Chapter 18
We ate brunch with Nick the following day. It was served in the main dining room where they ate dinner last night, but there were only a few of us this morning—Nick with a few others, Jonathan, and myself. We talked a lot about photos I had taken the night before. I steered the conversation that way since that was the reason for me being there.
Nick was funny with the way he wanted to soak in the glory of his birthday. He relished the moments when people would wish him happy birthday to the point where a person could feel compelled to say it again. Everyone around him seemed to dote over him. He was flirting with me still, but it never was so overt that Jonathan said anything. He was wrapped around Nick's finger, anyway. I was so glad he was there with me, though.
I had a lot to do that morning, so I excused myself after a while and went to my room to work on some of the photographs from the previous evening.
Later that day, everyone went swimming. They begged me to go to the pool, and I relented, only because I wanted to have enough photographs that he wouldn't ask me for more on Sunday. I took photos of Nick and his wet, bare torso from every angle .
"Where are you going, Shy?" Nick yelled at me from across the pool when I picked up my things to leave.
"It's six o'clock," I yelled back.
"So? You're not swimming?"
"I have to download these photos and start getting ready for tonight."
I tried to get away while he was still across the patio, but he had seen me leaving and began crossing over to me. He was holding a drink and his eyes squinted as he grinned at me with a lazy smile. Everyone was partying already, and the party hadn't even started. I felt like my seconds were twice as long as his. He was too slow and calm, and I wanted him to hurry up and say what he wanted to say so that I could go.
"Did you get some good ones just now?"
"Yeah, yeah, I did. You're going to love them. I'll put it all with your package."
"I'll worry about my package," he said with a smile.
I had hardly ever been so impatient in my life. I took a deep calming breath, picturing the stack of hundred-dollar bills that was sitting on my dresser.
"I'll definitely include lots of options in your photo package," I said, nodding and blowing past his comment and being oblivious. "I've got to be getting back," I said .
"She's got to become the raven," Jonathan said, interjecting with a dramatic statement and making Nick smile.
"Shy the raven," he said.
I grinned and pretended to be into it, but honestly, it was all so cheesy to me. I knew this situation would have appealed to me in the past, but compared to John-Michael and Ethan, all of these people seemed fake. That made my interactions with them feel forced.
I had a few texts from John-Michael, keeping me posted on his travels. He didn't expect to arrive at Nick's until time for the party. He knew where to go, and I knew he would have no problem getting in now that I had talked to Andre in the kitchen and given him a heads-up.
I had a lot to do to get myself and my equipment ready for the party. I always took time to style my hair and do my makeup when I went out. It was part of my image to have a polished and put-together appearance. It took me a couple of hours to get ready. John-Michael had texted to let me know he would be a little later than he hoped, but that he was still on track to see me at the party. Jonathan texted me once it was closer to nine, saying that he was almost ready, and I took out my earbuds so that I could put them away.
I had been playing music of my own, but now that my earbuds were out, I could hear the low bumping sound of bass from the house. I knew the party was going and it was time for me to emerge from my room.
I put on the fabric mask, tying it in a knot on the back of my head before settling the larger mask on my head. I went to the mirror and gave myself a once-over before I grabbed my cameras. I hung a small one around my neck and held the larger one in my hand.
The costume was breathtaking.
Having nothing to do with me… just objectively speaking… the costume was beautiful. It made me look like a beautiful, black ballerina bird, and I did a half-turn marveling at the playful sprig of feathers on my backside. It was a marvelous costume, and I felt sick and nauseated wearing it. I would, one hundred percent, rather wear my own outfit, but there I was wearing it and wishing I didn't love it so much. I contemplated taking it off, but I knew that answering questions about it would be more effort than it was worth.
I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering how my perspective had changed so much. A few months ago, I would've been utterly impressed by coming to this party at Deadpan's house. But I stood there feeling dread, like I couldn't wait to get this trip over with. It wasn't just that I was abstaining from drugs. That added to it. It made time go by slower, and it made me take in situations in a different way—but that wasn't all of it .
I thought about all of the things that had been said since I had been at his house, and it was just dirty talk. Conversations always went to drugs, sex, or other forms of debauchery. A few months ago, I wouldn't have even noticed. That stuff would have blown right past me. As it stood, it rubbed me the wrong way.
I was a girl dressed up like a circus performer who was not at all interested in any of it. I felt like I was jumping through his hoops for money. I had laughed and gone along with all of their conversations today, and it felt so fake.
Nick had alluded to being attracted to me and wanting to spend time with me after the party, and I didn't even stop him. I just smiled and pretended I didn't hear him or vaguely agreed with things he said. I was ashamed of myself for not putting him in his place. It was my own fault.
I was so glad that the next time I would see him, he would be surrounded by all of his party guests. I was even more glad that backup was on the way. Jonathan's presence made me feel a little better, but I would be overjoyed when John-Michael finally arrived.
I was under contract to work at 9pm, and I went out there several minutes early. People were everywhere. The house was dark and transformed, and the music was so loud that it penetrated all of my senses .
I concentrated on taking photos. I quickly shed the larger mask in favor of the one that covered my eyes. It disappeared from its spot within the first ten minutes, and I didn't care. I was cynical about the whole scene by that point. I had one camera in my hands and another across my shoulder and neck, so I couldn't concentrate on the location of a mask or care that someone had taken it.
I took a lot of photos, and most of them included Nick since I knew that was what he wanted. I snapped a lot of them when he was looking at other people, but he was always aware of my presence. I knew that because he glanced at me continually and I had at least a dozen photos of him staring at the camera.
It was only nine-fifteen or nine-thirty when Nick called me over to himself. He stepped away from a group of people and looked straight at me, gesturing for me to go to him.
The music was loud and there were people everywhere, so he leaned in to speak to me. "How are they coming out?" he said.
"Great! I've got some good ones." I smiled and gave him a thumbs-up.
He gripped me by the mid-section, right at the small of my waist and tugged me inward. "I need to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"You're hot," he said, his breath heavy with fumes .
I stepped away from him, fake smiling. "Thank you," I said.
He nudged his chin at me like he wanted to say something else, and I leaned in cautiously.
"I'm a vampire."
"Cool," I said, trying not to be awkward.
"I'm high, and it's my birthday," he continued.
"That's awesome!" I said, not meaning it.
"That means I get anything I want." He licked his lips, and I smiled, but inwardly I felt disgusted.
I was amazed that a few months ago this experience would have all been so amazing to me.
"Party with me tonight, Shy. I've got some stuff for you in the bathroom right now. The best stuff."
Before I met John-Michael, I would have agreed to put down my camera and do it, but now I had no desire. I had been offered three different types of drugs since the party had started, and in the past, I would have been using by now.
"I'm working," I said, smiling and pulling farther away from him.
"Stooop workinggggg. Noooobody likes a workahooolic!"
His words followed me because he called out, and I walked away from him smiling and pretending to take it as a joke. I walked away, and he held his hand out to me longingly.
The music was pulsing, and people were all around him. He began to move in a liquid motion like some sort of belly dancer. People were dancing all around him, and he was messed up enough that I easily walked away from him and disappeared into the crowd.
I was angry at him for touching me, but I was even angrier at myself for not putting him in his place about it. I knew John-Michael would be there soon, and I hated that this guy had his hands on me at all. What if John-Michael had seen that?
I moved to the other side of the room and took some pictures, pretending to focus on work when all I could think about was the night being over.
Time seemed to drag.
Songs seemed to last an hour.
A couple of songs passed, and Nick disappeared with a few guys. I knew that would give me a minute to check my phone and see if I had heard from John-Michael.
I turned to head toward the kitchen. I would find Andre and ask if my assistant had arrived.
I glanced over as I walked, and I saw Jonathan on the floor in the living room. He was sprawled out, trying to get a good camera angle on a group of women who were clamoring over him and posing. I felt a hand on my arm, and I glanced at it. I knew it was good news instantly. It was John-Michael.
My heart soared. I made eye contact with him, and smiled at the sight of him in that mask. He was wearing a black mask—we both were. I blinked, resisting the urge to cry. He was so handsome that my heart ached. I could not stop a smile from spreading across my face. He was there, and now I was okay.
"Follow me," I said, walking out of the living room as quickly as I could. I went straight for the bathroom, and it was occupied. I kept walking until I saw a closet. I went inside and pulled him in, not bothering to close the door since it would have been pitch black. It was dark and secluded inside, and I didn't take the time to look for a light. I took him into my arms as quickly as I could. I loved the darkness and took pleasure in his embrace.
Relief flooded my body.
The music was loud. It was muffled by the closet walls and the sound of my own heart pounding, but I could still feel the heavy bass pulsing through the walls. I held onto John-Michael for what must've been twenty full seconds. I clutched my camera in my hand, unwilling to let go of him long enough to put it down.
He held me back. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. I'm so glad you're here," I said.
"I'm sorry it took so long," he said. "The rental car company took forever. It's a long story, but I'm driving a convertible. This dress is unbelievable. You're beautiful."
"I wish I wasn't," I said. "I should have been the jester." I held onto him in the dark, letting my face rest on his chest. "What kind of convertible?" I said. "A beetle?"
"A beetle? No, a BMW. "
"That's amazing. How fun."
"Why do you say you wish you weren't beautiful?"
"Because."
"Are you uncomfortable here?"
"Yes."
"Did that guy hurt you, Sadie?"
"No. But he makes me uncomfortable. I'm just so happy you're here, Jn'Michael." I said his name with that fast, slurred familiarity—shortening it, the type of name-bending that only came after saying his name a thousand times.
My voice was weak and pleading because I was so desperately relieved to have him there. It was dark in the closet except for what little light was coming from the partially open door. The whole house was relatively dark, so I could hardly see the shapes of his face, even when I pulled back to look at him. I reached up and touched the side of his face with my free hand and leaned up to kiss him. He let his mouth meet mine, kissing me with patience even though these were the oddest of circumstances.
His mouth was warm and soft, and I opened my mouth to him, taking his bottom lip into my mouth and triggering him to kiss me deeply. I needed it. We kissed for a few seconds and it caused a warm flood of relief to wash over me.
"I never want to kiss anyone but you," I said.
"Good," he said. "I hope you haven't. "
"Of course I haven't. And I want you to stay by me tonight—even if I'm working, stay where you can see me. Can you?"
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes. I just love you. Being here with these people, it makes me know how much, I just love you so much."
I hung my second camera on my shoulder and snuggled up next to him. "I don't want anyone else to ever hold me and kiss me for the rest of my life, okay?"
He was quiet for a few heartbeats. "Do you want to leave with me now? Just get out of here?"
"Yes. So much. I wish I could. You have no idea."
"You can."
"I'm under contract to stay at the party until 2am."
"Or what?"
"Or I don't get paid. Which I don't care as much for myself, but I already promised Jonathan some of it. There's twelve thousand dollars sitting on the dresser upstairs. I owe some of that to Jonathan. He's out there, lying on the floor, taking pictures of people."
"I'll give you twelve thousand to leave here with me right now."
"Oh, my gosh, John-Michael, you would never have to pay me to go anywhere with you. "
"I will, though. If you want to leave, I'll pay you what he was going to pay, so you're not losing money."
"No, you won't, but yes, I'll leave."
"You will?"
"Yes. My heart just felt so relieved when you said that. Let's go. Let me go find Jonathan and tell him what's going on. I'm going to let him keep using the camera."
I touched the side of his face. The mask was too handsome on him—it accentuated the lines of his jaw. John-Michael Kennedy was a gorgeous slice of wholesome handsome. He looked like life and goodness in a house that had less appeal by the second.
"Are you sure he's okay here? Does he need to leave with us? I'll pay him and get him a room."
He was talking about Jonathan—worried about him. I smiled at John-Michael for being such a champion. There he was, showing up in Miami, Florida, offering to rescue me and my friend and pay us for doing nothing. His generosity was undeserved and such a relief that I felt tears stinging my eyes.