Chapter 6 Sebastian
Sebastian
Meredith puzzled him. Her concentrated frown on the gardens sprawling beyond the windows was not the expression he’d expected.
But then nothing she’d done since arriving on St. Christos followed presumed convention or her normal behavior.
Truthfully, nothing she’d done since she’d called him in Los Angeles matched what he knew of her.
He felt her withdrawal and it was far more than physical.
Sometime between her shower and his return, she’d erected an emotional wall between them.
He hated it. Maybe the wall was why he couldn’t quite keep his hands to himself and why he’d angled his chair to crowd into her space.
“You’re staring at me.” She picked up her coffee cup and cut a sideways look at him. The corners of her eyes crinkled, but it was tension, not amusement.
“I like looking at you.” He spoke bluntly.
A blush pinkened her cheeks and he smiled.
Candor was rare in his life. His every statement had to be vetted for potential impact, but he’d never felt the need to censor himself with Meredith.
He disliked intensely the sensation he should begin.
Catching a lock of her hair, he smoothed the strands between his thumb and forefinger.
She laughed and set the mug down, turning her attention to him finally. “You’re impossible.”
“I assure you, for you, I am infinitely possible.”
Her gaze locked on his, searching, and he willed for her to find what she needed.
A wordless pulse raced through him, a need so visceral and base it assaulted the very core of his civility.
He understood why monarchs of old locked their women up where no one else could get to them.
It wasn’t a lack of trust or faith, merely a desire to possess.
God, he wanted to possess Meredith. Every thought, every moment of every day.
He wanted to stamp his ownership so clearly no one would dare touch her.
Yet doing so painted a target on her, and he’d learned a brutal truth by watching Anna’s life upend because he’d made a phone call to force his brother’s hand.
“And now you’re scowling.” Meredith almost sighed and Sebastian fought to get his emotions back into check, smoothing over his face. The last thing he wanted was to push her away. “Bastian—”
“Meredith.” He nearly spoke over her and bit back his next words. “Please…go on.”
She paused, studying him. “It’s all right, you were about to say something.”
Accepting the invitation, he shifted in his seat and caught her hand in his. The warm satin of her skin as enticing as it was comforting. He never tired of touching her. “I know we have issues, and perhaps I haven’t been the most accessible of late, but I want to repair any injury between us.”
It was a testament to his self-control that he didn’t pick her up and take her back to bed. There, at least, he knew exactly how to please her. If he drowned her in pleasure, she might reconsider the notion of leaving him altogether.
When she didn’t outright reject his statement, he pressed on. “I want to spend time with you and get it right. I know we bent the truth to get you here.”
“If you define bent as lied then, yes, you did.” Did he detect a trace of a smile in her voice? The corners of her mouth twitched, but it was the gleam of humor in her eyes which ultimately betrayed her.
“Very well, I lied. I cheated. I facilitated fraud in order to secure your time for a few days.” Considering it was only a small portion of what he was willing to do to get her to see him, he saw no reason to avoid admitting it.
“And you’re not remotely sorry, are you?” Despite the implied chastisement, her eyes continued to warm.
“No.” He shook his head. “Not in the slightest. You are here. This—us together—was and is the goal.”
“Hmm.” She reached for her coffee mug and glanced at the grounds. “It’s impossible to be angry with you, even when I am.”
A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. “So I am forgiven for the charade?”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.” But the smile she’d been fighting began to break free. “I really did want to do the project. Return Times are a fascinating challenge.”
“Then I’ll make sure you do it. Daniel really seemed fascinated by the whole idea.” Hell, he’d finance a hundred puzzles for her to solve.
“Daniel?” Her smile faltered.
“Voldakov—”
“The owner of Spherecast.” Meredith warmed considerably and, for the first time since they’d sat down to eat, she leaned toward him. “Did you know he actually developed an algorithm based on one of my papers?”
“Did he?” Captivated by the excitement reflected in her eyes, he fought the surge of irrational jealousy. The mention of Daniel put the light into her eyes. Daniel. Another man.
“Yes.” She laughed, a giddy sound, and the tension stiffening her spine went loose.
“It was all very fascinating, but he applied one of my theories to a program he was building. It uses base algorithms to identify information chunks and reconstruct an entire server’s worth of data based on stringing data theory which presupposes individual chunking of data bits will have similar bases.
Then, by identifying the primary numbers and matching, you should be able to reconstruct a problem by piecing together the solution. It was a delightful challenge.”
Enthusiasm shimmered in every word, her face warmed, and pure delight rippled in her laugh. “Of course, application and theory are wholly different beasts and we maintained a regular correspondence during his software build so he could get my input on troubleshooting.”
“I didn’t know you were involved in his work.” He hadn’t. Of course, it explained Daniel’s excitement when Sebastian mentioned Meredith. “What other projects have you done?”
“A few. A lot of my work is theoretical, but there are people out there who see beyond the numbers. More than one company has approached me with a proprietary interest.” She settled back in the chair and played with his fingers.
Pleased by the contact, he allowed himself the pleasure of stroking his thumb against the side of her hand.
“You believe information should be in the public domain.” Of this, he was absolutely certain.
In fact, her belief and speech on the subject had actually been the source of their very first debate.
“You remembered?” Why did it surprise her? The haze of pleasure in her eyes sent a jolt through him.
“Of course I do. I remember everything about the night we met. You wore a cream dress. It was perfectly understated and hugged your curves so well I was envious of it.” It had been a boring, obsequious event.
One which held no interest for him, but he’d attended because Armand was in the process of launching a series of clinics and refused to reschedule for an event which only required a family face to be seen.
“That dress. Lord, I’d almost forgotten about the dress.” She covered her mouth and her face went a deeper pink, but her eyes darkened with arousal.
“I loved how you looked in it,” he told her, perfectly aware of where her thoughts went.
“I loved how you looked when I ripped it off you even more.” In their enthusiasm, they’d been too impatient to take the time when the zipper jammed.
Meredith laughed and he lifted their joined hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles.
“I thought for sure I would have to return to my room in a towel. You didn’t even leave my panties intact.” Her eyes widened.
Still grinning at the memory, he shrugged. “You didn’t need clothes for the next several hours.”
“Hours? Try days. Three days we stayed in your suite. I didn’t know how I would ever explain to my department head why I’d missed so many of the conference lectures. Thank God they recorded all of them.” She laughed.
“We were having fun,” he told her, sobering. “Stay with me, and let’s find that fun again—you and I.”
Her amusement shifted to thoughtful consideration. “I don’t know if we can. We’re not those people anymore.”
“Yes, we are,” he argued, cupping her face and pressing his forehead to hers. “We are exactly who we were then. I am still as crazy for you today as I was the night we met. In fact, I’m showing great restraint by not stripping you naked and having you for breakfast.”
Her breath hitched at the declaration. “Sex has never been our problem, but it can’t be the basis for a relationship.”
“Why not?” Their conversation was too important.
She was too important. “Do you know how many relationships out there simply make do? We work, you and me. I can be myself with you, no pretenses. I know it hasn’t been easy, and I don’t pretend to understand everything you’ve gone through, but I need you, Meredith.
Stay with me. Give me these next few days. I promise, you won’t regret it.”
They needed time together, time to repair the damage of the last year. He’d kept her at arm’s length while he recovered. Not his first choice, and one he recognized as a mistake. He’d reasoned it was to protect her, which was true, to a point.
She sighed and tugged her hand from his.
Rising, Meredith paced to the glass and folded her arms, staring out into the garden.
Though she’d been the one to pull away, she looked so alone and forlorn he couldn’t stay in his chair.
Moving behind her, he wrapped his arms around her and cradled her against his chest.
“I know I’m asking for a lot.” And if taking his pride in hand to beg would help, well, he would.
“Oh Bastian…” She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against his shoulder.
It wasn’t capitulation, not yet. Her brow creased with a frown, and she bit at her lip.
She hadn’t surrendered, but she considered it.
“How does this even work? We’re not going to solve anything hiding away in your room. ”