68. Summer
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Summer
E very one of my senses is heightened and raw. I was in his room again, yet I didn’t get any information about him from the bare space. Honestly, my eyes never strayed from his. His body pressed against me again, and that anger. That anger was so fucking delicious?.?.?.
I climb out of bed, my body full of nervous energy.
I strip on my way to the bathroom and step into the shower, dousing myself in cold water.
Despite my attempt to shock his words from my mind so they stop circling round and round, I still feel his phantom touch against my throat.
My body remembers the way his hard body fit against me.
With a huff, I leave the shower and dry off.
Changing into pajamas, I throw my wet hair up into a messy bun before padding to Alice’s room. She looks up at me, pausing in brushing Steve’s scales with a bright pink toothbrush.
“Steve has to go,” I grumble as I climb into bed with her.
“She doesn’t mean that, Stevie Weavie,” Alice says and returns to his grooming, unconcerned.
I glare at her, and Alice puts Steve on the ground before turning her attention to me. “What are you doing up so late?”
I sigh, looking up at her ceiling. “Max doesn’t have a bed frame,” I begin. “I am twenty-eight years old. I just fucked my gym trainer on a mattress on the floor in his frat boy apartment, which is even more depressing than the gym locker room. And my stalker is?.?.?. Fuck.”
Alice frowns. “Okay, one thing at a time. So, Max is teaching Fuckboy 101. He’s practically writing the course. ”
I groan. “How did I end up here?” I ask, covering my eyes with my arm. My life has gone so wildly off course, and it’s so fucking ridiculous, because the course I was on last year wasn’t even an achievable one for me, so why am I mourning it?
“Top-shelf kitty,” Alice says.
“Al . . .”
“I know.” Alice chuckles and cuddles into my side.
“No. I need to tell you something.”
“Hm?”
I exhale and pull my arm from my eyes but keep looking at the ceiling. “You know the stranger is back,” I say.
Alice nods. “And I know we’re conflicted about that?”
I exhale, trying to find the courage to tell Alice the whole truth about what happened between us, needing her to know the whole story. “I didn’t tell you everything that went down last year.”
Alice waits, and I glance at her to find her with an eyebrow raised. “Tell me. Secrets are only fun when no one else knows them but us,” she says, and while I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, I can also feel her concern.
I take another steadying breath. I have no idea why I’m feeling so nervous, but I am. “You know I was feeling nervous about getting down the aisle.” Alice nods. “And do you remember the night with the live stream?”
“With the stranger?” she says, nodding again.
“Well, after I watched the live stream, before I came to your room, before I asked you to make sure I got down the aisle, he?.?.?. he said something to me.”
I have no idea why I need to get this out. Maybe I am just looking to place another roadblock between the stranger and me.
“What did he say?” Alice asks, her body coiled and tight.
I close my eyes, the memory playing like a movie. “He said, ‘You will never be Summer Morningstar. You belong to me.’”
Alice says nothing for a long moment, and I glance at her, her face locked in an unsurprised look. “And this came as a shock to you?” she asks slowly.
“What?” I ask, snapping my eyes open and turning to look at her.
She frowns. “I mean, you know he’s obsessed with you, right?”
I blink, and Alice sits up. “Summer,” she says, her voice cautious. “Please tell me you are aware that your stalker is obsessed with you. ”
“He’s not a?.?.?.” Not a what? That’s exactly what he is. He’s a stalker. I call him that all the time, but why do I feel a little defensive at the insult to him?
Alice gapes at me. “I love you, but you are a hot-mess express for real.”
“I guess I kind of lived in a delusional world where it was just a crush. I even convinced myself that he wanted someone else, but?.?.?.” I frown as I try to explain.
I know he’s obsessed with me and that he craves me, but hearing someone else confirm it is definitely not what I need to hear right now. I want to lock this shit down and pretend it doesn’t exist, and I definitely can’t admit that some part of me might crave him too.
Alice muffles a laugh.
I sit up to glare at her properly. “And you’re cool with me just hanging out with my stalker?”
Alice holds her hands up. “Summer, if I thought you were in true danger with this guy, I wouldn’t allow it.”
I exhale, deflating. The stranger is dangerous, but not to me. Never to me. “He’s back now, and every time he’s near me I?—”
Alice gasps and points at me. “You’re into him! Holy Drac!”
“No! What? No! I hate him!”
She snorts. “You’re such a liar.”
“No I’m not.” I clench my fists.
“Sum, it’s fine. It means you’re just like the rest of us.”
“What do you mean?”
Alice takes my hand and opens my palm, wiping away the blood I’ve drawn with my nails.
“You’re so smart. Like wildly so.” She laughs.
“Like genius level. But sometimes you can’t figure out that a guy who is obsessed with watching you is, like, obsessed with you.
It’s very endearing.” She smiles. “You’re just so you.
And you can’t see how special you are. I know the reason you doubt his obsession is because you doubt yourself, not him. ”
“What are you saying here?”
“That you are perfectly flawed. And perfectly you. And perfectly my best friend.”
“I hate him.” I sigh.
Alice pulls me close, and I rest my head on her shoulder. “I know, but you’re also into him. Bad. ”
“No.” I don’t know why I keep pushing back, but I need to. “I hate him. I never want to see him again. I want to stop dreaming about?—”
“Riding him into the sunset?”
I groan, hiding my face in her shoulder.
“Is it good dream sex at least?” she asks.
“Al,” I warn. It is great sex every night, and every morning I wake up wet and needy.
“What?”
“I’m trying not to think of him.” I sigh. “He’s bad for me. I can’t want him.”
“I can’t want to bang shifters,” Alice says with a shrug.
“It’s not the same, Al. He wanted to get between Connor and me,” I say, pulling back to look at her.
Alice cups my cheek. “But he didn’t, did he? Come between you two?”
I look away. “He wanted him to die,” I say, welcoming the spike of anger.
“He said that?” Alice frowns.
“He told me I would never be Summer Morningstar.”
“Right, but he didn’t say he wanted Connor to die. Or I imagine he would have just killed him himself, right?”
I stare at her, feeling the pout pulling at my features.
“He crushed the skull of that guy who saw you naked. I mean, he nearly killed him. So if he wanted Connor dead, wouldn’t he have just?.?.?. done it? Connor did way more than see you naked,” she says, her face pensive.
“Al?.?.?. Are you on his side?” I ask, full-on pouting now.
Alice frowns. “Where did you get that from?”
I sit up to face her fully, frustration building inside me. “He said I would never be Summer Morningstar.”
“I understand that. Summer, I am always on your side.”
I relax a little. “Okay, then tell me I’m right not to want him. I am -Connor’s. I belong to Connor.”
Alice hesitates, and then she cups my cheek again. “First of all, you are mine.” She strokes my cheek. “Second of all, Connor is a part of you, but?.?.?.” She thinks for a moment. “Do you remember the first time you met Connor?”
I know she’s about to talk about how I acted, how I treated him, how he changed me for the better and helped mold me into the person I am now, but I truly can’t hear it right now. I’m already suffocating under my guilt.
“I need to sleep. ”
Alice watches me for a long moment before she nods and lies down.
She opens her arms for me, and I move into them, laying my head on her chest as the lights go out, plunging us into darkness.
Her heart beats in that strange rhythm that is specific to vampires.
Over the last few months, it has become a source of comfort, calming me in the same way that Connor used to.
A fresh wave of guilt slides over my skin.
What is happening to me? Why am I not in control of my feelings? Of my wants and needs?
Eventually I drift into the abyss, where I know my stranger will be waiting for me.