Chapter 2
Jesse drifted through the town of Gettysburg, slowly but not aimlessly. He was headed to pay a silent visit to the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. He had time, though, since Lucy’s shift didn’t start for another half hour.
Currently invisible, he was free to wander anywhere he liked. He watched the tourists and residents of the town as he glided. He suddenly stopped short when he caught sight of an older woman with her gray hair pulled back into a loose bun. A bolt of irrational hope coursed through him. Mother.
Jesse felt stupid as he watched the woman walk past him. Of course it wasn’t his mother. She had to have died more than a hundred years ago, miles and miles away in Texas. Still, he was quite shaken up. The resemblance was so strong—at least from a distance.
Jesse pictured his loving mother with her gray hair pulled back, wearing a worn, cotton dress. She’d been weeping the last time he saw her. It was the summer of 1861 when he left for battle. Jesse was her only child. After he was born, she was never able to have another. His father was old and sick, and Jesse had always wondered how long the man had survived after Jesse left to fight for the Confederacy. The thought of his mother being left alone was unbearable.
Fortunately, there had been lots of cousins nearby to help with their small farm, but Jesse knew no one could replace him in his mother’s heart. Even after all this time, Jesse missed his mama. Fresh guilt surged within him as he wondered for the millionth time if he’d made a mistake in joining the war effort, thus destroying his precious mother’s whole world.
Jesse shook off the sad memories and tried to focus on happier thoughts, and there was no happier thought for him than lovely Lucy. She worked at Meade’s Tavern, a bar and grill that Jesse had avoided for years, mostly due to its name and theme. Who needed to see artwork of General Meade and all those other Yanks all over the place? Then one day while he was drifting around the town, aimless and invisible, he had seen a group of fifth-graders climb out of their school bus. Jesse loved when kids came to visit Gettysburg. He loved the sound of their laughter and enjoyed watching them play, fight, and tease each other. Jesse followed them into the restaurant and sat in the back to watch them.
It made him smile to see them horsing around and shooting at each other with those little pop guns they sold around here. He never really minded when kids joked about the battle. It was only natural for them to be curious about the blood and guts of the war. However, it bothered him when the older, punk kids reveled in the especially gruesome stories of the fight. They eagerly told horrible tales of bodies blown apart by cannonballs and entrails splattered on the fences. Those kids didn’t seem to understand that this wasn’t some fictional horror movie. Those body parts were all that was left of somebody’s child.
Jesse had sat, invisible, in the back of the restaurant. He noticed Lucy immediately. She was a pretty, petite girl in her mid-twenties. She had gentle, brown eyes and long, richly dark brown hair that flowed all the way down her back. Jesse loved the way she looked in her waitress uniform—a knee-length black skirt and white button-down blouse.
While the other servers whined about the kids and the mess they were sure to make, Lucy greeted them with a warm smile. Jesse was instantly smitten with her. It wasn’t just that she was a pretty girl. It was more the way she interacted with the kids. She was calm and patient and seemed happy they were there. Jesse felt the same way about the children and had felt a familiar pain in his heart that day. The one that reminded him that he would never be a father.
Not all of Jesse’s thoughts about Lucy were so pure. Since the day he first saw her, he regularly fantasized about making love to her right there on the wooden bartop. He imagined carrying her over there, laying her down, and climbing on top of her. In his fantasy, she wrapped her arms around him and cried out his name in pleasure.
Yeah, right.
Jesse didn’t know the first thing about pleasing a woman. All he knew about sex was what he saw in those porn movies businessmen sometimes watched at the Days Inn across the street. Jesse couldn’t imagine knowing how to make a woman scream like that. Not that it mattered. He wouldn’t be able to touch Lucy even if she let him. His hands would go right through her, leaving only an icy feeling behind. Even if he were alive, he knew a smart, classy girl like her couldn’t possibly be interested in an uneducated farm boy.
Already convinced she was wonderful moments after he laid eyes on her, he became even more enamored when she spoke about the war.
“So, if you’d fought in the Civil War, which side do you think you would have been on?” she asked the kids as she set down cups of ice water in front of each child. The kids answered excitedly.
“The good side!”
“The blue ones. The ones who fought with Abraham Lincoln.”
“The Union side, cause they’re the ones who were trying to stop slavery.”
Lucy nodded. “I see. So you think the gray guys were bad guys?”
“Yeah, they were bad. They hated black people! They made them be slaves!”
“Well, it’s true that some people in the South were mean to black people,” Lucy told them. “But did you know that most of the soldiers who fought for the South were very poor and didn’t own slaves? A lot of them felt like they were fighting to protect their homes and their families.”
Jesse’s ghostly heart melted as he listened to Lucy defend the Southern soldiers. That was a rarity, especially around these parts. Jesse felt like she was talking about him. How he had given his life for the South. For his home, his parents, his community.
The children’s teacher, a woman in her late forties or so with slightly graying hair, smiled at Lucy. “Very impressive. It’s nice to hear someone discuss history in less than black-and-white terms, no pun intended.”
Lucy’s smile broadened. “Thanks. I love history. I’m a student at Gettysburg College. My major is Elementary Education.”
“So you’re going to be a teacher. Wonderful! I’m sure you’ll make a great one.”
Jesse smiled at the thought. She would be a wonderful teacher, though he could never have concentrated on the lessons if he were her student.
He had visited her at the tavern many times since that day. Watching her, fantasizing about her, made him forget his empty existence for a while. He watched her interactions with customers and would often follow her into the kitchen when she grabbed a quick study break. Sometimes he would sit right beside her. Lucy would shiver suddenly, not knowing why.
Jesse would have loved to have a chance to talk with her, but he didn’t dare take that risk. If he did, it would only be a matter of time until she found out the truth. Though it was painful for him to be literally invisible to her, he couldn’t bear the thought of her thinking of him as some kind of ghoul when she found out he was dead. It was better to watch her in secret. His fantasies of her were one of the only joys he had left anymore.
Jesse did have one real interaction with Lucy. He’d been people-watching with Fillis one night when a kid, maybe five or six years old and wearing a blue Union cap, walked by him.
“Oh, no! It’s a Yankee!” Jesse had cried out in his thick Southern accent. “You can’t git me!” he said, winking at the kid, basically telling him to shoot him. The kid giggled and aimed his little popgun at him. “Aggghhhhh!” Jesse cried, and fell flat on his back in a spectacular death right there on the pavement.
“Ha-ha, I got you!” The kid said in a singsong voice.
“You sure…did,” Jesse said, groaning for effect as the kid giggled wildly.
When Jesse opened his eyes, he was horrified to find Lucy standing over him. At first, he felt like a complete fool in front of her, but then she graced him with a beautiful smile. She looked over at the kid, and then back at him. She laughed softly, and then offered her hand to help him up. A bolt of fear had shot straight through him.
“Oh, that’s all right, Ma’am!” Jesse said as he jumped to his feet. He saluted her and she smiled at him again before turning and heading off to the tavern.
It always amazed him how physically strong emotions still were, even after death. He had felt electrified, completely lit up inside when she smiled at him. It was terribly tempting to try to speak to her again, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bear the thought of her finding out the truth and then being afraid of him.
That was the thing about Lucy. She was absolutely petrified of ghosts.
Lucy was also quite sensitive to the paranormal. She often saw shadows out of the corner of her eye, visions of spirits that others failed to notice. Jesse knew she tried to convince herself that it was just her imagination, but it had happened too many times to ignore. Jesse always knew when she’d glimpsed a ghost, because she often went pale and her hands shook. He ached to comfort her, to ease her fears, but there was nothing he could do.
Lucy hated walking out on the streets of Gettysburg late at night after her shift when it was dark and silent. She always had someone walk her to her car after work. Jesse didn’t like the idea of her walking out to her car by herself anyway. Lucy was terrified of ghosts, but they couldn’t hurt her. It was the living she should worry about, and Jesse didn’t think any woman should be walking around in a parking lot at night by herself.
Though there were plenty of male servers there who were willing to walk her out, they teased her mercilessly about her fear of ghosts. Like almost every building, store, and restaurant in Gettysburg, it was rumored that Meade’s Tavernwas haunted. Well, of course it was. There were ghosts and spirits everywhere.
Craig, one of the cooks, was a fairly good-looking guy in his twenties with brown hair, blue eyes, and a lady-killer smile. He loved toying with Lucy when it came to her ghost phobia. Jesse hated when Lucy’s coworkers tried to scare her. With Craig, it seemed almost a form of flirting, which annoyed Jesse even more. Craig and some of the bartenders would often make the kitchen door squeak behind her when she thought she was alone as she cleaned up the main dining room after closing. Sometimes they would slowly tromp down the stairs when there was supposedly nobody up there. Lucy had caught on to their tricks a long time ago, but not before being frightened out of her wits several times.
It angered Jesse to watch those guys upset her, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. They were only teasing, and they seemed to genuinely like Lucy, but they had really scared her a few times, and Jesse didn’t find it the least bit amusing. That was no way to treat a lady as far as he was concerned.
Now Jesse sat in the back, lost in his memories of when he first saw Lucy. When she arrived at work, his mind wandered to his favorite sex-on-top-of-the-bar fantasy. As always, she looked so pretty in her waitress uniform. Jesse could practically feel his heart pounding when he saw her. It felt so real, like he still had a physical heart that actually pumped blood faster when she was near. He loved the way she made him feel. Sometimes, when she happened to glance at the back of the room where he sat, he could pretend she could see him. He wished so much that he could talk to her again. So far, “Oh, that’s all right, Ma’am!” were the only words he had ever spoken to her.
Jesse was disappointed that Lucy never seemed to sense that he was near. He reasoned it was because he didn’t move around too much; he just sat quietly and watched her. It was probably for the best. If she sensed him, she might be frightened by his presence and he wouldn’t be able to watch her anymore.
Jesse watched her all during her shift. It was Saturday, so the place was busy. He felt badly that she had to work so hard. It must be tough to work and be a college student. She shared an apartment nearby with her best friend, Theresa Hetty. Theresa was a friendly, outgoing girl with pretty strawberry-blonde hair and light blue eyes. Jesse had seen her in the restaurant a few times, and he was fond of her because she was a loyal friend to Lucy. All Jesse knew about Lucy was what he could learn from her conversations here at Meade’s Tavern. Sometimes he wished he could follow her home to her apartment, but it was too far away.
He had tried. Many times. Each time Jesse had wandered outside of the town of Gettysburg, he would simply vanish in the same way he did when he needed a break like the one Joel recently took. It was probably a good thing that he couldn’t go that far. Jesse knew it would be terrible of him to follow Lucy to her private home. Not that he would ever violate her by watching her changing her clothes or anything like that. It was one thing to watch her, unseen, here in the restaurant when there were lots of people around. It would be quite another to watch her when she was alone in her own home.
Jesse knew that Lucy had earned a scholarship to school and her parents paid for the rest, but she had to work so she could afford the apartment she shared with Theresa. He felt terrible, watching her work so hard on her feet for hours and hours. It felt so unnatural to watch a woman work while he just sat there. His manners as a gentleman dictated he should help, but he couldn’t do a thing.
It was getting late, and the bar was nearly empty at closing time. Jesse watched Lucy with concern as she helped wrap up the last tabs for the remaining customers, then locked the front door. This was the part of the night that she hated the most. When the place was empty, dark, and silent. She didn’t need her coworkers to frighten her; she was already scared. Jesse could see it in her eyes. She usually wound up tidying the dining rooms by herself, while the manager wrapped up the receipts in her office and Craig cleaned the kitchen. Every creak, every noise startled her. There was no escaping ghost stories around here. There were dozens of ghost tours out on the streets on a nightly basis, and not a day went by when customers didn’t ask if she’d ever seen a ghost.
“No, I haven’t,” Lucy always told them with a smile. “But I know a lot of people who have.” That was her stock answer—a better one than just telling them no. That way they weren’t too disappointed. Jesse knew Lucy didn’t want to admit to herself that she had caught glimpses of spirits. She didn’t want to believe ghosts were real.
Lucy scanned the room, looking for the dustpan that went with the broom in her hand. She spied it on the floor in the back of the room. Without giving Jesse enough warning that she was coming his way, she walked right through him.
A sudden, frigid chill went through her as she walked through Jesse. She gasped and rubbed her shoulders.
Still invisible, Jesse froze. He hoped to God he hadn’t frightened her. Everyone had heard stories about feeling a chill when ghosts were near. She paused for a moment, then shrugged off the chill and continued her work.
Jesse narrowed his eyes and glared at the slightly cracked-open kitchen door where he saw Craig and a teenage busboy named Brayden watching Lucy. They were plotting something. They watched as Lucy picked up a beer glass from a table and set it on the bar. Then she left the room and went into the other dining area with her broom and dustpan.
Snickering, Brayden snuck into the dining room.
“Just put it back exactly where it was before!” Craig whispered from behind the kitchen door. Brayden grabbed the glass from the bar and put it back on the table where it had been before Lucy moved it. “Hurry up!” Brayden rushed back into the kitchen, and the two idiots stayed there, waiting for Lucy’s reaction.
Jesse’s ghostly hands clenched in fury. Lucy was such a sweet girl, and he couldn’t understand their need to torture her. Jesse had half a mind to scare the hell out of those two bastards. It wouldn’t be hard. They were so damned cocky, convinced there was no such thing as ghosts; it would be nothing for Jesse to simply appear right in front of them. He’d growl at them like a monster, and they’d likely piss themselves. It would be glorious. Trouble was, there was really no way to do that without terrorizing Lucy in the process. She would know by their panicked reaction that they weren’t making it up this time.
Jesse stared at the glass on the table. If only he could move it back to the bar. It was technically possible for him to do it, but it was extremely difficult. It took a great deal of concentration for a ghost to move or touch anything, and it left a spirit very weak afterward. The weakness was no big deal. It simply meant he wouldn’t have the strength to appear visible for a short while. The annoying thing was, the angrier and meaner a spirit was, the stronger he was. If Jesse were a complete jerk, he would be able to overturn tables in the restaurant. But like most spirits that still haunted Gettysburg, he was sad, lonely, and tired of existing. That kind of attitude would never get the job done. Still, if it could keep Lucy from being scared, it was worth a shot.
Jesse walked over to the table where the glass sat. He closed his eyes and gathered all the strength he could muster. He concentrated, visualizing himself carefully picking up the glass with both hands and somehow getting it all the way to the bar where Lucy had placed it. He opened his eyes to see what he was doing and reached for the glass. A thrill shot through him as he was able to make physical contact. He could actually feel the coolness of the glass. Jesse slowly yet firmly grasped it and lifted it from the table.
He prayed to God that Lucy wouldn’t come in and see the glass hovering by itself in midair. Holding it with both hands, he methodically turned and began to walk toward the bar.
Jesse didn’t even realize he had dropped the damn thing until he heard the glass shatter when it hit the hard, wooden floor. The sound of breaking glass would have barely registered if it was midday and the place was full, but in the still of the night, it rang out like a gunshot.
Great, he thought as he surveyed the shards of glass, which Lucy would now have to clean up.
Simultaneously, Craig and Brayden walked into the dining room from the kitchen and Lucy came in from the other room. Lucy walked around, looking at the ground for the source of the crash. Jesse watched her carefully, his heart sinking as he waited for her terrified expression when she saw the glass. She spied it, and then looked up at Craig with annoyance.
“It-it-it wasn’t me!” Craig sputtered, staring at the glass on the ground.
“Mmm-hmm. Of course it wasn’t,” Lucy said. “Nice try, boys.” She sighed, and then got to work cleaning up the mess.
Craig and Brayden stared at each other. They looked around the room, searching for a reasonable explanation for what just happened. They couldn’t find one, and they exchanged uneasy looks. Jesse grinned. It wasn’t the terror he would have liked to see, but at least he had managed to frighten the boys while leaving Lucy unscathed.
Lucy continued her work, and Jesse again wished he could help her. He also wished there was someone other than Craig who could walk her to her car at night. Craig was big and strong and could protect her in case someone tried to rob her—or worse—but Lucy deserved someone who would be more sensitive to her feelings. If it were Jesse, he would walk close to her and talk to her on the way to the parking lot. He knew the deadly silence of the streets near where thousands of people died unnerved her in the middle of the night, so his chatter would have kept her from feeling afraid. But no. All she had was that jackass Craig.
Then again, it would be terribly painful for Jesse to watch if Lucy did have the kind of boyfriend she deserved. Jesse wanted her to be happy, but if she started dating someone, he would have to stop hanging around Meade’s Tavern. There was no way he could handle watching her with another man. The idea of her kissing someone else made his heart feel like it would rip in two. He knew he was being selfish. Just because he was forced to be alone, that didn’t mean Lucy had to be. He couldn’t possibly be with her, so he knew he should hope and pray that she would find someone wonderful to be with.
Still, there was no way anyone else could possibly love her as much as he did.