23. Chapter 22
Chapter 22
Katherine
P osted 11th November 2024 08:23
Weddings.
They can be a celebration of all things love, life and happy endings. They can also be stressful, scary and sad.
I have every expectation that this one will be the latter. Because weddings aren’t just about the bride and groom they are also about all the family that comes along with them.
Nevertheless, I’ve always looked forward to going to my first wedding; amazing food, dancing until your feet fall off, the love from everyone swirling in the air. But the best part is that at the end of the day, you get to bask in the love the two people getting married have for each other.
But they don’t always last, and I think that’s inevitable. As a soulmate believer, I couldn’t imagine marrying someone who isn’t my soulmate but plenty of people do and plenty of people live long happy lives with people who aren’t.
My heart hurts a little for James and his dad, and on one hand I kinda understand if his mom found her soulmate, but I can’t understand how she could just leave him like that. To walk out of your son's life for someone at that point she barely knew.
And especially not James.
A soulmate love—or so I’ve heard—feels like something you’ll never know until it happens. Something you’ve never felt before, and I can imagine that feeling is intoxicating. Makes your head swim and your skin burn. But a love a parent has for their child I had always assumed was even more.
Maybe I’m wrong, I haven’t found my soulmate and I’m also not a parent, but I don’t think I can be on anyone else’s side besides James.
Today is going to be stressful, I can feel it
My eyes drift over to the gold dress hung up in front of my wardrobe and the heels sitting under it. Bella and I FaceTimed yesterday so she could see it on and help me with the rest, telling me explicitly I had to have my hair up to show off my back; I’ve opted for a butterfly clip from the ‘90s.
My focus is brought back to my laptop when it lets out a ding alerting me to an email. The address is unknown to me but the name Thomas Mitchel sitting before the email handle makes my heart skip, literally .
Thomas Mitchel [email protected]
To Katherine Miller
Subject: Your soulmate adventure
Dear Miss Miller,
My name is Tommy Mitchel and I’m emailing you from the offices of Soulmate Chronicles.
I had the pleasure of meeting your friend Isabella Sainz at a photo shoot the other day and we got to talking, about you mostly.
She told me all about your soulmate adventure and I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to speak to you, hence this email. She also mentioned that you graduated from NYU currently for journalism, and she gave me the address for your blog so I could see some of what you’d written about your personal soulmate experience.
I would love to have a chat with you about what we at Soulmate Chronicles might be able to do in terms of collaborating with you.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards,
Tommy Mitchel
Editor in Chief at Soulmate Chronicles.
I reread the email at least twenty times before I determine that there is in fact really an email from Soulmate Chronicles sitting in my inbox, and not just any email. One from the man I’d been reading articles from since I could buy magazines.
This isn’t happening!
Surely, Bella would have told me she talked to him, or that she’s told him all about me!
I check the time again and decide it is far too early to be calling her to make sure this isn’t a scam, I put that on my list of to-do’s for tomorrow.
Leaning back in my chair, I can’t quite decide if I’m crazy-excited or crazy-nervous or crazy-anxious, or just maybe crazy. I still get up and jump around my room like said crazy person, because OMG!
If this is real, and a big if , then I could very well be talking to Tommy Mitchel and not just talking, but collaborating. That wasn’t a job offer but I’m delusional enough to tell myself that maybe it could be.
I’ve been reading Soulmate Chronicles since before I could afford to buy it for myself. There are plenty of soulmate related blogs online, people just talking about their experiences, but Soulmate Chronicles is the only physical magazine to be successful. I learnt almost everything that I didn’t learn from my nan about soulmates from this magazine. It always made me feel more connected to a community I didn’t have in real life.
The crushing feeling of the realisation that I’m still in Australia hits me like a ton of bricks. Soulmate Chronicles are in New York, back home. I mean I haven’t even talked to the guy, but I have a feeling if anything is to happen, I need to be back there. But what does that mean for my soulmate?
I know I said I’d be gone by the end of the year but what if I do find my soulmate? What if he wants to stay here?
I can’t do this right now. I have two hours until James picks me up and I can’t be having a crisis when I need to do my makeup, and also keep myself from having a different crisis about having to meet James' family when I don’t even know where we stand.
What am I even talking about, we’re not anything. We just kissed once, and he helped me with a panic attack, and we just look at each other like we’ve never seen each other before and like we’ll never get enough of looking. But yes, we aren’t anything, so that shouldn’t be something I’m worrying about. I sit completely still for another five minutes, collecting myself before I push everything I’m now panicking about to the very back of my brain. They are things that Tomorrow Katherine will have to think about, not Today Katherine, not the Katherine who has to go to a wedding.
What if James was my soulmate? If I could know, maybe it will make all of this easier.
If he is, then it would make sense why I feel the need to be near him, even if it is to torment and tease each other. If he isn’t, then I can tell myself to stop and this is all a trick my mind is playing on me .
I don’t think I’ve ever thought something so ridiculous in my life. James: my soulmate. It’s almost laughable. It’s in fact so laughable that I do laugh.
But then again, I’ve never denied how stupidly attracted to him I am. And then there was that time in the store a few weeks ago when I was ignoring him, we brushed arms while trying to both come out of the back room at the same time, and it stopped me in my tracks. So simple, so small and yet it felt like all of the earth’s electricity surged through my body from the smallest touch. And that's not the only time it’s happened, sometimes I feel it just when he’s a little too close to me, not even touching me, it makes me feel like a wire coiled too tight.
I feel like I’m watching a tennis match between the two different sides of my brain, and I’m getting dizzy.
I know there is only one way to solve this but I promised myself, Ella, Mom, and Bella I wouldn’t do it. I know what they all said, that I need to let life happen, that I shouldn’t put so much pressure on it, that I should just live—but I can’t. Did I really think I ever could? I don’t know if I can let myself think about anyone else until I know for sure.
I think about it the whole time I do my make up, my hair and put on my dress. Only once I’m ready do I take a deep breath and make up my mind.
Ella’s working all day at the shop and she only left an hour ago so there’s no chance of her coming back and catching me.
I walk into Ella’s room, deciding that’s got to be where she put it. It feels wrong being in here like this, it feels like I’m breaking her trust but I just don’t think I’ll be able to calm down till I have it back again.
I’m pulling drawers open and looking in shoe boxes. Under the bed, and inside her desk.
Nothing .
I turn towards the door again and my eyes catch her bedside table, I walk towards it and pull open the drawer. There it is. It’s almost like reuniting with an old friend. An old friend who I feel like I’ve abandoned.
Although I’m sure my soul stone doesn’t have actual feelings, I still feel bad that it’s been here this whole time. I just look at it for a moment and I think over whether to actually pick it up or not. It’s honestly not until this moment, when I’m willing to break my promise to everyone, that's when I realise I do like him.
I like his ridiculous blue eyes and blonde hair. I like how passionate he is about surfing and about the kids he gets to teach. I like how he gets under my skin in every way, the best way and the worst. I like how I feel when he touches me and how I feel safe when he’s near.
God, this is terrible. I came here to find my soulmate, not to get rejected by the one guy I told myself was the total opposite of what I wanted. And even if he does by some kind of miracle feel the same, it won't matter, he won't be my soulmate. I let out a watery laugh at the thought. I blink up at the ceiling a few times to stop the tears I know are building.
Wiping my increasingly sweaty hands over my dress, I need to make this decision quickly because James will be here soon.
And then I’m thinking about what if he is my soulmate and I never let myself get any closer to him because I’m so sure that he’s not.
Before I know it, my hand is around the stone taking it out of the drawer. I roll it around in my hand, it’s cold and that just reminds me of how long I’ve not had it on.
I close the drawer and debate whether or not to actually wear it. I can’t actually hide it under my dress, the neckline is too low. I think if he sees it on me we might go back to square one with the whole thing and I’m not sure if I can really take that or not .
I shove it in my purse, surely it’ll still work even if I’m not wearing it. Most people don’t wear theirs.
I play with the whale around my neck for a minute, giving myself time to change my mind and then there’s a knock at the door. I brush my dress off and go answer it.
I open the door and he’s standing there looking as unbelievably handsome as ever. I try to take a breath in but it doesn't seem to happen. I feel more lightheaded than I did a minute ago and I know it’s because he’s looking at me with that boyish grin, his blue eyes sparkling in the way they only do when I know his smile is real.
And I’m left only feeling more confused than I was seconds ago because all of a sudden, I’m wishing he was and wasn’t my soulmate all at the same time.