EPILOGUE
February (13 months later)
A white two bedroom terrace
Hampstead, LONDON
The antique rug that lines the entranceway will finally look its age if I keep pacing back and forth across it much longer.
I’ve been here for ten minutes waiting, stressing, scuffing the toes of my boots into the maroon woolen pile all because of something stupid we decided on a whim after five too many lagers that seemed like a bloody great idea at the time. But that’s the problem, drunken—and horny—decisions are rarely good. Except for the one made by Saxon that took me to Canada fifteen months ago. That gamble, I will readily confess, has paid serious dividends.
Hearing voices outside my heart jumps into my throat, but it’s another false alarm. Maybe the twentieth since I figured standing at the door like a fucking nonce was wise.
It’s hard not to love this place; Edwardian, white-washed brick, two bedrooms, and a cellar directly across from Hampstead Heath. But being this close to the tube station and the high street equals too much outside noise for an already jittery idiot.
Reaching for my inside coat pocket, I get my phone half slid out before the front door finally opens with a billowing gust of freezing air.
“Fuck me! I thought Canada was bad.” Kai shakes his head forward and uses his fingers to detangle his hair. All traces of blond and indigo are gone, his undercut sides are as perfectly short and faded as ever, and his natural chestnut brown has grown out on top—longer at the front than the back—highlighting an envious natural wave.
“You’re late.” I grab his bag and hang it on one of the many hooks by the door.
“No shit,” he responds blankly, shrugging off his formal coat and hanging it next to his bag. “Why the hell did I take this job?”
“Because it’s five blocks away and you’re helping kids.” I remind him as I hold out the black oversized Vetements bomber I bought him for his birthday.
“She can wait.” He pushes the jacket aside and kisses me firmly on the lips. “And they aren’t kids. They’re monsters,” he doubles down, brushing his shoulder against mine as he walks past.
“Where are you going?”
“To take a piss. Jesus! Is it a crime to wanna use my own toilet?”
“Just hurry that fine ass along, would ya?” I cave in for the millionth time to the shape his suit trousers take as they hug his backside.
“And I’m changing into jeans if you want me to wear that jacket.”
“Mine or yours?” I call up the stairs to him.
“Is there a difference?”
No, there’s not. Our walk-in closet is a free-for-all. A, whoever gets to it first, of whatever has arrived fresh from the dry cleaners.
Hearing our ensuite open, I check my hair again in front of the hall mirror. It’s still fine, but I re-tuck the shorter pieces behind my ear and tap over the low bun at the back to ensure it’s still intact. It’s not as messy as Kai likes it, but having grown as long as it has, it’s much harder to make it look like I haven’t tried.
My eyes wander to Kai’s school issued work bag. They’re bespoke, Taylor Yeats satchels and pompous as fuck. And it entertains me no end how much he hates having to use it. Especially with the school’s emblem embroidered onto the side of the brown leather.
He does love the job though, but won’t admit it was me who bribed him to apply for it. Playing counselor to the offspring of dignitaries and moguls, who really are more beast than human, was too much for the guy he replaced. But the little shits didn’t bet on the likes of Kai Tremblay and his, I give so many fewer fucks than you think I do, approach.
He is helping, though; I swear. He just doesn’t give in to them as easily as everyone else in their life does.
“God, you’re antsy.” Kai shakes his head as he hops down the stairs. “Where are we meeting her?”
I hold out his jacket again. “The Wash.”
“You know me too well,” he grins, spinning around and holding his hands back for me to pull the jacket up his arms, then smooth out the fabric and drink in how it hangs on his broad shoulders. “Quit perving,” he smirks back at me and my heart flips just like it had the first night I met him when he stared me down with intentions I was yet to comprehend.
“Can’t. Sorry.” I take down my Burberry scarf, but he holds up his hand.
“It doesn’t go with the jacket.”
“Just put the bastard on, Kai.”
“Is someone feeling insecure?”
“Not at all,” I clap back a little too quickly. “But you need to keep warm.”
Poking the tip of his tongue into the corner of his mouth, he flashes a cheeky half-smirk and wraps his arms beneath my coat to pick me up. “I’ve got you to keep me warm.”
“It’s February in London.” I deadpan, but he nudges my chin with his nose and presses light kisses against my sweet spot. Right in the crook of my neck. Right where he knows I’ll always melt. “We’re already late,” my voice almost moans out, and my hand moves to his neck reflexively.
“Better get going then.” Kai drops me to the floor—cutting any further advance, spins me towards the door, and leans his chin forward on my shoulder which I know by now is just an excuse to grind his dick against my ass. “Cause if we don’t, I’m gonna take you right here.”
My dick twitches in my jeans like it always does when his breath hits my ear, and I take a deep, shaky breath in.
Perhaps we should just stay in. Perhaps this whole hairbrained scheme will backfire and I’ll be the one left looking like a twat because it was me who contacted her back and set a time to meet.
“Come on, Babe.” Kai’s voice dances around the entryway like a rope tying me to our perfect little home. “It’s rude to keep people waiting.”
Exhaling, I nod.
That was the last point he could have told me he wanted to back out and it not be too late.
It’s not like the whole thing scares me. I’m more than secure in our relationship, it’s just that… I don’t know. And that’s the best way I can put it.
Opening the front door, Kai lets in another gust of frigid wind blowing unobstructed from off the heath.
Trudging down the small stoop first, I wait for Kai to lock up and join me on the footpath. Clasping my right hand in his left, he tugs me gently towards him and starts walking.
Our journey to The Washington—our closest and favorite pub—is only a short one, but I find my mind contemplating so many oxymoronic possibilities it’s a good thing I’m being led there by Kai.
Uni and helping out at my uncle’s soliciting firm have barely given me a spare second to think this past month since we made our profile. And when Kai sent me a screenshot of a DM we’d received with the question, “What about her?” I just reacted without thinking. I still don’t think it’s a bad decision. Nothing about it is screaming, this is a giant red flag and your relationship will suffer as a result. It’s more that we haven’t talked about it once the decision was made. About why we initially thought it was a good idea, and apparently still do.
“Everything alright?” Kai squeezes my hand before lifting it to his mouth and kissing the back of it.
Stopping right before we turn away from Hampstead Heath and towards The Wash, I look him right in his gorgeous hazel eyes. “Do you still wanna do this?”
Pausing, he doesn’t respond right away, instead opting to search my streetlight-lit face for what else I may be asking. “Yeah… Do you?” he asks, almost dubiously.
“Sure… I mean, yeah.”
“Really? That’s not very convincing.”
“You weren’t very convincing just now, either.”
Kai takes my other hand too and swings them back and forth between us. “Let’s go home then.”
My head flops back. “But that’s rude. If she’s not already there, she’s on her way.”
“So let’s go then.” He jerks his head towards the corner.
“But what if she’s—”
“Jesse. My pretty baby.” He pushes my hands against my chest with his own. “We might both get plowed down by a rogue delivery truck driver thirty seconds from now.”
My jaw clicks to the side and I glare at him with a don’t be daft look.
“Fine,” he chuckles. “Would you settle for, we’ve already come this far, so we may as well walk the next twenty-five meters and get a pint and a feed?”
I try to hide my smile, but it’s impossible. Especially when more and more of my lingo is making its way into his vocabulary. So I nod and kiss him instead. Giving him my tongue for making so much sense.
“This is definitely more an, I’d rather you take me home, kind of kiss,” he mumbles, sucking on my bottom lip. And maybe it is…
“Come on, now.” I regain ownership of my mouth. “Let’s just go get that pint, yeah? First round is my shout.”
Kai’s eyes roll so dramatically that his shoulders follow. “You don’t have a paying job, Jesse.” He shuffles backwards and tugs me towards the corner. “So you don’t ever pay for anything.”
“I pay for the flat we live in.” I drag my feet so he has to pull me.
“No. The spending money your grandfather left you pays for our flat.”
“It sure didn’t take you long to get over being a kept man.”
Looking back at me and grinning with the tip of his tongue between his teeth, Kai shrugs one shoulder. “Resistance was futile. You were gonna buy me shit I didn’t need, whether I liked it or not. And if I really was a kept man, I wouldn’t have a job paying me far more than I’m worth.”
“You don’t have to work.”
“I’m buying my own bike, Jesse.” Kai’s voice is gravelly and low, and just how it always gets when his buttons are being pushed. Then he looks at me and the smirk I’m wearing. “Fuck you.”
“What?” I snicker. “It’s not my fault you’re so easy to reel in.”
“Goddamn, you’re incorrigible.” He tries to make himself look angry, but with his perfect features, he just ends up smoldering.
“Incorrigible?” I practically snort. “You’ve been spending too much time with those posh prats at work.”
“Shut your face and come on.”
Kai tugs my arm so hard I almost fall over trying to catch up to him, and bump into one of a group of women rounding the corner. Attempting an apology as I continued to be dragged, I’m then flung back beside Kai, and within three steps we’ve fallen into our regular pace like nothing happened.
“I love her so much.” He shakes his head, acting a fool. But I know his words are as sincere as my feelings are mutual.
The Wash—the old girl, established in 1865—is like the side chick we both share, which is so fucking ironic at this exact point in time it’s not even funny. She’s a classy broad with her row of second-story lamps, angled in to illuminate her petrol-blue street-level exterior. Hanging pots that in the warmer months overflow with wildflowers swing back and forth in the wind. And unsurprisingly, the few tables that scatter the footpath are empty.
It took virtually no time at all for the staff to know us by name, and Kai’s even been known to drink here on his own—just chilling with the locals—when I’m stuck back at the College library. And knowing he has this place, and that Saxon and Andy are only six tube stops away, makes those late nights so much easier.
Over the pelican crossing that runs diagonally from the opposite side of the street, we walk until Kai pushes open her main entrance door and we’re both simultaneously hugged and kissed by warm, slightly smokey, air.
Our first stop is the coat rack by the bookshelf. Outer layers off, Kai presses his hand to my lower back and pulls me close. The heat permeating from it is no weaker than the first time he did it back in Vistas staff kitchen.
“Same as usual?” he asks, resting his forehead against mine. Breathing me in before stepping away, not bothering to wait for an answer because it’s always the same.
I watch Kai walk several steps before making my way to a round wooden table at the right of the bar, and receive a nod of welcome from Johnny—the publican—before I sit down.
The fire is roaring in the corner, heating the oil from the giant Norwegian Spruce beside it, filling the space and blanketing the usual underlying aroma of over a century of alcohol stained timber.
“What time did you tell her?” Kai asks, setting our pints in the center of the table before laying down two cardboard coasters and relocating our stouts to sit on them.
“Half-seven.” I check my phone. “It’s twenty minutes to eight.” Pushing my lips to the side of my face, I run my fingers up and down my pint glass, making lines in the condensation.
“That’s London for ya. No one’s ever on fucking time.”
“Or she isn’t coming.”
Kai lowers his chin and looks at me through his eyelashes with an expression that says, seriously? You saw how many responses we got. There’s no way she’s not coming.
I nudge him with my elbow. “She’s got till eight, then I’m ordering food.”
“Don’t think you’ll be waiting long.” As he takes a sip from his Guinness, I follow the line of Kai’s eyes.
With the door still swinging behind her, and with features as striking as that, this has to be June.
She looks even more rattled than I feel. And I may be finding it a little too endearing that she’s turned her back to the room like she’s giving herself a little pep talk.
Several seconds pass before she turns back around and grips onto the strap of her handbag for dear life as her eyes scan the room. Her hair is the most stunning natural auburn—long and wavy, and her almost porcelain skin tinges pink and her shoulders rise the second our eyes meet.
“She looks better than her picture.” I lean into Kai as she strides towards us.
“She’s no you, Pretty.” He grips my thigh beneath the table.
When she’s a few steps away, we both stand to meet her. Kai moves first, wrapping a loose but friendly arm around her waist and delivering a traditional British—kiss on both cheeks—greeting. “I’m Kai,” he says, then gesturing towards me. “This is Jesse.”
Changing the direction of her focus, we exchange the same greeting.
“Um… I’m June,” she giggles awkwardly. Her thick Irish accent sets off a flurry of back-and-forth glances between Kai and I as we return to our seats.
With our asses back on wood, we watch June unravel the scarf from her neck. The top buttons of her blouse are undone, and as she slides her jacket off her arms, her tits are pushed forward. Jacket on the back of the chair, she tugs at the sides of her pencil skirt, straightening it out over her wider-than-average hips, and swipes her hands across the front of the fabric as if she’s readying herself to be delivered to us.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” she atones, finally taking her seat.
“No worries.” Kai takes another sip of his beer and wraps his foot around my leg.
“I like your accent.” The blush on June’s cheeks deepens, and she hangs her head, almost ashamed for saying something so juvenile.
“So does Jess.” Kai seeks my hand on top of the table, turns it palm side up, and starts tracing circles over it.
Catching herself staring, June does a cute little head shake. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe I… I mean… I’m still not certain why I came.”
That makes two of us, sweetheart.
“Are you not sitting across from the reason?”
Real smooth, Kai. You cocky bastard.
June nods in agreement, if not a little apprehensive.
“Did you want a drink, lovely?”
“Oh, sure. A wine, please. Dolcetto, if dey ‘ave it.”
“Good choice.” Kai winks, leaning on the table as he stands.
Is it? I couldn’t tell you if the stuff coming back will be red, white, or pink.
I watch as June’s eyes follow Kai. “He’s got a nice ass, doesn’t he?” I grin smugly, leaning forward.
Her head jerks back to me, her auburn waves slicing through the air. “Sorry.” She hangs her head.
“Don’t be.” I lean in closer. “I stare at it every chance I get… And I mean, isn’t that why you’re here?” The words feel icky on my tongue like I have to push them out.
With a slow, drawn out blink, June opens her eyes back up to me with a newfound confidence dredged up from deep in her gut. “So tell me den, Jesse.” She mimics my position. “Do ye find me attractive?”
My top lip curls, but not in disgust. At least I don’t think so.
June is beautiful, no doubt. Her body is amazing, and I appreciate attractive women all the time, but… not like this.
“I don’t think you’d be able to ask me that question in person if we didn’t.”
Her hands fall from under her chin to flat on the table and, without thinking, I reach for them.
“Shit… I can’t believe dis is happenin’.” Her brogue words are shaky, and I can feel her trembling. But she’s the only one. I feel nothing. Not a damn thing. They may as well be my grandmother’s hands, and I recoil from them when Kai returns to the table.
Draping my arm over the back of Kai’s chair, I smile kindly at June, then him—my eyes telling a different story to each. Kai rubs my thigh beneath the table, squeezes just above my knee, then lets it rest, and I feel more energy from that than I’ve felt for this entire ordeal. June seems like a lovely girl, but she isn’t Kai. And I don’t need anything more than him. I never have.
“So tell me about yourself, June.” Kai initiates the conversation.
I don’t know what I’m gonna do if he still wants to go through with this. It’s just… It feels weird. Not like when we chat with Andy, or with Kendall and Cleo, back at Vistas. There’s this heavy cloud of expectation that I just don’t want hanging over me anymore.
“I were born in Belfast. Moved ‘ere to study n never left… My parents were uninventive when pickin’ out me name. I were born in June and dey thought, dat’ll do.” She waves her hand with a giggle and a flutter of her eyelashes, and a huge slap of guilt hits me in the face.
“Same,” Kai mutters nonchalantly—lifting his pint and downing the last of his stout. “Well, kinda. My mom had a penpal from Japan who lived in Kai.”
“The fuck?” My neck cracks from how quickly I shoot to look at him.
“Want another?” He nods towards my near-finished beer like I haven’t said anything.
“Yeah, sure. But seriously? We’ve been together for over a year and you’ve never told me that.”
Letting go of my knee, Kai stands, picks up my beer, downs the rest, then stacks the empty glass with his. Leaning down, he raises my chin to meet him. “Don’t worry, Pretty Baby. We have the rest of our lives to discover every stupid little fact.” Then he kisses me. Deep—like June isn’t here, and I know he feels the same way I do.
Pulling back, he gives the slightest nibble to my bottom lip. My eyes are barely open, half-lidded and hazy, but I can still see the flash of mischief that cuts across his face before he straightens out. “You want another?”
“No, tanks.” June twists the stem of her wine glass between her fingers. “I’ll probably nurse dis one fer a while.”
“Suit yourself,” is Kai’s response with an indifference that’s unique to only him. And with a final knowing look to me, he slinks off to the bar.
“Fuck, dat were hot.” June fans herself and squirms in her seat, no doubt rubbing her thighs together. But the notion does nothing for me. My dick only hums for one person, and that person is a six-foot-two man covered in tattoos with my name on his leg.
I open my mouth but close it instantly because the deliverance of rejection is not one of my skills. Saxon had always been there to do it for me, and right now he’s in Hackney, probably balls deep in his Little Andy.
Elbows back on the table, I tuck hair that’s still in place behind my ears. My hands meet at the back of my neck and my fingers intertwine as I roll my neck before I drag them down my face.
“Is everythin’ okay?” June’s voice is teetering on the precipice of being confident and insecure.
“I–”
Suddenly, there’s a body back beside me. Chair filled, Kai has returned with no drinks, and as June notices the same, her hands fall into her lap and her back straightens like a schoolgirl taking a lecture from their principal.
“Look, June,” Kai starts, his grip back on my knee, his other hand flat on the table in the direction of our guest. “Please understand that we respect the fuck out of you for coming here tonight. You’re a bona fide fox. But…” He exhales through his nose and reaches for my hand. “I can’t. I just… can’t. I don’t need anyone but Jess.”
June nods without saying a word like she feared it coming.
“Please look at me,” I urge, but only her eyes move. “I’m sorry—” My mouth hangs open with all the things I’ve been thinking caught in my throat because they’re not for her. She doesn’t need to know about the drinking, the stupidity, and the lack of actual communication we had regarding the whole reason we’re here.
“It’s fine.” Her fingers curl over the edge of the table. “Truthfully, I ‘ave a lot of respect fer ye. Most guys would ‘ave fucked me just cause I’m ‘ere. N I’d ‘ave liked it but still known it weren’t right. Dis is something I’ve always been curious about. N when it does happen for me, I want it te be with people who’re into it as much as I am.”
Her response seems genuine, but if I’m to be completely honest, they got a little fuzzy towards the end when Kai’s fingers started crawling up the inside of my thigh.
I try to force out a sincere smile, only to squeeze Kai’s hand and whimper when he scratches up my fly. And that’s when he slaps his hand back on the table.
“Rude is usually something I don’t mind being, but right now, it’s not my intention. But fuck! I need to get Jess home before I start doing shit that will get me arrested.”
I bite the inside of my mouth and swallow thickly. “Would you like us to walk you to the station or call you an Uber?”
June screws up her nose and looks around the pub with a contemplative gaze. “No tanks. I might end up havin’ another drink after all… Dis place’s real nice. N, truth be told…” Pausing, she brings her hand to the side of her mouth like how kids tell secrets. “I just live on de other side of Primrose Hill, but I couldn’t tell ye dat until I knew if ye just wanted te kill me.”
“You naughty little thing,” Kai growls with a slow shake of his head. “I thought you were a good girl.”
Even though nothing will ever happen, seeing Kai flirt with her and knowing I’m the only one who’ll ever get to touch him is doing unexplained things to me.
“Can we get your number?” I blurt out, done with that stupid app.
Kai unlocks his phone and tosses it onto the table in front of her.
Picking it up with a giggle, she starts clicking away. “I tink ye two may ‘ave just become my new favorite people.” Her own phone lights up from the text she sends herself. “Sext me anytime ye like. Pictures. Videos. I’m still dyin’ te see ya’s gaggin’ on each other’s cocks.”
The ease with which the filth rolled out of her reminds me way too much of Cleo.
“Get the fucking coats,” Kai growls, snatching back his phone as he tugs me toward the door.
Trying to remain at least slightly cordial even though my dick is draining all the blood from my brain, I offer June a hasty goodbye.
“Coats!”
Fuck, my boyfriend is hot when he gets all horny and demanding.
At the door, he snatches his jacket. And after it’s on, he stops to look at the shit-eating grin plastered on my face.
“What?” he asks, annoyed at the extra ten seconds it’s now gonna take before we’re back home.
“You’re acting a lot like Romeo right now,” I gloat, turning because he’s holding my coat open for me.
“So what if I am?” With a grunt, he swings the door open. “I’m toey as fuck, and I wanna get my boyfriend back home so I can give him a surprise.”
I scratch my chin with a maniacal expression. “A sexy surprise?”
I watch Kai’s tongue roll around his mouth and poke into his cheek as I walk past.
Slapping my ass as he steps outside behind me, I’m then dragged down beside the pub and pushed against the wall. Closing in, Kai forces a leg between mine and glares down at me.
Slipping my fingers beneath my Burberry scarf, I squeeze around his neck.
“This isn’t helping,” he huffs, his hot breath clouding around us.
“What’ve you got planned?”
His jaw drops, and his tongue traces the outline of his lips.
“I’ll give you plenty to suck on when we get home.”
“Please… Let’s go then.”
“Not until you tell me what my surprise is.”
“I don’t wanna spoil it— ahh.” Kai releases the filthiest, most wanton moan when I snarl at him and scrape at his neck. “Don’t hold back tonight, please. Go full Dom. Harder than you ever have. And I mean it. Don’t hold back on anything.” With a final pause, he lowers his chin to make sure I understand him properly. “ Anything .”
THE END