99. Summer
Chapter Ninety-Nine
Summer
T he whole way home, I think about the kiss, about the stranger, about what my next steps are.
Do I tell the stranger? Even if I didn’t feel anything during the kiss?
From the second his lips brushed mine, all I felt was that it was wrong.
My body knew that these were not the lips that should be pressed to mine, and the guilt is now seeping into my bones.
Though this is a different kind of guilt, unlike what I felt at the start of the year.
This one is sharper and even more consuming.
Alice is coming down the stairs as I walk in the door. She is grumbling under her breath and looks more burdened than I’ve ever seen her.
“You okay?” I ask.
Alice nods, yawning. “Just stupid nightmares.” Alice rubs her eyes. “I don’t know. I just woke up not feeling rested at all.”
“Why don’t we sleep together tonight?” I ask, walking over and pulling her into a hug. “Like before?” I add.
It may not be a good idea, considering the confrontation I know is coming with the stranger. I am terrified of the consequences, and maybe I am being a coward, but this might delay the inevitable.
“I’d like that, just for tonight,” Alice says, relaxing into me.
Alice and I finally make it out of the house, and we go our separate ways for classes.
It’s a runes class, and I am so fucking disappointed that I can’t stop thinking about the stranger and that stupid kiss.
I can’t lie to him, not after I promised.
He is not a reasonable male, and while I have no idea how he will react, I know it will not be good .
I am still lost in my thoughts when I get to the canteen, and it’s not until I am heading toward our table that I become aware of the strange tension gripping the air.
Looking around, I realize that it’s all focused on Leo.
The shifters who have set up camp four tables away are all glaring at him, and he is sitting with slumped shoulders, trying to avoid the attention.
“Hey,” I say, dropping down next to him, causing Leo to jump a little.
“Oh, it’s you,” he says, his eyes flashing.
I quirk a brow. “Hello to you too. You okay?”
He ignores me, looking around. “Where’s your vampire?”
I check my phone but it’s empty of any messages. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon.”
“You two don’t go far without each other,” Leo says, looking back down at his plate.
“Well, she’s my wife, so . . .”
Leo’s eyes flash, his head snapping toward me. “You’re mates?”
“What? No.” I frown. “We’re best friends.”
“Oh,” Leo says with a little more relief than I would expect. “You have predestined mates like us, so I just assumed.”
I throw him a look. “Okay, first of all, Alice and I are both, unfortunately, heterosexual. Second, while fae can have mates, it is not something I will be conforming to.”
“Conforming to?” Leo asks, the doubt in his voice loud and clear.
I nod and take a bite of my salad.
“You get a choice?”
“Not technically. But it will not end well for the guy who comes up to me claiming to be my mate.”
Leo pauses thoughtfully and then chuckles, some of the tension evaporating from him.
“What?”
“It’s just nice to hear someone else who thinks fate is optional.”
“Fuck fate,” I say. Fate is the reason I lost Connor. Apparently, that was his fate, and I cannot believe that someone so good and so kind had a fate like his.
“Fuck not having a choice,” Leo says, and I feel like we’re no longer just talking about mates.
Leo suddenly sits up straight, his entire feline attention focused past me. He stretches out his growing hands and then fists them again as Alice drops down next to me. The dark circles beneath her eyes are a deeper purple, and she leans against me.
“Hey,” I say, but Alice has already closed her eyes, her weight pressing into me. “Al?”
She grunts softly.
“Maybe you should just go home?”
“But you’re here.”
“You’re exhausted,” I say. I know she hasn’t been sleeping properly since before All Souls, but it is harder to keep track of now that we are sleeping in our own rooms again.
Alice exhales. “Probably a good idea.” She yawns and stands up. “You’ll be safe?” she asks, and when I nod, she leaves, but her seat is not vacant for long.
“Hi,” I say, glancing at Max as he sits next to me. I feel so awkward, and the guilt seems to amp up the second I look at him.
“So I spoke to Rafe,” he says by way of greeting.
“You did?” I ask, perking up. “How’d it go?”
“About as well as you’d imagine.” I grimace, but then he adds, “But he almost seemed to think twice about it.”
“Oh?”
“You might be getting through to him.” He waits until my gaze meets his. “You can be very persuasive.”
My lips twitch. “Thanks for talking to him, Max.”
Max nods and looks down at his burger. “Can I ask you something?” he asks, his voice lowered to give us a sliver of privacy in the bustling cafeteria. I glance at him and nod, though my stomach twists. “Since All Souls, you seem different,” he says. “Which is fine.”
“Different how?”
“It’s like you’re seeing someone,” Max says with a chuckle.
“Oh.” My cheeks heat, and I look away.
“Are you? Seeing someone?”
I hesitate for a long moment before I answer. “No. I’m celibate.”
“You sure? You seem preoccupied.”
You can fucking say that again.
“Am I sure I’m not seeing someone?” I quirk a brow. “Pretty sure. ”
Max rolls his eyes. “Could still be someone occupying your thoughts.”
“There’s not,” I lie, looking away. The lie tastes like acid on my tongue, but for whatever reason, I’m not willing to confess about the stranger. “I’m going to the library.”
“I can come with you,” Max offers.
“No, it’s okay. Enjoy your lunch,” I say, smiling, but as I walk away, I pull my phone free. My hands shake a little, my emotions a mess of anxiety and apprehension.
Summer
Can we meet later?
Even typing out the message makes my stomach sick, but I can’t do this. I can’t keep this from him.
Unknown
When?
I can still sense his anger, but I know it’s about earlier and not the kiss. If it were about the kiss, I’d probably be locked up in his basement.
Fuck, why am I telling him again? Because I have to. Because I want to. Because I am not the person I used to be.
Summer
This evening?
Unknown
I’ll be there.