Chapter 5
It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, the moment the final sentence was out. “And that’s how Cort Adams turned me down, yet again.” She sighed.
“Oh, Rebecca,” Sabrina said softly as she rubbed Rebecca’s back. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
Rebecca shook her head. “How could you have? I kept it inside.”
“But I should have stayed at the Tipsy Apple that night, walked you home myself.”
“I’m not a child. I made my own mess.” Rebecca heard how small her voice was. She straightened her spine and shook her head. “Really, I need to get past this. It was the day of my grandmother’s funeral. I was grieving. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“I read an article once about how people get extremely horny after funerals.”
Rebecca couldn’t help but laugh, despite everything. “You read an article about that?”
“Maybe it was a reel. All I know is it was not your fault. Your emotions were extremely heightened. I shouldn’t have left you alone with him, especially on that day of all days.
Maybe it was the cider captaining the ship—a huge mistake, in retrospect—but I felt like it was time for you two to just see what might happen.
Because you and Cort, you’ve always…” She shook her head, her expression full of regret. “It always felt like something to me.”
“Well, it isn’t. I did see what might happen. What I learned is that it has always been purely one-sided. Anything else just has to be chalked up to the Cort Adams Effect, okay?”
Sabrina sighed. “That damned Cort Adams Effect. I assumed the reason you stayed away was only because of Lenore. I thought it was because it was just too hard to come back here, after losing her. So I didn’t push you on it, even though I missed you.”
“It was mostly that. I miss her every day, even after a year. I don’t think that will change, but I’m learning to live with it.
And I definitely was dreading coming back to this empty building.
” Rebecca felt her eyes well up. “But somehow, being rejected by Cort, again, on that night of all nights—I guess it just broke me. I thought if I didn’t come back here for a while, I’d get over it, like before.
It didn’t go away, though. If anything, it just feels worse, now that I’m here.
” She leaned her head against her friend’s shoulder.
“And that’s why I can’t hire him. I don’t even want to see him, let alone have him here every day. ”
There was a long pause, and Rebecca felt Sabrina’s shoulder stiffen slightly beneath her cheek.
“I hear you. I do. But not hiring Cort is going to make things even tougher for you, in a different way. I’m just not sure anyone else can be trusted to do the work like he can.
When it comes to renovations, he can do anything.
Think about my apartment.” Rebecca could indeed picture it, the second floor of the old barn at the orchard that had been transformed into a new home for Sabrina a few years earlier.
Wide windows spilling morning light onto the honeyed floorboards, perfectly squared beams, a kitchen that looked like it belonged in a glossy magazine spread but still managed to feel cozy.
“You mentioned,” she murmured. “And your parents’ loft.”
“Well, Cort just does good work,” Sabrina said.
Rebecca knew it wasn’t intended, but Sabrina’s continued compliments to Cort hit her somewhere deep this time, and she pushed back. “The converted barn is your home. The farmhouse, your parents’. This building isn’t mine. Not anymore, not really.”
“But, Rebecca, it’s your legacy!”
Again, she felt tears spring to her eyes.
“This empty building that used to be something and isn’t now is my legacy?
I know we had some good times here, Sabrina, I know we practically grew up here—but I need you to understand that things change.
I just need the job done; I don’t need a work of art.
I just need to do enough basic, unglamorous repairs that I can list the place to sell and get Crispin off my case.
Besides, I probably couldn’t afford Cort.
Until I sell the building, my budget is limited to what I have in my savings.
Minus the thousands of dollars in arrears I now owe the BIA. ”
Sabrina looked pained. “You know he’d give you the best deal he could. Maybe even come up with a payment plan for when the diner sells.”
Rebecca had known Sabrina for a long time, so she understood why she was still pressing the issue.
She had made a life of being innovative, of turning what was already good into something better.
It wasn’t in her nature to settle for lackluster, the way Rebecca wanted to.
She tried to keep her voice gentle as she said, “I don’t want a deal.
And I don’t want Cort. I want a regular, everyday, nameless repair person. ”
Sabrina stood up from the bed. “I understand. But before you decide, there’s something you should know. Come downstairs with me.”
Rebecca followed Sabrina down the narrow back stairs to the diner, the steps creaking in protest. In the dark of the diner, the air was tinged with the faint scent of coffee, apple pie spices, dust, and wood.
There was also the strong scent of lemon cleaner, which Rebecca noticed as she pushed open the swinging kitchen door.
Sabrina turned on the lights; they glinted off the chrome edges of the counter, the empty pie case, the stools lined neatly in a row.
She turned in a slow circle, brow furrowed. She was missing something. But what? “I thought you said earlier you didn’t clean down here this year, Sabrina.”
“I didn’t,” Sabrina said. “But when Cort heard you were coming home, he called me. He was worried about the flowers.”
Rebecca raised a hand to her mouth to cover a gasp. “The flowers. Cort and I were going to drop them off around town the next day, but…”
“Instead, you raced out of town like a cat with your tail on fire.”
It came back to her now. The endless vases filling every booth, spilling onto the counter, the smell of lilies and roses thick in the air. She’d left them here, just walked out the door and never looked back. “I can’t believe I forgot about them.”
“I did, too. When Cort called me, he sounded so panicked. Asked if I’d ever come by here after the funeral to get them, and I told him it was the first I’d thought of it, too.
I was so embarrassed. I wanted to come in and clean them up, but he insisted.
He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He came to get your spare key from me the next morning.
He seemed determined that he was going to be the one to sort this out for you.
I think now…that maybe he was trying to make amends. ”
Rebecca’s stomach dropped. “Right. Clearly, he was just feeling sorry for me. Because, like me, he can still remember every embarrassing second of that night. And he wants to banish all traces from his life.”
Sabrina looked dismayed. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You didn’t have to mean it like anything.
It’s just true. And I can’t, okay? I can’t let my feelings for Cort control me again.
So I will find a contractor, preferably one I have never embarrassed myself in front of, they’ll get the job done, and I’ll go back to my life in the city.
Because that’s what I have to do. I have no other choice. ”