Chapter Eight
Nick felt like a fucking coward, which was ridiculous. He wasn’t a coward, he was practical.
So what if he’d run away from Alex’s house in the middle of the night? Okay, it hadn’t been the middle of the night. It had barely been nine o’clock. But still.
The fact he’d avoided her for the last week and a half was irrelevant, too.
The doctor he saw on Saturday had told him to take it easy, so that’s what he’d done.
And taking it easy did not include an intense ass workout with a strength and conditioning coach, now did it?
So, he’d called and cancelled his appointments with Alex all last week, and then again on Monday and Wednesday this week.
But now it was Friday morning, and he was sitting in a cab, parked down the street from her clinic. Like a fucking stalker.
He’d watched as she’d headed inside about fifteen minutes prior. Which meant he had about fifteen minutes until his session started.
And he was not pussying out today.
He tossed a bunch of cash at the driver, grabbed his gym bag and climbed out of the cab. Why the hell did it feel like he was walking to his execution? Was facing Alex, after he’d been such a dick, that big a deal?
She’d probably already written him off as a nut-job and moved on.
And he was not disappointed that she’d write him off so easily.
It didn’t matter, in the grand scheme of things.
Getting in game shape and back on the ice were the only things that mattered.
Proving he was worthy of all the time and effort everyone had put into his career was the end game.
The only thing he needed to be focused on.
And maybe if you keep telling yourself that enough times, one of these days you might actually believe it.
He shoved that useless thought aside.
The only problem with refusing to dissect such ridiculous ideas was that it left lots of room to relive the scene with Alex and Emily from when he was creeping in the hallway.
He hadn’t been able to shake the memory, or the weird way it made him feel. Both angry and sad, because he’d never had that sort of relationship with either of his parents. He’d never really had any sort of relationship with is parents.
But there was also a sliver of jealousy wound through the unexpected feelings, mainly because he’d never experience that kind of close relationship with anyone.
His parents were a write off. He’d barely spoken to them in the last five years, other than the perfunctory phone call on major holidays.
He hadn’t been home to Nebraska in even longer.
There was nothing there for him, and hadn’t been in a really long time.
He stopped in front of the store next to Coastal Health and Wellness, tucking himself into the doorway. It was a clothing store that didn’t open for another couple of hours, so he was safe.
The only thing he regretted about his family situation was losing touch with his brother, Nathan.
Two years his junior, Nate had been the exact opposite of him in every way.
Smart and articulate, the ying to his yang.
As boys, they’d been damn near inseparable.
But, as they got older, and their father’s focus shifted to turning Nick into a hockey superstar, they’d grown apart.
It wasn’t until this past week, when he’d had nothing to do but think, that he’d realized the smothering he’d felt at his father’s hand meant Nate was pretty much ignored. And because he was an idiot, part of him had always resented Nate’s freedom, which had forced a deeper wedge between them.
Once he’d been drafted, his life had turned into a shit-show, and he’d let his relationship with his brother deteriorate to the point that it was irreparable.
A couple of teenaged girls rounded the corner. He pressed his back harder against the door, trying to sink into the wood and glass. As they got closer, he realized neither of them were Em, and he relaxed. He glanced at his watch. Ten minutes until his appointment.
He could also admit now, that deep down, the reason he hadn’t reached out to his brother was because he was embarrassed.
First, because he’d let their relationship get so bad, and then because he’d fucked up his career, the one thing he’d let ruin their relationship. How could he face Nate as such a loser?
Now, more than ever, he needed to show them all the sacrifices they’d made had been worth it.
But he was tired of fighting whatever this pull toward Alex was, too.
Time to make things right.
He pulled open the clinic door, the little bell announcing his arrival. Alex, who stood behind the front desk, looked up. A flicker of surprise lit on her face, but she quickly masked it. Guess she hadn’t been expecting him to show up today, either.
“Hey,” he said, and then felt like a complete fucking dork.
“Hi.” She smiled, but it was a forced one, the kind that didn’t light up her face. Disappointment slashed through him. He liked that other smile. Probably too much.
The awkward silence stretched between them, the edges pulling tight. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Sorry about running out on you.”
Shit, where the hell had that come from?
She crossed her arms and cocked her head. “What are you apologizing for? I’m the one who disappeared and then accidentally fell asleep on you. After I insisted you come back to my house. I should be apologizing to you.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
She opened her mouth, like she was going to say something, but changed her mind and closed it. Her eyebrows arrowed down. He wanted to smooth the space between them with his fingers. Or maybe press his lips there. Kiss her frown away.
“What are we doing here, Nick?” She sighed and waved her hand between them.
The question was so unexpected, he froze. What did she mean?
You know what she means, dumbass.
He walked over and planted his hands on the desk. Leaned forward. She didn’t exactly lean away, but he got the impression she wanted to. He didn’t like that. Not one little bit.
So, do something about it, idiot.
He took a deep breath, studied her face. God, he’d missed her. He hadn’t realize how much until this moment. Her coconut scent permeated the air. He wanted nothing more than to just breathe it in.
“I like you, Alex.” He kept his voice steady, because he wanted her to know how serious he was. “A lot.”
She blinked a couple of times, but kept her gaze locked with his. Her eyes were silver this morning, the insecurity making them almost sharp. “Okay.”
Not the most promising of starts. But he was in it now, so he might as well see it through. “And I would really like to see you, you know, outside of our professional relationship.”
His gut tightened, the words hanging in the air between them. For a moment, he wanted to take them back, afraid she was going to reject him outright. Which wouldn’t be surprising, given the fact he’d been a huge asshole. She had no reason to think he wasn’t going to flake out on her again.
And if she decided to sever their professional relationship, well, it would seriously suck, because she was great strength and conditioning coach, but he could deal.
She stared at him hard. He got the feeling she was studying him, once again peeling back the layers, searching for something.
And he was not afraid of what she might see this time, no matter how much tension seeped into his muscles.
He knew he was broken, that was no surprise to anyone who’d followed his career.
He just hoped she didn’t think it was all too much.
“I like you, too, Nick.” Her voice was low, and he had to strain to hear her over the blood rushing through his ears.
She hesitated for just a second. There was definitely a but coming. The rush of disappointment that washed through him was unexpected. He didn’t think trying this thing with her had meant so much to him. He actually stopped breathing.
“But,” she said and glanced away. He thought his heart might beat right out of his chest. She looked back at him, and for the life of him, he couldn’t read her. At all. “If we do this…” She waved her hand back and forth between them again. “Then we have to set some ground rules.”
His heart skipped into a time and a half beat. She hadn’t turned him down. “Sure.” His voice came out a little rougher than intended.
“First, when we’re here, in the clinic, we’re coach and client. Everything is to remain professional. You’ve come to me for my expertise, and I expect you to respect my work. There will be no power play issues or anything like that here in this building.”
He nodded. “Absolutely. I value what you do and the positive effect it’s had on my conditioning.”
“Good.” She stared at him.
He raised a brow. “Is there a second?”
She sucked in a deep breath. He kept his gaze locked on hers, even though he really wanted to drop it a little lower. No need to fuck this up before it started.
“If we do this—”
“When we do this.”
She pursed her lips at his interruption. He wanted to kiss that look right off her gorgeous face. “I think we should keep it casual. Nothing serious.”
He stopped, surprise zipping through him. He hadn’t expected that, although he wasn’t sure why not. It wasn’t like he was looking for anything serious, so why wouldn’t she be the same? Casual was perfect. The weird feeling in his gut had to be due to something else. “Yeah, absolutely.”
“I mean, you’re only here temporarily.” She tapped her thumb on the counter top. “You’ll be going back to New England soon…”
“And you’ll be staying here with your business and everything…”
“Exactly.” She punctuated the word with a nod. “So, it makes sense, don’t you think? That we don’t let things get too serious?”
Part of him wanted to argue, but that was ridiculous. She was right.
“Casual is perfect.” His voice sounded weird, but she didn’t seem to notice. She nodded, like his agreement was the best thing she’d heard all day. The weird feeling in his gut intensified. He ignored it. “Anything else?”
“Yes. The third thing is about Em.”