30. CHAPTER THIRTY
The Donegal is packed.
I did suggest we try somewhere else, but that was hastily shut down by Saxon at light speed. It’s not like I’ve been here for three years or anything. Nah, it’s a Tuesday night. There won’t be many people out. It’s not a resort town or anything. The hotel’s lowest occupancy day certainly wouldn’t indicate that most staff are off midweek and have nowhere else to go…
Letting the entrance door swing closed behind me, I linger a few steps behind Jesse like an odd guilt is keeping me away.
The look on his face when I refused his offer of a shower was like a bullet to the chest. But I just can’t do that kind of thing. It’s too much. I don’t know how to be like that. Sex, I understand, where intimacy is like a foreign language.
“You coming?” he calls back to me and extends his hand in my direction.
“There’ll be seats in the bistro,” I say when I catch up. Draping my arms across Jesse and Saxon’s shoulders, I grin like the Cheshire Cat at the absurdity that it’s Saxon who wraps his arm around my waist.
“Fuck, that smells good,” Romeo groans like a starving animal. “It’s been forever since I’ve had a roast.”
Pausing momentarily by the sandwich board towards the front of the small designated bistro area, Jesse then pushes him in the back towards an empty table. “It’s been less than a month.”
“Exactly. Fucking forever,” Romeo reiterates, like his plight wasn’t being taken seriously enough.
“I thought eating was cheating?” Saxon says with no shortage of skepticism in his tone.
“Fuck off,” Romeo dismisses. “When there’s roast pork and crackling on offer, it’s never cheating. I’ll just have a few extra shots to counteract the food.”
“Right.” Saxon mimes before meeting Jesse’s eyes, where they share a look of understanding. The kind where an entire conversation takes place in a few seconds of microscopic facial movements. The kind I’ve never been able to have. I can tell when a woman’s on the verge of orgasm, or she’s endured just the right amount of teasing that she’s ready to give in to me. But this is deep. A lifetime of shared experiences, deep. And I can’t deny the sting of jealousy it layers on top of everything else I’m trying to work through.
“Are you quite finished?” Romeo asks with a roll of his eyes as Saxon takes a seat.
After a few too many seconds of silence, Saxon raises his hands, looks up at Romeo, and says, “You’re gonna do whatever the fuck you want anyway, so what are you waiting for?”
With a woeful groan, Romeo balls his fist in front of Saxon’s face. “I swear I’ll actually hit you one day.”
“I dare ya.”
“We’re gonna go grab the drinks.” Jesse volunteers us with a slap between my shoulder blades. “The usual?”
“Just a beer for me tonight. Something light.”
Jesse and Saxon have another silent discussion, and I look between the pair of them and Romeo like a goddamn cartoon character trying to keep up.
“You guys eating?” Romeo asks, just as I tug on Jesse’s arm. “I’m buying.”
“Uh.” I look at Jesse, who’s nodding ‘yes.’ “Sure. I didn’t have time to eat.”
“We’ll get those drinks now,” Jesse blurts and nudges me towards the bar. “They don’t need to know you didn’t have time to eat.”
I slide my hands into my pockets and stroll casually to the bar as Jesse deals with a sudden bout of gay panic. “You didn’t have time to eat, either.”
“And they don’t need to know that.”
Reaching the bar, Jesse rests a foot on the railing and leans his forearms on the edge as he plays nervously with his fingers.
“You’re letting your gay show,” I lean in to whisper it in his ear.
“I am not.” He tears his hands apart as I copy his position.
Tapping my foot against the side of his, I watch him in the mirror behind the bar. “It’s only been five minutes and I’m already struggling to not kiss you.”
“Surely you got enough of me this afternoon,” he answers my reflection.
“I don’t think so.”
“I’d say you gorged yourself.”
“Smug little prick.”
“You didn’t get anything you didn’t deserve.”
Gone are the trepidations of the shower scenario. The same calm excitement I’d felt earlier consumes me, and I can’t help but feel like Daddy is becoming far more fitting than Pretty Boy. “Keep that shit up and your buddies are gonna know about us sooner rather than later.”
Jesse has to swallow down his reply as the bartender approaches, which only entertains me more. This guy doesn’t know who we are. What’s it to him if we flirt out in the open as long as our drinks are paid for? It does resonate with me, though, when Jesse orders me a Coke instead of trying to convince me to drink. We’ve not spoken about it directly, but I’m sure he knows why alcohol isn’t something I’m comfortable with. And I’ll respect him even more if he limits his own intake as well.
“Here, you sexy brunette,” I hum down at Saxon as I slide his pint in front of him. Staring up at me, he brushes his fingers over mine.
“Kill me,” Romeo laments. “I’ve had enough of this shit, Sax.”
“Leave me alone.” He pushes his bottom lip out like a toddler. “I just want some attention.”
“And you think flirting with Kai like you’re trying to make someone jealous is gonna help?”
More satisfied than he probably should be, Saxon looks at me again before slumping back in his chair. “What’s wrong with having a little fun?”
“Maybe Kai really does like guys and you’re leading him on.” Now Romeo is looking straight at Jesse and I feel like I need to make a speech about how his friends are undoubtedly more perceptive than he gives them credit for.
“I’m just after a little distraction, that’s all. I think I at least deserve that much. I’ve still got an egg on the back of my head as a reminder of how shit my day-to-day is here.”
“Huh?” Jesse interjects.
Oh yes, the Andy special. Heard all about that one straight from the horse’s mouth. So you best choose your words wisely, Saxon.
“Did I not tell you about that?”
“I didn’t know you were still alive till you texted me this morning.”
“Alright, alright,” Saxon waves off his scolding. “It happened last week right before I came to visit you at reception. When you couldn’t wait to get me out of there. So really, you only have yourself to blame.”
“I’ve seen you since then.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He gestures like he’s telling Jesse to sit down. “It’s nothing overly exciting. Just that crazy girl who jumped down my throat on our first morning here.”
“She attacked you again?”
“Yeah. She started by throwing a mug at my head, then tried to strangle me with a tea towel. And, ahh…” Saxon stalls. “I kinda work with her as well.”
But that’s only half of the story, isn’t it Saxon?
“Did you forget I was here?” Jesse sasses Saxon and we can all hear in his tone how hurt he is. “I’m one floor up and a text away. Something that big might have been worth mentioning.”
“I’m not the only one who hasn’t checked in with a daily itinerary.”
“Knowing your ass, you probably deserved the knock to the head. You, of all people, should know someone wouldn’t react like that unless they’d been taunted within an inch of their life. Or they’re carrying around some heavy shit and haven’t learned to regulate their emotions.”
“You’re not wrong,” I mumble, but not far enough under my breath. “Nope.” I shake my head. “Not my secret. Not my story. But I’m sure you’re aware by now that Andy’s not the only one here with a suitcase full of secrets.”
“Someone better fill me in.”
“I only know what Cleo told us last week,” Romeo insists—raising his hands and agreeing it’s not his story to tell.
“That doesn’t surprise me. Cleo’s mouth is open more often than her legs.”
“So now you’re complaining about that?” Jesse claps back.
“One, don’t take his fuck up out on me. And two, I was only meaning that she runs her mouth like it’s her life’s main mission.” I glare at him, then switch my attention to Saxon. “I hear you and Cleo had some fun of your own. Was Andy part of the discussion then, too?”
“The fuck?” Jesse slams his palms on the table. “You’ve all had her?”
Of everyone at the table, Romeo looks at me like I’m an oracle with an answer for everything.
“You know what?” Jesse waves his hands in front of his face. “I don’t wanna know about it.”
“Andy’s stronger than you think.”
“Excuse me?” Saxon furls his brow and scowls at me.
“She’s stronger than you think,” I repeat. “And she knows what she wants.”
Saxon leans forward on the table. “She’s got some shit she needs to work out.”
I copy him. “Don’t we all?”
Jesse and Romeo shift uncomfortably in their seats like I’ve just announced the elephant in the room without knowing there was even one in here.
Raising my chin, I look down my nose at Saxon. “I don’t give a shit about a lot of people. But if you hurt her, I’ll fucking kill you.”