Chapter 13 - Giselle
GISELLE
My eyes shot open, and sunlight cast a soft glow over my room. I glanced at the chair in the corner of the room, but Kason was nowhere to be seen. Thank God. I didn’t want to answer questions about Thayer being in my room. Or, why I hadn’t told him about my nightmares.
Voices floated upstairs from the main floor. I didn’t plan to leave my room until I knew the guys were long gone. Facing my brother was one thing, but facing Thayer after what I’d said was definitely something I wanted to forget. I’d been drunk and stupid.
And, how could I forget? Rejected.
Minutes later, a door downstairs closed, and tires crunched over the snow-packed driveway. I exhaled and climbed out of bed, peeking out the window just in time to see the SUV pulling down the road.
When I ventured downstairs, the security guard sat at his surveillance computers.
“You’re up!” Shay said from the island where she sat with her laptop open.
“You’re excited,” I observed.
She chuckled. “Thayer said you wanted to snowboard today.”
I scoffed as I grabbed an apple from a basket on the island. “He did?”
She nodded.
“I must’ve been drunk,” I said, biting into the apple. “Are you snowboarding?” I asked, moving into the living room and sitting on the arm of the sofa.
“I figured if you were, I could try it again—on the bunny hill.”
I laughed, considering if I was up to the challenge. “Actually, it could be fun.”
“It will be fun,” she said.
I wondered if Kason had told her about my nightmares because she was being extra happy. “Did Kason tell you I’ve been to see a therapist?”
She shook her head. “But for what it’s worth, I think it’s a good thing. You’ve been through a lot.”
I didn’t respond, unsure what to say—or better yet, why I brought it up in the first place.
“Did it help?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’ve only been once.”
“Do you plan to go back?”
“I think so.”
She closed her laptop and met my eyes. “It’s healthy to talk about things. I’d know. I was a pro at avoiding talking about my own issues.”
“It’s definitely easier not talking about it.”
“Yeah, but it’s not healthy,” she admitted.
She was right. What happened to me undoubtedly changed me and my na?ve sense of security. I couldn’t possibly know how to deal with the aftermath unless I talked about it. I just struggled to do so.
“I know it’s no consolation,” she began, “but if you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I really am a good listener.”
A sad smile curved my lips. “I know you are. Thank you.”
She jumped up. “Now, let’s go get bundled up. It’s freezing out there.”
I laughed, and just like that, the seriousness in the room faded away.
We arrived at the mountain an hour later and were on the bunny hill in no time, surrounded by lots of young kids zipping by us on snowboards and skis with no poles. Shay had difficulty staying upright, and I weaved back and forth, trying to stay with her.
“Who let you two on this slope?” Kason called.
My brother stood with one foot locked in his board and the other on the snow.
Thayer was behind him doing the same. I quickly diverted my gaze.
After last night, there was no way I’d be able to make eye contact for fear of what I might find behind his eyes.
I spoke directly to Kason. “Just getting some fresh mountain air.”
“Be honest,” Shay said from her spot on the ground. “You’re pulling me back up every time I fall.”
Kason approached Shay and lifted her up effortlessly. He moved her off to the side and practiced keeping her upright while he held both of her hands.
“Is she that bad?” Thayer asked me.
I looked to him, steeling my features and hoping the cold air cloaked the blush heating my cheeks. “Let’s just say she spends a lot of time on the ground.”
He smiled, and even though he was just reacting to what I’d said, it still did funny things to my insides. “You up for hitting a bigger hill?”
Everything in me told me to say no. How could I spend time with him and not think about what almost happened between us the previous night?
“It’s not a difficult question,” he said, since I hadn’t answered him yet.
“Oh. I…sure.”
He smirked, before calling to Kason. “We’ll catch up with you guys in a little bit.”
Kason nodded, though his eyes were on Shay as he moved her around the bunny hill.
I unlocked one foot from my snowboard and followed Thayer toward the lift line, using my foot as if I was on a skateboard to propel me forward.
Once in line, we inched our way toward the front until it was our turn.
We locked in our feet and jumped on the lift.
The attendant pulled down the bar in front of us, and we were propelled up the mountain with a breathtaking view around us.
“You having fun?” Thayer asked, the side of his arm pressing against mine.
“I kind of forgot how much fun it is to be on a board. I got used to being a fan when Kason started competing.”
“I told you. You were good.”
I bumped him with my shoulder. “Liar.”
He laughed. “Well, I won’t make you do anything crazy.”
“Thanks.”
We rode in awkward silence for a long stretch. I didn’t know which way was up or down when Thayer was around. And the fact that I all but threw myself at him last night was not making it any easier. “Did you land any new tricks today?” I finally asked.
“Same ones as yesterday.”
“Still cool,” I said.
More silence. I would not let this be awkward. I’d been drunk last night. Thayer knew that. He’d heard me say lots of stupid stuff when I was drunk over the years.
“Sorry I had to tell Kason about your nightmares,” he said, breaking through my mind’s ramblings.
“You kinda had to,” I said, surprised he was bringing up last night. “What else were you gonna say?”
“Did he ask you about them?” he asked.
“I fell asleep. He was gone when I woke up.”
“It’s probably good he knows,” Thayer said.
“Why’s that?”
“He’s your brother. He loves you and would do anything for you. He deserves to know you’re still…”
“Struggling?” I asked.
“Well, yeah.”
“I’m gonna be okay. It’s just gonna take time.”
He released a loud sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t do it.”
“You know what I mean.” We approached the top of the mountain, and Thayer lifted the bar. “Ready?” he asked as we inched onto the edge of our seat.
“Yep,” I said, as my board landed on the small hill that led us off the lift and down onto the mountain.
We stopped at the top of the run. From that vantage point, we appeared level with the clouds. Although other snowboarders and skiers were making their way downhill, there was a peaceful silence up on the mountain with Thayer.
“Beautiful.”
“Yeah, I forgot how pretty it is up here.” I glanced to him beside me, and he was staring at me.
He smirked with that knowing look in his eyes.
I swallowed hard. “You ready to pick me up if I fall?”
“Always,” he said, and I knew he wasn’t just talking about snowboarding.
Feeling brave, I dropped in first, slowly weaving my way down the mountain in a long, drawn-out, S-shaped pattern. I could hear Thayer’s board scraping the snow behind me, keeping the same slow pace even though I knew he could be down the mountain in seconds if he really wanted to be.
“You’re doing great!” he called.
His confidence in me caused me to sharpen my pattern, which made me pick up speed. Shit.
“Widen your path,” he called, noticing my increased speed.
I did, and I slowed to a more manageable pace so that I wouldn’t embarrass myself and land on my ass.
“When are you gonna pass me and show me how it’s really done?” I called over my shoulder.
His laughter filled the air. “I think you have me confused with your brother.”
“Come on. Get in front, and I’ll follow you.”
“Where’s the fun in that? I won’t be able to watch you.”
I’d like to say my stomach didn’t dip, but it definitely did.
I was so screwed.
Thayer swerved around me, his movements on the board so smooth and steady. I was shaky and could feel every bump beneath my board. He glided as if on ice, weaving right then left. He ticked his head to the right. “Let’s take this trail.”
“I’ll be right behind you.”
“Oh no, we’re doing this together,” he said, moving so we were a safe distance apart but parallel.
I lifted my arms in the air and moved in a wide S. A sense of freedom washed over me. No one could touch me up there. Nothing could kill my spirit.
“What are you doing?” Thayer called.
“Living.”
“Damn straight you are,” he said.
When we came to the end of our run, Shay stood there holding her board. A small piece of me deflated because Shay looked ready to leave, and selfishly, I wouldn’t get to keep snowboarding with Thayer.
“Where’s Kason?” Thayer asked.
“He and Jesse headed up to the half pipe to film some footage before it gets dark,” she explained. “He told me to have you meet them.”
Thayer glanced at me as if to ask my permission.
I avoided his gaze. As much as I wanted to spend more time with him, he could do whatever he wanted. I didn’t need him to drop his friends to hang with me. He needed to train. He had competitions to win.
“Yeah. I’ll head up,” he said to Shay. “Thanks for riding with me, G.”
My gaze returned to his. “Someone had to show you how it’s done.”
He smiled. “Oh, that’s what you were doing?”
“Something like that.”
Amused, he shook his head before taking off for the lift. I couldn’t tear my eyes off of him as he glided effortlessly away from us. I didn’t miss the heads turning as he moved by, and jealousy prickled my skin.
“Huh,” Shay said.
I looked to her. “What?”
“I like the two of you together,” she said.
“What’s that mean?”
“I don’t know. It’s just…you both seem happier when the other’s around.”
Happier? “Does Kason feel this way too?”
“I’d never say that to your brother. He’d kill Thayer.”
And there it was.
The underlying truth that would always exist. I was Kason’s sister. His best friend’s sister. I was untouchable in the light of day.