15. Zair
Zair
Verbal Castration: Setting the New Standard for Dating
Ifind myself in Thea’s nook again tonight.
I feel like we’re slipping into a rhythm, like we’re orbiting the same space without pushing each other off course.
It’s strange, but there’s comfort in it.
Something quiet. Implicit. But it works, even if I can’t explain why.
I’ve never been comfortable around witches.
But I am. I don’t even keep my barriers up when it’s just the two of us.
She could snake into my mind easily, but I know she won’t.
My pen rests idle in my hand as I watch her more than I work.
I’ve been asking around about Thea, trying to figure her out.
What people say doesn’t line up with what I see.
They call her weak, forgettable. But I see the scars, the cracks, and the way she’s still standing.
Still fighting. Still hers. That doesn’t look weak to me.
Thea doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone, and I think that’s what keeps pulling me in. She doesn’t wear her strength on her sleeve, but I can feel it. It’s quiet, constant. I don’t know how she does it. How she moves through this world so unaffected. I admire that more than I care to admit.
I was supposed to go to a party tonight, but I skipped it. I’ve spent so long pretending to fit in: talking to people I don’t like, wearing the fake smile, keeping up the act. But when I’m around her, I just want to drop it all. Be myself. It’s an idea that feels both liberating and terrifying.
Thea makes me look at people differently, like maybe we’re all more than we seem.
Combat class this week put her with Mavrik, and I caught myself watching them instead of focusing on my own drills.
I figured I’d have to step in, keep an eye on her.
Mavrik struck me as the kind of guy who makes most women uneasy.
Not in a dangerous way, just distant, unreadable, like he’s always ten steps ahead and never says why.
But Thea? She’s right there with him, maybe even further ahead.
The way they work together is natural, a steady exchange I didn’t expect.
His shadows curled around her, and she let one loop her arm like a tame animal.
I’m starting to think maybe I misjudged both him and his shadows.
And just when I’m thinking people might surprise me, the universe sends a reminder that some of them are exactly as shallow as they seem.
After coach put us through a grueling workout that would leave a nightblind in a cast, a group of us are staggering to our dorms to shower before classes when Wesley Dean zeros in on Thea, stepping into her space like he’s doing her a favor by existing within arm’s reach.
She looks at him like he’s just another fly buzzing in her periphery.
“If you’re looking for a workout,” he drawls. “I can think of better ways.”
Thea sidesteps him like he’s nothing and keeps her pace. He follows. The fool.
“So can I,” she says, smooth as ice. “But this one actually brings me pleasure.”
I bark out a laugh, sharp and completely involuntary.
He swings toward me like I slapped him.
“Brennan, didn’t know you were part of this conversation.”
I open my mouth to say something smart, maybe something stupid. But Thea’s already on it. “I didn’t know you were either. So fuck off.”
He stiffens, face twisting like he’s not used to being dismissed, especially not by what he thinks of as a weak witch. Doesn’t know what to do with someone who isn’t interested in playing the game.
“Look, bitch,” he snaps, grabbing her arm. “I was just trying to help you climb the ladder. Suck my dick.”
I clench my fist, ready to defend her honor or some shit. I’m probably not a match for this guy, but seriously.
Thea’s expression twists into wide-eyed disbelief.
“Wow. Is it so gross that even you think it’s a punishment?”
He lurches back and Thea effortlessly shakes her arm free and keeps walking. He gives a short, disbelieving laugh, half breath, half panic before following her again.
“Are you for real?”
She doesn’t even look at him as she replies, “If it was worth anything, you’d be calling me lucky to suck it. But you’re acting like even you wouldn’t want to go near it so yeah, must be disgusting.”
I can’t help it. I lose it. My laughter rings out, the rest of the group joins in, all watching this play out with rapt attention. Even Mavrik is smiling.
“That’s not—I didn’t—” he sputters, scrambling for whatever dignity he thinks he still has.
But Thea isn’t done. She stops to step in a half-inch closer, eyes wide, voice dropping to a stage whisper with mock concern.
“Is it really veiny?” Thea’s smile is glorious.
He glances around, catching the eyes locked on him. Trying to salvage something, he puffs up.
“Now listen here. You’d be lucky if I wanted you.”
It’s desperate, and everyone knows it.
“If it’s as underwhelming as your personality, I’m not missing much.”
He chokes on a response, face going redder than a hex flare, then spins on his heel and stomps off like a tantruming child denied candy.
I catch the eyes of a few of the guys, Tomo is here, so this story is going to spread like wildfire. Bernard is assessing Thea with new eyes. As the group starts to thin out, I turn to her, curiosity finally getting the better of me.
“What the hell was that?”
She shrugs. “What was what?”
“Nothing,” I say, still laughing, rubbing the corner of my eye. “Just… I didn’t realize you liked me.”
She lifts a brow, the kind of dangerous look that makes my stomach tighten.
I gesture behind us. “If that’s how you treat people you don’t like, I must be your favorite.”
She smirks, slow and lazy, like she knows exactly what I’m thinking. Then she keeps walking, leaving me trailing behind her, still grinning.
The rest of my day crawls by. No nightblind classes on Fridays.
I try to focus on the group project, but it’s hard when I’m the only guy in a group of six.
The girls hang on my every word, and I go through the motions: charming smile, practiced laugh, just enough wit to keep the sparkle in their eyes.
But it’s like eating air. I used to think this was the point.
To be wanted, be watched. To be the guy everyone gravitated toward.
When you’re a banshee, you’re either feared or alone.
I’ve hidden everything that makes me, me. And now, that feels startlingly empty.
I can’t shake the feeling that I’m stuck in some kind of social purgatory. And I know exactly who’s to blame. The green-eyed witch who kicked a man in the balls with just her words this morning. Why is that so damn attractive? Must be the Irish in me.
I’m counting the minutes until lunchtime and it’s not a complete lie that I’ve got somewhere else to be.
But lunchtime is no better. All the guy talk is meaningless.
Who cares about a shifter who lost her clothes?
Is that the most interesting thing that’s happened?
The way they’re talking about it would make you think they’d never seen a naked woman before.
What shifter hasn’t flashed half their pack?
Lunch blends into healing class, where it’s more of the same. It’s strange, I used to think the spotlight was where I belonged. But now, I’m not so sure.
During crafting Benson says, “Dylan wanted me to remind you of the party tonight.”
“Is it optional?”
“Nope. And it’s Friday night. No studying,” he tells me, his smirk knowing.
“What’s wrong with studying?” I play innocent.
“What’s going on with you and this witch?” he counters.
It’s good it’s hot because I’m sure my cheeks heat up. “You’d love her.” His face is skeptical but I launch into the story from this morning.
“Then bring her tonight,” he suggests.
“Did you not hear the story I told you? She’s rather misanthropic.”
After class, we head to soccer practice. Dylan and Benson don’t give me a chance to escape. Dragging me to a ridiculous party and then disappearing, leaving me to fend for myself. I’ve talked to maybe five people and haven’t said a single meaningful thing before she shows up.
Anita.
The kind of witch that would burn the world down because she was cold, and then expect us to thank her for the warmth. She sidles up to me like she owns the place.
“Hey, Zair,” she purrs. My skin is already itching.
“Hey.” I try to sidestep her, but she’s right there, glued to my side.
She leans in, way too close for comfort. “Want to go somewhere private?”
I force a grin. “You’re not my type.”
She laughs, soft and airy, as though I’ve told the world’s best joke. “Sure, you say that now. But you’re not really the type to know what you want, are you?” She cocks an eyebrow, like she’s figured me out. “I mean, if you were, wouldn’t you have already made a move?”
I grit my teeth, forcing myself to stay calm. She likes to get a reaction. “I know exactly what I want, and it’s not you.”
Her smile doesn’t waver. “You say that, but there’s this look in your eyes…” She inches closer. “Maybe you’re just scared. Scared to admit it. Or maybe you just don’t know how to handle it.”
I rewind the words in my head, hoping they’d sound different the second time around. No luck. “You know I don’t date witches.”
Anita and these games are exactly why. Witches are power-hungry, emotionally vacant, and manipulative.
Her laugh is light and dismissive. “Oh, please. You keep saying that, but if you were really so against it, you’d be able to ignore me by now. The thing is, you don’t. You keep looking at me, like you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re not interested.”
I clench my fists at my sides. She’s pushing buttons I didn’t even know existed. “I don’t touch witches.”
“Who said anything about touching? Interesting that that’s where your mind went. I’m not asking for that. But I do wonder… what’s really stopping you?” She glances around, then back to me. “I’ve seen how you react. You can’t keep pretending it’s not there. You can’t keep lying to yourself.”
I take a step away, hoping to get some space, but she follows, practically breathing down my neck. “I don’t need to lie to myself. You’re just—”
“Just what? Too much for you to handle? Or maybe you’ve just convinced yourself you don’t want it. That you can’t want it. But look at you…” She lets the words hang in the air. “You don’t get to act like you’re not interested when I can practically see how hard you’re trying to avoid this.”
I feel my jaw tighten. She’s playing with my mind now. I spin on my heel, walking away, hoping she won’t follow. But of course she does. Her perfume trails after me, like a shadow stalking its prey.
“You’re really going to keep running, huh?” she calls after me, her voice dripping with amusement.
Without looking back, I duck out the side door, cast a quick illusion and blend into a hedge near the porch. She steps out, scanning the sidewalk, then pouts and turns toward the party.
I let out a breath, the tension in my chest finally loosening. I roll up my sleeves and no curse marks have shown up. My footsteps echo in the night. I don’t even know where I’m going. Just away. Anywhere that’s not this party, not Anita, not any of this fake nonsense.
Before I know it, I’m standing in front of Thea’s dorm, blinking in surprise. Didn’t plan on ending up here, but now that I am, it feels… right. I knock.
The door opens.
“Hey?” she says, confused. “Everything okay?”
“Yes,” I tell her.
“I thought you said you were going to a party.” It doesn’t sound like she cares, more like she doesn’t remember she was supposed to meet me.
“I just… walk?”
She gives me a small, understanding nod, and we go. No questions, no pressure. Just the two of us moving through the cool night air.
Exactly what I needed, though I didn’t know it until now.