Chapter 13
All things considered, Niko probably should’ve taken the next day off.
He could barely remember walking home from the bar, whether his roommates had been up to chat with him or if he’d gone to his room undisturbed.
It was like someone had hit the emergency override on his brain, sending everything spinning—weeks of fantasy all jumbled up with heart-stopping reality.
Not just someone. Merritt.
He’d kissed Merritt.
Merritt had kissed him.
He didn’t even care that it had ended there; based on how he was reeling from their make-out alone, every system in his body in overdrive, anything more than that would have likely made him spontaneously combust.
It felt like the respectful thing would have been to ignore his still-raging hard-on and go straight to sleep, but after hours of tossing and turning, slipping in and out of heated dreams—the same ones he’d been having but a thousand times more vivid now that he knew just how soft her lips were, the feel of her skin heating under his touch, her little gasps and moans echoing in his ears—he knew it was hopeless.
But even that wasn’t enough, and by the time morning rolled around, he’d practically rubbed himself raw without feeling anything approaching relief.
Bleary-eyed and distracted, he made his way up to the house, the large coffee in his hand so ineffective it might as well have been Sleepytime tea. After letting himself in, he wandered through the half-finished rooms, barely taking them in, for what must have been at least half an hour.
Clearly, he shouldn’t do anything today that required the use of power tools or would put him in danger of cutting off anything important. He settled upstairs, framing up the new walls for Merritt’s walk-in closet, skipping the nail gun in favor of a hammer.
Eventually, he found himself in a solid rhythm, although the dullness of the task left his mind open to be hijacked by flashes of the night before—the whole thing, not just the end.
That was easier to handle, at least. If he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about her, he might as well keep those thoughts as innocent as possible.
Thwack. Thwack. Merritt clutching her stomach, head thrown back with laughter at his dancing, exactly how he’d hoped she’d respond.
Thwack. Thwack. Dancing with her, even before they were touching—the joy that swelled in his chest seeing her fully let loose for the first time. Pulling her close, just for a second, unable to resist.
Thwack. Thwack. The flush of her cheeks when he’d caught her staring at him, the hunger in her gaze still lingering.
Thwack. Thwack. Her body pressed against him as they danced, so soft and warm and perfect he thought he might lose his mind.
Thwack. Thwack. Her teeth scraping his neck, the hot flick of her tongue sending an electric jolt straight to his cock.
Thud.
“Fuck!” Niko dropped the hammer to the ground with a clatter, shaking out his throbbing hand. He hadn’t felt a crunch, which meant he probably hadn’t done any real damage, but it still hurt like a motherfucker.
“Are you okay?”
He whirled around to see Merritt framed in the doorway. She looked like she was fresh out of the shower, her hair damp and braided away from her face, which looked paler than usual. Based on the dark circles under her eyes, her night had been just as restless as his.
Seeing her like this, after spending the last twelve-odd hours unable to get her out of his mind, his first instinct was to pull her back into his arms. But he didn’t move, his body tense with the effort.
“Yeah. Yeah, it’s nothing.”
Don’t touch her. Don’t touch her. You need to talk about this first.
When their eyes met, her expression shifted from concern to vulnerability. He’d never seen her look at him like that before, completely unguarded, a little afraid.
His stomach twisted. She was definitely about to tell him she regretted it, that they should forget the whole thing.
Without breaking eye contact, she moved toward him, her gaze pinning him to the spot, and before he knew it, Jesus fucking Christ, she was touching him, taking his injured hand and bringing it to her mouth, pressing her lips against the forming bruise.
He knew he was imagining it, but it really did feel like the pain subsided a bit, warmth spreading from the spot her lips touched his skin like an electrical current.
He let out a hard, involuntary exhale, and it was like all his resolve left his body along with it, his hand moving from her lips to stroke her cheek and cup her jaw, his other arm sliding around her waist to pull her closer—but he didn’t even need to, because she was leaning into him all on her own, her mouth meeting his without hesitation.
It was less desperate, this kiss, but somehow more satisfying.
A different kind of thrill—the confirmation that last night hadn’t been a fluke, that his jackhammering pulse wasn’t just from the shock and impossibility of it happening at all, that even dead sober she was wrapping her arms around his neck, her body melting against his, her mouth opening to him with a soft sigh.
“Sorry,” she breathed against his lips when they pulled apart for air.
“Why?”
“I didn’t come here to do this,” she said, sliding her fingers through his curls, tilting her face to meet his again.
It took everything in him to disentangle himself and step back. A crease of disappointment crossed her brow, then smoothed itself out again.
“So, what, then?” His voice was husky, betraying how shaken he was, and he cleared his throat. He crossed his arms over his chest to appear stoic and unmoved but winced at the reminder of his injured hand.
Merritt took a step back, too, mirroring his crossed arms. “I just…” Her gaze fell to her feet, and she swallowed. “I don’t think we…it’s not…I mean, I want to. Clearly.” She let out a shaky laugh, smoothing a hand over her flushed face. “But it’s not a good idea.”
Niko was silent for a beat, letting her incomplete sentences wash over him and form one clear message. “Why not? Because I’m working for you?”
“Yeah.”
“And because Dev and Olivia are against it?” Merritt didn’t flinch at the mention, so it was clear they’d brought it up to her, too. Out of the four of them, Niko seemed to be the only one who didn’t fully understand their objections.
“Yeah. I mean, no. But kind of, yeah.” She pulled her braid over her shoulder, toying with it, her gaze shifting back and forth from his face to a spot somewhere behind him.
“And I…it’s me, too. I’m in kind of a weird place right now.
I’m scared I’m going to…” She trailed off, uncertain, seemingly lost in her own world.
“…Steal my lightbulbs?” he finished, once it was clear she wasn’t going to. She met his gaze with a startled expression before cracking a rueful smile.
“Something like that.”
Niko shifted his weight, rubbing his chest absentmindedly, like that would dissolve the knot of disappointment forming beneath it.
“I get it,” he said, sounding almost convincing. “It’s hard, a town this small. Before Helene and A.J. left…it felt like I couldn’t escape them.”
“Because you all lived together?”
He shook his head. “After we broke up, they got another place for a while before they moved away. But it didn’t matter.
I still ran into them every day, pretty much.
It was really…yeah. I don’t know if I can go through that again.
” He left out the unspoken but—that, for her, he would’ve been reckless enough to try.
Her eyes were fixed on him now, her gaze probing. “And you haven’t dated anyone since them?”
He brought a shoulder up in a half shrug. “Just casually. Usually people who were passing through, not planning to stay very long.”
She nodded slowly. “I haven’t…it’s been a long time for me, too.
I’ve always had a hard time being single.
I would just…fall into things, and they would take over my whole life.
I’d get so lost in the other person. That was one of my promises to myself, when I moved here.
I wanted to learn who I was outside of a relationship. ”
“And who are you?”
She blinked, then glanced away for a long time. “I think I might be someone who can’t stop making mistakes,” she said quietly, meeting his eyes again.
So she did think last night was a mistake.
It felt like she’d reached directly into his abdomen and given all his organs a violent squeeze.
Maybe Merritt was attracted to him, but of course she didn’t want to date him. She was beautiful, brilliant, and accomplished. He was a handyman with two roommates who accidentally locked his keys in his car at least once a month.
He waited to see if she was going to say more, but they just stood there staring at each other, close enough to touch, energy fizzing between them.
Niko wished he could pry open that steel-trap mind of hers and pull out all of her doubts and reservations about him, about herself—everything she was struggling to express.
Whatever they were, he knew they would seem less insurmountable in the light.
But if he’d learned anything in their time together, it was that he couldn’t force her to open up to him.
Niko drew himself up straighter. “If you’re not comfortable with me working on the house anymore, I can—”
Merritt shook her head before the full sentence was out of his mouth, which was a relief, because he wasn’t sure how he was planning on finishing it.
On top of the financial blow that would come from backing out now, he’d become invested in this project, this house—and not just because it was for her.
“No. No, of course I am. A deal’s a deal. And your work is—I don’t want anyone else in here. You’re the only one I trust.” Her face flushed red again, and a strange spark of hope sputtered in his chest. Still, he knew better than to give it any air.
“I appreciate it,” he said, his voice rough around the edges. He turned to his worktable. “I should probably get back to it, then.”
Merritt nodded wordlessly, her eyes flicking over him, so full of unspoken emotion that his throat tightened in response. When she reached the doorway, she turned back to look at him one more time, hovering before disappearing.
Once he heard the front door shut behind her, Niko slumped against the table, bracing himself on his palms.
He was definitely taking the rest of the day off.