Chapter 6
I had the windows rolled down, allowing the air to hit my face and keep me alert.
I was more sleepy than high, which was why I wanted to get home and into my own bed.
Before I could peacefully relax, I needed to talk to my brother.
Between what happened last night and me calling Jayla bae today, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep my feelings for her pushed down.
She didn’t seem to notice, which was good, but still.
I hated feeling like the way I was feeling was wrong, and if something did happen between us, I didn’t want to feel like I was doing something wrong.
I dialed his number and let it connect to Bluetooth. Not too much time passed before he answered with, “Wassup?”
“I want Jayla,” I confessed, feeling no need to beat around the bush.
A few seconds passed before he responded with, “Want her how?”
Smiling, I licked my lips and relaxed my grip on the steering wheel. “In all ways.”
“I thought y’all were just friends?”
“We are, but I’ve always wanted more. I never said anything out of respect for you, but I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna be able to keep how I’m feeling inside.”
“Damn. I didn’t know you felt like that. I mean, I knew there was something there, but I just thought it was a lil crush that would eventually go away.”
I chuckled at his choice of words. “Ain’t nothing about what I feel for her little, bruh. I wanted to come to you about it respectfully with hope that you’d bless me going after her. If not, I understand.”
He huffed into the receiver. “I’on know how I feel about you being with her after me. I fucked her. That don’t bother you?”
“Nah. I know I’ma fuck her better.”
He laughed, and I was glad he thought what I’d said was a joke because it lightened the gravity of the situation—but I was serious.
“So you cool with having my sloppy seconds, bruh?”
I knew my brother and that he was trying to antagonize me, but it wouldn’t work. I was too emotionally intelligent for that kind of shit. He’d piss himself off before he made me mad.
“I might not have had her first, but I can promise you I’ll be her last.”
Kenya sighed, and I imagined him running his hand over his face. “I’on know, Kayne. For real. I know we weren’t together long but?—”
“Please don’t let your ego have you out here faking like you really cared about that girl.
You flirted with other women the whole time y’all were together, and you broke up with her just to sleep with other women.
That was ten years ago at that. If you wanted her, you would have tried to get her back between now and then. ”
“It ain’t that I want her . . .”
“You just don’t want me to have her?”
“Yeah.”
“Aight, say less.”
I disconnected the call and accelerated my speed.
A part of me hated I’d done the right thing by trying to get his approval.
Another part of me didn’t give a damn if he approved or not.
For the last decade, I drove myself crazy wanting someone I knew I’d never have.
Now, I was battling the question of why not.
Because he had her and didn’t do right? That was bullshit.
I could see if they were in love and had dated for years, but that wasn’t the case. Being his blood wasn’t a good enough reason for me to not have the woman I wanted more than anything. I’d have to choose if I was going to be loyal to my brother or to my heart.
The Next Morning
After my workout, I noticed I had two missed calls from my brother.
I didn’t call him back as I continued to get ready for work.
Whatever he had to say would have to wait until I was off.
I took intentional care with making sure I was in the most positive mood possible before I started engaging with my kids.
As I slipped into my loafers, my doorbell rang. I didn’t have to check my camera to know it was Kenya. I took my time standing and putting on my chain, watch, and diamond studs before going to let him in. Silently, he nodded then followed me into the kitchen, where I poured us both a cup of coffee.
“About last night,” he started. “I slept on it and realized I was wrong.” He paused but continued when I didn’t respond.
“You were right. It was my ego. I didn’t want you with her because I failed with her.
That isn’t your fault, and you shouldn’t be punished for it.
Truth is, I’ve always known you had deeper feelings for her.
Y’all have always connected in a way she and I were unable to.
I know y’all will have a good relationship, and I was jealous. ”
“And now?”
“Now, I don’t care. Like I said, I don’t want her. If you do . . .” He shrugged. “You have my blessing. I want you to be with someone you love, and if it’s her, I can’t stand in the way of that.”
“I appreciate that and you coming to me instead of accepting you were wrong but not saying anything about it.”
“Yeah, I mean . . . the shit was ten years ago. I didn’t love her, and I knew I was going to lose her if she found out. Plus, I got a feeling me saying no would come between us, and I didn’t want that.”
“I feel you. You know I’ve always cared about her, and I’ve fought it all this time. I didn’t want it to come between us, but I also can’t act like I’m satisfied with just being her friend.”
“Well, you have my blessing to pursue more. Just being honest, though, I don’t think she’s going to go for it.”
“You leave that to me.”
We shook hands and embraced in a brotherly hug.
After we finished our coffee, I followed him outside to start my day—grateful that he’d had a change of heart, because I’d made up in my mind to go after Jayla when the time was right.
Now, I didn’t have to worry about our relationship being ruined because of it.