14. Summer
Chapter Fourteen
Summer
M y eyes burn, and a lump forms in my throat as the clouds swallow Uriel.
I open my mouth to call him back, but then the whole world tilts, and I fall hard to the side.
The weight of my best friend lands on top of me.
Her pixie-like face hovers over mine, the moisture in her eyes nearly obscuring her visceral relief.
“You left me,” she says, her tears bouncing against my cheeks, hitting like hailstones. I hear the accusation in her tone, but there is no heat behind it.
“Alice—”
She buries her face against my neck and sobs. I wrap my arms around her, guilt burrowing its way through me. “You left me behind,” she whispers, and regret sinks into my bones. She’s right. I did leave her. She is grieving too, but I?—
“I can’t lose you too. You are all I have,” she says into my skin, and I hear it, the deeper meaning of her words. She doesn’t simply mean me going to Eden for almost two weeks. She’s talking about my unwillingness to live, my desire not to be on this plane anymore.
Hot tears burst from my eyes and I tighten my hold on her. “I’m sorry,” I say, and I am. I am sorry not just for leaving, but for everything I have put her through in the months following Connor’s death.
Alice straddles me and continues to sob.
A stone pokes into my back, but I don’t care.
My best friend needs this right now, so I hold her tight and cry with her.
“Don’t leave without warning again.” Her words are wet and broken, but I can hear the admonishing tone.
Obviously, the letter I left wasn’t nearly enough .
“I promise.”
“You’re all I have,” she repeats.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
She pulls back, and when she looks down at me, her eyes are red and her face is puffy. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her this much of a mess. Well, maybe after Connor died, but she’d only allowed herself a couple of days of grief, and then she was in full caretaker mode for me.
Alice wipes her tears on her sleeve and then looks around, checking that no one has seen them, no doubt believing they are a weakness. She stands and offers me her hand, pulling me to my feet.
“Never again,” she says, looking up at me, her face now set in a serious expression.
I nod, and she relaxes, sliding her hand into mine.
She grabs my suitcase and pulls me inside.
It’s pretty astounding how she manages her emotions so absolutely, though I suppose learning to do so was a matter of survival.
Growing up the heir to the throne of Dr?culea when your people despise you can’t have been easy, and I know her father has always been awful to her.
No doubt, just like me, her ability to control her emotions has saved her time and time again.
She avoids talking about her childhood and everything she went through, but I know she will tell me when she is ready.
Just like I told her about Torin when I was ready.
We enter the house, and Alice pulls me to a stop, assessing me.
I can tell she’s pleased that I have put on a little weight.
I’m still not eating much, but I am making a conscious effort now.
She wraps me in another hug and slides her hands down my back.
It could be confused with an act of comfort, but I know she’s checking to see if she can still feel my ribs.
Her lips are tipped into a slight smile when she pulls back, proving my hypothesis that she’s pleased.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you so much,” I reply, my voice breaking.
Alice takes my hand again and tugs me into the kitchen. She turns on?the coffee maker. “How was it?” she asks, buzzing around the room. I think she?is trying to keep herself busy so she doesn’t start crying again. I can feel the lingering vulnerability roiling inside ?her, and I know she hates it.
“It was?.?.?.” I pause, trying to think of the word. Was it an enjoyable time? Perhaps, but not in the traditional sense. “Needed.” I settle on the truth. My truth .
“How is his family?”
“Healing.”
“How was his mom?” Alice asks, knowing how apprehensive I was about seeing Farrah again. “I know you were avoiding her.”
“She’s thin and was very happy to see me,” I say, and look down at my fingers, pulling the sleeve of my hoodie down a bit more. “She’s eating more now.”
I feel Alice’s eyes on me. “Like you?” she asks, and I can hear the hopefulness in her voice.
I nod and sit at the table as Alice pours two cups of coffee, adding syrup and cream to mine.
“Want to eat junk and watch trash TV with me?” she asks, a little uncertain.
“Please,” I say fervently and take the cup.
Alice smiles brightly, and we move to the couch, cuddling together under a blanket. Alice puts her trashy show on, the one Connor loved, and we settle in.
“What food do you want?” Alice asks, pulling out her phone.
“Pizza,” I say with no hesitation. Alice exhales in relief before putting in the order.
We sit in silence until Alice shifts closer to me and says, “Missed you.”
“I missed you too.” I exhale. “Sorry that I couldn’t come back sooner.”
Alice considers for a moment and then nods. “You needed it.”
“Yes, but I need you too.”
Alice picks at the blanket and glances at me. “Promise?” she asks, the uncertainty in her voice breaking my heart all over again.
“I promise.”
We sit on the couch, barely speaking. I manage to eat a slice and a half of pizza when it arrives, which Alice is more than ecstatic about. Neither ?of us makes any move to head upstairs to bed, and eventually we drift off.