Ana
I stopped in front of him, watching the continuous movement of the ghost’s head, his eyes rolling.
“You can pass through walls, can’t you?” I inquired, placing my hands on my hips.
It stopped, Andrei’s eyes fixing on my face. “I can do that, yes.” His voice sounded strangled, fear coating it.
“Well, can you not lift yourself?” My eyebrows shot up. I would have helped the poor soul if my hands didn't pass right through his body.
“I believe I can.” With a sudden move, he stood in front of me, the ground rearranging itself. “Thank you, woman,” he said, a small smile spreading over his translucent lips.
“No problem,” I responded, sharing the smile.
“Please, call me Ana. That is the name my parents gave me.” In our times, it was usual to give the babies saint names and the godmother’s name.
My godmother was my grandmother, who did not want to have her first name passed down, considering it outdated: Brandu?a.
She was named after one of the first flowers that bloomed in the spring.
“The one who has this name is a good soul and faithful,” the ghost said, taking me out of my memories. He floated to me, the smile remaining on his face.
“Yes, indeed. Although my mum named me after Ana, Manole’s wife, and Saint Ana,” I explained, gathering my hair over my shoulders. It was wet from the rain that still drizzled.
“It suits you. Ana, the woman who sacrificed herself for her husband and his monastery. The one who let herself be built into the walls, so her husband could take all the glory.” He ignored the saint part, as I expected.
Chuckling, I started to walk towards the entrance of the cave. “Do you feel better, Andrei?”
He stopped floating, watching me from the corner of his eye. “No one has used my name since my death. It’s been more than a year now,” he sighed, his eyes moving towards the ground.
“With a master like yours, I would be afraid to utter anything,” I mumbled, looking at the entrance to its room with disdain.
I understood that the Goat Man did not want to come to my mythical baptism, but at least, he should have answered all my questions. I wanted more details on what I would have to expect from my new life.
“And still, woman... sorry, Ana,” he corrected, “you’re not.”
My brows furrowed. “Of course, I am scared of him. But sometimes, my blood boils, and I do not want to give it satisfaction.”
He nodded. “He is tired of ripping souls on and on and on,” Andrei babbled, his head moving in the direction I was looking.
“Sure, and that is why it needs another servant.”
“Exactly! You are not as slow-minded as he thinks!” he cheered, his hands going into the air.
I tilted my head. “The brute thinks of me as stupid?”
That hurt more than I could imagine. Was the love I carried for living beings making me stupid in their eyes? I thought kindness was a strength that was slowly disappearing from the Earth.
It is much easier to be evil and hurt people than to be selfless and help your peers.
I tilted my head, my eyebrows furrowing. “You and your master have the wrong impression that a peasant girl must be na?ve or lack certain skills. Being humble and a good person does not make me stupid.”
I turned my back to him, the cold air from the cave refreshing after the time spent in the heat.
“You’re right, I apologise,” Andrei said, floating faster to me. “Sometimes, I return to being the person I was before death.”
“And that was?” I asked, curious about the boy he was before.
We entered the kitchen, where the soup was boiling on the stove. The smell of freshly cooked t?i?ei mixed with the aroma of vegetables and chicken made my stomach growl. I took a seat as he poured some into a small ceramic bowl, then he filled a mug with homemade wine.
Andrei tsked. “You stood up to the Elk, you’ve earned my story.
” He passed through the chair in front of me as if nothing.
“I was an angry boy since I can remember. My mum never acted badly towards me. She always treated me nicely, I would say. But I was always wrecking something, or pulling a cat’s tail, or pranking her by placing a rat under her pillow.
I just thought that by torturing lesser beings, I would pass the darkness to them. ”
He was so nonchalant about it that I wanted to slap him. If I didn’t know there was a shimmer of goodness in him, I would have suggested that he hold hands with the Elk.
“There is nothing in this world that I do not despise more than a person who torments innocent beings, ghost!” My tone was harsh, forcing him to take a step back.
“I understand; that is why I feel better in death.”
His words made my mouth dry, and my hands started shaking. My thoughts flew to him, taking his own life. In my faith, if one were to commit something like this, they would not receive a sermon. They would just be buried, and that was it.
It was hard not to see the light of day when your mind was filled with dark voices. My mum thought about this once or twice, especially when my father would belittle my sister or me. She would not see the end of the tunnel; she would not see her daughters.
Angelica and I had to drag her to church in the middle of the night, without our father knowing. Just to get her to talk to Priest Neagu.
My mum confessed about the plague in her mind, and the priest listened. He managed to steer her away from her devils.
“Did you…” I began, but he held his transparent hands in the air.
“One night, I dragged a goat from the field, blade in hand, hoping to leave its severed head by my mum’s bed.” He embraced himself, his bottom lip wobbling. “Inside me, I relished seeing my poor mum afraid of me. I liked that. But after I caught the goat, I released it.”
His eyes pinned me. “I didn’t want to do it anymore, but the voices in my head spoke louder and louder, and I didn’t know how to make them stop. And then the Goat Man appeared, and I begged him to take me.”
I closed my eyes, feeling remorse for the lost soul of Andrei. I tried to understand the turmoil inside him, and even if I did not have the same experience as him, I felt for him. Some souls and minds are lost, and without proper guidance, they would never find their place on this Earth.
“The Goat Man took me, and I watched as my mum grieved me. For a very long time, she sang doine in the field alone, staring at the sky.” He bristled, making a sound like a dog shaking its fur. “I can still hear the sorrowful chant…”
“Have you gone to her since your death?” I whispered, seeing stars behind my eyes.
“Sometimes, I roam my old home and watch as she just exists.”
My eyelids sprang open, and tears gathered in my eyes. “I am so sorry, Andrei. For everything you lived.”
He nodded. “You should not apologise. And as for my master, he is not that cruel. The Goat Man showed me mercy when I could no longer bear life.”
I gritted my teeth. “Someone who seems to do this for pleasure does not look merciful.”
His eyes snapped to me. “He is a tormented soul as well, Ana! He did horrible things, or at least they say, and now he is living his punishment.”
“And is that why the Goat treats us like dirt?”
We stayed quiet until I finished everything and drank the mug of wine.
“You call that brute a man?”
His brows furrowed. “Under that mask, Ana, he is still a man.”
That was frightening me. I would have rather seen him as a brute and not a man.
“How old is the Goat Man?” The question popped out of my mouth without even thinking.
Andrei shrugged, his forehead wrinkling. “His story has existed for centuries, but so have the other ones.”
“Others?” I asked, taking the last sip of wine. “You also mean his master? The Elk?”
He dipped his chin, looking at the hole that separated the hallway from the kitchen, as though he was afraid of being heard. “Yes. I am not sure what they are. A coven, a group, a pack, or a hoard?” He placed one finger on his chin. “But I know that all of them have horns.”
“And they are all from Romania?” I asked, fretting with my hands.
“You read, right?” he asked, and I nodded. “Do you know elk to be in Romania?” he questioned, his head leaning on the right side.
I shook my head. This implied that they were from everywhere and nowhere.
And all of them will be witnesses to my baptism.
I swallowed and pushed myself away from the table, images of animal skulls watching me as I emerged from the Souls’ Pool played behind my eyes.
I watched Andrei, thinking that, if he gave me one piece of information, I should do it too.
“I was in the stables earlier,” I began, fiddling with my fingers. “I just stayed hidden, in one dark corner. I grieved once more the life I could have had, if it weren't for your master.”
“Why?” he asked, taking a crempita out of a large tray. The smell of vanilla replaced the one of the soup by magic. Vanilla was hard to find in any household, so how did a ghost procure it?
But as soon as Andrei placed a piece of the dessert in front of me, I forgot everything. He cleared his throat, waiting for my answer.
“Why did I grieve my life?” I asked between mouthfuls.
“Because here is darkness and there was light, colour.” I grabbed another piece from the tray, the powdered sugar coating my fingers.
“I miss my mum and my sister, even the animals that I had to take care of. I long for the church and Priest Neagu’s sermons filled with wisdom.
But the hurtful one is that I won’t see Angelica, my sister, being a bride and many other things.
” My heart pounded louder at the mention of my younger sister.
I imagined her darker eyes shimmering with tears and hidden by a veil.
“You said things. Which one is the last?” Andrei was perceptive.
I took a deep breath. “The most I would miss is having a family of my own.” The pain was too raw. My dream of having a good husband and a child was wrecked for selfish reasons. “That is why I despise this contract I was pushed into.”
We stayed in silence for a few moments.
“Would you mind if I made my room warmer? I shall miss the feeling of it after…” I gulped.
“Oh, we don’t have that much wood left,” Andrei shrugged. “Neither my master nor I can really feel the cold.”
“But then, I might catch a cold and…”
Wind blew somewhere in the distance, the clack of hooves echoing in the cave.
“I saved your life, peasant. If it wasn’t for me, you would still be hurt by your father, watching uselessly as he plagued your family.” The voice of the Goat Man made me swallow my words. “And yet, you complain.”
I held my head high, trying to still my heartbeat, which betrayed me whenever the brute was nearby.
Its words held truth in them, I couldn’t deny it, in one matter more than the other. That I would have been pointless in aiding my mum and sister.
Every time my father’s hand came down on one of our cheeks, we would cower in the corner.
When I was thirteen, I placed myself between him and Angelica.
He beat both of us with whatever he could find.
Whether it was a belt, a rod from the apple tree, or the broom’s handle, his hands were never empty.
All leaving marks on my skin.
I was too fearful to intervene after that. If I acted out of my place, the punishment would have been harsher on Angelica. As much as I could, I would take my sister out of the house, running around on the crops, hills or village. Just to keep her sane.
Afterwards, I would go to my mum to tend to her wounds.
There were times when I wondered if I had done the right thing by sacrificing myself for him. He still had one hand which could inflict pain. I just hoped that Gavril would help both my mum and my sister.
I turned my head towards the Goat Man, my nostrils flaring.
“I hope you will get what you deserve,” I said, taking one step towards him.
“Remember this, Goat, while you will be roaming the ground as a man, without your almighty power, I will be carrying the weight of it. And who knows, I might turn it against you.”
Goat took the hood off its head, its skull gleaming in the candlelight. It stood at its full height, towering over me.
The threat I launched stood between us like a blade.
The Goat Man stepped closer to me, the breeze it carried bringing his wax and old books scent, making me swallow.
“Throwing threats around, Ana?” it asked, its voice smoky, my head conjuring its touch earlier. It was a hand. A hand which made me curious and frightened at the same time.
What lay behind the skull?
“Have you forgotten that you cannot hurt anyone?” Its words lingered between us.
Something happened to me. I didn’t know how much impact your own name could have coming from the lips of an eternal being.
Inclining my head upwards, I stared into the deep blue swirls of its eyes. “Take it as you want.”
The blue swirls intensified, shining in the blaze of the candles. “If you so much want to play with fire, let’s get you burnt.”
Goat turned around, pushing my body to follow it.
One second, we were in the kitchen, sparring with words, and the next one, we were in his chamber, where a fire burned in the terracotta stove. My eyes caught the intricate airway it had in his room, the smoke floating outside through some tube.
A canopy bed filled with ponevi, red and black motifs meeting in the middle stood on the opposite wall. The blood and the darkness. Next to it was a small table with one chair, crimson wax and a raven’s feather placed neatly on top of yellow papers.
And the most heart-wrenching object was a large, golden mirror with red swirls like blood, circling in a dark matter. Crimson sparkles hit the glass from one corner to another.
“What is that?” I asked, my body being placed right in front of it.
Its hoof went past my ear as it tapped on the mirror’s glass. The Goat Man placed itself behind me, its eyes fixed on my reflection.
“Shall we stoke the fire inside you?”