Chapter Twenty-Nine #3
“Do you think that if you hadn’t gotten hurt, you’d still be like that? Arrogant with an overinflated ego?”
“I’d like to think I wouldn’t be. I wasn’t like that in high school. I’m not like that now. I’d hope that I would’ve come to my senses and returned to who I’d always been whether I’d been hurt or not. But I don’t really know.”
She turned and studied my face. “And Aubrey? Do you think the two of you would’ve stayed together if we’d broken up before the summer?”
“Absolutely not. I would have broken up with her even if you weren’t still my girlfriend at that point. I didn’t even like her,” I said, putting my face in my hands. “My main attraction to her was the way she talked about me, like I was invincible or something.”
“But you were attracted to her physically.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Yes. I’m not going to lie to you. I was physically attracted to her for a while.
But that had started to really wane as well.
In fact, I already had a plan to try to get you back.
” I chuckled. “It would’ve failed miserably, but I was so self-important there was still this part of me that thought you’d welcome me back with open arms. I was clearly delusional. ”
“Clearly,” she agreed.
“I’ve regretted all of it every day since then. There will always be part of me that loves you, Sadie. Always.” I smiled at her sadly. I couldn’t tell her that it was more than just a part of me. It was all of me. I didn’t want to scare her away.
“I guess I have that for you, too.”
“Yeah?” I was shocked.
She nodded. “You ruined me. At first, I thought it was just because of cheating on me, making me doubt myself, all of that. But later I saw that it was who you were before all of that happened. I dated a lot of guys after you. But I never connected with any of them on an emotional, or physical, level like I did with you.”
I didn’t want to hear about how many guys she’d been physical with even though I totally deserved it.
“And I couldn’t ever trust anyone. I’d get to a certain point in the relationship and just couldn’t go any further, even if I liked them.”
I winced. “I’m so fucking sorry, Sadie. I can’t believe I could ever have been that jackass that hurt you so bad.
You were my favorite person on the planet.
And that’s the way I treated you. Yes, I was young and had been catapulted into fame.
But that’s no excuse. Lots of people go through similar things but manage to stay with their girlfriends and not become estranged from their friends and family.
I just crashed and burned. My parents really did a lot of soul-searching wondering where they went wrong raising me.
But it wasn’t anything they did. I was raised to know better. ”
She cleared her throat. “Being around you the past few months has made me remember how much fun we had together and why I loved you in the first place.”
“It has?” I could feel my heart pounding with hope that she was going to give us another chance.
“Yes.”
“What does that mean for us?” I asked softly. “Anything?”
“I’d… like to be friends again. But I’m not sure I know how to do that with you.”
“What do you mean?”
She looked at me. “We have so much romantic history. I think it would always be hard for me to see you with someone else. So, I don’t know if I can truly ever be friends with you.”
“I can’t lie. I feel the same way.” I gave her a sheepish grin. “I thought Tim was your date.”
She laughed. “You did?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t taking it well, either.”
“I didn’t like seeing that bartender flirt with you at the bachelor and bachelorette party,” she admitted.
I was ridiculously please by that. “I don’t even remember what she looks like,” I said. “So, where do you see us heading from here?”
She gave me a confused smile. “I’m not really sure.”
I grabbed her hand. I didn’t want to come on too strong, but I wanted her to know how I felt.
I might not get another chance with her.
There was a fine line here, and I wanted to do it right.
“I want us to try again, Sunshine. What you said about never feeling for anyone else what you felt for me? I feel that exact same way. I know I’ll never fall for anyone like I did for you. ”
We sat there on the bench, the fall breeze blowing lightly around us, the sound of the river below us, and stared into each other’s eyes.
We held hands and sat like that for a while.
She licked her lips after taking another sip of wine, and my eyes fell to her perfect pink mouth.
I was so turned on just being this close to her, and I had to fight back a groan.
My eyes came back up to hers, and I saw that she had noticed my feelings. “We should probably go.”
I closed my eyes briefly, dying to kiss her but knowing I needed to let her make the first move. I smiled at her as I stood and offered my hand. We gathered up all our stuff and started making our way back up the steps to the country club.
“Are you going to be okay to drive home?” I asked her, already thinking I should call a ride share service.
“One hundred percent not,” she laughed. “I never have this much wine, and I’m a lightweight.”
I remembered that about her. “Let me call you an Uber. I’ll wait with you while it gets here.”
And we stood in the parking lot, holding hands and reminiscing while we waited for the ride to get there.