Chapter 8
Sadie
A few minutes earlier
It was eight-thirty when I crawled onto the bed with Ethan. I read to him for fifteen minutes and when I looked over, he was sleeping.
I put down the book and wrote a note for John-Michael. I wasn't sure how much of a hurry he would be in once he was finished, and I didn't want to forget to talk to him about a few things. I had gotten some amazing photos of Ethan. I would have to get them home and see them on a larger screen to know just how pleased I was, but I thought I had some great shots.
I mentioned them in the note. I finished it, and I tore the piece of paper out of my small notebook. It didn't make a lot of noise, but Ethan stirred. He sat up, and I reassured him that he should go back to sleep. I reached onto the bedside table and turned off the lamp. I left the note there.
I would lie beside him for a few minutes to let him fall back asleep, and then once he was out, I could clean up the room. I noticed a round gadget on the table as I stretched out next to him. It was a white noise machine, and I smiled, knowing this would do the trick. I reached over and turned it on. My movement made him stir, but it was worth it because it made a soothing, warm sound that lulled him right back to sleep.
The sound itself was like a heavy blanket. It was so relaxing that I stretched out and closed my eyes next to him. I would stay like that for a few minutes and then once he was sleeping soundly, I would get up and clean up our mess. John-Michael would certainly rather come up here and find a clean room rather than a…
and then the darkness began to envelop me.
I got too comfortable lying next to the boy. The room was dark and cool and the white noise machine was like the hum of a thousand angels. I was so comfortable that sleep found me unusually fast.
The next thing I knew, I was with someone else.
It was John-Michael. I wasn't just standing next to him, either. We were together. My heart was with him. I felt like we were pulled to each other. I knew he was Ethan's dad, but right then, I didn't see him that way. He was looking at me like he wanted to kiss me. He was about to do it. I stared directly at him, and we both knew what was going to happen.
Light and color swirled around us. It would be our first kiss. I knew him deeply, but this would be the first time I kissed him. I smiled shyly at him, and he nudged his chin at me, drawing me closer. In a moment of bravery, I reached out for him.
I had the feeling we had kissed a thousand times. I reached for him, and somehow, I was relieved when he was there. His form was solid, and he felt different than I expected him to feel. This kiss was real. He was real. It was utter bliss. My body floated, but I was held steady, anchored by his mouth, his kiss. His touch was amazing, and I needed more. I opened my mouth to him, kissing him deeply, tasting him, feeling him. My life was in technicolor. This moment was alive and real and it occupied all of my senses. John-Michael Kennedy was the best kisser in the world, and
I… I… I…
I snapped to reality when I felt his mouth tear away from mine.
I felt him pull back, out of my hands but I could still see him there, kissing me. He was kissing me visually, but in my hands, he was gone. It was like a dream.
A dream.
My eyes.
I gasped and my eyes popped open.
I blinked.
He was there.
Really there.
John-Michael .
He was near the side of the bed right next to me, and I sat up with a gasp.
"I'm sorry. What happened? I was dreaming?"
I shifted and stared behind me, looking at Ethan who was sleeping next to me.
I blinked.
The room.
"I clean—I didn't clean—I meant to clean. I am going to. I think I just dozed off for a second." I was whispering a mile a minute because I was freaking out a little. The kiss had seemed real, and he was looking at me with a stunned expression like it might have actually happened.
I turned and got to the edge of the bed. It had been so realistic that I could still feel the after-effects on my lips.
I had kissed him. It had been real. I knew it. I touched my mouth with my fingers, but instantly stopped since I didn't want to be obvious.
It had to have been a dream.
"I wrote you a note," I said, speaking quietly.
"I saw it."
I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "Oh, is it only nine-thirty?"
"Yeah. It feels late to me. I'm sorry it's taken me so long."
"No, we had fun. I'm sorry about the room," I said, springing up. "I really didn't mean to fall asleep. "
I was out of it and the time and location were just registering for me.
"It's fine," John-Michael said, assuring me.
I grabbed a blanket and started to fold it.
"Really, Sadie, it's nice to see all the… I'll pick all this up in the morning."
"I want to," I said, setting the blanket down and grabbing another one. "I'll just do a little."
I was so confused by his position in the room. He had been sitting by the edge of that bed. He had been in the perfect spot for things to have happened. I felt like I was tripping as I watched him stand up from that place next to me. He was tall, and he took up a lot of room. He was dressed nicely, and I was ever so smitten.
"I'm glad you guys had fun. And yes, I read the note, and I'd love to see the pictures. I don't mind at all."
"Oh, good, thank you. Great. I think I got some good ones."
"I'm going to see these guys out," he said.
"Should I just meet you downstairs in a minute?" I asked.
"Yeah, that's great. Or you can come now."
"I want to clean."
"You do not need to clean this. I'll get it in the morning."
"Okay, I'll meet you down there in just a couple of minutes."
He made a face at me .
"I have to do a few things. I can't stand to leave it like this. I really meant to have it done."
"Thank you, Sadie. Thank you for everything."
"You're so welcome. Is he going to be okay up here by himself once I go down?"
"Yes, he's fine. He's used to it. He sleeps through anything with the little machine on."
"So do I, apparently," I said, causing us both to laugh. "I'll see you downstairs in just a second," I assured him.
He walked out, and I got about twenty minutes' worth of cleaning done in three minutes. I scurried around the room, jet-fueled by adrenaline caused by the extremely realistic graphic kissing dream. Several times, I touched my lips or licked them, trying to decide if it was real. It had to be, but at the same time, it couldn’t be. It was amazing either way. I just kept remembering how he was looking at me when I opened my eyes. It all felt like it had really happened.
The thrill of it all caused me to be able to clean way faster than normal. The room was pretty well back in order after only a few minutes. I left the trains out because they would have made too much noise to pick up.
I grabbed my things, including the note, and headed downstairs. The guys were making trips to their car when I made it downstairs. John-Michael was standing at the kitchen island, waiting for them. He looked at me and smiled .
"Thank you," he said. "I know I've said it a bunch, but I feel like I can't say it enough. You made tonight so much easier than it could have been."
"He would have liked hanging out with his aunties. I heard all about your sisters."
"They're cool," he agreed. "And they help me out a lot. But it was really helpful for you to be here tonight."
"It actually was a good experience for me, too. I was… " I trailed off, and he looked at me like he was waiting for me to continue, and I shrugged. "I, uh, this weekend was different for me. I knew I was coming here, and so I, I wanted to be a hundred percent or whatever, and anyway, it made the weekend different for me. Better. I had fun tonight, and doing this affected other aspects of my weekend that you don’t even know about, so thank you."
"You're welcome," he said. "I'm not entirely sure what you just said, but I think it was good."
"It was good. It's about getting high. I’m not saying I had a problem, because I don't feel like I have a problem, but I specifically stayed away from everything this weekend because I knew I was coming here and I didn't think I would have time to catch up on rest before… anyway… I stayed away from everything this weekend. I went out and I danced and everything, but I didn't party like usual, and honestly it wasn't bad. I might have even had a better weekend than normal. "
He looked like he was about to say something to respond to me, but then he shifted to listen to the guys from across the room.
"We're making our last trip to the truck, this is it, we're heading out," one of the guys said with his arms full of black padded duffel bags.
John-Michael waved and took a few steps that way. "Thank you," he said.
"Thank you! You were so good, and we got a lot of footage. It's gonna come out amazing."
"Great. All right, well, y'all have a good night."
He went that way to see them off, and then he turned to me and let his shoulders slump once they were out of the door. I could tell how relieved he was to have them out. I put my backpack on one shoulder.
"I should go," I said. "I know you're ready to have your house to yourself."
"That doesn't apply to you," he said, shaking his head. "You've been amazing. I sincerely thought it would be a couple of hours, max. The footage is going to be good, and I'm glad they care about their work and everything, but it was way more intense than I thought. I'm just really thankful you're here. And I'm thankful for what you did this weekend. Thank you for putting thought into hanging out with him. That's really special. I worried about you with me having to be in there so late."
"I told you not to worry when you came out here to eat that pizza. It was great. I had fun. "
"I'm going to have some more pizza now. Do you want some?"
I took him up on the offer, and I wound up staying there for another hour. We shared a fun conversation. We learned new things about each other, but in some ways, it felt like we were well acquainted.
We laughed and talked and got along easily, but never neither of us eluded to any attraction or mentioned the possibility that a kiss had happened. There were moments in our conversation when I would get caught looking at his mouth and I would feel for certain that I had kissed it. I would have to look away and compose myself.
Neither of us said a thing about it.
We just ate pizza and told stories. I told him different things that Ethan and I did while he was working. I gave him the highlights of our evening and shared funny stories with him, but I didn't tell him the gushy parts—the parts that really touched my heart.
That little boy was a real gem.
He was funny in a lot of ways. He loved dinosaurs and loved to play, but he was also intelligent and sensitive about God. Several times during the night, he gave thanks to God for random things. I loved it when he did that. And then at the end of the night, before he went to bed, he asked me to pray. I told him I didn't know how he wanted to pray, so he did it for us. He held my hand and prayed for both of us. He prayed for his whole family. It was honestly the sweetest thing. I had to hold back tears.
It made me so happy that I had chosen a different path this weekend. It was gratifying for me to hear him say those things, talking to God, and feel like I wasn't a total disappointment in that moment. I figured that there was a chance I would go back to feeling like a disappointment sometime, but right then, I knew that I didn't take the pills and get wasted, and I was happy about it.