Chapter Twenty
It took me a minute to realize what had just happened.
My world had shifted sideways.
I wanted to vomit.
I wanted to cry.
I felt bone crushed.
I should have known better.
“Oh my God, this can’t be happening,” I muttered to myself.
“Tamsin, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“I knew something like this would happen. I knew it.” My heart was racing, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Is this a panic attack?
“It’ll be okay. If we need to, we’ll make the necessary adjustments, but there’s only a month left in the semester and then none of this will matter anymore.”
“I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what?” he asked, genuine concern coloring his tone.
“I have to get out of here.”
I heard him call out my name as I rushed out the door, but I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t.
I knew better. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid. It was bad enough hearing people still talk about my dad and Blair. Now I’ve given them a reason to talk about me too, which is exactly what I wanted to avoid in the first place.
I practically ran to my dorm room, fully intending to throw myself on my bed and not re-emerge from my covers until this semester was over. My grades were probably high enough that I’d still pass most of my classes anyway. My plan to wallow, however, was derailed by Alex.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as soon as I closed the door behind me.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, that’s too bad because I’m not leaving this room until you tell me what happened.”
The floodgates burst open, and I told her everything. She was relatively quiet while I spilled my guts. I told her who the secret guy was, and I could tell she wanted to say more about that but she let me finish.
“First of all, I cannot believe you didn’t tell me about Tobias. Rude. Second of all, I’m not going to let her get away with this,” Alex said, reaching for her phone.
“Who are you going to call?” I asked, praying it wasn’t my dad.He was the last person I wanted to be aware of what was going on.
“Keith.”
“Who?”
“He’s one of the RAs,” she said as she typed out a text message.
“Okay. Why?” I asked, thoroughly confused.
“I’m going to find out which dorm she’s in, and we’re going to have a little chat,” she said casually, not looking up from her phone. A moment later she shoved her phone in her back pocket and said, “Got it. Room two-oh-four in Carlton. Let’s go.”
Alex has always been a force to be reckoned with, but following behind her as she marched over to the building next to ours, took the elevator up to the second floor, and then proceeded to bang on the door of room 204—well, I was a little scared.
Julie opened the door angrily, ready to confront the crazy person who was banging on it, only to be taken completely off guard as Alex shoved her back and followed her menacingly into her room.
“What the hell?” Julie exclaimed as she stumbled backwards.
“Listen to me very closely, you little, nosy-ass bitch,” Alex snarled. “You are going to keep your mouth shut about what you saw today.”
“This is about your skanky friend?” Julie scoffed. “Maybe she should have thought about the consequences of her actions before she slept with the TA.”
Alex grabbed her by her shoulders and pressed her up against the wall.
“If you tell anyone, just know that your actions will have serious consequences. For you,” Alex threatened, shoving her harder against the wall she had her pinned up against. “Do you understand me?”
Julie nodded and looked like she was about to pee herself.
“Good.” Alex released her hold on her, and Julie scampered backward out of her grasp.
“She took a picture,” I told Alex.
She turned to me in surprise before returning her attention to Julie. “Give me your phone.”
Julie scrambled to get it off of the desk where it was charging, then handed it to Alex with shaking hands.
“Pass code,” Alex demanded, holding it out for Julie to unlock.
Within seconds Alex had located the picture and deleted it completely from her phone. She threw it back to her. “Remember what I said.”
Julie just nodded, still trembling, and to be honest, I almost felt a little bad for her. Almost.
As we left the building, she turned to me and nonchalantly asked, “Coffee?”
“You are kind of scary.” I said each individual word slowly, unable to hide how impressed I was. I could never do something like that.
“No one messes with my friend,” she said with a shrug before laughing. “That was kind of fun.”
“Oh my god, Alex,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief. “I owe you big time.”
Her eyes narrowed slyly. “And I know just what I want.”
“Anything,” I promised.
“Details. All the freaking details you have been holding out on me.”
“There’s nothing to say now,” I said, tears brimming from the corner of my eyes. “It’s over.”
“Aw, but, Tamsin, it doesn’t have to be. I fixed the Julie problem,” Alex said reassuringly.
“No, I think it has to be. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen.”
Even if Alex had managed to scare Julie enough to keep her mouth shut, we couldn’t just keep on pretending that what we were doing wasn’t wrong. I realized that I had let my feelings for him cloud my sense of judgment. And that made me no better than my father when he let his feelings for Blair justify him throwing away twenty years of marriage. This was my sign that we were making a mistake, and one of us was going to end up hurt if we didn’t stop.