business journals before breakfast.
The girl who had never traveled alone now confidently navigated London.
She learned how to manage money.
How to make decisions.
How to communicate.
How to negotiate.
How to protect herself.
How to say "no."
How to ask questions.
How to think beyond the walls she had grown up inside.
And slowly...
the world became less frightening.
Jinal often joked that Devyani had transformed into a machine.
Because once she started learning, she refused to stop.
Wake up.
Study.
Classes.
Reading.
Practice.
Assignments.
Research.
More studying.
Sleep.
Repeat.
Even Reyansh had become concerned at one point.
"Take a break."
"You've been studying for 10 hours."
The conversation repeated almost daily.
Because Devyani had a secret.
One she never told anyone.
Every chapter she completed.
Every exam she passed.
Every achievement she earned.
Every new thing she learned.
She imagined telling RIVAN.
That thought alone pushed her forward.
She wanted him to see it.
To see her.
To see how hard she was trying.
Now she finally understood it.
And that realization hurt.
Because it meant he had been right.
Again.
Her fingers paused over the page.
Her eyes drifting toward the cloudy London sky.
Six months.
Six months without hearing his voice.
Not once.
Six months without seeing him.
Not once.
Many times she had wanted to call.
Many times she had picked up her phone.
Many times she had stared at his contact.
Then put the phone away again.
Because a stubborn part of her still hurt.
Still remembered the divorce papers.
Still remembered the airport.
Still remembered him walking away.
Yet despite everything...
she still waited.
As someone who was growing.
Learning.
Changing.
As someone who was no longer the same girl who left India.
The old Devyani would've cried and begged forever.
The new Devyani still missed him.
Still loved him.
Still waited for him.
But she was building a life too.
Building herself.
Page by page.
Lesson by lesson.
Day by day.
And somewhere deep inside her heart remained one unwavering belief.
One day.
He would come.
And when he did
he wouldn't find the same girl he had sent away.
He would find a woman who had learned to stand on her own feet.
A woman who had crossed oceans, fears, languages, and loneliness.
A woman who had grown because he let her go.
Even when both of them had broken in the process.
There were things she never knew existed.
Ideas she had never considered.
Places she wanted to visit.
Languages she wanted to learn.
Dreams she never knew she could have.
And yet
even after discovering all of this
nothing replaced him.
Nothing.
Her fingers unconsciously moved toward the chain around her neck.
The one she never removed.
The one connected to him.
A habit.
A dangerous habit.
Her eyes drifted toward the sky.
"Six months."
She whispered softly.
Six months without hearing his voice.
Six months without seeing him.
Six months without fighting with him.
Six months without being called kitten.
A laugh escaped her.
Small.
Bittersweet.
Sometimes she got angry.
Very angry.
The realization always made her annoyed.
Because no matter how much she learned...
No matter how much she grew...
No matter how much the world expanded around her...
Her heart remained ridiculously loyal.
She closed her book.
Leaning back against the swing.
The evening sun painted the sky gold and orange.
Her gaze became distant.
Her chest tightened.
But this time
she didn't cry.
Instead she picked up her book again.
Opened it.
And continued reading.
Because if there was one thing she had learned during these six months
it was that loving someone wasn't enough.
You also had to become someone capable of standing on your own feet.
And every page she turned...
Every lesson she learned...
Every step she took...
Was carrying her closer to the future she wanted.
Closer to herself.
And perhaps
Which was mistake number one.
The moment she stepped inside
she froze.
Completely froze.
Then one eyebrow slowly rose.
A very suspicious eyebrow.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
The sound echoed through the room.
Instantly.
Both Reyansh and Jinal turned around.
Like criminals caught red-handed.
The problem?
They were standing way too close.
WAY too close.
Jinal was half trapped between the couch and Reyansh.
One of Reyansh's hands was braced against the backrest.
Jinal's hand was gripping his shirt.
Both looked shocked.
Both looked guilty.
And neither looked convincing.
At all.
Devyani's eyes widened.
Then widened more.
Then somehow widened even more.
"Oh."
A pause.
Another pause.
Jinal wanted the earth to open and swallow her.
Immediately.
Devyani slowly turned around.
Covering her eyes dramatically.
Reyansh immediately stepped back.
Clearing his throat.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
Devyani nodded seriously.
"Hmmm."
Devyani pointed dramatically.
"Interesting."
Reyansh pinched the bridge of his nose.
Already regretting his life choices.
Devyani looked at Jinal.
Then at Reyansh.
Then back at Jinal.
Then back at Reyansh.
Like a detective gathering evidence.
Finally
she gasped.
A loud dramatic gasp.
Silence.
Absolute silence.
Jinal looked horrified.
Reyansh looked offended.
Jinal squeaked.
Reyansh repeated.
Devyani pointed at both of them.
"You do."
Jinal answered instantly.
Reyansh answered too.
The synchronized response made Devyani even more suspicious.
She narrowed her eyes.
Reyansh agreed.
Again.
That horrible humming.
Devyani slowly walked around them.
Examining.
Observing.
Judging.
Then she nodded.
Reyansh warned.
"There is."
She smiled.
A very evil smile.
"No."
And for the next fifteen minutes
Jinal suffered.
Reyansh suffered.
And Devyani enjoyed every second of it.
While Devyani was learning how to live without RIVAN...
India was learning how to survive with him.
And those were two very different battles.
The first month after she left had been difficult.
The second had been worse.
By the third month
everyone realized something was wrong.
Seriously wrong.
RIVAN had always been dangerous.
Always.
People feared him for a reason.
His enemies respected him for a reason.
His name alone was enough to make grown men reconsider their decisions.
But before marriage
his danger had limits.
A boundary.
A line.
After marriage
Devyani somehow softened those edges.
Without even realizing it.
She annoyed him.
Argued with him.
Interrupted meetings.
Forced him to smile.
Forced him to laugh.
Forced him to remember he was human.
And now she was gone.
The result?
Terrifying.
RIVAN became ruthless.
More ruthless than anyone had seen before.
The patience disappeared.
The tolerance disappeared.
The restraint disappeared.
He worked like a machine.
Slept less.
Spoke less.
Smiled never.
His meetings became shorter.
His punishments harsher.
His decisions colder.
Everyone described him the same way.
Silent.
Still.
Controlled.
Until he erupted.
And when he did
God help whoever stood in front of him.
The staff feared him.
The business world feared him.
Even his own people started measuring every word before speaking.
Payal had once joked that RIVAN was ninety percent devil and ten percent human.
Now she privately claimed the human percentage had vanished entirely.
Aradhya stopped entering his office without permission.
Rudraksh stopped making jokes.
Even Aditya became careful.
Which was saying something.
The worst part?
RIVAN didn't seem to notice.
Or perhaps he simply didn't care.
Then came the fight.
A stupid fight.
An absolutely pointless fight.
Virendra had questioned one of his decisions during a family discussion.
Nothing major.
Nothing serious.
Nothing worth arguing over.
Normally it would've ended within minutes.
Not this time.
The argument escalated.
Then escalated again.
Then exploded.
Voices rose.
Tempers snapped.
Years of frustration surfaced.
The entire haveli heard it.
For the first time in years
father and son stood facing each other like opponents.
Virendra's voice thundered through the room.
And for the first time
RIVAN shouted back.
Actually shouted.
Everyone froze.
Because RIVAN almost never lost control.
But he did that day.
Months of exhaustion.
Months of loneliness.
Months of buried emotions.
Months of pretending he was fine.
Everything surfaced.
The study room was suffocatingly silent.
A silence that felt dangerous.
Heavy.
Sharp.
The kind of silence that came before a storm.
Virendra stood near the desk, his hands clenched behind his back.
Across from him stood RIVAN.
Cold.
Unreadable.
Already irritated before the conversation had even begun.
For the last few weeks, every discussion between them seemed to end the same way.
With anger.
With frustration.
With wounds neither of them knew how to heal.
Virendra exhaled sharply.
No reaction.
RIVAN slowly lifted his eyes.
Those dark eyes that looked far older than his years.
Far more exhausted.
Far more broken.
Virendra's jaw tightened.
He pointed at him.
RIVAN laughed.
A cold laugh.
One that carried no amusement.
"No."
Virendra stepped forward.
The room grew colder.
Dangerously colder.
RIVAN's patience was visibly thinning.
Virendra narrowed his eyes.
Silence.
A dangerous silence.
Then RIVAN answered.
Slowly.
Deliberately.
Virendra's anger finally snapped.
His voice thundered through the room.
"So now you'll threaten me?"
RIVAN said nothing.
Which somehow made it worse.
Virendra took another step forward.
The words echoed through the room.
For a moment
everything stopped.
Every sound.
Every movement.
Every breath.
Then RIVAN's expression changed.
Not into anger.
Something worse.
Pain.
Raw.
Ugly.
Buried pain.
His eyes locked onto Virendra.
And when he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper.
Virendra froze.
RIVAN took a step closer.
The words hit like a bullet.
Virendra's face drained of color.
Immediately.
Because he knew exactly what RIVAN meant.
Things neither of them ever dared discuss openly.
And now
for the first time
the wound had been touched.
Directly.
Virendra's mouth opened.
Then closed.
No words came out.
For perhaps the first time in a very long time
Virendra Thakur had no answer.
No defense.
No argument.
Nothing.
The anger vanished from his face.
Replaced by something far heavier.
Regret.
RIVAN looked away first.
His chest rising and falling heavily.
As if even speaking those words had exhausted him.
His voice was quieter now.
Tired.
Virendra lowered his gaze.
The fight had disappeared.
Leaving only silence behind.
A painful silence.
The kind that exists between people who love each other
but have hurt each other too much.
For several long moments neither man moved.
Neither spoke.
The distance between them suddenly felt much larger than the room itself.
And for the first time that evening
Virendra realized he wasn't looking at an angry son.
He was looking at a man carrying more guilt, loneliness, and pain than anyone should have to carry alone.
The argument ended exactly the way disasters usually ended.
Badly.
Very badly.
RIVAN walked out.
Not just from the room.
From the haveli itself.
The front gates opened.
His car disappeared.
And nobody knew where he went.
Hours passed.
Night arrived.
Yashodha worried.
Virendra pretended not to.
Aradhya paced.
Midnight came.
Then
the familiar sound of a car entering the driveway echoed outside.
Everyone looked toward the window.
RIVAN.
He had returned.
Without a word.
Without an apology.
Without an explanation.
Straight to his room.
The same room.
Their room.
The room that still smelled faintly of her perfume.
The room that still contained her books.
Her shawls.
Her forgotten hair clips.
Her favorite blanket.
Her presence lingering in small invisible ways.
And somehow
despite fighting with everyone.
Despite leaving the haveli.
Despite claiming he needed distance
he returned every single night.
Every.
Single.
Night.
Because no matter how far he drove.
No matter how angry he became.
No matter how much he convinced himself otherwise
that room was the closest thing he had to Devyani.
And everyone knew it.
He would leave during the day.
Disappear for hours.
Sometimes days.
But at night
he always came back.
Back to the room.
Back to the memories.
Back to the ghost of a life he had willingly broken apart.
And each night
after the haveli slept
the most feared man in the country would sit alone in the darkness.
Surrounded by her belongings.
Missing her more than anyone could imagine.
While thousands of miles away
the woman he loved was doing exactly the same thing.
The river flowed quietly beneath the evening sky.
The water moved endlessly.
Calm.
Peaceful.
Everything RIVAN wasn't.
Six months ago, if someone had told him he would spend evenings sitting beside a river thinking about someone, he would've laughed.
Or punched them.
Possibly both.
Yet here he was.
Again.
The same place.
The same river.
The same silence.
It had become a habit.
A dangerous one.
Whenever the noise inside his head became unbearable...
Whenever the haveli felt too empty...
Whenever he found himself looking toward the door expecting someone who wasn't coming...
He ended up here.
Sitting.
Watching the water.
Thinking.
Remembering.
His beard had grown slightly.
Not enough to look untidy.
Just enough for people to notice.
His eyes were worse.
The sharpness remained.
The danger remained.
The authority remained.
But the peace was gone.
Completely gone.
The wind blew through his hair.
He didn't react.
The river moved.
He didn't react.
His phone vibrated.
He ignored it.
The world could burn.
He wasn't interested.
A few minutes later
footsteps approached.
Carefully.
Very carefully.
Aditya.
He stopped several feet away.
Staring at his brother's back.
"Damn."
He muttered.
"I searched the entire city."
No response.
"And this man is sitting here."
Still nothing.
Aditya sighed.
Approaching RIVAN these days felt like approaching a sleeping lion.
A hungry sleeping lion.
One wrong move.
And your funeral would be scheduled immediately.
He cleared his throat.
"Bh... bhai?"
Without turning
RIVAN answered.
"Hmmm."
Aditya immediately relaxed slightly.
At least he wasn't being ignored.
"Ummm..."
A pause.
"Can I sit?"
For the first time
RIVAN glanced at him.
One eyebrow rose.
"When did you start taking permission?"
Aditya blinked.
Fair point.
"Since you became scary."
RIVAN looked away again.
Which Aditya took as permission.
He quickly sat beside him.
Before the permission could be revoked.
For a while
both simply watched the river.
Then Aditya remembered why he came.
The night was quiet.
Too quiet.
The river reflected the city lights, broken into thousands of shimmering pieces by the moving water.
Aditya sat beside RIVAN, still trying to process what he had just heard.
For a long moment, neither spoke.
Then Aditya finally broke the silence.
RIVAN remained staring at the river.
His expression unreadable.
Aditya hesitated.
Then carefully said,
Silence.
A dangerous silence.
Then RIVAN laughed.
Not because it was funny.
Because it hurt.
Aditya's head snapped toward him.
RIVAN finally looked at him.
His eyes were tired.
The kind of tired sleep couldn't fix.
Aditya stared.
More than once.
More than twice.
Many times.
The realization hit him slowly.
Aditya couldn't believe it.
"Why?"
RIVAN looked back toward the river.
Aditya froze.
His voice became softer.
Far softer than usual.
A small smile appeared.
Painful.
Broken.
Aditya blinked.
Speechless.
RIVAN continued.
The smile disappeared.
"And every time..."
His jaw tightened.
His voice cracked slightly.
Aditya lowered his gaze.
For the first time
he understood.
Really understood.
Just how difficult this had been.
Then he asked quietly,
"Why?"
RIVAN closed his eyes.
Because he already knew the answer.
His voice came out rough.
He swallowed.
A pause.
Another pause.
Longer this time.
His fingers clenched.
The river continued flowing.
Neither man moved.
Then Aditya spoke again.
RIVAN remained silent.
The question hung in the air.
A question everyone had been asking for six months.
A question nobody understood.
For the first time
RIVAN answered immediately.
Because he had spent six months thinking about it.
Every day.
Every night.
Every waking moment.
His voice was low.
Aditya frowned.
RIVAN continued.
The admission surprised even him.
Aditya listened quietly.
RIVAN whispered.
The words hit harder than expected.
His eyes drifted toward the dark water.
The wind blew softly.
Not even me.
He didn't say the last part.
But Aditya heard it anyway.
RIVAN exhaled heavily.
Then finally spoke the truth he had never told anyone.
His voice almost broke.
His eyes became distant.
Silence settled between them.
Aditya stared at his brother.
At the man everyone called ruthless.
Dangerous.
Heartless.
And for the first time
he saw something else.
The realization hurt.
Because suddenly Aditya understood.
This was never about distance.
Never about divorce.
Never about punishment.
It was about love.
The kind that breaks people.
The kind that asks for sacrifice.
The kind that leaves scars on everyone involved.
And looking at RIVAN sitting alone beside the river
Aditya looked at the river.
Then at his brother.
Then finally asked,
Silence.
The wind continued moving through the trees.
The river continued flowing.
But for a moment
RIVAN seemed to stop breathing.
Just for a moment.
Aditya immediately regretted asking.
Because he saw it.
The flicker in RIVAN's eyes.
The pain.
The fear.
The one fear he never spoke about.
Aditya continued carefully.
RIVAN lowered his gaze.
Looking at his own hands.
The same hands that had built empires.
Destroyed enemies.
Protected people.
And yet
couldn't hold onto the one person they wanted to.
A faint smile appeared.
Broken.
Tired.
Almost sad.
Aditya's head snapped toward him.
RIVAN cut him off.
His voice calm.
Too calm.
He looked toward the dark water.
The words came easily.
As if he had already accepted the possibility long ago.
Aditya remained silent.
Another pause.
"I sent her away despite knowing she didn't want to leave."
His jaw tightened.
The memory alone was enough to make his chest ache.
Aditya frowned.
"What?"
A small laugh escaped him.
Humorless.
The answer surprised him.
"Then what?"
RIVAN stared at the river.
For the first time his voice became rough.
Unsteady.
Human.
Aditya froze.
RIVAN swallowed hard.
His eyes closed briefly.
His voice almost broke.
The river blurred slightly.
For a second.
Just a second.
RIVAN quickly looked away.
Aditya pretended not to notice.
Because some things deserved dignity.
Even pain.
After a while, Aditya spoke softly.
A smile appeared on RIVAN's face.
Small.
Genuine.
Painful.
Aditya shook his head.
"Normal people buy flowers."
That actually made RIVAN laugh.
A real laugh.
The first one Aditya had heard in weeks.
The smile lingered for a moment.
Then disappeared.
Because both of them knew the truth.
Somewhere in London
a girl was probably still waiting for him.
Still missing him.
Still loving him.
And somewhere beside a river
a man was doing exactly the same thing.
And perhaps that was the cruelest part of all.
The laughter faded.
Leaving only silence behind.
The kind of silence that comes when the truth has already been spoken.
Aditya leaned back
For the first time in months, he felt like he was finally seeing what was underneath all of RIVAN's anger.
Not rage.
Not arrogance.
Not stubbornness.
Pain.
Just pain.
A ridiculous amount of pain.
The river continued flowing.
RIVAN's gaze remained fixed on the water.
Lost somewhere far away.
Far beyond India.
Far beyond London.
Far beyond himself.
Then suddenly he spoke.
Very quietly.
Aditya blinked.
RIVAN didn't look at him.
Aditya stared.
How the hell did he know that?
RIVAN continued.
"Not too much."
Aditya's mouth slowly opened.
"Bhai..."
"Hmmm."
"Are you spying on your wife?"
"No."
Silence.
Then RIVAN sighed.
"somehow knew she hated her haircut."
"Hmmm."
Aditya stared.
Absolutely speechless.
"You're terrifying."
RIVAN ignored him.
The truth was worse.
Much worse.
He remembered that day clearly.
She had been standing outside a café.
Looking annoyed.
Touching her hair every thirty seconds.
Muttering something under her breath.
And for almost ten minutes
he had sat in a parked car across the street.
Watching.
Like an idiot.
Smiling.
Like an even bigger idiot.
Because she looked exactly the same.
The same expressions.
The same dramatic reactions.
The same Devyani.
Just stronger.
More confident.
More capable.
Exactly what he wanted.
Exactly what was breaking him.
Aditya suddenly asked,
"Do you know what she's studying these days?"
A dangerous question.
Because RIVAN answered immediately.
"Business management."
Aditya blinked.
"And?"
"International economics."
"And?"
"English literature as an elective."
"And?"
"Psychology."
"And?"
RIVAN stopped.
Slowly turning toward him.
Aditya burst out laughing.
"Oh my God."
"What?"
"You know her entire schedule."
"No."
"You absolutely do."
"No."
"You just listed four subjects without breathing."
RIVAN looked away.
Which was basically a confession.
The mighty RIVAN Thakur.
The terror of the underworld.
The nightmare of businessmen.
The man feared by ministers and criminals alike.
Had somehow become a lovesick husband.
Life was unbelievable.
And once again the river became their only companion.
Then Aditya spoke softly.
RIVAN didn't answer.
Still no answer.
Aditya smiled.
"Hmmm."
"But I know bhabhi."
Aditya chuckled.
A pause.
Another pause.
The image appeared in RIVAN's mind instantly.
So vividly.
That for the first time in days
his chest felt lighter.
Just a little.
Not much.
Just enough.
The river flowed.
The night deepened.
And somewhere deep inside, beneath all the guilt and loneliness and regret
a tiny spark of hope remained alive.
Because no matter how much time passed...
No matter how many oceans separated them...
No matter how much both of them changed...
A part of him still believed.
One day.
She would come back.
And when she did
he would finally stop watching her from a distance.
The riverbank fell silent again.
Aditya was still busy teasing RIVAN when his phone suddenly rang.
The screen lit up.
Reyansh.
RIVAN frowned.
Calling at this hour?
That wasn't normal.
He answered immediately.
For a second there was only heavy breathing from the other side.
Then Reyansh spoke.
Fast.
Urgent.
And the moment the words reached him
RIVAN froze.
Completely froze.
The color drained from his face.
"What?"
Aditya immediately turned toward him.
Something was wrong.
Very wrong.
RIVAN stood up so abruptly the bench shifted behind him.
His heart slammed against his ribs.
His voice came out dangerously low.
A voice Aditya had never heard before.
More words came from the other side.
RIVAN's entire body went rigid.
His jaw clenched.
His breathing became uneven.
For the first time in six months
genuine panic flashed across his face.
Not anger.
Not rage.
Panic.
Pure panic.
Aditya was already on his feet.
No response.
RIVAN was no longer hearing anything around him.
Only Reyansh's voice.
Only those words.
Again and again.
Echoing inside his head.
Then suddenly
His voice shook.
Another pause.
A longer pause.
And before Reyansh could even finish
RIVAN ended the call.
"What happened?"
Aditya asked immediately.
"What happened to bhabhi?"
No answer.
RIVAN was already moving.
Fast.
Too fast.
Toward his car.
"BHAI!"
Aditya shouted.
Within seconds he were inside the vehicle.
The engine roared to life.
Aditya had never seen him like this.
Never.
RIVAN's hands were trembling.
Actually trembling.
His eyes remained fixed ahead.
His breathing uneven.
His thoughts racing faster than the speeding car.
One sentence repeated endlessly inside his head.
Please be okay.
Again.
Please be okay.
Again.
Please be okay, kitten.
The road blurred beneath them.
Streetlights flashed past.
The city became nothing but shadows.
He was only thinking about one thing.
Devyani.
__________________
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