117. Summer
Chapter One Hundred Seventeen
Summer
A lice spent most of last night inconsolable.
Rafe and I stayed up with her, but she finally cried herself to sleep about two hours ago, so I sent Rafe off to get some rest too.
Alice’s grief is complicated -because she isn’t grieving her father.
She is grieving what he could have been.
I stroke her hair back from her face and kiss the top of her head as she sleeps beside?me.
Rafe and I will need to make a plan before Alice wakes up.
The rites are going to be hard enough, but the coronation is going to be its own special torture.
It is happening on the heels of her father’s funeral, and there is no doubt that there is going to be trouble.
Alice has never fit into the Dr?culean mold they constantly tried to squeeze her into.
I shift carefully out of bed and set up the baby monitor on her bedside table before picking up the receiver. Yawning, I pad into my room to shower and change, but stop short when I find the stranger stretched out on my bed, waiting for me.
“Hi.” I smile, my shoulders sagging in relief.
“What’s happened?” he asks, sitting up.
I exhale. “Alice’s father is dead, and along with everything being complicated,” I say, which feels extremely reductive, “she is mourning someone she hated, which is even messier.”
“She is mourning what they could have been,” he says with a nod.
I lean back against the door, exhaustion tugging at me. “Something feels off, though.” I frown. “I can’t put my finger on it. ”
“Would you like me to investigate Dr?culea?” he asks, all his focus on me.
“Let me do some research first.”
He holds out his hands for me. I push away from the door and set the baby monitor down on the nightstand before placing my hands in his. He brings them to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
“I can practically hear your thoughts racing,” he says, watching me.
I exhale heavily. “I’m sorry. It’s been an overwhelming couple of days.”
He pulls me onto his lap, and I easily melt against him as I wrap my arms around his neck.
“I missed you,” he says, nuzzling into my neck, and I tilt my head for him, giving him more access. He kisses along my throat. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I moan softly. “I always knew this day was coming with Al, but for it to happen now? When her life is just beginning? When she’s just managed to escape Dr?culea.”
The stranger still kisses up my neck, distracting me.
“Something feels off.”
“Off? That is the second time you’ve said that,” the stranger says, pulling back to study me.
Alice whimpers over the monitor, and I grab it. “I have to go. I’ll text you?”
He kisses my jaw once more before helping me off his lap. As soon as I am steady on my feet, he’s gone. I hurry back to Alice’s room and climb into bed with her, holding her close as she sobs against me.
“I’m here.”
“But I’m supposed to be the one who’s here for you,” Alice says through her sobs.
“You have been here for me. You saved me. You’re my family,” I say, stroking her hair. “It’s my turn to be here for you now.”
Alice hugs me tight. “You’re my family too.”
I kiss her head. “You’re safe. You’re loved. You’re wanted.” Things that Alice and I had never felt before we found each other.
“Thank you for saving me last year,” Alice whimpers.
“Last year?”
Alice nods into my neck. “When I came here, I didn’t think I was worth anything, but you never made me feel like that. You made me feel special. ”
“We saved each other,” I admit. She and Connor did more for me than they would ever realize.
“Thank you, Sum. For thinking I was worthy.”
“You’re worth everything,” I say, nuzzling into her.
Alice sobs again. “Why do we keep losing things?” I know she isn’t simply speaking about her father. She’s grieving her loss of independence at this moment.
“I don’t know, Al.”
“It’s not fair.” Alice hiccups on a sob. “It’s not fair. Things were starting to get better.”
I stroke her hair. “And they will again.” I notice how pale she is, and I frown. “Did you eat yesterday?”
Alice pulls back, looking up at me, and I notice the bags beneath her eyes. They’re not only due to a lack of sleep.
“I’ll be back in a second,” I say, climbing out of bed and going downstairs to get a blood bag for her. My phone pings when I reach the kitchen.
Unknown
How’s Alice?
I press the button on the coffee maker, yawning as it whirs to life.
Summer
Not great.
Unknown
And you?
Summer
I’m okay. Tired.
The kitchen door swings open behind me, and I glance over my shoulder to see a mass of fiery red hair. She stops in the doorway of the kitchen, wearing one of Rafe’s old jerseys.
“Oh, sorry. I just wanted to get some water,” she says, blushing.
I nod and walk to the fridge to grab a blood bag for Alice. A heavy silence falls over the kitchen as she pulls a cup from the cabinet and fills it with water.
“You’ve been staying over a lot,” I say, the words echoing in the silence .
Her shoulders tense. “Is that a problem?” she asks, defensiveness lacing her voice.
I briefly wonder whether two such volatile species will be a good fit.
I lean against the counter as the coffee drips into my waiting mug. “Our family is hurting right now, Mira.” I stare at her back, waiting for her to turn and look at me before I continue. “Don’t hurt Rafe.”
Mira’s eyes flicker with what looks like flames, and I can tell the thought of hurting him makes her recoil, but it’s the spark of respect I see that sets my mind at ease. “I won’t.”
I nod and pull my coffee cup from under the nozzle just as it finishes.
Taking a sip of the steaming brew, I turn to leave the kitchen.
“Welcome to the family, then,” I say, and just like that, Mira is a part of the Morningstar band of misfits.
I’m not sure why I trust her, but deep down, there is something telling me she belongs with us.
Alice sits up in bed when I walk in, and I hand her the blood bag. “Were you talking to someone?”
“Mira.”
“She’s here a lot now,” Alice says, spearing the bag with a straw.
“I know,” I say. “I was maybe a little harsh with her, but she’s been threatened enough that she’s now initiated.”
Alice nods. “Good. It’s how we show our affection.”
I climb into bed and sip my coffee. “I just don’t want Rafe to get hurt. Though I get the feeling that she would rather die than hurt him.”
“He’s still our little demon baby,” Alice says, and I’m happy to see that even after a couple of sips of blood, she’s looking more pink in the cheeks. “You like her?” Alice asks.
I nod. “I think she’s good for Rafe.”
“Me too. He seems lighter since she came back. Even with all the drama.”
“Well, he wouldn’t be a Morningstar if he didn’t attract a little bit of drama.”
Alice laughs, and it is so good to hear. “Definitely a family trait, and an adoptive trait as well, unfortunately.”
“I broke up with Max,” I exhale, my words coming out on the breath.
“Your stranger wouldn’t have anything to do with that, would he?” Alice asks, watching me intently as she takes another sip of blood.
I nod. There’s no sense in denying it anymore .
“So are we committing to him?” she asks, her nose wrinkling at the word.
I nod again.
“Yeah? That’s huge, Sum!” Alice says with a bright smile.
I quirk a brow. “I thought you didn’t trust him.”
Alice slurps blood from the bag and shrugs. “I trust you, and I can see the light in your eyes when you talk about him. It’s not even a light you had when you were with Connor.”
I exhale heavily. “We’ll see,” I say with a shrug, though I can’t keep the smile from my lips.
“You don’t sound too optimistic,” she says, arching a brow.
“I still feel a lot of guilt.”
“About Con?” I nod, and Alice shifts closer, knowing I need comfort. “Do you ever wish you’d never given him a chance?” she asks. “Con, I mean.”
“What?” I ask with a frown.
Alice shrugs, looking a little sheepish.
“If I hadn’t, he’d still be alive,” I say, tears filling my eyes as something inside me unravels.
Alice shakes her head. “That’s not what I mean. I mean, do you regret how he changed you?”
“No,” I say without a beat of hesitation.
Alice studies my face. “Not even a little?”
“No,” I repeat immediately. “I have conflicting feelings about other things, but not that.”
“Okay, but what if?.?.?.” Alice takes my hand. “What if the stranger is the next person to change you for the better?”
There is that feeling again, the one that has been active in me since I unraveled that lie with the stranger, though I have no fucking idea what it is.
“What if he doesn’t?” Will Alice and Rafe still love me if I allow myself to sink into that part of me? To explore the darkness that has always lived within? Will Farrah and Uriel still want me in their family?
“In this house, we support females’ wrongs, and if you want, I’ll figure out how to kill him.”
Deep down, I know Alice will still love me.
She has something akin to darkness within her, a lethal and sinister energy that she doesn’t even try to shy away from.
Rafe has it too, now that I think about it, but I don’t have the answers yet, and I don’t feel confident enough in my future to guess about it.
“Let’s watch trashy television,” I say, knowing we both need the distraction.
Alice taps the space bar on her laptop, and one of her new shows starts to play.
It’s called Shifter Wars , and it’s as trashy as that other one she used to watch, though this one is less scandalous, given the nature of the packs.
“Sum?” Alice says after a few quiet moments.
“Hm?”
“Your bad parts? I love those too, you know.” I feel my eyes burn with tears.
How did she know that’s exactly what I wanted to hear?
But then I remember that I’ve known all along we are cut from similar cloths, formed from torn pieces we desperately stitched together, and some of those pieces are dark.
“Don’t be afraid of them,” she whispers, and I curl more into her. “No matter who you uncover within yourself, within your past. It is always going to be me by your side.”