Chapter 20 Giselle
GISELLE
My mother was cooking an omelet when I walked into the kitchen. I reached into the refrigerator to grab a yogurt still floating on air after Thayer had shown up last night.
“Morning,” I said.
“He could’ve used the front door,” she said.
I froze.
“With all the cameras and new alarm system, did you really think we wouldn’t know?”
Empty-handed, I closed the refrigerator and met her amused eyes. “One could hope.”
“How long has it been going on?” she asked.
I slipped onto a stool at the island. “Not long.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked, sliding her omelet out of the pan and onto a plate.
“About what?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Gino? Kason? Need I continue?” she said, sitting down on the stool beside me.
“It’s over between me and Gino. I just need to tell him.”
“Wow.”
“What?” I asked. “Are you surprised?”
She shook her head, and for the first time, I could sense what she’d been thinking this whole time.
“We never really belonged together, did we?”
“I was waiting for you to figure it out,” she said regrettably.
“Dad too?”
She didn’t have to respond. I could see it in her eyes.
“God, I was so stupid.”
“Look,” she said, taking my hands and holding them.
“Life is about figuring things out on your own. Being a parent is tough. We can see things, but it’s not our life.
We need to decide when to give our two cents and when to let the cards fall as they may.
It wasn’t hurting you to be with Gino. It just… never made much sense.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you kind of lost your sparkle while you were with him.”
“My sparkle?” I asked dubiously.
“You were a wild child—not like Kason—but you were adventurous and fun and always going somewhere with a big group of friends. And, with Gino, you became this awesome businesswoman, but it was as if so much of you disappeared.”
“It’s still here,” I said.
“Oh, honey, I know it is.”
She wasn’t wrong. I’d become consumed with the boutique and making money. Nothing else interested me. Not going out with friends. Not anything.
“What are you waiting for?” she asked. “Why not break up with him already?”
I closed my eyes. “With everything that happened…with him being my business partner…him leasing my condo. It was just hard to consider cutting ties.”
“It won’t be any easier in a month from now. Or a year from now. And I don’t think it’s fair to Thayer.”
“I know.”
“That boy’s loved you since he first discovered that girls weren’t gross,” she said.
“That’s not true.”
“It is. Anyone with two eyes and half a brain can see it,” she said.
“Then why hasn’t Kason?”
“I said ‘with half a brain,’” she said, and we both laughed because, though she was kidding, my brother could be oblivious at times.
“It’s still new, Thayer and me,” I explained.
“It doesn’t matter. There’s not a thing in this world that boy wouldn’t do for you. And I think you know that.”
I did know that. I was starting to hate myself for not realizing it sooner. “I started writing a text to Gino last night.”
My mother leveled me with a knowing glare. “A text? Really, Giselle?”
My eyes cast down. I knew it was a copout.
“You’ve got that plane ticket that Kason and Shay gave you,” my mother reminded me. “Why don’t you use it. Go see Gino. Tell him it’s over. You owe it to yourself. And you owe it to him—and Thayer.”
I considered it. “I could do that.”
“Do you want me to make the trip with you?”
I hadn’t considered that. I’d be on my own. I hadn’t been alone since it happened. “No,” I said. “I’ve got to do this alone.”
“You sure?”
“I can do it,” I assured her, though I wasn’t positive I actually could until I tried.
“So, what about your brother?” she asked.
“What about him?”
“He’s going to freak out if he finds out about you and Thayer.”
“Exactly why he can’t find out about us yet.”
“I don’t like secrets.”
“Well, you kept a good one from Dad last night,” I reminded her.
“How do you know I didn’t tell your father?”
“Because he didn’t come pounding on my door,” I said with a smirk.
“Not true. You’re both adults. And, it’s about damn time,” she said.
Thayer
I wiped the snow off the front of my mother’s gravestone, making sure her name and birthdate were visible.
I pulled the flowers I’d brought for Christmas out of the urns and tossed them off to the side now that they’d withered.
In the spring, she had a beautiful spot beside a big tree that bloomed with pretty pink flowers she would’ve loved. Now, the tree’s limbs were dead.
I tucked my hands in the pockets of my jacket and closed my eyes. It had been three hundred and sixty-five days since I’d seen her. Three hundred and sixty-five days since I felt whole.
I preferred to envision the vibrant version of her when I recalled my fondest memories. The mom who showed up at all of my events. The mom who was happier for me than anyone else in this world. The mom whose hugs relaxed me and whose words always just hit the mark.
“Hey,” I said aloud, glancing around to be sure no one else was around to hear our private conversation.
“It’s been a while. I’m sorry about that.
A lot’s happened since I was here in December.
I got picked up by a sponsor. They’re sponsoring Kason, too, which means we both get all this rad merch, and they send us to all these awesome places.
We’re heading to Big Bear tomorrow, Steamboat in a few weeks, and then Switzerland next month.
I’m back out there now. And, I’m gonna compete. ”
I pulled my hands from my pockets and pressed my palms into my eyes. I would not cry. I would not fucking cry. But this was not how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be telling her all of this face-to-face, not to some damn stone.
I slipped my hands back into my pockets.
“I’ve got some other news. Giselle finally realized I existed.
I know you’re probably thinking that it’s about damn time.
And, while I agree with you, I think she needed to meet Gino.
It sucked seeing her with him, but he needed to help her start her business.
I’d be lying if I said I could’ve done that for her.
I really had nothing to offer her back then.
I was a snowboarder who didn’t really have direction other than my next big trick.
Now, I was close to finishing college—if I ever get my ass to class. ”
A bird squawked overhead, drawing away my attention for a minute.
“Well, I should probably head out,” I said, finally looking back at her stone. “I’ve gotta get to school. I think I’ve got a law test.” I pressed my fingertips to my lips, then touched the top of her stone. “Love you, Mom.”