49. Dylan
49
DYLAN
A fter Brad’s parents said their goodbyes, Brad mentioned we were supposed to head to the celebratory after-party, but all I could think was how weird it all was. I was still in that sort of haze of pleasantness. Things were better than I’d ever known them. Meeting his parents — as his boyfriend — wasn’t what I’d been prepared for, not really, but it happened all at once and I couldn’t just say no.
To my relief, they were nice. They were polite and didn’t seem to mind that I was a little quiet or that I wasn’t what Brad seemed to think they wanted for him. I didn’t know what it was, precisely, that he expected, or what they’d said to make him feel that way. They didn’t make me feel like I was some weirdo intruding on their dinner, though, and that had to mean something.
It was nice to see something like family again. To see them all together like that, smiling and making jokes with one another. I didn’t even know if my family had ever been that way. Maybe the cracks had always been there. Maybe it just took a little pressure for everything to break apart. I didn’t know, but I was beginning to understand it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Some families just dealt with stuff, and mine had been handed two heavy blows. My dad hadn’t been able to cope with it. He didn’t know how to move on, so he didn’t. He stayed with his sadness, stayed in his silence and that dark fog that sucked the life out of him, day by day.
I couldn’t let myself get there again. It was too hard to face the day like that, too hard to look in front of my own feet. Maybe part of me understood better what my dad was going through, even though for me it had just been a glimpse. I couldn’t imagine facing it for years, facing every single day, knowing it was going to be the same fog.
Did my dad have any hope anymore? Did he see any amount of sunlight peeking through the fog? Even for a second? I doubted it.
It wasn’t only Brad that lifted the fog, but somehow it felt like the last of it was swept away by seeing his family. Meeting them, talking to them, feeling like they could accept me. Maybe not right away. Maybe it would be a slow progression, but there was hope there.
“You’re okay?” Brad asked, taking my hands after we’d said goodbye. We were standing near the pizza place, on the corner of the brick building, cool wind whipping around us.
“Yeah, I’m okay. You? You’re not rethinking this, are you? Having doubts again?” I asked. I hoped not.
Brad leaned in, pressing his lips to mine. “No doubts at all. I was crazy to have ever doubted you.”
My lips curved before kissing him back. “Is that so? You feel better now that I’ve met your family?”
“Mm, yeah, that helps. I feel good about choosing you anyway, though. Even if they hated you, I’d still be happy to be just like this.” His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
I wound my arms around his neck, observing him. I believed his words, but even more, I liked the way his dark eyes said so much as they stared back at me. Like he wasn’t able to make his mouth say the things he thought, but his eyes made up for it. They spoke of tenderness, of hope, just the tiniest amount of fear. “I know we need to go to the party…but I kind of want to just stay here.”
Brad laughed. “Yeah? You want to just stay in front of the pizza place? At least we won’t get hungry.”
I hummed thoughtfully. “I guess with the right toppings you could get all your nutrients…hm. Maybe pizza is the perfect answer to that whole ‘what food would you eat for the rest of your life’ question. Only if you have the veggie with…some meat, though.”
“Don’t you think it would get boring after a while? Having any of the same food every day for the rest of your life.” Brad didn’t let me go.
My eyes narrowed slightly. “I guess that depends. Do you think you’ll get tired of having me every day?”
His lips parted in surprise, but then he burst into laughter. “Jeez, Dyl. You’re gonna kill me. No, I could never get tired of you.”
I kissed him softly. “We’ll see. I’d choose lasagna.”
“Huh?”
“For a food I’d eat for the rest of my life.”
“Oh…yeah, lasagna is good. I might go with a burrito.”
“Burritos are always good. Now let’s go to the party and maybe I’ll let you eat me later, hm?”
His laughter soothed my soul, and I couldn’t help but smile.
When we got to the party, half the party was already on the verge of passing out. SVU parties got a little crazy about celebrating the teams. Hell, even if it wasn’t a celebration, I could remember a few pretty good loss parties too.
Jason was the first to accost us. “You two! Wow, look at you…Brad, hell of a move, man. The rest of us are royally fucked now when we have to try to top that, but way to go.” He winked and walked off.
Micah just added a quick, “Nice one” in his wake.
“Oh shit, I guess everyone is going to have something to say about this.” I glanced around.
For the most part, my romantic and sexual exploits had been of little note to the party culture of SVU. Sure, people knew here and there and I didn’t care, but it had never been a hot topic like this . After all, it wasn’t everyday someone announced how much they loved you in front of everyone attending a football game.
“Oh my god, look who it is,” Shane said with a dangerous smile. It was sort of impressive how someone could be both so handsome and so menacing. Even though I was pretty sure he was trying to be nice. This time.
Alex was right there with him, and he smiled. “Good for you. Things worked out, I guess?” he asked, looking right at me.
The conversation on the boat in London came back to me, and I shrugged. “Maybe you know me just a little bit, detective.”
He laughed.
Shane raised an eyebrow. “Okay, look, I’ve held my tongue for a minute, but I’d like to say that I knew this was going to happen years ago. Congratulations and all that anyway. You two are very cute together.”
I shook my head. Honestly, he waited longer than I expected, considering Shane loved to prove himself right. Brad kept his arm around my waist, leading me away from the scene of the crime. We could only handle so much of Shane looking so smug before we needed to keep it moving.
Okay, so he’d been right. Maybe things had been clear to him from the beginning of our friendship. Part of me wondered why it had taken so long for us to actually just act on it and get together. Somehow, we hadn’t seen what everyone else had been hinting at or talking about for years now.
Well, at least I hadn’t.
“Uh oh, should we make a run for it?” Brad asked when we spotted Charlie and Theo.
I shook my head. “Might as well face it. The most surprising thing is that all our friends aren’t off fucking right now.”
Brad laughed. “Maybe we should be the first to disappear, then.”
I smiled a little. “Soon, promise.” I knew if we didn’t face them now, they’d make it a bigger deal when we saw them next. I’d rather just get it over with here at the party where they were partly drunk or in good moods rather than later on.
Charlie tugged on Theo’s shirt, and Theo turned to look at us. A grin spread across his face, and the two of them walked over. “Well, well, well. Good, glad you figured it out.”
I eyed him. “That sounds dangerously close to a Shane ‘I told you so’ special.”
Theo laughed and shook his head. “I would never tell you that. Mostly because I never know anything. I’m just glad, you know? Charlie told me he thought something was up, and I’ve been listening to Shane for all this time insisting on something. None of my business otherwise.”
A wave of appreciation for Theo swept over me. He could have been smug about it if he wanted to be, and yet here he was just playing it cool. Like he didn’t know and wasn’t passing judgment. Not something I could say for some of our friends, but it was a nice reprieve. Maybe there was a reason he and I were closer than me and Shane. Not that I didn’t like Shane, I did. He was just a very different personality type than I was. He took things too intensely, where I didn’t take much too seriously. Not unless it got too big.
Charlie smiled a little. “Sorry. Not to sound like I was gossiping about the two of you. Just…you know, I had thoughts.”
Brad shook his head. “Nah, don’t worry about it, man. You guys were right, it happened. So now we’re here to have a good time.”
“Theo! Get your ass in here. We have to win beer pong,” Shane called from the doorway.
“What? Why? Alex can play beer pong!” Theo laughed, anyway.
“Who do you think I’m playing against? If you come join me now, I won’t give you the gory details of what the loser has to do. Hint: it involves getting tied up and a lacy thong.”
Theo grimaced and disentangled himself from Charlie.
“Do what you have to do,” Charlie said, trying not to laugh.
“Man…sometimes I feel like I know way too much about all of you.” I laughed. Even so, I liked that they were comfortable enough to make jokes like that. Well, okay, so Shane probably wasn’t joking at all, but I didn’t need to think too hard about what Shane and Alex got up to in their bedroom.
Brad pressed a drink into my hand. “So how long did you say we had to stay?” he asked, smiling a little around his cup.
I hummed, as though thinking it over. “Well…the music sucks. Honestly, who picks the music at these things?”
“Couldn’t tell you. Maybe someone made a playlist...” He shrugged.
I frowned, thinking about it. It wasn’t the same awful music as Lambda usually played, but it sure wasn’t good. Maybe I needed to make people more playlists. Just for a little variety. “Well, in that case, we don’t have to stay at all. We’ve said hi, let them do their thing. Smug or not. We should get lost for a bit, hm?”
Brad leaned in and kissed my jaw. Like he just needed to touch me. “I thought you’d never ask.”