40. Brad
40
brAD
S ighing, I leaned my head back against the seat. We had all loaded ourselves into the plane, ready to say goodbye to Europe. I was stuck next to Charlie and Theo this time. Charlie was in the window seat because he liked to see the sights, even if it would have been easier on all of us if he’d sat in the middle since he was smaller.
My gaze flickered toward Dylan next to Alex and Shane across from us. They were talking in low voices to each other, always looking so intense, always looking like they had secrets between them, like they might have been hiding something. Dylan leaned his head against the window, his earphones in and his eyes closing already. He’d probably sleep most of the way back home.
My thoughts were all over the place, and I had hours to think through them. There was everything with Dylan, thinking about the way it felt to finally call him mine. After all that time of wanting him, all that time of yearning for him to be mine. He was everything I could have wanted or expected, his usual Dylan charm, all lazy smiles and off-the-wall jokes. He had been my best friend for so long that it was almost weird now to call him my boyfriend.
I thought about all that came with him being my boyfriend, though, and part of me started to doubt. He was great, and I knew that, but would my family? They were important to me — always stood by me and wanted me to be happy. Sure, maybe they’d understand Dylan as my friend, but would they get him as a boyfriend?
When I told them about him, my mom just wore a polite smile and said he sounded ‘interesting.’ Which for her was code that he sounded like someone she didn’t want me around but couldn’t tell me not to hang out with at this age. They thought he was a burnout, a slacker. He wasn’t — he was so much more — but would they see past what they wanted to see and appreciate it? I doubted it.
Then again, did I care? Was it such a big deal if they understood him or not? Wasn’t it about whether or not I was happy? I sighed again, glancing out the window on Charlie’s side. Theo’s hand was on his, like they couldn’t bear to not touch for even a minute.
Would our friends understand if we dated openly? Shane had been pissed about Theo and Charlie and the lying about the relationship thing. He’d relented, and I was pretty sure he was over it by now, but there were still moments last year I wondered. Would it be like that? We were all entering our last year of undergrad. If he stayed pissed, I didn’t know when he’d relent again. Or if that would just be the end of our friendship, since we wouldn’t have to see each other again.
It made me feel sick to think about not being with them soon. That we were all going to go our separate ways. Shane and Alex off at law school, maybe the same one, maybe not. I didn’t know what anyone else’s plans were. I was still planning on football, and Dylan would be done with school.
If it mattered, this was the year to prove it to him. This was the time. Because then we’d be off in our own worlds and I couldn’t see how they would come together again. Or maybe I couldn’t see how they would, anyway.
Fuck, this was going to be a long flight.
Everything was noisy, but everything was right. Back at home, hearing about what I’d missed in just the past few weeks was like nothing else. Comfort came in the form of Mom’s food and even hearing my brother’s dumb stories about his high school friends. It was enough that I couldn’t stop smiling. Europe was great, but family was different.
“So, are you going to tell us about what all happened, huh?” my brother asked, grinning at me.
“What do you mean? I’ve told you about it.” I wasn’t the type to take a lot of photos or show them off, but I’d grabbed a few from the other guys’ social media to fulfill my mom’s curiosity.
“Come on, did you get any action?” he asked.
My dad laughed. “Ah, come on, Brad doesn’t have to talk about that.” He winked, like it was our little inside scoop.
I shook my head. “Little perv, is that all you care about?”
He shrugged. “I mean…there are a lot of cool stories about French women,” he offered, like that was a good defense.
Thankfully, Mom was in the kitchen grabbing something when he asked, or she would have probably had a heart attack listening to him say that. Or even imply it. “You can figure that one out for yourself in a few years. How about that?”
Dad ruffled his hair. “Come on, squirt, you don’t think Brad would let that distract him anyway, do you? He’s got training to do to get ready for the season.”
Right. They knew nothing about Dylan, of course, but I couldn’t deny that I hadn’t thought much about training because I was thinking too much about being with him. All except one day, and I still wished I’d have just spent it with him. Fucking him, holding his hand, talking to him, whichever way it needed to be. As long as I could be with Dylan.
He’d messaged a few times, but I hadn’t really responded. It was busy with the family, and my thoughts were still swirling every time I thought about him. So I tried not to. It would all work out for the best — when we got back to school, things would be normal and then I could worry about it only if I needed to. Training was my priority for now. Making sure I was in a good place to go into the season. After all, it was my last season of football. If I didn’t get recruited now for pro, then I wouldn’t get the chance.
I was all too aware of what was on the line. Part of me wanted to tell Dylan about it, to explain that although he meant so much to me, I couldn’t worry about the whole…being a good boyfriend thing as much as I almost wanted to because I was busy with training. This was make or break time.
He wouldn’t understand. Not really. To him, football was just a thing I did, like his skateboarding, even if I’d mentioned it a few times. He didn’t have any desire or motivation to go pro, he just did it because he liked to. Maybe I played it off too casually sometimes, because people always just thought I was after a good time, but it was everything that my family had been pushing for. Everything I’d been working for.