Chapter Thirty-One
As much as Silas and I had joked about it, there was a very big chance he was going to lose the game today. I sat in the front row, clad in his jersey, my hands gripping the bench as I watched the scoreboard show that Maple Falls High was indeed down by several points.
‘Never thought I’d see the day that Maya Reverie was invested in a rugby match,’ Raven intoned beside me. She had a book balanced on her knees and one hand wrapped around a coffee cup.
‘I’m invested in the whole school not thinking I’m the reason that they lose this game. I’ve already heard Trent gossiping about how Silas has been “distracted”,’ I said, putting air quotations around the last word. ‘If anyone’s truly invested, it’s Sofia.’
We both looked at the faerie in unison; she was decked out in the school colours and watching the game with clenched teeth and random bursts of shouting that probably weren’t random to anyone else who was a fan of the sport and could actually follow along.
‘Whatever. The important thing is that Silas won’t blame you,’ Raven said, nudging me with her elbow. ‘Though, if he does win, I imagine he’ll want to celebrate with you.’
My cheeks went pink. ‘I think he might actually like me.’
Raven rolled her eyes. ‘Of course he likes you. It’s so obvious. I just can’t wait till he finally tells you. Or you tell him, I suppose. What is the new plan now?’
‘The new plan is I tell Silas at the Fallen Leaves Festival on Sunday. Tomorrow, Orion and I are going to go over the soulmate spell and practise reciting it correctly, and then I’m just going to confess my feelings, say the spell, share true love’s kiss, and everything will be fine,’ I said, all in a rush.
I expected to get my friends’ quick assurances and approval, but my declaration was followed by silence.
I gave them both sharp glances. Sofia was focusing on the game – Silas’s team seemed to have found their rhythm again and the scores were ticking upwards.
Everyone was watching the game, but Raven had this funny look on her face.
I tried to ignore it at first, because I knew what that look on Raven’s face meant. It was a sign that she was preparing herself to say something she knew I wouldn’t like. An observation that I would likely hate. So, I told myself to ignore it. But, of course, my curiosity had to win out instead.
‘What?’ I asked, sharply, turning fully to face her. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’
‘Nothing.’ Raven shook her head, and then, because we didn’t lie to one another, she said, ‘It’s just – when you mentioned your plan, and said Orion’s name, you sounded all … soft.’
‘Oh,’ I replied, eloquent as ever. The blush on my cheeks deepened. ‘I guess things have sort of changed between us now that he’s helped me so much. I can admit that I might have been wrong about him.’
It wasn’t a lie. After that moment on the roof, a strange peace had formed between me and Orion. We didn’t talk about it, but it was there. And I had thought about it a little too much over the last two days.
‘Right,’ Raven said, but she sounded like she wasn’t sure whether to continue or not. ‘And it got me thinking –’ She breathed out exasperatedly; my usually put-together best friend was struggling to find the right words. ‘Maya, listen, if you’re not sure about –’
Suddenly, screams erupted around us, confetti filled the air and Raven and I stared at one another bewildered. It wasn’t until Sofia grabbed us both and hauled us up that I understood what had happened.
Maple Falls High had won.
We’d won the final game before half-term.
I watched as Silas was lifted on to his teammates’ shoulders on the pitch, trophy in hand.
Shouts of delight filled the air, and even I couldn’t help feeling the infectious buzzing that filled me.
When the rest of the crowd started to flood the pitch – family members seeking out their players – I let myself be pulled into the throng with Raven and Sofia.
‘Go find Silas,’ Sofia shouted into my ear, pushing me forward. ‘You should be the first person he sees when he feels like he’s on that high.’
Her logic made sense, even as a little panic flooded my system. Going up to Silas when he was probably meant to be with his family, or teammates, or coach, felt presumptuous. Like I thought I was someone important to him.
But I wanted to be someone important to him, didn’t I? When he was revealed as my soulmate, wouldn’t I become that person?
‘Wait –’ Raven said, and her hand found my elbow, holding me back. ‘Maybe just wait a beat before going over.’
Caution looked strange on my best friend, and even Sofia looked confused. My gaze darted between the two of them, unsure of who to follow.
But in the end, the decision was made for me.
The way Silas parted the crowd on the pitch was like the sun was stepping out from behind the clouds; the rest of the world got lost in his shadow when he was finally before me, sweaty, breathing hard, his blonde hair all spiky.
‘My lucky charm,’ he said, and his eyes dropped to the jersey I was wearing. I saw the flare in his eyes, the flash of gold.
‘Congratulations, captain,’ I said, sweetly. ‘Guess the whole school won’t hate me now, huh?’
He laughed, throwing his head back. I watched him, and there was that ache in my chest again.
I wanted so badly to have this carefree ease that he seemed to possess.
Silas never seemed worried or angry or complicated.
Even with the issues he had with his siblings, he seemed unfazed by them. Nothing ever dented his shine.
‘I told you before,’ Silas chided, gently. ‘Doesn’t matter what the school thinks. I like you, Maya. I really, really like you.’
There was no mistaking the meaning behind his words now. My throat turned dry and my lips felt utterly chapped.
The words sat on the tip of my tongue: I like you too. In fact, I’ve liked you for ages. And I’m pretty sure you’re my soulmate.
His eyes narrowed on to me slightly, but that easy-going smile of his never dipped. Shouts rang out from behind him; his coach was calling him over. He glanced back and then at me again.
‘Fallen Leaves Festival,’ he said, stepping one foot backwards. ‘Let’s go together?’
My body jolted with the realization that this was what I’d wanted all along: Silas and I together at the Fallen Leaves Festival. We’d be under the autumn moon. I’d say the spell, and he’d be my soulmate.
Then I would confess my feelings. Finally.
‘Yes,’ I said, trying to find the confidence I’d felt only weeks ago. ‘Let’s go together.’
I skipped the after-party, feigning a headache that was slowly turning into a migraine.
Sofia and Raven offered to join me on my walk back home, but they could tell I wanted to be alone.
My head was swimming with thoughts – part of me was furious at myself for not responding to Silas’s declaration with the feelings I knew I had.
The other part of me suddenly felt terrified about the night of the autumn moon, a kind of anxiety that I wanted to find the root of so I could just yank it out of the ground and be free.
These were the thoughts that accompanied me all the way home. I kept my head down and my gaze focused on my footsteps. So focused that I barely noticed when I bumped into Rowan coming out of my house.
‘Oof,’ I said, colliding with his strong chest.
Hands settled on to my shoulders, steadying me. When I looked up, the werewolf was staring back at me; the silver scar on his lips gleamed bright, his dark eyes were stormy and his mouth was set to a sharp line.
‘You OK, kid?’ he asked gruffly, dropping his hands from my shoulders.
I stared at him, gobsmacked. My gaze darted behind him, to my door, and to my sister who was probably inside.
‘Did you come here to see Rani?’ I asked, my own worries suddenly taking a back seat.
He was silent, unwilling to say more.
‘Oh, come on.’ I groaned, almost lacing my hands together and pleading for more. ‘Can’t you at least tell me how you two know each other?’
The muscle in Rowan’s jaw twitched, and his gaze slid right over my head to his enchanted motorcycle that was waiting to be ridden away.
He barely gave me a backwards glance and went straight to his bike.
I watched him speed away, and it wasn’t until the rumble of the engine was gone that I opened the door to the house.
I hurried inside, tossing my keys into the bowl, and clambered up the stairs to Rani – to the story, to the lore, to what was surely going to be my older sister, furious.
But I found her in her bed instead. She was cocooned in blankets, decked in her favourite pyjamas.
She wasn’t angry, or enraged. Jinx was curled up beside her, and her hand rested deep in his fur.
I could see that her eyes were bright red, and her mouth was doing that trembling thing that told me she was on the edge of crying again.
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ Rani said as soon as she noticed me in the doorway.
‘OK,’ I said softly. I toed off my shoes and climbed into the bed beside her. ‘Want me to talk instead?’
My sister was a fixer, and I knew bringing her a problem would make her happy. Lucky for her, I was ninety per cent problems, ten per cent witch.
‘Silas won the game,’ I started, snuggling beside her so we were shoulder to shoulder.
‘Silas Moon,’ Rani said, her gaze flicking to the jersey I was wearing. ‘The guy you’ve been in love with your whole life?’
I didn’t correct her, because I couldn’t explain everything that had happened with Orion. I barely understood it myself. And I’d been keeping it a secret for so long, I wasn’t sure how to be honest about it.
‘The one and only.’
‘He won the game, and?’
‘He asked me to join him at the Fallen Leaves Festival. And he told me that he liked me. Really liked me. Then he was called back by his coaches and is probably at the after-party,’ I blurted out.
‘And when he said he liked you, you replied with …?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Because you don’t like him any more?’ Rani asked, confused.
‘No, no,’ I said urgently. ‘Of course, I still like him. He’s my soulmate.’
Rani’s eyebrows skyrocketed to her hairline. ‘OK, that’s a bit intense. But if he’s your soulmate, and you’ve liked him for so long, why didn’t you tell him?’
I looked away, staring at my fingertips instead. My nail polish was chipped on one nail, and it suddenly looked so deeply interesting.
‘What if,’ I began, my mind tracing the route to the thing that was making me anxious, ‘there was a time that I didn’t like Silas. A time when my feelings for him went on a little … hiatus.’
‘A hiatus?’ Rani echoed. ‘I’m going to need more context.’
‘Let’s say I liked someone else, for a moment,’ I replied, cautiously. ‘Or an entire summer.’
Rani nodded encouragingly. ‘And you’re worried that your feelings for Silas aren’t there any more?’
‘I’m worried that I like two people at the same time, but I don’t know which one I have stronger feelings for,’ I said, finally voicing the worry that had taken root in me from the moment Orion Hawthorne had crashed back into my life.
Once the words were said out loud, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. For the past year, I’d been working hard to tamp down every emotion I felt for Orion; to make it seem like it had all been one act of stupidity, a mistake. Like those feelings weren’t real.
But they were.
And I couldn’t just make those feelings go away. He was back, and so were they – but what did that mean?
Were my feelings for Orion nothing more than the infatuation of a seventeen-year-old who’d fallen for her best friend’s older brother? Were my feelings for Silas more real because they’d lasted longer? If one of them was my soulmate, who was it?
On the rugby field, I’d felt so sure that I could confess my feelings to Silas tomorrow, but what if I couldn’t?
What if I kept the town in a rogue love curse until the next autumn moon – what would happen then?
What would the Coven do to me? What if being magic bound wasn’t the only punishment they’d serve to me?
The unanswered questions were making my heart race faster and my mind spiral harder. Beside me, Rani was quiet for a moment, and I could feel her sifting through the issues, trying to find answers for me. I was eager for her reply: a fix that would give me the clarity I needed.
‘I think,’ Rani said, carefully, like she was holding a porcelain bowl in her hands, ‘that you’re capable of liking two people, but you can only love one of them.
The question is about who you want to be with more.
Who do you feel happiest with? Who could you see yourself with in the long term?
Who makes you feel seen, like they truly know you? ’
I stared at her, and then flopped deeper into the pillows, groaning.
‘What?’ Rani complained. ‘That was good advice.’
‘It was, but it also wasn’t what I wanted to hear,’ I replied. ‘I’m confused up here, and your advice isn’t helping.’
Rani shrugged and then settled back against me. ‘You’ll work it out eventually – you always do.’
She was right, and I needed to leave to sit in my room and figure out what I was actually feeling.
Then Rani pulled out her laptop. ‘But until then, want to watch romcoms to make everything hurt a little less?’ Her voice was hopeful; my older sister was too tough, too strong, too used to doing things on her own, to just ask me to stay.
But that was OK, because I knew her. The same way she knew me.
‘Yeah,’ I said, dropping my cheek to her shoulder. ‘Let’s make everything hurt a little less.’