Chapter Nineteen #4
He pulled back and chuckled. She was giving him that squinty-eyed look she usually saved for things she found ridiculous.
“It’s because of you. And Em. You didn’t look at me like I was defective.
You made me realize there is so much more to life than winning.
You showed me that, even if I didn’t win the fucking championship, it didn’t matter.
You showed me that I had to start making decisions that would make me happy. ”
“And did you?” Her voice was small and quiet, as if she was afraid to ask, afraid of his answer. “Make any decisions?”
“I did. At the end of the season, I’m going to retire. It’s likely I won’t be medically cleared to play anyway, and even if I was, the insurance premium would be ridiculous, if I could even get coverage at all.”
“Oh, Nick, I’m so sorry.” Her lips dipped down into a frown.
“But that’s the thing,” he said, rubbing his hand over the back of hers. He still had her hands tucked against his chest. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. Something in my brain finally clicked into place tonight. Maybe I should have let Antoski hit me earlier.”
“Don’t even joke about that.” Her eyebrows did that scrunchy thing again, but this time he managed to control himself. “When you were laying there on the ice, not moving, my heart just about exploded. I was so scared.”
He lifted their joined hands and pressed another kiss to the back of hers. Her skin was so soft and smooth. He could spend the rest of his life just touching her. “I was only out for a minute, but when I came to, you were the first thing I thought of.”
“I was?” She chewed on the corner of her bottom lip, like she always did when she was nervous or unsure. He wanted to kick his own ass for making her doubt his feelings.
He nodded. “You were. You and Em made me realize what I wanted. You showed me what it means to be a family. What it means to love.”
Her eyes went shiny and she blinked hard a couple of times. There was a little wobble in her chin, like she was seconds away from bursting into tears. It felt like Antoski had reached inside him and crushed his soul in their giant fist.
“I’m so sorry for what I did, Alex. For leaving you there in Nebraska.
” His voice sounded rough, shame practically dripping from the words.
But he wouldn’t take them back, because they were true.
“I was a huge, fucking asshole, and I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking for your forgiveness. Begging for it.”
To prove his point, he lowered himself to his knees, wrapping his arms around her and laying his head on her lap. “I’m so sorry.”
She sifted her fingers through his hair. He sighed and closed his eyes.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Her voice was low, cracked around the edges. “We both did and said things we didn’t mean.”
He shook his head against her thighs. “No, it was all me. And, if you’ll let me, I want to spend the rest of our lives trying to make it up to you.”
Her hand stilled on his head and she sucked in a quick breath. He tightened his hold on her, his heart beating against his ribs like a riled-up crowd stomping on the floor. Worry wound through him, but he pushed it down. She deserved to hear the truth.
He looked up at her. “I love you, Alex. I love you so much that it’s hard to breathe sometimes. And, although I don’t deserve you, I want you and Em to be my family.” The tears rolling down her cheeks tore him to pieces.
Pushing himself up so he was sitting next to her again, he brushed the wetness away with his fingers. “Please don’t cry.” His voice was raw, his throat thick. The back of his eyes burned.
“I promise, these are happy tears.” Her voice was wavery, but she was smiling. She brushed the hair off his forehead. He leaned into the touch. “I love you, too. So much. I’ve been trying to tell you for the last couple of weeks, but the universe kept throwing things in the way.”
Warmth spread through his chest, evaporating the breath right of out his lungs. He stared at her, not quite believing what she’d said. She loved him. Him. Nick-fuck-up-Sadler.
He cradled her face in his hands, memorizing this moment. Her grey eyes shone bright in the light from the street lamp, the tears on her lashes sparkling. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. The kiss was salty and sweet.
“I love you,” he whispered, and pressed another kiss on her lips. “I love you, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much.”
Her lips tilted up in a smile against his.
And then he kissed her for real.
She melted against him. He pulled her close, loving the feel of her in his arms. Loving the fact he’d be able to hold her like this every day. Tell her how much he loved her. Show her how much. And as a bonus, he got Em in the deal, too.
A cold wind blew off the water. He knew they should probably head back up to the hotel. But he didn’t stop kissing her under the street lamp, on a cold park bench. He had no idea what he’d done to deserve either of them, but he was going to spend the rest of his proving it wasn’t a mistake.
He was one lucky bastard.