15. A single decision
A single decision
T he morning brought a loud, insistent banging at the cabin door, dragging them all from their sleep.
Isolde sat up in bed with a start. Luella was already up, sword in hand.
When she left the bedroom, Felix and Garren were just leaving theirs, equally armed.
Isolde got up and cautiously followed behind.
Felix yanked the door open mid-knock to reveal Elric, fist raised and face red with fury. Four warriors flanked him. Beorn was not among them.
Seeing the doorway blocked, Elric planted his feet and glared. “We are here for the Beastmonger! Her cursed presence has gone on long enough. We will not suffer our people being attacked in the dark, unprovoked!”
Felix snorted, his knuckles whitening on the handle of his axe. Luella took a small step backwards.
Garren remained calm. “Luella was here in the cabin all last night. No matter what happened to your warrior, she had nothing to do with it.”
Elric bristled. “And I should take your word for it? One of my best hunters is found half dead, as if a beast tossed him around! No human did that! Your cursed friend is the only possible explanation, and she will answer for it!”
A shiver ran down Isolde’s spine. Elric was talking about Beorn .
“Your best hunter deserved what he got,” Felix said. “If he wasn’t such a fucking idiot, he would be fine today.” He looked murderous. Isolde’s insides knotted together with anxiety.
Elric’s face darkened, and he half-drew his blade. “Watch your tongue, Skraeling, or –”
“Or what?” Felix leaned closer, his tone mocking. “You’ll fight me? Please do – you and all your little friends. Wouldn’t want it to be unfair.”
Garren shoved an arm between them. “Enough,” he said sharply, his voice cutting through the rising tension. “Nobody is fighting anyone.”
Felix sneered at Elric. “Seems like it’s your lucky day.”
“Stop this!” Isolde blurted out, finally gathering the courage to do something. She pushed past Felix and Garren, stepping into the doorway. “Beorn overstepped. I defended myself. Luella had nothing to do with it.”
Elric’s sneer deepened. “Defended yourself? Against what?”
Isolde scowled at him. Did she really have to spell it out? “Against his refusing to take no for an answer when I rejected his advances.”
“Lies. Beorn wouldn’t –”
“You’re blaming the wrong person,” Isolde interrupted.
Elric opened his mouth to retort, before a familiar voice interjected. “What’s going on?”
Leif walked into view, clutching a spear with both hands. He looked at the people gathered in confusion.
“Stay out of this, Leif,” Elric snapped.
“Sure,” Leif said as he stepped closer. “After you tell me why you’re dragging four armed men to bully our guests.”
“You’d do well to remember where your loyalties lie,” Elric growled.
Leif pointed angrily at him. “My loyalties lie with our people, and our elder has been clear enough about the need to help the Aelithar! You’re the only one who keeps stirring up trouble; nobody else has objected.”
Elric’s hand tightened on his hilt, his jaw working. Isolde caught a slight movement from the corner of her eye – Felix shifting ever so slightly closer to her .
After a tense silence, Elric turned away. “You are lucky I respected your father as I did, Leif. We’re leaving,” he barked at the others, stomping off with his men trailing behind.
Leif fixed Felix with a mock-serious expression. “You’re welcome.”
“Thanks, Leif, but you shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Felix mumbled, his eyes still on Elric’s retreating form.
“We could have handled it; you don’t need to get in trouble on our behalf.
” His fingers flexed over the handle of his weapon.
Isolde thought he almost looked a little disappointed. She was glad Elric had left.
Leif shrugged. “Oh, don’t worry. Getting into trouble is my favourite pastime! And Elric is just like that, always has something up his ass. All bark, no bite. Anyway, I’m getting some breakfast.” He wandered off the way he had come.
The rest of them went back inside. Felix slammed the door of the cabin closed behind him. Isolde flinched at the sound. She sat down, her hands still shaking, when Felix rounded on her.
“We need to leave,” he said flatly. “This is ridiculous.”
“I’m not ready,” she replied without thinking. “The elder –”
“The elder has told you nothing useful! Why would that suddenly change? You think she is sitting on some great big secret that she’s waiting to reveal at the right moment? You spent all day with her yesterday; if there was something of value to learn, you would have learned it by now.”
Anger surged inside her. “You don’t understand!
And if you were not so hostile to everyone here, our stay would be more pleasant!
” She knew it wasn’t entirely fair. He had not actually picked any fights or done anything to jeopardise their standing with the Crovan.
If anyone had, it was her, with what she did to Beorn…
But as soon as she felt slightly kinder towards Felix, the image of him smiling at Asara by the campfire surfaced in her mind.
Smiling that sly, beautiful smile that she thought, or hoped, was for her alone, and her heart hardened.
“I’m hostile?” Felix said, waving his arms wildly. “Those assholes were out for blood! What if they hurt Luella – or worse! We should be on our way, instead of wasting time with people who don’t want us here and know nothing about your magic! ”
Luella was looking between Felix and Isolde. “I don’t like to say this, Lady Isolde, but I think Felix is right.” Felix shot her a surprised look, but Isolde deflated. Was nobody going to be on her side?
“If there was anything more to be learned from the elder,” Luella continued, “or anyone else –”
“I am learning from her!” Isolde said, her anxiety flaring. She clutched the fabric of her clothes to keep her hands still. “Every time we speak she has some new insight, or an old story, and it is helping me to come to terms with everything that has happened…”
“You have plenty of insights yourself!” Felix said. “We know where we need to go. We know there may be more people after us, after you. You don’t have the luxury of sitting around listening to stories!”
“I am not sitting around! If you could stop being so stubborn for once, thinking you can handle everything by yourself all the time!” Isolde stood up, her fists clenched at her sides.
Her magic was stirring. She did not push it down.
“I know I have to go to the Nexus, but the more knowledge I have, the better our chances are! These people have traditions older than you can comprehend! But you would rather mock them than learn something useful! All you can do is be rude to everyone, and listen to nobody but yourself!”
Felix scowled. “And all you can do is follow others around like a lost child, hoping they will hand you all the answers instead of making your own bloody choices! You don’t even try to practice anymore.
What happened to levitating rocks or creating fire?
Instead, you’ve gone back to uncontrolled outbursts when you get a bit upset! How is any of this progress?!”
She flinched. “You… you don’t understand anything! You think you do, but you know nothing at all!”
Power gathered at her fingertips. Felix seemed to hesitate for a split second, but then his expression hardened.
“At least I’m not so desperate that I can’t make a single decision without someone holding my hand!”
She wasn’t prepared for the way his words hurt. It made her recoil as if he had slapped her. A flicker of guilt flashed across his face, but she did not care anymore .
“So why are you still here?” she snarled. “Just leave! Get out!”
She shouted the last words, her voice high and shrill, and pushed her hands at him. She wanted to hurt him back, hurt him like he had hurt her, but the moment she did, she regretted it.
A wave of force slammed into Felix, throwing him into the wall with a dull thud that made her stomach twist. He slid to the ground with a pained grunt.
She stared at him, wide-eyed, her hands still tingling. That wasn’t… She hadn’t meant to do that. The magic receded slowly, mockingly, leaving her breathless and shaking.
Felix stood up stiffly, not looking at her, his jaw tight with humiliation and fury. Her throat ached. She wanted to say something, to apologise, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Fine,” he spat. “I’ll get out. Have fun with your stories.”
He shoved past Garren, slammed the door behind him, and was gone.
Isolde slowly sat back down, staring at her hands.
They were shaking. Her whole body was shaking.
A teardrop fell onto her left hand, and until that moment she had not even realised she was crying.
She had used her magic on Felix, and wanted to.
Wanted to show him, tell him she wasn’t some pushover.
But there was no gratification, only guilt.
“I’ll go after him,” Luella said quietly. “Don’t worry. He just needs to cool off.” Isolde didn’t look up as the door opened and closed again.
A chair scraped beside her. Garren sat down, a quiet presence in the middle of her emotional turmoil. He didn’t speak right away, for which she was grateful. It gave her time to scrub her sleeve across her cheeks and take a deep, unsteady breath.
“You should not let him get to you like this,” Garren said at last.
Isolde did not have a reply to that, nothing she would share with Garren anyway, so she huffed out a hollow laugh.
“He is right,” she whispered eventually. “About some of it. I am so desperate for answers. I didn’t want to have to consider that it’s possible there aren’t any. That it’s up to me to figure it out. ”
“Even if that is the case,” Garren replied, speaking slowly as if choosing his words carefully, “then you needed this time here to come to that conclusion. That is a valuable lesson to learn.”
“I shouldn’t have hurt him.”
Garren scoffed. “Violence is the only language men like him understand. He’ll be fine.”
Isolde turned her head sharply. “That’s not true. He’s not a bad person.”
“Maybe not. But he is bad for you.” He picked up an apple and started peeling it.
“You don’t trust him.” It wasn’t really a question. She fidgeted with her sleeves.
Garren’s frown deepened. “I trust him in a fight. I trust he will see this journey through to the best of his ability. But his intentions? No. His judgement even less.”
She bit the inside of her cheek. “He’s been supportive, and kind. He’s been a friend to me.”
Garren’s scoff was almost a sneer this time.
“He doesn’t want to be your friend. All he is interested in is –” He stopped himself, clenching his jaw and staring at the apple as if it had done him great personal insult.
“He is just a sellsword, my lady. It would be unwise of you to get attached to this… friendship. When all this is over, he will be gone. Back to his own place in the world.”
The statement hit her like a blow, and she froze.
She had only known Felix for such a short time, but it was like he had been in her life forever.
The thought of him gone filled her with a painful sadness that far surpassed what she should feel for a friend.
Was she being stupid, allowing herself these feelings at all? Maybe Garren was right.
“All of this is temporary,” Garren continued, oblivious to her sudden stillness. “When we reach the Nexus, the mages’ ritual will lift this condition from you. You’ll be able to go home. To be yourself.”
Isolde blinked. “Myself?” Her voice was small and weak to her own ears.
“A Trevalyan. Scholar, noblewoman. One day you will be the lady of the estate. Someone of influence and status. You’ll be free; you’ll have a proper life, with a good husband from a good family.
Someone deserving of you.” He said it gently, encouragingly, but it sounded like he was giving her a jail sentence.
Free? She had never felt more free in her life than she did now.
Misguided, perhaps, but there, regardless.
It had been scary, and difficult. She had been completely out of her element.
But she had also seen so much, learned so much.
She’d slept under the stars, experienced wild, untamed nature, witnessed and done things she had only read about in books.
It had made her feel alive like nothing else ever had. If that wasn’t proper, then so be it.
“What if I can’t go back to a proper life?” she said in a near-whisper, keeping her eyes carefully averted. “What if I don’t want to? And what if it can’t be undone at all?”
Garren was silent for a while. “You can,” he said finally. “You must. This… magic, the weight of this power, it is not yours to bear. It is simply something that happened to you. A mistake, not destiny.”
Isolde could not help but huff at that. “It doesn’t feel like a mistake.”
Garren did not reply right away. He slowly rose from his chair.
“I understand these events seem... meaningful to you,” he said. “But you will find that again. Once you’re free of this burden, you’ll have many opportunities to give your life meaning. Safely, in a familiar environment.”
Isolde looked at the apple and fought the urge to hurl it across the room. Her entire world had changed. She had changed. Things could never be as they were before. And Garren, kind and loyal as he was, didn’t see it. Or refused to see it. But at the end of the day, he meant well.
“Thank you, Garren,” she said quietly. “For listening. And for your advice.”
He gave her a low nod, almost a bow, then left the cabin. The door closed behind him with a gentle click.
Isolde remained on her chair, the weight of her magic surrounding her like an embrace. She looked down at her hands again, and they were no longer shaking.
Then she picked up her notebook and turned to a fresh page, where she wrote “I am not a mistake. None of this is a mistake.” She stared at the words for a long time, then underlined them. Twice.