93. Summer
Chapter Ninety-Three
Summer
H e tenses a little, almost like he knows he’s screwed up, but I feel like I’ve been doused by the chill of his words. Not that I don’t like this possessiveness, but I also know I can’t give him what he wants at this moment.
“What else would you do?” he asks, digging his fingers into my thigh that he has hitched against his hip, and I know he’s trying to reignite the mood.
“Nothing,” I say, all warmth gone from my voice. “You ruined it.”
“Ruined it?” he asks, sounding surprised.
“Yes.”
He growls and leans in, biting my neck. It’s funny how drastically different his avatar feels.
It’s even starker now that I’ve felt how his hands feel, how he feels, how much warmth radiates from him.
I can’t help my moan, but the phantom touch of his lips pales in comparison to how they actually feel, and it just makes the yearning deeper.
“You’re overstating it, little fae,” he says, biting me again, but I push him back. He has the gall to look surprised again. “Explain to me how I ruined it ?”
“Considering the whole scenario was hypothetical. You didn’t need to mention that if I kissed you, I’d never be kissing anyone again,” I growl, feeling a flicker of annoyance that may be more to do with my increasing sexual frustration.
I pull my leg back and roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling.
“I was lost in thought. The fantasy of you touching the real me,” he says, with a low sigh .
My stomach flutters, but I ignore it, lifting my arms and letting them flop back to the bed. “Well, tough shit. You’ve ruined the mood.”
He moves in closer and nuzzles along my jaw, and I have to bite my lip to stop my moan. This is equally ?bad for both of us, and even in this form, he makes me feel so fucking good. He buries his face in my neck and inhales deeply.
“You can’t smell me?.?.?.” I moan, my eyes drifting closed.
“I remember it perfectly.”
“Stranger?.?.?.” I exhale and push him back so I can look at him.
He sighs and sits up on the bed, resting his head in his hands. I sit up too, staring at his back.
“Does it bother you so much that I can’t feel or smell or taste you in this form?” he asks, glancing at me over his shoulder.
“Yes, but that’s not why I stopped you.”
“Because of what I said about the kiss?”
“You ruined the mood,” I say, glaring at him.
“And the mood was . . .”
I blink, but when the stranger laughs, my lips twitch.
I roll my eyes and lie back down. The stranger moves on top of me, pinning me beneath his solid body.
I can’t stop the soft, happy sigh that parts my lips as his weight presses me into the mattress.
It’s the only thing that feels the same.
He nuzzles into my face, and when I nip at his jaw in warning, he chuckles, completely ignoring me.
I growl, and he growls back. The sound is low and terrifying, and I feel the vibration in my chest, making me shiver.
He nips my ear with his teeth and wraps my legs around his waist. I arch a little and pull him closer, seeking the feel and heat of him.
“Good girl . . .” he breathes against my neck.
I pull back a little, and he looks down at me. “The mood is still ruined,” I say, though my voice is husky.
He smirks and leans down, pressing a kiss to my throat. “The mood?.?.?.” I tilt my head and wrap my arms around him when he sucks on my neck. “How’s the mood now?” he asks, his breath warm.
“It’s . . .” I bite my lower lip. “Fuck . . .”
He bites me again, lower on my neck. “Now?” he asks, his tongue sliding over the sting.
I growl and roll us, pinning him to the bed. His chest heaves as he looks up at me, but then I remember he can’t feel me, and I curse, rolling off him. “What’s the point when you can’t feel me? When you’re a phantom? When I’ve had the real thing?”
“I knew it was an issue for you.”
I look at him. “You think I don’t crave your sounds? Your true sounds. Not the echo I hear from this form.”
“You do?” he asks, turning toward me.
“Yes.”
He grabs me and pulls me close, nipping at the sensitive, pointed tip of my ear again. He is very bitey today. My toes curl, but it still pales in comparison to what we had on Paradis.
“Stranger.”
He drags his fingertips along my stomach, finding the sliver of exposed skin.
“I want you to touch me. Actually, you. ”
“I want that too, little fae,” he says, but his muscles are tight with tension.
“But it’s too dangerous.” I glance at him, and he pulls me against him.
We lie there for a while, not speaking. I don’t think either of us knows what to say to make this better, but having even the echo of his arms around me soothes something in me.
It’s after midnight when he leaves, and I quickly drift off to sleep, aching with his absence.
I wake up in the bedroom as usual. It’s actually more like the stranger’s room, but not quite. I climb out of bed, my feet touching the cool marble floor. I hear that voice again, the one I heard in the previous dream. It’s calling out to me.
“Summer,” she calls to me, and I stand from the bed, walking toward the window. The forest is shrouded in darkness and mystery, and I lift my hand to the cool windowpane. My fingertips tingle from the chill.
“Summer.”
I watch, leaning closer, and then the window is gone. When I take a step forward, my feet are on plush grass, not hard marble. My silk nightdress brushes against my calves as it sways in the breeze, and my bare arms break out in goose bumps .
“Summer,” she says again, her voice louder now.
I move toward the trees, stopping in my tracks when I see her, barely breathing. She looks to be a little older than me. Her eyes are the same icy blue as mine, but her hair is much darker, almost black.
“Summer,” she says again, holding her hand out for me.
I take a step forward and reach for her, but someone yells my name, and I spin away from her.
“Summer!”
I gasp, waking with a start.
“Summer?” Alice asks, peeking into my room. “You’re not ready?”
I curse and check the time. Fuck, I’m running late.
“Coming.”
Alice nods and closes my door before going to finish getting ready herself.
I slip out of bed and rush through a quick shower before getting dressed.
Rafe is waiting for me downstairs, and he pushes a cup of coffee toward me.
He looks absolutely miserable, and I can only assume Mira hasn’t been in touch.
“You ready for your first day back, Rafe?” I ask, sipping the coffee. “It’s next week, right?”
“Maybe. We’ll see.” Rafe says, staring into his cup.
Rafe had agreed to come back to classes the week after All Souls, but I can feel the apprehension radiating off him.
“Rafe . . .”
“I still don’t know if it’s a good idea.” Rafe shrugs. “It’s dangerous.”
“You’re in better control now,” Alice says as she comes down the stairs.
I reach out and squeeze Rafe’s arm. “We’ll discuss this later, okay? Ready, Al?” I ask, taking the pressure from Rafe.
Alice grabs a blood bag and nods, tousling Rafe’s hair as she passes his chair. Rafe growls at her, but waves as we leave the house.
“So, Max texted me when I was away,” I say as we walk through the campus.
“Did he admit to being a douche canoe?”
“Nope,” I say. “I’ve just ignored his messages.”
Alice shrugs. “I mean, aren’t you doing something with the stranger now, anyway? Like, commitment-wise?”
“What? No,” I say, coming to a halt, unsure why her words spook me so much. “Why would you say that?”
Alice stops and turns to look at me. “Because you guys were attached at the hip at All Souls.”
“Okay, well, we’re just?.?.?. we’re not committed,” I say, looking away as I start walking again.
“Doesn’t he have a boner for commitment, though?”
“Alice, we’re not committed. Okay?” I ask a little more sharply than I mean to.
“Okay,” Alice says, shrugging again, but I remain tense. “Rafe needs to get over this thing about being around people. I thought Max was helping him,” Alice says, changing the subject.
“I thought so too, and he did fine at All Souls. We’ll discuss it with him tonight.”
“Our job as demon raisers is never done,” Alice says, linking her arm through mine.
I go to my advanced runes class, but it is not the distraction I’m hoping for.
Thoughts of the stranger distract me the entire class.
I know I’m not ready for what the stranger’s wanting, but Alice’s words really got to me.
For the first time since I lost Connor, I feel like I’m finally healing, and the last thing I need is to jump into something else.
Last year, I started finding myself thanks to Connor and Alice. They helped me grow into who I am now, but there is this whole other part of myself I need to explore, and I can’t avoid it anymore. It’s time for the distractions to stop, and that means no more?.?.?. intimate relations.
When I arrive at the canteen, Leo is sitting alone at our usual table, looking lost in thought. I sit down with my tray, dropping it a little harder than usual to get his attention.
“Hey,” I say when he looks up at me and blinks.
He nods. “Someone was looking for you.”
“Oh?” I frown.
“Me,” Max’s voice answers my question from behind me. “I was looking for you.”
I roll my eyes and ignore him, not turning to face him.
“Sum?” Max says, resting his hand on my shoulder.
“What?” I ask, piercing a lettuce leaf.
“Can I talk to you for a couple of minutes?”
I sigh, finally looking at him, and I glare at him for a long moment before relenting. “Fine,” I say, standing from the table. Max takes my hand and leads me to a quieter area in the canteen before releasing me.
“I texted you,” Max says awkwardly, his heavy brows drawn.
“I know,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Right?.?.?.” He runs his hand over his cropped hair. “I wanted to explain. About last time.”
I look around impatiently.
“I didn’t have a date.”
I roll my eyes.
“I’m serious.”
“Fine, you didn’t have a date. It wasn’t about that anyway. It’s whatever.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No. It was about the disrespect. It was about the way you made me feel cheap.”