Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“I’m sorry,” Colin said. “I didn’t plan this.”
“No, I don’t think you’re that much of a mastermind to have us booked in a sold-out hotel and to have the door jammed.”
He laughed playfully. “It’s funny, though. One might take it as a sign that we should be together.”
I returned to my ironing and ignored his comment.
I wanted to laugh. To lean into his jokes. To revel in the idea that we were in a hotel room together. There was the potential to quite literally jump into bed together and get lost in each other.
Just as we’d done so exquisitely on Brightwater Island.
But I was scared. Oh, so scared. How many nights had I cried myself to sleep at my mom’s? How deeply had I forced myself numb simply to function?
And now it was starting to break, the resolve I had built to stay guarded.
I ironed forcefully to bring it back, but the stinging at the back of my eyes took away all of my strength.
My arm physically couldn’t hold the iron anymore, and I set it down.
My head hung down, and the tears I’d held in for weeks surfaced in the most humiliating way.
“What’s wrong?” Colin asked.
Before I could try to compose myself, he was in front of me, holding me and stroking my back reassuringly.
“Oh, Colin… I’ve missed you so much,” I said into his shirt, and I wasn’t sure he’d understood me. He continued to slide his hand along my back in a comforting gesture.
His fingers found the nape of my neck. Then they moved through my hair and up to my scalp, where he massaged gently before trailing back down to my shoulders.
“Please tell me you can forgive me,” he whispered down into my ear. “I’d love nothing more than to kiss away your tears.”
If he hurts me again, I don’t think I’ll survive it.
I looked up at him, and within seconds, I was lost in the blue pools of his eyes.
“Can you forgive me?” My voice came out a wailing mess.
“There’s nothing to forgive, my love,” he said, his own voice rough with emotion.
My heart shattered at his calling me his love.
I shook my head. “But Andrea betrayed you, and then I went out with you under false pretenses too.”
“Didn’t I do the same? And Andrea? She messed me up long enough to interfere with how I reacted when you confessed in Brightwater.
But not anymore. She’s in the past now and will remain in the past. A bad chapter in the book of my love life.
But I want you to be the climax—the ending.
I choose you every time.” He moved the hair from my face to behind my ear.
“Are you sure you won’t resent the way we came together?” I asked.
“Will you?”
“No, Colin, I won’t. Can we start over like you said?
” I had both hands on his chest now, my fingers almost gripping his shirt and the muscles beneath.
It seemed unreal that I was there, back in Chicago with him, so close and on the brink of getting closer.
“I forgive you if you need my forgiveness.”
“I do,” he said, his face darkening. “I can’t forgive myself for the way I left you the morning after Blake almost attacked you.
Or that I’d left you alone for it to happen at all.
It’s no excuse, but I was hurt and angry.
I felt betrayed and was scared of how strong my feelings for you were.
And I thought I was protecting myself.” His voice thickened. “I should have been protecting you.”
It finally occurred to me that his restraint since Brightwater hadn’t been the absence of feeling. It was the cost of having it. I’d mistaken his control for distance, and that was wrong. Colin hadn’t been pulling away from me. He’d been holding himself together.
“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know,” I said. Nonetheless, the truth pushed out of me. “But it all really sucked, and I’m not sure I’m over it completely.”
He stilled instantly, his chiseled jaw the picture of restraint. “Say the word and I’ll step back. I swear to you, Kate. I won’t touch you unless you want me to.”
Right at that moment, him not touching me wasn’t even a choice. It was a necessity. A given.
“I want you to,” I whispered.
We looked at each other, studying each other’s faces.
I bit my lip.
He exhaled sharply and lowered his head. My eyes closed as I waited for his lips to touch mine.
The kiss was a magnificent dance of physicality, synergy, and redemption.
It was a promise of everything he’d said, of all that we were destined to be.
I gave myself entirely in that kiss, and when I found myself pinned against the wall, he lifted his face away from me long enough for me to see a big smile.
“Do you think we can really do this?” I asked, catching my breath. “We’re so different. Our families are so different. You’re rich!”
We said we’d be honest. I was aware that it was a huge contrast to the sensual moment we were in the middle of. My heart was still racing, and every fiber of my being wanted to join his. But I also couldn’t stop my brain from over-analyzing every obstacle that might come up.
He laughed, reached down for my hand, and led me to the bed where we sat together, my hand held in both of his like a prized possession.
“We can do this, and we will,” he said gently.
“You said something earlier… A certain four-letter word that I might have misheard,” I said, putting my other hand on his so that all our hands were tangled and there was no escape for either of us. The fear was back, looming over me, calling me to run.
“I did, and I want to tell you again and again. I love you, Kate. I love you. I love you.”
I exhaled slowly.
His eyes were gently pleading. He wanted me to say it back, and I wanted to respond.
“Colin, it’s been so hard for me to trust. I’m not talking about the reason you first asked me out—”
“Let me be clear about something,” he interrupted me.
“I brought you to Chicago to investigate you. Our dinner there had me doubting my suspicions, and after our first date, I knew you couldn’t be a criminal.
I asked you out a second time because I longed to be in your presence.
I told myself that our first date was part of the investigation, but I was done for as soon as you opened the door to your house.
You intrigued me. I needed to know you better.
Honestly, if you’d been the spy, I might have let you get away with it. ”
I smiled and put my hand up to his face, touching the stubble on his chin. “I knew there was a chance you had something to do with Maggie’s disappearance, and still I was drawn to you. But this now is a hundred times scarier.”
I swallowed hard and continued, “My dad was there at my high school swim meets, my drama club performances. He celebrated my good grades and taught me to drive when I got my learner’s permit. And then one day he just wasn’t there.”
My throat tightened. I tried, I really did, but I couldn’t keep talking about how much my dad’s absence had affected my life in every way, including every romance I’d ever sabotaged.
Colin pulled me on top of him, and I sat on his lap, wiping my face. His arms encircled me, allowing him to caress my back and upper thigh.
After a few moments, I tried again. “I want to trust that you won’t disappear again.”
He shook his head. “I won’t, my love. I’m here, and this is where I want to be for the rest of my life. I can’t lose you again.”
My heart soared with the sincerity in his eyes. His words rang true, and I believed him. I put my forehead to his and closed my eyes, whispering, “I love you, Colin.”
“Do you?” It sounded full of longing and hope, matching my own emotions.
“I do. I love you. And I fell in love with you not because of your status or your money, but because you’ve let me see the real you. I see a little more each time I’m with you, and I love it all. You’re generous, strong, and protective.”
His cheeks slightly reddened at the compliments. “I see you too. You’re loyal, witty, and incredibly driven,” he responded.
“Driven?” My voice jumped up an octave.
“I am your boss. I see your results. And that’s only at work. Look how hard you went at getting the truth about Maggie. It’s why I’ve recommended you for her position.”
“What?!” I gave a little jump on him.
“If you’re going to move like that, you better take your clothes off and stop talking about work,” he said, suddenly kissing my ear.
I giggled. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
“I thought I’d wait until after the meeting, when we had the account.
But there was just something about you telling me you love me as you sit so nicely on top of me…
I couldn’t wait.” His fingers gripped my side.
A tingly sensation built up in my core with every word.
“I want to tell you everything. No more secrets.”
I caressed his face and traced my finger on his lips. “No secrets,” I agreed. He took my finger in his mouth for a moment, and there was no chance of an early night now.
“Can I tell you another thing I love about you?” His voice was low now… teasing. The back of his hand slid along the length of my arm, up and down, in a feathery motion that left me shivering.
“What’s that?” I settled both arms around his neck.
“I can’t see your body right now, but I’ve been dreaming about it these past two months. You’ve been driving me crazy at the office with your tight skirt.”
I giggled. “I don’t always wear a skirt.”
His lips drifted to the curve of my neck. “I think I like it when you wear pants even better. They make your ass look fantastic.”
“So, you like my body?” It came out sounding more insecure than I really felt. It’s not that I didn’t like my body, but I just wasn’t sure how he saw it.
His mouth traveled up to the hollow beneath my ear, and he hungrily replied, “I’d like to worship every curve of you.”
After that, it was hard to keep my head on straight.
I gave a soft, “Hm,” in surrender to him, and in a few seconds, he made sure my clothes were on the floor. With only my bra and panties on, I began to undress him. We were on our feet now, and my fingers were fumbling at his belt.
“Don’t worry about that now,” he said, turning me around. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, and we both watched our reflections in the mirror as his hands glided over my chest, tickling me while I breathed heavily.
I pulled my hair to the side, and he followed my lead, his lips on my neck within seconds. It was tantalizing to watch, but then caught me off guard as his hand slid over my abdomen and down over my hip, toward my thigh.
“I’ve never needed anyone the way I need you.” His voice was husky in my ear.
When his finger slipped under my panties, I gasped.
He stopped kissing my neck, and his gaze met mine in the mirror. He looked fiercely determined, and it was clear what his aim was.
My mouth was slightly open, and a soft moan escaped me.
“You don’t have to be quiet here,” he said. His touch intensified, and my knees weakened. “I’m never letting go of you again.”
I was leaning on Colin completely now, his other arm around me to keep me standing.
I closed my eyes, focusing on the warmth spreading through me…
The electricity building until the spark would not be contained any longer…
I unraveled in his arms. Color exploded behind my closed eyelids, and I lost the ability to breathe, to think, to stay anchored to anything but the force of what tore through me.
He’d said I didn’t have to be quiet there, and I wasn’t.
I let him hear it all, how unbelievably amazing it felt to be touched by him as I clutched at his arms and shuddered with the last of the waves of pleasure.
“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he said.
His smile was devilish in the mirror.
I turned to kiss him, our mouths crashing into each other.
It wasn’t over.
In fact, it was just beginning.
What followed was a dissolution of ourselves into bliss.
Colin took care of me in more ways than one, promising honesty and devotion with every kiss, every whispered word.
And I surrendered myself to him entirely, showing him with my body and my heart what he meant to me, how deeply I had missed him, and how fiercely I never wanted to face a world without him again.
The alarm the next morning was annoyingly loud. One look to my right, however, gave me a reason to smile and be happy with the world. Colin stirred next to me. He threw his heavy arm over me and pulled me in, cocooning me in a tangled web of limbs and blankets.
“Mmmm,” he murmured softly.
“I have to get ready,” I said as I kissed each of his fingers.
He pulled me in tighter and buried his face in my hair.
“You smell delicious,” he said.
“That’s my lavender shampoo.”
“I can’t wait to shower with you.”
“That will have to wait,” I said reluctantly. “Our flight is after the meeting. We’re going back home after this.”
He opened his eyes, the blue of them still breathtaking to me. “Come stay at my apartment. I don’t want you out of my sight.”
I blinked a few times, wondering if the other shoe was going to drop.
It was hard to get out of the mindset that there’s always something bad around the corner. A dad dying. Friends abandoning you. Mom moving away.
“Okay,” I said with a soft kiss. His hand reached down and made its way to a place that would surely make us late.
With great difficulty, I jumped out of bed, grabbed my outfit, and ran into the bathroom as Colin groaned in protest. The reflection in the mirror astounded me.
A bright smile, messy hair, and naked body.
It couldn’t get better than that.