Chapter 13 Grayson
GRAYSON
Grayson put Leo in his carrier and cleaned up their breakfast, glad to have something to do with his energy.
Evangeline was still in her room, presumably on that call that had her rushing off so suddenly. He frowned to himself as he grabbed their plates and mugs and carried them over to the sink.
The look on her face when she saw the number that popped up on the phone had been sheer panic. But it was hard to know why.
Was it someone who was going to give her a hard time for one reason or another? He couldn’t imagine anyone as sweet as Evangeline could have a lot of enemies.
Maybe it was the opposite. Maybe it was a boyfriend, and she was panicking because she’d almost let Grayson kiss her last night. That option made more sense. It was a brand-new phone. The only way for someone to have the number would be if she was the one that gave it to them.
Heat pressed in on him, and he blew a breath out slowly, uncertain where all this fury was coming from.
If he didn’t even know her well enough to know if she had a boyfriend or not, then why did he care this much about it?
And why did I even think about kissing her last night?
But he knew that if he could go back, try as he might, he would probably do exactly the same thing. There was something about this girl that he couldn’t explain. She took him out of himself, made him feel like he was free of the weight that was always pressing down on his chest.
I’ll never be free, he thought to himself, his hand snaking up to rub at his scars.
“Uhh-ah,” Leo squeaked, kicking his legs.
“Thanks, buddy,” Grayson said, nuzzling the soft thatch of hair on Leo’s head.
The baby even smelled good. Caring for him was the best distraction from the thoughts that tormented him.
He washed the dishes and cleaned the coffee maker, and then put himself to work wiping down the counters. As he worked, some of the tension slipped away.
“Hey,” Evangeline said softly as he straightened from wiping up the table.
He turned to her and began cataloguing her signs of stress without meaning to. Her face was pale, her hands clenched, a small furrow creased her brow.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, smiling.
But her smile was too tight and it didn’t sparkle in her eyes the way her smiles usually did.
Something was wrong.
He longed to pull her into his arms and whisper in her ear that he would take care of everything if she would just tell him what the problem was.
But that wasn’t his right, and it was a bad idea for so many reasons.
“Want to go pick out a Christmas tree?” he asked her instead, hoping it would cheer her up. She’d seemed really enthusiastic about the idea earlier.
“Yes,” she said quickly, brightening up a little. “Let’s do that.”
A few minutes later, they were packed up in the SUV with a fully equipped diaper bag.
Leo sat calmly in his car seat, gazing at Grayson in the mirror.
Grayson smiled at his son briefly before turning his eyes back to the road. It was a beautiful day, sunlight glittered on the fallen snow. It was supposed to snow some more later, but hopefully this morning would be good for exploring Cassidy Farm.
He’d always loved going as a kid, seeing the animals and the fruit trees and enjoying all the seasonal decorations and activities the family farm offered. Leo was still too little to appreciate most of it, but he would enjoy the fresh air and good smells.
Grayson glanced over at Evangeline, worried that things were still too quiet with her. She sometimes had a quiet way about her, but she normally found a way to engage him in conversation.
But today she just gazed out the window, her expression serious.
He frowned, still wondering what he could do to help. But he’d already asked if everything was okay. Pressing her didn’t feel right.
He turned onto Knowlton Road. They would be there soon and then everyone would have plenty of distractions. That was good, at least.
Evangeline leaned forward and flicked on the radio.
Instantly, the car was filled with that silly Christmas song about the donkey.
Evangeline laughed and joined in, even shouting out the hee-haws, much to Leo’s delight. He kicked his legs and tried to yell to her, but he was so excited he just spluttered.
Even Grayson had to laugh.
“Sorry,” she said breathlessly when the song was done. “But I have to sing along when a Christmas song comes on. It’s a rule in my family.”
“This station is all Christmas all the time until New Year’s Day,” he informed her, wondering how she would react.
But Fats Domino was singing “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” now and Evangeline was joining in, the wistful tune sounding more beautiful than ever with her earnest voice joining his dulcet tones.
Grayson almost wanted to start singing too, but this particular song cut him like broken glass now, though he had always loved it before.
He signaled when the wooden sign with the painted apples and animals on it appeared, announcing that they had arrived at Cassidy Farm.
Evangeline turned off the radio and looked around as he drove them down the long gravel drive between rows of impossibly tall sycamores.
“Wow,” she said quietly. “This place is enormous.”
“It’s a working farm,” he told her. “But it’s open for visitors all year long. They have animals, and Christmas trees, and a big bakery, and fields where you can pick your own fruit depending on the time of year.”
“Like in the movies,” she said reverently, nodding. “This whole town is unbelievable.”
He nodded.
He’d grown up here, but during his darkest moments serving he would aways picture coming home to Trinity Falls again, the snow falling over the sleeping fields, or the sunlight shimmering on the summer lake, and it would bring him peace, even when it felt so far away he almost couldn’t believe it was real.
You don’t appreciate what you’ve got until it’s gone.
Though of course Grayson was incredibly lucky compared to some others. He got to come home again. But it would never really feel the same.
A place like this could lull you into thinking that if you always tried your best and did the right thing that everything would be just fine.
But the real world didn’t work that way.
Bad things happened every day, and yet scarlet cardinals still sang on the bare branches of the winter trees and the sun still turned the snow into golden fire as it sank.
Sometimes, it seemed like the beauty of the world was just mocking him.
It doesn’t mean anything, he told himself.
But he didn’t really believe that either.
He pulled into a parking spot up on the hill, giving them a nice long walk down to the farm’s offerings.
Being active usually helped him push his thoughts back down where they belonged. And Leo loved a good walk.
Grayson got out quickly to open Evangeline’s door for her.
“Are you okay?” she asked him quietly, her green eyes searching his face.
“Yes,” he said too quickly, turning away from her.
And maybe with Leo and Evangeline in his life, that didn’t have to be a lie anymore.