Chapter Ten
“Even me,” Lesley repeated, stunned. “Cole,” she breathed, “look at what you’re doing to yourself. I realize better than anyone
how terrible this ordeal has been for you.”
“You couldn’t possibly know,” he announced and savagely raked a hand through his hair.
“Maybe not,” she conceded. “But I see what’s happening to you. I hear the bitterness in your voice, I read the hatred in your
letters. And then I look at what all this has done to you physically and I want to cry. What happened to the man who asked
me to marry him? The man who wanted a home and family?”
“I still want that,” Cole insisted. “But don’t you understand, I’m doing this for us.” His mouth was tightly pinched, and
Lesley recognized that his temper was held on a taut rein.
“Then you’re lying to yourself and to me.”
They paused in front of the baggage carousel. Lesley centered her gaze on the variety of suitcases as they arrived instead
of glancing at Cole, afraid of what his eyes would say.
“Nothing like this has ever happened to me,” she continued, “I guess you could say I’ve lived a sheltered life.” She felt Cole’s gaze roam over her face, and turned to offer him a weak smile. “In some ways I have you to thank for one of the biggest strides I’ve made in my spiritual life.”
“I don’t understand.”
Lesley had doubted that he would. “Do you remember Halloween night when I told you I was going to pray for you?”
Amusement touched his mouth and Lesley wondered how long it had been since Cole had smiled, really smiled.
“I remember.”
“Later you pulled up beside my car in the ditch and told me you were going to pray for me. I can’t remember a time in my life
I was angrier.”
He chuckled and his hand affectionately squeezed her shoulder. “I’m rather proud of that comment.”
Swallowing her pride, Lesley shook her head. “You should be. It helped me see what I was becoming.” At his frown she elaborated.
“Until I met you I was quickly becoming a self-righteous prude.”
“And I changed that?”
Hands laced in front of her, Lesley smiled absently. “You helped me see that I was becoming so heavenly-minded that I wasn’t
any earthly good. I’ve never thanked you for that. Knowing you and loving you has helped me more than I could ever explain
in mere words.”
“But that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Your love and support have made these last months bearable. I couldn’t have done
it without you.”
Inwardly Lesley groaned, realizing that in the most important of matters she had failed him.
Cole retrieved his suitcase, and with their hands linked they strode to the parking lot.
“You’d better tell me something about your parents,” he suggested as she handed him the car keys. He unlocked her door, then walked around the front of the car and climbed into the driver’s seat. “It’s not every day a man meets his future in-laws.”
“You don’t need to worry. I think Mom and Dad are more nervous about meeting you.” Her parents had arrived that Wednesday
and planned a small dinner party for Cole and Lesley Saturday night. To say that her parents were curious would be an understatement.
The freeway leading from Spokane to Coeur d’Alene was particularly beautiful in the spring, when lush green contrasted with
a pale blue sky. They sat not speaking, Lesley close to his side.
“Did I tell you Lansky warned me that marriage is often a three-ring circus?” Cole broke the silence.
“How’s that?” Lesley looked over to him expectantly.
“First there’s the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and finally the suffering.”
“Clever,” she muttered, feigning indignation.
Chuckling, Cole pulled off to the side of the road and reached for her. He kissed her ardently; the hunger in him for her
love was so overpowering it almost frightened Lesley.
“Why is it every minute apart is agony, and then the first chance we’re together all we do is argue?” Cole asked her breathlessly,
his forehead resting against hers.
“I don’t know why. We’re both dumb, I guess,” Lesley said and rubbed her face along the slightly rough surface of his jaw
in a feline action. “I love you, Cole, and it’s hurting me just as much as you to be apart like this. Can’t we forget Jennings?”
“I wish we could.” He kissed the crown of her head and ran his fingers through the short dark curls. “No, I have to revise
that. I wish I could, but I won’t rest until things are set right.”
Lesley released a long, slow breath, straightened and leaned her head against the back of the seat cushion.
“How’s the apartment?” Cole asked, changing the subject.
“Fine.” He’d kept his apartment in Coeur d’Alene and left Lesley his car, though she rarely drove it: there was little need,
since she had her own vehicle.
As Coeur d’Alene Lake came into view, the faint stirrings of pride brought a sigh of contentment from Lesley. “Paul said to
say hello, by the way.”
“Paul?” Cole looked at her blankly.
“The grocer from Resort Grocery.”
“Oh yes, Mr. Christian.”
“Mr. Christian?” Now it was Lesley’s turn to look confused.
“Yes. Paul used to place Bible verses in the bottom of my bags every week. I got quite a kick out of him. Nice old fellow.”
“He’s lived a hard life. When Paul was ready to retire and give his business to his son, they discovered Jeff had cancer.
Paul mortgaged the business and spent the money on medical bills. Jeff died a year later.”
“That’s tough for any man.”
“It was especially tough for Paul. Jeff was his only child, and they were as close as any father and son could be.”
Cole was quiet as they approached the outskirts of town and turned off the familiar road that led up the hill to the duplex.
Lesley’s gaze studied him as they drew closer. She loved this man, but she was losing him, might already have lost him.
“I love you,” she whispered, feeling a crazy kind of desperation, not knowing what else to say or how to express herself.
“I could never doubt that.” Cole’s hand found hers on the seat beside him and gently squeezed it. Keeping his eyes on the
road, he raised her hand to his lips and tenderly kissed her palm. “You’d have to love me to stand these past months.”
Lesley felt all her hard-fought-for poise slip away from her. She had to talk to Cole, make him see the uselessness of this
thing with Jennings.
When Cole parked on his half of the driveway, Lesley told him, “I put a casserole in the oven before I left. I hope you’re hungry.”
“That was a very wifely thing to do,” he teased her affectionately.
“I was just practicing.”
“Good.”
“I only have three days to fatten you up and add some color to your face, and believe me, I’m going to take advantage of every
one of those days.” Three glorious days; she’d waited impatiently, circling the weekend off on her calendar. She’d felt like
a child on Christmas Day when she awoke that morning, knowing Cole would be arriving.
“Honey,” Cole said thoughtfully, stopping her from opening her car door. “I’ve been meaning to say something, but I didn’t
want to until it was necessary.”
“Necessary? What?” A feeling of dread came over her. He was here; nothing else should matter.
“I can’t stay as long as we’d planned. I have to be back early Sunday morning, which means I’ll have to catch the plane tomorrow
night.”
With forced calm, her eyes wide with shock and hurt, Lesley turned and met his gaze. His eyes were pleading with her to understand.
He didn’t want to leave so soon, but it was necessary.
A tightening sensation gripped the muscles of her stomach into a cold, hard knot. The pain was so intense that she couldn’t
speak for several seconds.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Cole pleaded.
Numbly Lesley shook her head. “I can’t help it.” She opened her car door and blindly walked into her apartment, leaving the
screen door open.
Cole followed her inside.
Lesley stood in front of the sliding glass door in the kitchen, her arms cradling her stomach. Her lungs took in deep breaths of oxygen as she struggled to hold back the emotion.
“I know you’re angry and I don’t blame you,” Cole said from behind her. Gently he placed his hands on her shoulders as if
he wanted to ease the hurt but wasn’t sure how.
With a trembling smile she turned to face him. “Cole, sit down. We need to talk.”
His eyes met hers, and he gently brushed a curl from her forehead. “This sounds serious.”
“More serious than any discussion I’ve ever had.” She led him into the living room and sat him on the couch while she remained
standing.
“Do you remember what I told you about Paul?”
“Mr. Christian and his son?” His look spoke plainly of trepidation.
She paced across the floor. “Yes. I know this is going to be difficult for you to understand, but hear me out.”
He attempted a grin. “Is it necessary for you to pace back and forth like that when you tell me?”
“Yes.” She nodded curtly. “I’m afraid it is.” Taking in a quivering breath, she continued. “Everything I’ve done in my life—all
that I’ve experienced, each delight, every difficulty—has made me what I am today.”
Cole looked confused.
“It’s true I’ve never experienced great tragedy, but I’ve witnessed what has happened to others who have.”
“The grocer.”
“Yes, Paul. He’s a wonderful, loving man because he has risen above the horrible pain of losing his son. There is no bitterness
in his heart. When a family lost their only son in a drowning incident this summer, it was Paul who offered them comfort.”
“That’s understandable.”