Chapter Four
Devin
I might be boring or shy, but I am no quitter.
Letting Debi walk away from me at the fair was a huge mistake. My head was spinning, and I was still lost in the moment with her. A moment I had hoped would continue long after we got off that ride. Instead, she gave me a flippant remark before she vanished on me.
I sat in that bucket watching her go, unsure what the hell I was doing. Once I got my head about me, I tried to go after her. The crowd was too thick to get to her before I lost sight of her. With her out of sight and me not having learned a damn thing about her, I was hit with a wave of panic.
How do I find the stranger who just stormed off with my heart?
“You were with her for twenty minutes, tops,” Felix argues again as we sit at a diner the next morning.
While I was wildly searching for Debi, I found Felix with two girls mooning up at him. I tried to explain that I had to find this special girl but got no help from him or the two girls. They were wasted on beer and cotton candy, so I was tasked with getting them all home. My search would have to wait for a new day.
Now it is a new day, so the church continues. “Well last night was the best night of my life with the best girl I have ever met. I am going to find her. It doesn’t matter if it was twenty minutes or twenty-four hours.”
“This girl was a babe, huh?” Felix asks with a waggle of his dark brows as he shoves some pancake in his mouth,
“Yes, she was a babe . More than a babe, you idiot,” I tell him with a chuckle, tossing a sausage at him.
“Leave you alone for ten minutes and you think you found your dream girl.”
“I do not think that,” I argue, pointing my fork at him. “I know that. This girl…man, this girl is something else. We might not have spent a lot of time together but the time we were together was…it was fucking magic. I was not nervous or anxious, I barely noticed we were stuck up there.”
Felix laughs because us getting stuck up there is a source of great humor for him. What he is not having a laugh at is my words about not being nervous while I was with Debi. I am always nervous. It has to be some sort of mental illness, not that anyone believes that.
There are times when out of nowhere, I swear I cannot breathe. Nothing has to happen, there does not have to be a valid reason. I just start thinking about what could go wrong. Not that it will. Just that it could. It overwhelms me until I cannot function. I could not study, missed classes sometimes, even struggled with my part time job at the library. It was a joke at first, until people started to realize how badly it was affecting my entire laugh.
It made it almost impossible to make friends, to talk to women, to live a normal life. I have attacks where I just shut down. The list of the many things I am afraid of is long and embarrassing. Felix is the one person who can calm me down and the one person who never gives me a hard time about how nervous I am about everything.
Now he shoots me a thoughtful look. “I want to meet this girl. If you got up on that freaking ride with her, that’s tough enough. I approve of her just for that. What did you say she was…a rockstar?”
Smiling, I nod as I remember her with that fan. “Yeah, I guess. Lead singer for a band called Purple Hearts. I am going to the mall to see if I can find some of their records. Think that would be pretty cool.”
“Dude, yeah, you should go to the mall. Babes love the mall,” he declares, smacking his hand on the tabletop. “That babe of yours might just be at the mall to hang out. It’s a weekend, they go there with their friends, they shop, they talk about boys, all that shit, dude.”
“Felix…this is a grown as woman. Not a high school girl hitting the mall with her besties,” I tell him dryly, shoving some bacon in my mouth.
“Bro, the mall is where they go, teenager, grown women, hell the old ladies go there to power walk. All babes love a mall, age notwithstanding.”
Considering this, I decide it might be a good place to start. I told him I am starting my search for her today. I am only here in Pine Grove for a few months, until I go back to Baton Rugh to start as an aide. If I can, I want to spend all of that time with Debi.
This is supposed to be my last summer as a stupid kid. My last chance to get drunk a little drunk, maybe smoke a joint, hang out at the arcade, or hook up with a woman. Next fall I am going to be an adult. I won’t get hot nights at the fair with the girl of my dreams unless I go out and find her.
“Yeah, yeah, let’s go to the Galleria. We might find something.”
When we get to Pine Grove Galleria almost an hour later, I am second guessing this whole plan. Debi is this wild creature, this throw caution to the wind type of woman. I cannot imagine her coming to this mall with the Yonkers and The Buckle to spend her Saturday afternoon.
“Come on man, we’ll make the rounds a few times. Hit Tape Deck to see if they heard of her band. If I get some babe’s numbers while we’re at it, even better,” Felix teases, even though I know he will ask every single cute girl for her number—it’s his thing, it’s what he does.
Felix has always been the leader between the two of us. He stood up to anyone who gave me a hard time about always being anxious. He is the one who talks to women, always trying to get me to give one a chance. I never have before but he still tries. There is something so charismatic about him, they can never deny him when he turns it on.
“Sounds like a plan. I gotta think the record store would know of the band,” I mutter, hope heavy in my words.
Besides the band, I know nothing about Debi. Only that doesn’t feel right. I know how pretty she is when she comes. How sweet she sounds when she’s kissing me. I can remember how she smells, how soft her skin was, and how good her little hands felt wrapped around my hardness.
We were so close to taking the next step. I was right there, pressed against her wet heat, my cock aching to be buried to the hilt. I had her tit in my mouth as I started to thrust home. Then that damn ride started to work. They could not have waited a little longer, just long enough for me to get inside her. Only that does not feel right either, does it?
It was hot, it was raw, but it was more than two young kids not ready to be adults wanting to hook up. I told her why I want to teach. She told me how lost she is with her music. We shared parts of ourselves with each other. Just not helpful stuff like an address or phone numbers.
“Yeah they will. We will find her, dude,” Felix sobers, going serious for a moment as we stop outside a store. “If she got to you this bad, I swear we won’t stop till we find her. You’ll get the whole summer with her.”
Grinning at him, I nod. Yeah, I am going to find her. And I plan to spend this entire summer with her if she will let me. Rubbing at a sudden pain in my chest, I shake off the wave of panic. Just the summer? Will that be enough when I want to see her this bad after just one night?
Shaking off the panic before it can get its hands on me, I follow him inside the store. It’s a shoe store so we’re in and out fast. Felix does stop long enough to grab a new pair of Converse. We hit four more stores—Guess, Levi’s, Kay Bee Toys, and even Thingsville—with no luck. I am just about to give up on finding her here when I see Tape Deck.
“We have to go there. They must know about the band.”
Rushing inside, I blow past the wall of records and a big Janet Jackson display without slowing. My heart thumps in my chest as I spot the young girl behind the counter, her wild white-blonde hair crimped, head bopping to the sound of whatever record she has playing.
“Hello, miss, I was looking for something from a local band? Maybe you have heard of them? Purple Hearts?”
Slowly her dark rimmed eyes slowly glance over me, heavy with judgement. In my madras shirt and jeans, I seem not up to her standards. Frustrated, I start to ask again about the band before she finally speaks.
“Totally. They’re like, the biggest local band, dude. Who doesn’t know them?”
“Yeah? Do you have records or anything? I am…I am a new fan, I guess,” I offer sheepishly as my heart pumps faster. I have found a trail!
“Dude, no way. We sell out of their stuff the day we get it. They won’t have a new record out for a while, they just finished a tour. A fan would know that,” she says with a roll of her eyes, popping gum to accentuate her cutting words.
“As I said, I am a new fan. Just met Debi Hollis last night,” I start, cutting off when the young girl lunges forward with huge eyes.
“You met Debi? Is she like, the coolest chick ever? I would just die if I met her! They sometimes come to the store to sign the records but, like, the manager is friends with them or whatever so we’re never here. Was she so pretty? I bet she was.”
Smiling at her excitement, I nod. I need to let Debi know she has another fan here that she ought to talk to. “Yes, she was amazing. I was at the fair with friends, we rode the Ferris Wheel together. I thought I ought to brush up on their music since she was so cool,” I decide not to share what we did up on that Ferris Wheel, of course.
“Totally. Tina is like besties with their songwriter, Jenna. That’s cool people. She comes in all the time for records. Well actually, I guess Jenna and Tina can’t be besties since Jenna is Debi’s best friend. But, yeah, she comes in sometimes and is so wicked cool.”
Talking with the young girl a while longer gives me no more helpful information. I end up buying a few records, anyway, to thank her for her time. Back at the food court I find Felix with two cute girls, both of them hanging on his every word. I wish I could be that way with women. Well, at least I wish I could be that way with one woman in particular.
I go to join him, giving up for now since we’ve been through half of this mall by now. No luck. No Debi, not even one of her records. That swell of panic I felt earlier comes back. I need to find her. I cannot go this entire summer without seeing her again. I am sitting there sulking when I see what at first I think must be a mirage.
“Debi. It’s…it’s Debi. There she is,” I whisper shout when I spot the raven-haired beauty coming out of a store.
For a moment, I consider not going over to her. Yeah I came to try to find her. I went into dozens of stores hoping to see her again. Now, seeing her in the bright light of the sunny afternoon, I am nervous. A different kind of panic hits me when I think about going over to talk to her.
“Holy shit,” Felix calls beside me, pushing me to my feet. “That girl is a total babe. Good for you, dude. We found her, go talk to her.”
“I…I think maybe I shouldn’t. I mean, what if last night it was all in my head? I mean...she’s…fuck, she’s so fucking pretty. Look at her.”
Felix does and for a moment, I kind of want to punch him. He clearly agrees that she is fucking pretty. In a little plaid dress that fits her perfectly and a jean jacket, she is absolutely adorable. Her hair spills down her hair in big waves, a huge bow holding it back from her face.
“Yeah, she is. Now go talk to her. We came here for her, dude. Go.”
Swallowing hard, I nod. Yeah, I came here for her. I cannot believe I found her, but I did. I want to see her, to talk to her again. God, I want to kiss her pink lips and feel her soft body against mine. I cross the food court towards her, almost stopping more than once when my nerves get the better of me. I almost stop just a few feet from her before she sees me.
Half a dozen things happen in that moment. My heart swells in my chest when she smiles at me. Jealousy swells inside me as I see the two men with her, wondering who they are. My gut twists as I think she might pretend not to know me, that she doesn’t even recognize me. Until she moves first, just the way she did when we kissed on that ride.
“Hello, handsome,” she hums as she presses a hand to my chest. “Lucky seeing you here? You look good in sunlight too. I wondered after last night.”
“Not luck, baby, I came looking for you. Had to start somewhere,” I answer, grasping her by the hips to pull her close. I get tense as I wait for her to press close or push me away. I let out a sigh of relief as she falls against me with a little sigh.
“Did you now? Don’t they call that stalking?” Debi teases.
“They might call it something like that. Doesn’t mean I will stop.”
“Is that so? Hmm, I might like it, handsome. Seeing you everywhere I go might be nice.”
“Why did you take off on me, Debi?”
Darkness crosses her face as she glances back at the other two men. I am bracing to hear her say one of them is her boyfriend. That she made a mistake going on that ride with me. But what she says stuns me.
“You scared the shit out of me, Devin. I got spooked. I uh…I don’t always make the best choices. Leaving you there last night…bad choice.”
“It was a bad choice,” I rasp, bending my head to brush my lips over her jaw. Pressing my lips to her ear, I tell her something else. “You scared me too but I fucking like it. I will stalk you all summer if I have to, baby.”
Debi pulls back, her hands grasping my shoulders as she lets my words sink in. My hands move to cup her round backside, dismissing the other men as inconsequential. No one else, nothing else matters once I am with her. I might have been scared last night, as I admitted, but I am not now. I am not scared, and I am not nervous.
Having her in my arms is the first time I feel right.
“Told you I might like that,” she whispers with a grin.
“It might get pretty crazy. I do things thoroughly, baby.”
Smirking, she lowers her head, her lips at my ear. “Oh, I recall. But if you want to remind me how thorough you can be, I suggest you take me somewhere private.”
Chuckling, I nod, turning to grab her hand. I lead her down the main corridor, away from her friends and mine. Behind me she laughs, asking me where I am taking her. I tell her I know a place where we can be alone. I have just spent all morning scouring this mall after all. I pull her to an empty store. We’re all alone when I turn to pin her to a wall with my body.
“If I don’t taste you again, I might go fucking insane,” I pant against her mouth as I tangle my hand in her hair.
“I think you may have gone insane already. I don’t mind. I think I can handle you this way,” she teases before I slam my mouth against hers.
In the deserted store, we kiss as if we might never get to again. I lick at her mouth, tasting sweet soda. When she moans, pushing her tongue into my mouth, I suck at the sweetness of her. I groan when she tugs at my shirt, her hands slipping beneath it to let her nails claw at my back.
“God, I thought I made it up,” she whimpers as I pepper kisses down her jaw, her throat, and across her neck. “How good you feel. How much I love your mouth on me. Devin, please, I can’t stand it.”
“What can I do to you, baby?”
“Everything. Anything. Don’t stop touching me. Or kissing me. I love your hands,” she pants as I grasp her leg beneath the knee, pulling it up at my hip. This opens her up to me and I slide my hand beneath her dress, pulling at her panties. I have never been so forward with someone, but when I start kissing her, when I hear those sweet pleas, I can’t help it.
“Will you show me how pretty you come again? I dreamt about it all fucking night. About how close I came to filling you with my cock. God, I was so close to taking you, to having you wrapped around me.”
Her head falls back against the wall as she rocks her hips, nodding. She doesn’t bother with words. Reaching between us, she yanks at the button on my jeans, her hands shaking as she pulls at the zipper. Even in the darkness I make out her little hands pulling my cock out.
“Yes, yes, I wanted it so bad. Don’t you want it? Does it always feel this way? I never knew it could feel so good to need it this way.”
“I wouldn’t know if it always feels this way, baby. I’ve never felt this. I have never been with someone this way. Not before last night. Not even fucking close. I don’t think it’s this way unless it’s real, Debi. This is real.”
Just like that, the fog of lust seems to drop from both of us. Because we both seem to understand I speak the truth. This is not two horny kids hooking up to scratch an itch. No, this thing is something rare.
Because this is real and neither of us knows what to do with it.
Dropping her leg, I take a step back. This time it is me who considers taking off. But I do not move. I can’t. Even if it is the scariest thing I have ever felt, I do not feel the panic I often do. No, a sense of calm, a sense of acceptance comes over me as we break apart in the darkness.
This is something you find once in a lifetime. It is the kind of heat, the kind of connection you don’t find with just anyone. We won’t know this with anyone else. If we do not grab hold of this and take it, we’ll never know this burning need, this hot, heady want we feel for each other again.
“I…I need to go. I…this is…I don’t know….”
Debi turns to go and again, I do not stop her. Because we both need a moment to let this sit. I doubt either of us expected to find what we did up there on that ride at the county fair. But here we are. Taking just a few steps, she pauses then turns to look back at me.
Then she is gone and am alone in the darkness. It takes me a moment to gather myself after those kisses. After feeling in her in my arms again, after touching her silky skin and feeling the dampness of her panties. It takes me a minute to formulate what I need to do next.
We joked about me stalking her, but that is just what I intend to do. I am going to find track her down no matter what it takes—and I will convince her what we found on the top of the world together is worth grabbing a hold of.