The Goat Man
“I was wrong about you, Ana,” I whispered, tears drying on my face.
The evening sun turned the sky into a piece of art. The rose, red and orange cast soft shadows on the woman from my right. Her delicate gestures made me wonder how I came across her. How the Mirror sent me to take her father, and instead, she selflessly offered the purest soul I have ever met.
If I were her, I would have let her father die.
Deep down, into my undying core, I knew I was not worthy of her. Her whole being was mesmerising. Ana embraced her new world, slower at times, as if she owned it.
“Yes, you were,” she stated, her white eyes with five swirls of blue locked on my cheeks. Her hand caressed the grass at her legs, her dark hair gaining a red hue in the sunset.
I smirked, a huff of air coming from my mouth. “I beg forgiveness for everything ill I’ve done to you.”
She swallowed, the sound making my shoulders slump further. “As you should, Goat Man.” Her eyes saw something far away. “Thank you for showing me this side of yours.”
“Which side?” I asked, my brows knitting.
“The one you’ve lost.” Her voice softened as she spoke. Meeting my eyes, a small smile appeared on her lips. “After all, the grand Goat Man is fragile.”
I smiled. “Only in your presence, inim?”.
Her eyes turned serious on me. “I should hope so. You made me pass through hurtful things.”
“I’m sorry. I had no other way of getting to my wish.”
She scoffed. “You could have asked with kindness, Goat Man.” But she knew there was no way she would have accepted my contract even if I had begged on my knees. Ana sighed. “Is that what you want? To feel your heart beating again?”
“More than anything in the world,” I confessed, my eyes astray.
“Why did you accept to be the Goat Man in the first place?” she asked, her dark eyebrows joining. They formed a small line between them. My hand twitched as I contemplated if I should touch it.
“I don’t think I ever had another choice in joining this darkness.”
She pondered my words for a moment.
I took a deep breath, watching over my shoulder the remains of my former home. As much as I tried, there was nothing before the moment I slaughtered my family.
“Have you ever considered helping the people you’ve…” she started but cut herself off in search of words.
“Killed? Decapitated? And other painful ways of being murdered?” I suggested, raising my eyebrows. Her hand hovered next to mine as she watched them together.
“Yes," she answered, her voice shaking. “We do not think about the souls’ families. We do not try to save either of them. We just cut the evil from the root, and that is barbaric…”
My throat felt dry. “You might be right in saying that we do not save them while they are alive. Look at my servant…”
“Andrei,” she interrupted, a frown forming between her eyebrows.
“Andrei,” I repeated, “suffered in life and thrives in death.” And it was the truth.
The boy was so tormented by the voices in his head that he wanted to end everything.
“But the souls you’ve ripped so far, did more harm than many people you know have.
And they would have continued,” I added.
Taking a deep breath, I resumed my speech.
“You cannot see the world only in black and white, Ana. The world is meant to be grey. Some people want to paint their life as black. Like the ones you took.”
I watched as understanding dawned on her. “And some people keep their lives as pristine as when they were born.”
“Yes, there are very few of those,” I admitted.
“Mine is white and sprinkled with grey,” she whispered, her eyes on the sun.
We stayed quiet, our hair tousled from the breeze.
My mind was still conjuring the only memory I had of my family. The feeling of blood on my feet was still vivid. Their faces were as clear then as they were when vacant gazes replaced joyful ones.
“Did you think to ask your master about how you became the Goat Man?”
I chuckled. “I became the Goat Man because I killed my family, that is clear.”
She shook her head, her hair brushing my fingertips. “I am not asking why. But how?”
“No, not entirely,” I admitted. “Most likely, the Elk saw me in his Mirror and decided to take my soul. I cannot remember anything from standing next to my siblings’ lifeless bodies and the moment I chose my skull.”
She mused on my words, her hands intertwined. “What if he did something to you?”
I turned to her, careful not to touch our noses. I barely contained myself from kissing her each time we were this close.
“What do you mean?” I clenched my fists, the wind dancing through our hair.
“You have all these powers, I suppose he is way more powerful than you,” she thought out loud in a soft voice. “Maybe he played with your mind.”
The truth was, I never dared to question my master.
Nobody ever did. We just granted its wishes. In any way, his powers throned over us, making us act as I did with Ana and Andrei.
But what Ana was saying seeped doubt into my mind.
The Elk was the only one I knew for centuries, the only one who could hold the truth.
“I don’t know,” I sighed, the thoughts spiralling into my mind.
She kneeled in front of me, her warm hands capturing my chin. “If you want to find out, let’s go to him.”
I laughed, the sudden feeling of losing this woman drenching my body.
My laughter was rough, throaty, as my neck was a rusty tool, waiting to be used. She watched me, her almost pure eyes widening.
“Do you want us banished?” I asked, worry suddenly clogging my veins.
“No, of course,” she gasped. “But how else would you know if you do not ask?” She stood up on her feet, watching me from above. Her dark lashes touched her cheeks several times.
“Then what? We strut into the Elk’s lair and ask our questions?”
She offered her gentle hand, and I grabbed it. When our skin touched, I felt things I could never feel with her.
“Yes, that is exactly what we’re going to do, Goat Man.”
There was a weight on my chest. Seeing us hand in hand, I had to get all my feelings out.
“I treated you badly, and you are trying to help me.” I shook my head.
“I am a pure excuse of a man, who cannot achieve his purpose unless I drag the most caring woman after him.” Her hand squeezed mine once.
“I bound you to me by a contract. You cannot leave the lair or its premises, unless you are going to take a soul. I lied, I tortured you with those gruesome images of your family, I made you think you were stupid, I…”
One soft finger touched my lips, making me stop my ranting, “I know, and still, Goat, I forgive you. Maybe this demonstrates that I kept my soul untouched. I won’t forget what you did to me, but I can forgive.”
I took her finger, kissing it once. Her eyes closed as if she was savouring the moment, pink seeping through her pale skin.
She looked at my lips, teeth sinking into hers.
“I…” she whispered, leaning closer to me.
I couldn’t relish in the moment. I couldn’t catch her waist and drag her vest off her shoulders and throw it away. I couldn’t rip the garments off her, the shreds of them decorating my old family’s home. And I couldn’t dive into passion with her. Not if I would taint her soul.
Because someone who doubted themselves when taking a soul was not a ripper. She was still human, in search of her heart.
“We are opposites. You are the light, and I am the shadow.” I closed my eyes, letting her flowery scent wrap around me.
“After a time, I would overthrow your light. I cannot do that to you. And everything that passed between us makes me wonder if I would still have a place in your heart.” My words hurt more than every burning thought I had of her.
Her chin trembled, and she closed her eyes.
Her hand touched my cheek slightly. “I don’t think we are opposites.”
“No?”
“We might have been at some point, before I took the first soul. But, as I, you’ve changed too.”
There was an urge in me to hold her, to kiss her. But I did not want her to lose herself in it. She was the light that appeared in each dark corner of my mind.
“Let’s see about our master, and then we will resume this discussion,” she proposed, tugging me by my hand.
Once again, I had the confirmation that she was above me. Never in my eternity did I look for answers at my master’s lair. Not once.
She turned around, her skirt floating in the breeze, the perfect picture of a woman walking into the sunset, the beauty of the world fading in front of her.
“Inside, we cannot see a thing,” I warned her. We were in the forest surrounding the ancient cemetery, our eyes on the entrance. “Hold my hand, and I will guide you.”
The moon was already atop the sky, the only light guiding us between murky trees. The gravestones above the lair of my master seemed to mock us, their soldiers deep in slumber.
Ana listened to me and nodded. We threaded through the forest, the thick mist hiding our legs. The whisperers were listening to every little sound, so we needed to keep our words to ourselves.
Once inside, I navigated her through the darkness of the Elk’s lair. She squeezed my hand several times. I just wanted to get her out of there and put her to safety.
I should have refused her. I should have insisted that she stay as far away as possible. Let her get her souls and join her family afterwards. Even though that meant for me not to stare into her eyes anymore. Or feel her perfume. She deserved much more than I had to give.
My feet stopped, and she bumped into my back. Turning around quickly, I’ve placed my hand over her lips. “Do not speak, do not shout,” I whispered, my lips grazing her ear. “If something goes wrong, run.”
I felt her head dip and her eyes on me. With that in mind, I walked to where I knew the Elk was residing.
As soon as I felt the heat of its chamber, I called to it. “Master,” I hissed, the voices of the whisperers creeping on me.
“Ah, what do I owe the pleasure, Goat? I’ve seen the progress of your acolyte. To say the least... intriguing. Somehow, you corrupted her.”
I swallowed the guilt I had, pushed my lungs.
The Elk’s laughter boomed off the walls, the other voices joining. “Except, she lost a soul.”
“A mishap, master,” I said, bowing.
“So be it.”
I couldn’t see a damn thing in the darkness, but its voice was right in front of me. And the whisperers were getting louder. Good. That meant Ana was still safe.
“Tell me, what can I do for you, my oldest friend?”
Friend?
I was not its friend, but its servant.
My focus was to my right, where Ana was waiting. Anything could trigger the whisperers.
“How did I become the Goat Man?”
The darkness was too much to handle in the silence, the voices finally stopping their murmur. I felt a light breeze on my left cheek as the Elk’s hooves circled me.
“Do you want honesty?”
The words bounced off the walls.
“Yes,” I whispered, my voice trembling. I closed my eyes, preparing myself.
“Let’s see if you do handle the story, with all its repercussions,” it laughed, the sound cruel to my ears.
“There were a shepherd and a shepherdess, a long time ago, before you were born. Their sheep were the best in the land, their wool sought out by emperors, making the shepherds amass wealth. The shepherds had five children, the oldest being the greediest among them.”
I listened carefully to its words. The nape of my neck burned, and I knew a pair of icy blue eyes was on me. Listening. Waiting.
“The shepherds worked hard for their land,” the Elk continued.
“They were selling sheep cheese, sheepskin hats and coats at fairs. Once they were old enough, their sheep would get turned into meat, sold every Saturday in the market.” My brows furrowed, not understanding where it was going with this. “They had five children.”
“As it is the custom in that land, the wealth would have been divided equally among all five. But the oldest son, as greedy as he was, did not want to share the wealth. And so, he started by killing his parents.” I heard the cruel smile in its voice.
“One night, he took a scythe from the stables and killed two of their siblings, a brother and a sister.”
“His little sister ran to him for help, but he pushed the scythe’s blade into her chest, carving the small girl’s heart out,” he rambled on, and I had a feeling that I wouldn’t like the end of this.
“The youngest brother was not at home, so the oldest waited and waited until flies came around his siblings’ bodies, eating them.
When his brother appeared, they both fought, and unfortunately, the youngest brother won by killing the oldest.”
Unfortunately, the youngest brother won.
Dread filled me, images coming through my mind. Fights with my brother, my parents’ serene faces filling my mind, the laughter of my little sister, and how beautiful my older sister was in her Sunday dress.
Everything came back.
A powerful light came from my left, a skull discarded on the stony floor. Blue-filled eyes with black specks watched me under the light of a single candle.
“Hello, brother.”