32. Summer
Chapter Thirty-Two
Summer
A lice and I gently clean Rafe as best we can, then apply a layer of salve to his skin before covering him with a sheet.
We both climb into bed with him, settling on either side.
Alice reaches over him for my hand, and I link my fingers with hers.
Gently, we rest our hands on his covered chest. At first, I’m worried it’ll cause him pain, but I think it actually brings him some comfort, knowing we’re there with him.
Alice squeezes my hand, and I realize a tear is tracking down my cheek.
“He did it for me,” I say, looking at Rafe. Now that he is stable and protected, I can feel that burden.
“What do you mean?” Alice asks.
“He gave up his wings for me,” I whisper, my gaze moving over the wounds covering his face. “He gave Connor and me time together.” I can feel Alice’s question. “Time to say goodbye. Rafe gave it to us.”
Alice whimpers softly. “Our demon baby.”
“Do you think he can hear us?”
“I think so.”
I nod and move in closer, my lips at his ear. “We’re here, Rafe. We’ve got you.” It may be my imagination, but I swear I can see his shoulder drop a little.
“You’re ours now,” Alice adds.
I press my forehead to his temple and close my eyes, warm tears trailing down my cheeks.
“My wife and our tiny demon baby. ”
I exhale. “We’re all going to be okay.” And for the first time in a long time, I am starting to believe it.
Alice shifts, both of us getting more comfortable next to Rafe. His labored breathing is the only sound in the room until Alice breaks the silence with a question I know she’s been wanting to ask since I told her I saw -Connor.
“Is he okay?” She doesn’t even have to say his name for me to know she doesn’t mean Rafe. There is a sadness in her voice reserved for Connor, her birdbrain.
“Yes, he’s okay.”
“Was it good? Seeing him?” she asks.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “It was everything.” I open my eyes. “He asked me to look after Rafe.”
“We will, I promise.”
“He also asked me to?.?.?.” The words taste like acid. “Move on.”
“You knew he would.”
“I said I would, but it won’t be with a male.” I close my eyes again. “I’m going to be by myself.”
“Well, you got your booty call. What else would you need?” Alice says, surprising me. I assumed I’d have to fight her on this.
My lips twitch. “My booty call?”
“Max,” Alice says matter-of-factly.
“Max isn’t a booty call. It’s not happening again.”
“Why not? It’s low-risk, no commitment.” I can see Alice’s shoulders lifting in a shrug over Rafe’s chest. “Plus, isn’t he a bigger commitment-phobe than you?”
“I don’t want it. Connor was my future. Now I am my own future.”
Alice shifts, pushing up on her elbow, her brown eyes settling on me. “Summer, you were always your own future.”
Is she right? I had always linked Connor to my future, to my peace, but I suppose he would have been just a big part of it.
It’s difficult to know when my future was never guaranteed.
I suppose it still isn’t. There are still so many unknowns.
Where is Torin? Who signed me up for school?
Am I a light fae? What does that even mean?
This is all the thinking I haven’t had the emotional or mental bandwidth to even begin to consider.
These questions have been on the back burner, and I know I’ll eventually have to face them.
I long for normality, but they are waiting to be answered, and I am the only one who can do so. Even the thought exhausts me.
“Well. No more slutty Summer. I need to grow up. I can’t keep feeling two dicks per day.”
Alice quirks a brow. “Two? Who’s the second?”
“Huh? No one,” I say, clearing my throat. My mind eagerly provides the memory of the stranger. I blink, trying to clear it, only to find it refusing to be banished, just like the man himself.
“Tell me!” Alice says, pinching me hard. I welcome the pain as it forces the memory away.
“Forget it,” I say, looking pointedly at Rafe.
Alice gives me an exasperated look. “Yeah, cause you’ve been real careful with what you’ve said up until now.”
I sigh heavily and then silently mouth, “Stranger.”
Alice gasps. “Shut up! Was it massive?”
“Alice!”
“What? I remember what he said last year. Barely manageable and pierced .”
I glance at Rafe again, silently apologizing for the trauma caressing his ear holes, but also begging for him to wake up and distract Alice from talking about the stranger when I’m desperately trying not to think about him. Trying not to remember the salty taste against my lips?—
“He’s knocked out. Tell me,” Alice demands.
I blink at her. “ You said he could hear us.”
“Okay, well, I’m changing my mind. Just tell me!”
I groan. “I don’t want to talk about this.” Alice waits, clearly not willing to drop it. “He, like?.?.?. pressed it against me.” I consider telling her about the photo, then realize that is not a can of worms I want to open at this precise moment.
Alice’s eyebrows knit together, and her nose crinkles. “Pressed it against you?” Her brow relaxes, and she purses her lips. “Hot.”
“It was like . . . It was nothing.”
“Please. Your face says it all,” Alice scoffs.
I blink. “What does my face say?”
Alice moans in mock-pleasure and rolls her eyes back in her head exaggeratedly .
I gasp and pull my hand from hers, carefully covering Rafe’s ears.
Alice bursts out laughing. “I knew it.”
I glare at her. “Wouldn’t you rather hear about my last moments with my dead fiancé?”
Alice snorts. “Over you rubbing yourself against your stalker like a feral cat in heat? Please, I’m only so strong.”
“I didn’t rub against him,” I whisper-yell at her in outrage.
Alice lifts an eyebrow. “Then what did you do?”
“He rubbed against me,” I say primly.
“And you what? Just stood there?”
“I was?.?.?.” Why are we even talking about this? “Pressed against the wall.”
“And you definitely hated that.” Alice smirks knowingly. Her nostrils flare a little as she sniffs, no doubt scenting my stupid, traitorous pheromones.
“I did,” I say, bristling. Just because my body reacted doesn’t mean I enjoyed it.
She scoffs. “Obviously.”
“I did,” I say again. “I hated it.”
Alice rolls her eyes. “This is a no-judgment zone, Sum.”
“It’s never happening again,” I grumble, unsure who I’m trying to convince.
“Why not?”
Why not? Because . . . He . . . I . . . Fuck.
“I should sleep,” I say instead, ending the conversation and praying to the gods that Alice doesn’t keep pushing.
Alice yawns loudly. “Me too.”
I curl into Rafe’s side, once again enjoying the silence.
I close my eyes and allow my mind to wander.
There is a clarity I didn’t have before I had my moment with Connor.
The veil has been lifted on what used to look murky and unclear, and while I have decided to be alone for the rest of my life, at least I can see myself living.
My thoughts about the stranger are not nearly as clear.
Why couldn’t I come up with reasons it shouldn’t happen again with him?
He threatened me, my relationship with Connor, and he stalks me.
There is no doubt that he’s dangerous, and maybe even evil.
He has left me many times in the past, and perhaps most unforgivably, he wasn’t there when I needed him most. And the most terrifying thing about all of it is that I needed him.