CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE #3
The three of them stood from the table, then wound through the steadily growing crowd to the front. As Elias stepped out onto the sidewalk, the cold air cleared the dizzying fumes of coffee and sugar from his head. He turned back and leaned down to drag Sera into a warm embrace.
“Thanks,” he whispered.
She gave his back a rough pat. “I got you, dude.”
The light down the street turned green, releasing the line of cars to come speeding toward them. Elias shifted instinctively to position himself between Cadi and the busy road. He hadn’t even registered his own movement until he heard her pull in a breath as she flinched away.
He stepped back and threw his hands behind his head where they couldn’t possibly reach for her, his stomach sinking as he waited for confirmation that he’d just ruined what little progress they might have made. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“No, it’s okay,” she said, but the clear distress in her voice betrayed her.
A stiff silence hung between them, broken only by the steady crunch of tires against asphalt, and Elias didn’t dare speak.
Cadi cast a thoughtful glance between him and Sera, like she was carefully weighing something in her mind.
After a moment, she leaned over and whispered to Sera, then nodded when their friend raised her eyebrows in silent question.
Sera looked at Elias, then back to Cadi before taking a slow step backward.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” she said to Cadi, giving her a pointed look as she popped in her ear buds and turned toward her apartment, leaving them alone on the sidewalk.
Elias shifted his weight, his heart pounding as he watched Cadi pick at her nail polish. He knew that habit. He knew all of her habits and could read each one like a guide that told him exactly which wheels were turning in her mind. Right now she was looking for the right way to say something.
He felt every one of his muscles tense when she looked up at him and took a small step forward. “Walk me to my car?”
His shoulders relaxed and he nodded before falling into step beside her, making sure to shorten his long strides to match hers as they walked. At his sides, his fingers twitched. Her hand was close enough to touch, separated from his by the smallest distance that still somehow felt like a chasm.
When they reached her car, she stood on the sidewalk to dig through her bag. As he watched her, a slow pang began to grow at how normal this should have been. Him waiting beside her while she searched endlessly for her keys. She was always losing her keys.
Their faint jingle sliced into him, signaling the end of their brief time together. It had come too fast. There was so much he needed to say, but only one word felt strong enough to keep her with him just a little longer.
“Cadi.”
She looked up, her hand stilled in her purse.
Elias found himself frozen, everything that had haunted him over the past five days suddenly lost in the soft blue that stared back at him.
He squeezed his eyes shut against the burn that threatened at their edges and pulled in a shaky breath.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t stop thinking about that night. About what I could have—”
“I know,” she said softly. She lifted her hand as if to reach for him, only for it to fall back to her side.
He swallowed hard, pushing past the rock that had lodged itself in his throat. “I miss you.”
Cadi’s chest shook as she held the fabric of her bag fisted tight in her fingers. He didn’t dare let himself breathe, his lungs locked until she spoke with a voice that was soft and fragile. “I miss you, too.”
A tight breath rushed past his lips as those four simple words formed the first stitch in their shared wound. He dug his fingers into the hard muscles at his neck; the pressure grounded him just enough to push forward. “Can we fix this?”
Cadi studied him, her eyes glistening in the afternoon light as her lips moved with half-formed words. The weight of the silence pressed harder with every second that slipped by until Elias thought he might collapse.
“I want to,” she said at last, a single tear tracing against her cheek.
A small sound escaped him as the knot in his chest began to unwind at the glimmer of hope she had just offered him. She smiled, soft and beautiful, before she stepped around her car to the driver’s side and tugged open the door.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, her eyes holding his for a breath before she lowered herself into the seat.
“Tomorrow,” he replied. His was voice quiet, as if the force of it might cause everything to shatter.
His eyes tracked her until she disappeared down the side street toward Sera’s loft. The growing distance tugged at him; his soul craved the closeness of hers like she was a part of him. It was ingrained in everything that he was or ever would be.
He slid his hands into his pockets and let his fingers brush against the soft fibers of the paper Sera had given him. A small piece of the near constant gnawing in his soul began to ebb at the soft crinkle, at the quiet reminder of the path that could bring them back to each other.
He turned on his heels in the direction of his own car, unable to contain his hopeful smile as he began to count the hours until the next time he saw her.
Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.