74. Hawk
The brokenness in her words gutted me.
She was so fuckin’ strong, but at the same time, so devastatingly sad that I could feel it pouring off her in waves.
“Baby,” I said, pressing a kiss to her temple as I clung to her. It was like I couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t hold her tight enough to satisfy the craving I had to protect her from the world and all the things that were trying to hurt her. “I’d give fuckin’ anything to go back in time. To do everything differently. I swear to you I would.”
“I know,” she said, sounding dejected. “But I’d never trade Cooper. Not for anything.”
“Wren, no!” Unwinding my arms, I gripped her by her hips, lifting her up and spinning her around so she sat facing me, her legs straddled over mine. I had to bite back a groan as her luscious ass settled over my dick, the steady pressure feeling so damn good.
I wanted her. Fuck, I always wanted her, but right now, when I could feel that hurt she held so deep inside, I wanted to do anything I could to fill her up with something else. With feelings of acceptance and desire.
With hope.
The part of me that would forever be seventeen also wanted to fill her up with my cock, but that would have to wait.
Shoving away those thoughts—for now—I focused on her face, on the beautiful heartbreak that she was trying to hide. “That’s not what I meant, baby. Not at all.” Using my hold on her ass, I rocked her against me, the pressure now torturous, but I refused to let her get any farther away from me. “I would never want to undo what we did that night. Not in a million years. I could never regret our beautiful girl.” I could see the relief in her eyes, and I cursed myself for making her think even for a second that I would change that.
“What I meant was that I wish I could go back and do it right this time. I’d get your number, first of all.” I chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “And maybe not be quite so fuckin’ high.” Wren let out a watery laugh at that, but I was serious. My goddamn addictions had been what fucked up so many aspects of my life, but none so much as this. “Then I’d have called you, probably way sooner than was cool, but I just couldn’t fuckin’ get you out of my head.”
Taking her hands in mine, I pressed a kiss to the knuckles of each of them before placing them on my shoulders, needing contact between us.
“Really?” Wren’s tone was skeptical, but I could see the happiness shining in her eyes.
“Yeah, really. Bird, when I tell you I was a goddamn wreck for the rest of the tour, I fuckin’ mean it. Charlie just about kicked my ass on more than one occasion.” That was a fact; he was so tired of my mopey ass that by the time the tour was over, he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Hauled ass to his sister’s place in Idaho as soon as the plane touched down.
“But,” she hesitated, and I nodded, encouraging her to ask.
Because I was pretty sure I knew what was coming.
“You announced your engagement the day after the tour ended.”
“I know, baby.” I could feel my shoulders tensing beneath her hands, just the memory of that day with Cornelius and Victoria causing me stress. “But you need to know that none of it was real. The engagement, my marriage, all of it. The whole fucking thing was orchestrated by the label.” I leaned in, needing to be closer to her. “Fuckin’ Cornelius blackmailed me, Wren. He threatened the guys, threatened the band. At the time, I though I’d had no choice. But I had no idea you were out there, needing me. I’d have walked away from it all if I’d have known.”
Offering me a sad smile, Wren shook her head.
“I wouldn’t have asked you to do that.”
“You wouldn’t have had to.”
This time, it was her that leaned in, pressing her lips to mine in a heartbreakingly tender kiss.
“Those Castors sure do like their blackmail, don’t they?” she teased lightly, but I could see the glassiness of her eyes. My girl was still hurting.
“I’m sorry about all of it, baby. I can’t imagine how fuckin’ hard it must have been for you, seeing all that.”
“I was seven months pregnant with Cooper when the news broke. By then, I’d stopped following the band online at all, sticking to all the rules I thought I was supposed to be following. But an announcement like that was pretty hard to miss.” She looked away, her eyes lowering. “You two were on every magazine cover in the country for months.”
Pulling her close, I looked into her eyes before I spoke, needing her to know I was serious.
“Wren, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for how things turned out. But I’m here now. Finally. And I don’t want to waste another second.” Sinking her teeth into her lower lip, I watched as she considered my words, still unsure. “It may take time for you to trust me. To trust in us, but I promise you, baby. I’m not going anywhere. Never again.”
I watched and waited, letting her think it over, not wanting to rush her, even though everything in me was calling out for her.
Desperate. That’s what I was.
A desperate man at the mercy of the woman he’d wanted for nearly half his fucking life.
“Okay,” she finally replied, a small smile playing on her lips. “Okay, Hawk. Yes. I’ll trust you.”
The relief I felt was instant, my smile stretching so far, my face hurt.
“You won’t be sorry,” I swore, leaning in to kiss her.
“Hawk,” she started, but my heart was pounding so hard, I barely registered her words.
“Right,” I said, halting where I was and taking a breath. “We can go as slow as you want, Bird. No pressure.”
“Hawk.”
“We can wait a little. I know we’ve already fucked. And other stuff, but we can slow down. You can take the time to get to know me. I’ll prove to you that—”
“Hawk!”
“Yeah?”
“Wait time is over.”
With that, she lunged at me, her mouth covering mine in a frenzy that surprised me. Wren kissed me hard, her hands burrowing into my hair and pulling it just the way I liked, making me groan. When I did, she took full advantage, her tongue invading my mouth as her hips started to circle, the friction driving me mad.
Moving one hand down, I slid it under the hem of her dress, palming the warm skin of her ass and kneading it, guiding her as she moved over me, creating a rhythm we could both enjoy.
“Bird,” I breathed, dragging my tongue across her full lower lip. “Baby, I—”
“Yes,” she responded, understanding what I meant, even though I could hardly get the words out. “Me, too. Now.”
With that, Wren lifted up onto her knees, reaching for the button on my jeans and tearing at it, absolutely feral in her desire to get at my dick. Leaning my back against the tree trunk, I helped her open the button fly of my jeans, the two of us working together to slide them down enough for my dick to bounce free.
“No underwear again?” she asked, a small smirk on her face as she looked at me, her eyes huge in the dark. It took me a second to understand that she was referring to our first time together.
The time we conceived Cooper that, to my everlasting shame, I still didn’t fully remember.
Shaking off those thoughts, I simply shrugged.
“Rock and roll, baby.”
Leaning in, I kissed her again, any finesse I might have had completely gone as I tried to taste as much of her as I could. I moved my lips from her mouth to her neck, then down along her collarbone, loving the tiny sounds she made as I nipped at her tendons along the way.
Reaching between us, Wren wrapped her hand around my cock, my breath catching in my throat as she began to jack me, up and down slowly, in a rhythm that matched the movement of her hips.
“Bird, I need to be inside you,” I whispered urgently, hoping she’d understand that if she kept that up much longer, I’d blow my load all over her hand.
Releasing me, Wren rose up and pressed her forehead to mine, her hair falling forward so that all I could see, all I could sense, was her. My hand dipped between her legs, and I bit back another groan at the damp heat of her against my palm.
“So fuckin’ ready for me, baby.”
“Yes. Fuck, Hawk, yes.”
Tugging the crotch of her little panties to the side, I held still while Wren moved, the two of us coming together perfectly. There was no fumbling around, no missed attempts.
Just two people who absolutely fit in every way.
I stared into her eyes as she sank down on me, the intensity of the moment almost overwhelming as I realized being inside Wren felt like coming home.
There was no other way to describe it.
She was where I belonged.
We moved together, the pace quickening as Wren worked herself up, a sensation growing in my chest that I was unfamiliar with. It was a huge feeling, scary and deep, and I found myself being consumed by it.
“Hawk,” she panted, her breath warm against my cheek. “Touch me. Please. I need—” She groaned as I brushed my thumb along her clit, the hard bud slick under my thumb. “Yes.”
That sound—the deep satisfaction evident in her voice—did me in completely. Unable to stop it, the orgasm rolled over me, my whole body jolting with the sensation as Wren cried out my name, her movements becoming disjointed as she found her own climax.
Collapsing on to me, Wren snuggled close, her heartbeat as rapid as my own while we both caught our breath. I held her tight, one hand stroking gently up and down her back as we sat there, the moon on the lake creating the most perfect background for the thoughts I was having.
Thoughts I had no business having after less than a week in Grand Rapids, no matter how hopeful the moment was making me.
But I’d had a lifetime of hope when it came to Wren. Hope that my dream girl was out there somewhere, waiting for me. Hope that I’d once again find the connection I’d felt the night we’d met.
Hope that when I did, she’d feel it, too.
No, I had no business thinking the thoughts I was.
But that sure as fuck wasn’t gonna stop me.