Chapter 3
SWAYZE
Ifucked up.
Big time.
Did you know you can do a lot of damage in five minutes?
No?
Let me enlighten you.
The second I walked into the bar tonight, I knew it was a bad idea. The smoke choked me, the noise had my brain ready to explode—but stepping outside to “clear my head” was worse.
Way worse.
Why?
Well, as soon as I walked out there my every sense came alive, humming with tension all because Mia was standing out there looking like an honest to god, heaven-sent angel.
One constant in all my PD training is how hard they hammer into us the importance of not running into a situation without a plan.
Did I heed my training? Like hell I did.
Walking up behind her, all I had was a half-baked dumbass idea to get her to acknowledge me. Pure instinct had me caging her to that railing, hoping in the cover of darkness I’d have more luck getting her to talk to me about what happened in that restroom all those months ago.
Hell, we haven’t properly spoken since then about anything.
And god do I miss her.
The gaping hole she’s left in my life is a living, breathing thing inside me at this point, but I sure as shit didn’t plan on pounding her hole tonight.
I never dreamed she’d want a total stranger to fuck her out in the open where anyone could see. There was no way in hell I could’ve seen that coming.
I’m sorry, I’m spiraling here.
The headache that’s been flirting with me all day moved right in, hammering at my temples thanks to the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been strapped into.
I’ve gone from riding the highest high, having her in my arms once more to feeling like the worst scumbag ever to walk the earth.
My stomach clenches so tight I can barely breathe and a cold bead of sweat trickles down my neck.
How could I have fucked everything up so spectacularly?
Flexing my hands to release some of the tension tightening my shoulders, I scan the room again in case I somehow missed her walking back inside.
I need to talk to her.
Why the fuck did I walk away in the first place?
Because you were too chickenshit to risk her seeing your face.
God, I’m not sure I could survive it if she looked at me in disappointment, or worse… horror.
That would decimate what’s left of my heart. The one that only beats for her.
Tough shit, my guy. You gotta pay the piper.
I’m gonna have to man up and tell her it was me.
Beg her forgiveness.
On my knees if I have to.
I hate her not knowing. I’ve essentially lied to her.
But fuck, the way her body melted against me. Like she trusted me without even seeing my face.
For a minute, I let myself believe that maybe her body remembered how good we are together. That some small part of her knew it was me.
It wrecked me.
But that’s just a selfish fucking fantasy.
She thought I was a stranger, and I let her.
I crossed a line tonight. A big one.
It doesn’t matter that she was the one who pulled my hand down to her bare pussy.
It doesn’t matter that she was the one who asked me to fuck her. I could have been anyone, but would she have done it knowing it was me?
Doubtful.
She made her feelings abundantly clear months ago. There’s no way in hell I can keep this to myself when we live together. I can’t look into her beautiful eyes and lie to her like that.
I need to apologize, come clean, and then see if I can convince her to give me a shot. Tonight was even more explosive than our first time, there’s no way she can deny the chemistry we have.
Jesus fuck, I’ve officially lost the plot.
I used to be a fully functioning adult.
Respected.
Mostly balanced.
Lieutenant of a damn police department.
Now I’m a guy who raw-dogs his feelings in a Ghostface mask. I should put that on a dating profile.
How’s that for the respectable police lieutenant?
Christ, if the guys found out I’d never live it down. Pretty sure Lucas would print Ghostface T-shirts saying, “Scream if you want it harder.”
Just as I take a step toward the courtyard, thinking Lucas’ name conjures him out of thin air.
He throws an arm around me, grinning wildly, and pulls the mask off my face. “Swayze boy, you’re welcome, by the way. Now whatcha doing over here on your lonesome? Come on, we’re taking group photos.”
He tugs me with him, and hope surges in my chest. Maybe Mia’s already with the others.
We join Axel and Haven, but there’s no sign of my angel anywhere. My heart divebombs to my gut and disappointment claws at my chest even though I’m not entirely sure what she’d do if she saw me masked up and realized it was me outside.
Probably chop my balls off.
“We’re under strict instructions to send Kim photos. Haven, where the fuck’s Mia gone? I know she was here.” Lucas tosses his phone to Jett and stands beside Axel, dragging me in with him, so all three of us surround Haven sitting on a barstool.
“Oh, she texted me to say she was heading home with a headache. Totally sucks.” Haven looks back at us with a pout.
My blood runs cold. A headache?
She seemed fine when I left her.
Did I hurt her?
I didn’t hold back when I fucked her tonight. I was probably rougher than I should have been.
Fuck.
“Swayze, you dick—mask back on, otherwise you just look like yourself.” Lucas snaps the mask onto my face, and I punch him in the gut in response.
“Boys, boys, behave in my bar before I knock your teeth out. You kids are too pretty to be toothless already.”
Despite Jett only being a few years older than us, her stern tone silences everyone, and we all snap to look at her.
“She sure told you,” Axel murmurs quietly, a smug smirk on his stupid face.
“Don’t be a prick, Axeman. It’s not too late for Haven to dump your ass, you know,” I can’t help but bite out. Because apparently, I’ve taken leave of all my fucking senses tonight.
Axel reaches behind Lucas to punch me in the shoulder this time. “Low blow, man. You need to stop this bullshit sex ban of yours. It’s making you cranky.”
Ha. Ten months, and tonight I tossed that ban in the trash can and set it on fire.
For her.
“BOYS! I don’t have all night to wait for you to pull the sticks out of your asses. Now look here and smile before I drop Lucas’ phone in his glass.”
Haven high-fives Jett across the bar, and we face forward and do as we’re told, posing for the stupid photo.
Jesus fuck.
Fucking Lucas and his trigger finger. He wasted no time, firing off the photo to our group chat the second Jett handed back his phone. There’s no way this ends well for me.
Lucas
We miss you guys. It’s not a proper group photo without all 6 of us.
Kim
KIDS RUIN EVERYTHING. I love the fuckers, but I was so looking forward to tonight. I was all dressed up and everything.
Haven
Maybe we should dress up for family breakfast tomorrow?
Kim
Ha! If only. Can’t wait to see you guys in the morning. Hold up. Where’s Mia?!
Mia
I left early. Had a headache.
Almost immediately after, my phone chimes again, but this time it isn’t the group chat.
Mia:
You absolute asshole. It was you.
Well, fuck.
My blood runs cold and I freeze, staring down at my screen. I never wanted her to find out like this. Now what?
Between the laughter and my pulse thundering in my ears, I can barely hear myself think let alone figure out how to respond. I need to get the hell outta here, and fast.
Me
It was me what?
There’s a zero percent chance that’s going to fly with her, but it’ll give me a minute to say my goodbyes and bounce.
“Heading out, guys. See you in the morning.” I kiss Haven on the cheek and high-five the rest, ignoring their protests and escape to my truck.
I sit in the cab unmoving. Part of me doesn’t want to drive home and face her. I feel like a big enough asshole as it is. Call me a pussy, but I’m not in a rush to see the look in her eyes when she confirms it.
I know this is all on me.
Mia
Don’t be cute with me you dick. You know exactly what I’m talking about.
Me
I’m sorry Mia. Would you believe me if I told you that I didn’t mean to fuck you?
Mia
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me
NO! I only trapped you there to talk to me. That’s as far as I’d gotten in my head. I wasn’t planning to, well, you know.
Mia
You weren’t planning to fuck me outside a bar when you knew exactly who I was? You made a fool of me Swayze. You broke my trust. Who does that to a friend?
Me
You’re right. I’m so sorry. There’s nothing I can say to make it better I know. Please believe me that I didn’t do it to be a dick. I just…
Mia
You were only thinking with your dick.
Me
It’s not like that. My brain short-circuited as soon as I touched you. When you responded I just…fuck.
All reason fled.
Mia
Don’t put it on me. Staying silent was a choice.
Me
I’m so fucking sorry.
I’m heading home. I think we need to talk face to face.
Mia
Don’t bother, I’m going to bed.
Me
Please Mia. I’ll be home in ten.
Mia
No. I just need space.
Me
We live together. Are you really gonna make me beg?
Mia
No. There’s nothing left to say.
Fuck.