Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Bayleigh
Everyone’s riding high afterwards. Especially me. Writing and performing that song has done more to heal my heart than years of therapy ever could.
We run through the set one more time and go over the last-minute details.
Tomorrow morning, we will be going to the outdoor stage for sound check then to the big show.
I’m nervous and excited and scared, but knowing Chase will be beside me makes me surprisingly less anxious.
He has a strange, calming effect that I’d forgotten about.
I tell Kelly and Max I’m going to hang out with Chase. “I’ll call if I need you,” I say. “We’ll be fine.”
“Okay then. Call if you need anything,” Kelly says, then I watch as she wanders over to Frankie, who sat watching our entire rehearsal. It’s their last night together, too, and I’m glad they will be able to spend it together uninterrupted.
Max gives me a stern look. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I won’t. Enjoy your night off,” I tell him. I walk over to find Chase putting his guitar in its case, and I reach over to touch his arm. He’s wearing a plaid blue and white shirt, and it brings out the blue of his eyes. He smells deliciously woody, and I want to snuggle into him.
But I resist the urge. We have a lot to talk about, and he deserves to know a few things.
“Hey.” He straightens and gazes at me. I could lose myself in that gaze. What would it be like to see it every day?
“Can we go somewhere?” I ask. My hand is still on his arm, and I’m not in any hurry to drop it.
“Sure. Where do you wanna go?”
“You’ll see.”
He squints at me before slinging his guitar over his shoulder and following me out. We chat about the show as he leads me to his car and opens the passenger door for me. I slide in and wait as he places his instrument in the backseat and settles in behind the steering wheel.
“Now where?” he asks.
I suck in a breath before asking, “Can you please take me to Harper’s grave?”
He nods and starts the car without question. That’s one of the things I love about him. He knows when to ask questions, and when not to.
The drive is a short one through residential streets and we pull up at the entrance to the cemetery at dusk. I climb out of the car and look around. The last time I was here, I was at my sister’s funeral. I don’t remember much about it. I was still in shock and deep in grief.
Chase comes to stand next to me, and I look up at him. “I don’t know where she is.”
“I do.” He reaches his hand to the small of my back. “I’ll take you there.”
We walk quietly through the rows of gravestones, his hand remaining in place. I take in the flower bouquets and gifts left on the majority of newer graves as we pass. It is a peaceful spot, surrounded by trees and flowering bushes.
Chase stops and points to a simple grass plot with a stone headstone. A fresh bouquet of colorful flowers sits in a jar next to it.
I walk closer and feel Chase’s hand slip away. I’m grateful for the moment alone he is giving me to be with my sister.
I sit on my knees on the grass covering her and read the gravestone.
Harper Elizabeth Gilmore
Beloved daughter and sister
Forever singing in the angel choir.
I can’t hold back the tears any longer, and they flow quietly down my cheeks.
Memories of Harper flow through my mind like a disjointed movie as I let her in.
I run my hand over the smooth marble and the inscription—so simple and yet so perfect.
She will be singing with the angels—there is no doubt in my mind.
Her voice was God-given and so has been returned.
“Hi sis,” I whisper down at the grass in front of me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I bet you know everything that’s happened in the last eighteen years.
It’s been quite the journey here without you.
” I glance at the flowers again. They look fresh, and the gravestone is well maintained.
I wonder how often my mother comes here.
Daily perhaps? Prolonging her grief and misery, when that isn’t what Harper would have wanted.
What she’s doing isn’t healthy—but it’s nothing in comparison to the way I’ve ruined my life.
“You would hate me for all the mistakes and bad choices I’ve made.
They just seemed to snowball. And the more mistakes I made, the more I needed to drown the pain in drugs and alcohol.
I needed to numb myself from it. I know that now and I won’t do it anymore.
” I sniff through my tears. “I promise you, Harper, I will make you proud of me. I will bring our song to the world and share it the way we would have shared it together. I have so many other ideas now, and I know you have a hand in that.”
“She will always be with you, Bayleigh. Love like that never dies,” Chase says from behind me.
I look up at him. “No, it doesn’t.” My love for him is still there, stronger than ever in this moment when the three of us are together in the only way we can be now. “We were with her at the end, and she will be with us at our end.”
“Which will not be for a very, very long time.” He kneels down beside me and strokes his hand down my cheek, wiping my tears away.
“It was my fault,” I whisper. “I should have been concentrating more.” Fresh tears sting my eyes, and he gathers me against him.
“It was an accident. A terrible, tragic accident.” He tangles his fingers in my hair and kisses the top of my head.
“I was responsible for her. I was the driver.”
“She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. I should have stopped her from distracting you. We all could have done things differently.” He says the words all my therapists have told me over the years, but they make sense coming from him. “We can’t change the past as much as we want to.”
Silently, I think about my other mistakes and things I have done.
Would he still want me if he knew all I’d done?
There is still so much I’ve kept secret.
Things the press has never found out beyond just what happened with my sister.
Regrets that haunt me still. I can never tell him. He can never find out.
We sit there for a long time, comforting each other the way we should have been in the weeks after the accident.
“I miss her so much,” I whisper.
“I know you do. So do I. She would want you to be happy, Bayleigh. She would be so proud of your success.”
“I just couldn’t stay here without her. She was everywhere.” My voice wavers.
He exhales loudly. “You should have come to me. I would have looked after you.”
“I know,” I whisper. “But I was so ashamed. I didn’t want to ruin your life, too.”
“You wouldn’t have ruined it. We were always better together,” he says.
He’s right. We were better together. We were a team and still could be.
We belong together. We always have. I have loved him my entire life.
He has always been my best friend. My soulmate.
The only one for me. I carry secrets he can never know about, but I want him, need him so much right now.
All my worries, all my doubts, all the pressures and uncertainties will still be there tomorrow.
Right now, in Chase’s arms, I have everything I need.
He is an admirable man. Sexy, strong, determined. The kind of man a woman could build a life with. I raise my hand and thread my fingers through the thick hair behind his ear and gently, slowly tug his head towards me. He stares deep into my eyes and whispers my name as a question.
“Please?” I whisper back, and a second later, his lips are on mine.
My lips part on a soft sigh and my arms encircle his neck.
As he angles his head to deepen our kiss, I press myself closer.
When we break apart and stare at each other, both of our breathing is uneven.
His arms enfold me, anchoring me against him, his hand warm on the bare skin of my shoulder.
“Take me home?” I ask him.
“To my place?” he asks, and I nod. I want to see how he lives. Who he is in the real world and not just the cocoon this week has provided us with.
He helps me up and we walk back to his car.
The evening is very quiet, the moon no more than a ghostly shimmer behind the clouds, and an owl hoots somewhere in the distance.
I take a deep breath of the cool and clear night air.
I savor the feeling of peace and safety, as though simply being with Chase is enough to keep the pain away.
If only it could always be like this. It’s a silly thought, and I don’t want to dwell on what tomorrow will bring.
For right now, this is enough. One more night will be enough.